Post by bunnyfungo on Jul 10, 2015 11:20:36 GMT -5
Jul 10, 2015 11:16:23 GMT -5 @miawallace said:
I don't agree with this. All of my children are planned and DH and I have a great relationship, but the newborn stage is really fucking hard. Learning how to have a relationship again when you have a new baby is difficult. They need you 24/7 and I think a lot of women go into "mommy mode" and put baby first. It can really push a spouse away. Do I think all relationships are doomed? No. But I don't think you have to have an already broken relationship to have post-baby problems.
On a related note: my confession is that I don't think children should come first. I think your spouse should be number one.
The newborn stage seems really daunting to me. I know both of us are responsible for baby, but since he's the one working and I'm staying home, I feel like I have to hold a greater chunk of caring for her and it's a lot of pressure I'm putting on myself. My brain seems to tell me it's the fair thing to do and I know that it's all sorts of wrong.
I think it's really important to remember that YH is just as capable of a parent. As a SAHM, I do 90% of the parenting. Especially with DH's hours. In the beginning I would hover over him and say, "No. Not like that!!" But my therapist told me that it doesn't matter if he does it differently. Is the baby safe? Are all of its needs met? Then YH is doing it "right".
Take time for yourself. Leave your baby alone with YH. Let them bond. And don't judge him for anything he does while you're gone. I've found that this, plus regular date nights, have helped our marriage post-baby.