What are you worrying about?

[tribute17]

I'm having major anxiety and I think it will help to just tell someone. I don't feel like I can talk much about it IRL to anyone and have anyone really listen. You guys are great about listening so here it goes.

I'm worried about my H. I just want him to be happy. I want him to find a job/career that stimulates him and makes him use his talents. I'm worried he never will. I'm worried he will sacrifice too much for us and be stuck and depressed for the rest of his life. I'm worried he thinks his PhD was a waste even though it wasn't.

I'm worried I won't be able to handle being the soul breadwinner with a 3 yr old that is still up at night about 2x a week and a newborn. Add to that the unemployed husband who needs extra attention and support and I just don't know if I can do it.

I'm worried about money. I know a lot of us are but we didn't think it would take this long to find a job. We will be paying for H, P, and The new baby's insurance which will take a chunk of my paycheck along with adding a new person. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. We've already cut a lot but I guess it's time to make the difficult cuts.

thanks for listening. Feel free to add your worries here. I do think it helps to just put hem down somewhere.

[mrsdonati]

Hugs tribute17

1. Money right now is my biggest worry. We're a couple months behind on our mortgage and I need to call the mortgage company today to see if they'll work a plan with us.

2. I started to turn a hobby of mine into a side job. I already have 1 client and a few potential clients who have reached out to me, but I'm getting nervous that it won't work because I'm not obnoxiously pushy enough.

3. I'm worried about Elena starting school in the fall. This worry actually hurts the most and makes me teary eyed. I worry the other kids won't like her because she isn't a good talker, like they'll think she's strange or something. Then that leads me to worry that she'll get picked on.

[summergirl1211]

Hugs tribute17. That's got to be so difficult to be everything to everyone and feel like you have nowhere to turn. Do you have any friends or family that you can lean on? You're obviously always welcome to come here, but I hope you have others too. Does your H have anyone he can confide in too? Are you still considering moving anywhere? I'm always thinking of you and hoping your H can find something soon.

Hugs to you too mrsdonati. I hope your mortgage company can help work with you. And I hope everything goes well with E going to school. I'm sure she will do great!

[jennmm]

I worry about my marriage lately. Things are good right now. However, school is about to start back and that is when the trouble with SS always starts up. It's exhausting and I wonder how much longer I can actually put up with it. I also worry because my DH stretches himself so thin that we rarely see each other for more than a few minutes a day. We weren't even able to take a family trip this summer and now school is about to start. He also has a growing discontent with where we currently live but I am not willing to move. I'm certainly not moving back to the boonies where I know he wants to live. I just cannot do it. It's an hour from my work. There is no real child care and it it's a good 45 minutes to a town of any real size.

On a smaller scale, I wonder if my kid will ever be potty trained.

[roo1582]

Hugs tribute17. I know you've been through so much and that your H's unemployment has really taken a strain. I hope he's able to find something soon, as well as gain back some of his self-worth that he's been struggling with. Is he maybe able to find anything through the school he got his PHd from? Maybe he has some network contacts (other classmates, professors, etc) that can give him some new leads?

[origamimommy]

Hugs to you all, tribute17, mrsdonati, jennmm.

My biggest worry is my marriage. The more I go to counseling, the clearer it is what I need to do. It's going to suck though. It's going to be hard and lonely.

I worry I will fuck Tyler up for his entire life if I do end up divorced. What the implications will be long term, and then I will always be branded divorced. And I will never get to celebrate a 25th, 50th wedding anniversary. I will have failed. It's all very emotional for me right now.

[jennmm]

Jul 29, 2015 8:47:46 GMT -5 origamimommy said:

Hugs to you all, tribute17, mrsdonati, jennmm.

My biggest worry is my marriage. The more I go to counseling, the clearer it is what I need to do. It's going to suck though. It's going to be hard and lonely.

I worry I will fuck Tyler up for his entire life if I do end up divorced. What the implications will be long term, and then I will always be branded divorced. And I will never get to celebrate a 25th, 50th wedding anniversary. I will have failed. It's all very emotional for me right now.

Divorce sucks. I'm sorry that you're going through this and I totally get your fears. But, it's better for a child to have two happy parents who are divorced than two unhappy, miserable parents who are married. You are certainly not a failure and you are trying to make it work. Hold onto that regardless of how it ends.

[bliz1712]

Hugs to everyone!!

origamimommy, Hugs to you! I'm divorced and it doesn't brand you in a bad way or leave you alone the rest of your life. Just remember that it's better to take those steps now and get divorced then to continue in a failing marriage and have Tyler see that and you be more miserable down the road. Plus, then you end up prolonging the inevitable and potentially "waste" many years of happiness.  And there's still potential to celebrate those anniversaries.

[bliz1712]

1. Why Eliza is not talking yet and just saying Mom and maybe 2 other words.
2. This upcoming vacation and traveling in a car with the kiddos for 5+ hours. Plus it's with the entire IL family and for a week so it will be interesting.
3. Money to a certain degree. Lately my CC spending has gotten out of hand because I'm bored at work, and I'm dipping into funds that I wasn't wanting to touch. Hopefully I can dial it in and also dial H's spending in.
4. advancement within my company. I'm not really sure where I have potential to advance. In a few years there will be some drastic changes with upper management and I wish I would be considered in the change but it's highly unlikely. I was just thinking about it and realizing that I really have nowhere for me to advance, so I'm essentially stuck unless I consider moving which isn't very likely.

[tribute17]

The love its are for support, not because everyone is struggling.

We do have family around which is nice but if I talk to them about it then I feel like they will be unfairly judging my H or give more useless advice. My dad has been great for my H to talk to because he is in the same field, but things are different now than they used to be so he doesn't totally get it. I do lean in my friend at work a lot but I haven't seen her this summer much. That will change when I go back.

Another thing that worries me is that he is talking about taking a job somewhere else temporarily and coming home on weekends. I'm trying not to think too much about that because it would be later and there are no leads but I don't think I could handle that. It's a last resort obviously.

[summergirl1211]

Jul 29, 2015 8:47:46 GMT -5 origamimommy said:

Hugs to you all, tribute17, mrsdonati, jennmm.

My biggest worry is my marriage. The more I go to counseling, the clearer it is what I need to do. It's going to suck though. It's going to be hard and lonely.

I worry I will fuck Tyler up for his entire life if I do end up divorced. What the implications will be long term, and then I will always be branded divorced. And I will never get to celebrate a 25th, 50th wedding anniversary. I will have failed. It's all very emotional for me right now.

Hugs origamimommy. I was wondering how things were going but didn't want to pry. I'm thinking of you and sending you strength. You are not a failure, regardless of whether you continue with your H or move on without him. 

[aylafsu1881]

Hugs to everyone.
jennmm, You are a strong woman to deal with your SS. I hope that one day things get better.

tribute17, I understand your H's struggles. It took me 6+ months to find a job with my PhD. I felt like the most educated but worthless person (esp since I had to stay in a certain area). The best thing my H did was stay positive and tell me that something would come up. I doubted him and it annoyed the crap out of me at times but her was right.

I worry that I will not be able to handle two kids. I worry that this second one will be tougher than the first and I am not sure if I can handle that. I also worry that my H and I will grow apart. Two kids pulling you in different directions can be hard. I want our relationship to stay strong.

[aimeefarrahfowler]

Hugs to everyone! I know everyone who is having a hard time will get through it okay. We have such a strong group of ladies here.

Most of my worries are about money, which in the big scheme of thing is not a huge deal. We never have any savings, so when our sliding door basically rotted and fell out of the frame a couple weeks ago, I had to let a few bills slide to pay for it to be replaced. So I'm worried about catching up with everything this month, and we have to start paying for A's preschool, which is not a huge bill, but just another thing to add on. I hate that we can never seem to save any money even though H and I make decent money and don't have huge debts (mortgage and student loans aside).

I'm worried about A being so defiant lately and had such a hard time listening and staying on task at VBS (church day camp thing), I just worry preschool is going to be a nightmare.

[samelly]

Jul 29, 2015 8:47:46 GMT -5 origamimommy said:

Hugs to you all, tribute17, mrsdonati, jennmm.

My biggest worry is my marriage. The more I go to counseling, the clearer it is what I need to do. It's going to suck though. It's going to be hard and lonely.

I worry I will fuck Tyler up for his entire life if I do end up divorced. What the implications will be long term, and then I will always be branded divorced. And I will never get to celebrate a 25th, 50th wedding anniversary. I will have failed. It's all very emotional for me right now.

Hugs.  I've seen a lot of families where the parents stay together and they shouldn't - that is hard on a kid too. You are doing the right thing by going to counselling and taking a long, hard look at your situation before making any decisions.  There are lots of divorced parents out there that do a great job at parenting. I imagine it would be tough in the beginning, but you'll get through it.

[samelly]

I worry about having baby #2 (due in November).  I always wanted us to be a family of four and I'm happy, but I'm also scared. Sometimes I don't feel like I've got the energy to take care of one child.  DD doesn't listen to me and is always bouncing off the walls.  So I'm worried she's going to hurt herself because I won't be able to watch her as much.  Also, I'm worried that I'll never sleep and that I will have a mental breakdown because of it.  

[starfishy]

Hugs to all you ladies. Being an adult is hard.

I'm worried I'll never have another child and if I do what I can do about my leave.

I'm worried about my anxiety. I don't want to always to feel this way. I'm trying so hard to get myself to a place where I'm not constantly worrying about nonsense. I want to be in a place where I just enjoy life again without trying so hard. I just want to be. I'm also worried my child/children will be this way - it's no way to live.

I'm worried my FIL will die and my H and his parents will never repair their relationship.

[junkytrunk]

Hugs to everyone!

I'm worried about our housing situation. We sold our house in May and now live in a 2 bedroom apt. I have a deadline of moving out by November because I do not want to be here when #2 comes in December. We live below people who let their kid run around every night from 10pm-midnight, so my H and I are constantly exhausted because we have to wake up 6 and don't fall asleep until after midnight because of the noise.

I've been looking into house rentals, but so many don't allow animals, and we have 2 cats. I'm worried if we decide to buy, we won't find one we want in our time crunch and then any house I like for rentals won't take us because of the cats. Our lease is up mid-November, so if I find a house rental I like now, should I just go for it and pay extra to break our lease? Ugh so many things running through my mind.

[summergirl1211]

Jul 29, 2015 10:25:22 GMT -5 junkytrunk said:

Hugs to everyone!

I'm worried about our housing situation. We sold our house in May and now live in a 2 bedroom apt. I have a deadline of moving out by November because I do not want to be here when #2 comes in December. We live below people who let their kid run around every night from 10pm-midnight, so my H and I are constantly exhausted because we have to wake up 6 and don't fall asleep until after midnight because of the noise.

I've been looking into house rentals, but so many don't allow animals, and we have 2 cats. I'm worried if we decide to buy, we won't find one we want in our time crunch and then any house I like for rentals won't take us because of the cats. Our lease is up mid-November, so if I find a house rental I like now, should I just go for it and pay extra to break our lease? Ugh so many things running through my mind.

junkytrunk, are you also looking to buy right now? Are you concerned about pricing/availability of a house to buy? I would think if you're looking now you could easily have a house before mid-November. Good luck!

[junkytrunk]

Jul 29, 2015 10:44:00 GMT -5 summergirl1211 said:

Jul 29, 2015 10:25:22 GMT -5 junkytrunk said:

Hugs to everyone!

I'm worried about our housing situation. We sold our house in May and now live in a 2 bedroom apt. I have a deadline of moving out by November because I do not want to be here when #2 comes in December. We live below people who let their kid run around every night from 10pm-midnight, so my H and I are constantly exhausted because we have to wake up 6 and don't fall asleep until after midnight because of the noise.

I've been looking into house rentals, but so many don't allow animals, and we have 2 cats. I'm worried if we decide to buy, we won't find one we want in our time crunch and then any house I like for rentals won't take us because of the cats. Our lease is up mid-November, so if I find a house rental I like now, should I just go for it and pay extra to break our lease? Ugh so many things running through my mind.

junkytrunk, are you also looking to buy right now? Are you concerned about pricing/availability of a house to buy? I would think if you're looking now you could easily have a house before mid-November. Good luck!

summergirl1211 Kind of. I think we are looking at both as options. The tricky thing for us though, is my H's job. He just started in April, but half/more than half, of this pay is commission. So, our financial guy told us we would need at least 6 months or so of work history to make it easier for mortgage companies to approve us for a loan. They get confused by his paychecks because some is a set amount, some is commission and some is some extra bonuses. So if we don't have enough history by the time we are looking, it could take longer for the companies to "understand" his paychecks and could push us back further. That's why we are thinking of just renting, but then rent on a house is much more than if we just bought one. 

[somethingcleverer]

Big Hugs for everyone who needs them.

starfishy, I hear you on the anxiety. Is this a more recent thing? I've been dealing with it since college and I can usually talk myself down from the big anxiety attacks but worrying about every little thing is so draining. Exercise helps but sometimes it's hard to exercise when you are so run down from mental exhaustion.

[summergirl1211]

junkytrunk, ah, that makes sense. I can understand wanting to wait for more paychecks to help out the situation. I hope you find something great (rental or permanent) soon!

[irish1213]

Jul 29, 2015 8:47:46 GMT -5 origamimommy said:

Hugs to you all, tribute17, mrsdonati, jennmm.

My biggest worry is my marriage. The more I go to counseling, the clearer it is what I need to do. It's going to suck though. It's going to be hard and lonely.

I worry I will fuck Tyler up for his entire life if I do end up divorced. What the implications will be long term, and then I will always be branded divorced. And I will never get to celebrate a 25th, 50th wedding anniversary. I will have failed. It's all very emotional for me right now.

I could have written this word for word. At first I wanted to work things out with my husband but the more we are separated the more I see how controlling and Manipulating he is. I feel stupid because there were so many red flags before we married and now I am pregnant with #3. I feel embarrassed and dumb but luckily I have a ton of support from family and friends.

[somethingcleverer]

I worry about my health lately. I need to call the dr for a follow up visit because all of my problems from the last visit are still there. I'm just scared and I don't want to go! I know I shouldn't put this off but I just cannot get myself to call.

[xanthepants]

I'm sorry about everyone's worries big or small. tribute17, Perhaps he can look for a job to supplement the bills for the time being. I know my H did so while he was unemployed that wasn't in his field just to pass time and to feel better about himself while he looked for other work. Maybe getting something else would ease some of your stress load at this point temporarily.
origamimommy, irish1213, There is no shame in being divorced. I don't think twice about my friends who are divorced to be honest. It's a relationship that didn't work - no more or less than that. I can tell by the person whether or not they put their efforts into trying to make it work or not or even if it was worth salvaging. Whatever you choose to do, know you've got our support 100%.

[lkamenko]

Hugs and positive vibes to all momma's. Life is not a easy!
tribute17, is there a possibility for you to move? Does you H job search all across the country or just locally? If you can move that would wide the opportunities for your DH significantly. My DH has a PHd and we had to move all across the country because of his job. I am just following him, because it is easier for me to find the job locally.
mrsdonati, want to reassure you that your DD will do just fine at school. Veronica does not talk at school and very shy, but that does not bother her much, she still enjoy going to school every day and do the activities. And kids at that age don't pick on other kids because some of them shy. I see other kids come to veronica and involve her to play even she does not talk.

jennmm, sorry to hear you still have problems with your SS. How old is he? Hope he is getting to the point when he realize what a pain he was to you and your H. My oldest one have told me recently that he was an a-hole from 15 to 17. That was kind of weird to hear, but proves that they do change
origamimommy, irish1213, do what you think is better for yourself. Happy mamma = happy child.

[jennmm]

Jul 29, 2015 14:52:53 GMT -5 lkamenko said:

jennmm, sorry to hear you still have problems with your SS. How old is he? Hope he is getting to the point when he realize what a pain he was to you and your H. My oldest one have told me recently that he was an a-hole from 15 to 17. That was kind of weird to hear, but proves that they do change

He is 15. He's been okay during the summer because he pretty much has constant supervision. The problems start up when he goes to school. School starts Aug 3. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for that fun.

[lkamenko]

I worry a lot myself. Last few months were especially difficult for me. I have a lot of health problems. Not deadly, but annoying enough to throw me off. I have had a periods of depression on and off for as long as I can remember, but never to the point that I can not control it. Well now I feel like I can't control it anymore. I am having horrible scary thoughts and panic attack almost every day. Slightest things make me worry and get upset out of proportions. I wish I could just come down and be happy again.

[summergirl1211]

Jul 29, 2015 15:01:57 GMT -5 lkamenko said:

I worry a lot myself. Last few months were especially difficult for me. I have a lot of health problems. Not deadly, but annoying enough to throw me off. I have had a periods of depression on and off for as long as I can remember, but never to the point that I can not control it. Well now I feel like I can't control it anymore. I am having horrible scary thoughts and panic attack almost every day. Slightest things make me worry and get upset out of proportions. I wish I could just come down and be happy again.

lkamenko, I'm sorry you're going through this. Have you thought about mentioning it to your doctor? Having panic attacks and bad thoughts is no way to live, and even if they don't see it now, your family will eventually catch on to how you're feeling too. Sending you hugs and hoping you start feeling better soon!

[xanthepants]

lkamenko, Hugs lady. You always have us. I miss you round these parts and wish you were around more often but I know how busy life gets. I agree maybe it's time to talk with your doc and perhaps there is something he/she could help with?

[MissMusic]

Big creepy hugs to origamimommy, tribute17, mrsdonati, jennmm, lkamenko.

Kids, marriage, relationships, money, your own health--they are all things we care deeply about and they are all hard to keep balanced. Its like you can't give too much to 1 area without the others suffering.

I'm very sorry to see so many people struggling. I'm sorry some of your are worried about divorce, or your spouses, or whats in the bank. Sometimes we all need to just get ourselves in a good place before anything else.There is never 1 good solution. I don't have much advice except that its ok to be scared, its ok to suck at 1 thing this week and suck at another thing next week; you can't make someone happy and you are all wonderful, caring, dedicated women.

I hope things get better for everyone who is struggling, and always feel safe and free to come here to J12 and express yourself.