PgAL Check-In 8/3

[jags8]

This is the weekly check-in for April moms who have experienced pregnancy loss before this pregnancy. We are sorry you have to be here, but let's get through the next 9 months together.

If this if your first check-in, Welcome!
Please share the following in your post:

Pregnancy Loss Background (if you're comfortable)

How far along are you (weeks/fruit):

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally?

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones:

QOTW: Do you have any mantras you repeat to yourself when you feel anxious about another loss?

[jags8]

Pregnancy Loss Background (if you're comfortable)
I got a BFP at 12DPO on July 28th last year. Five days later I started cramping and bleeding heavily. A blood test the next day confirmed I was having a miscarriage.

How far along are you (weeks/fruit):
Today I am 4w6d, tomorrow the babe will be the size of an appleseed.

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally?
Physically I'm bloated and my tits are really tender.
Emotionally I switch between excited and terrified.

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones:
Today I have my 2nd beta, so Fx for good numbers! If all is well, we will tell our parents tomorrow evening. Also, I've now made it further than the last pregnancy.

QOTD: "Today, I am pregnant."

[wittyandwaiting]

Fingers crossed for your second beta today jags8.

Pregnancy Loss Background (if you're comfortable):
Ectopic in June; I'm lucky we're working with an RE and it was caught early or I may have lost a tube.

How far along are you (weeks/fruit):
6+1.....so far, we're expecting this to change with my next ultrasound. Baby's the size of a sweet pea!!

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally?
Physically I am exhausted, bloated, nauseous and peeing all the time. Also, my boobs have grown so much that I have to buy new bras ASAP. I'm already a DD or DDD so I'm debating moving into maternity bra that will give me some room to grow.

Emotionally, I feel a little anxious and weak. My partner, C, is being super celebratory and I feel like telling her to chill out for now but I don't because it's cute.

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones:
Ultrasound on Wednesday, I'm especially excited because I NEED this for my sanity.

QOTW: I'm with you jags8 "today, I am pregnant" and I also frequently say "okay body, I'm trusting you....tell me what you need."

[mrsk23]

Pregnancy Loss Background:

Early miscarriage 2/2015

How far along are you (weeks/fruit):

4+2

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally?

Physically: I'm a little crampy, very tired, I get nauseous if I haven't eaten in awhile, my sense of smell is crazy strong, and my nipples are SUPER SORE!

Emotionally: I'm doing ok, considering my past. My anxiety as been pretty intense the last few days with my betas and such, but I feel like I'm not the total basket case I thought I would be!

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones:

First ultrasound with my RE 8/17! It seems so far away! But I know I'm lucky to have one this early!

QOTW: Do you have any mantras you repeat to yourself when you feel anxious about another loss?

You are pregnant now, there is nothing you can do to prevent MC if it does happen, don't worry away your joy for this baby.

[mrsk23]

Aug 3, 2015 7:58:00 GMT -5 jags8 said:

Pregnancy Loss Background (if you're comfortable)
I got a BFP at 12DPO on July 28th last year. Five days later I started cramping and bleeding heavily. A blood test the next day confirmed I was having a miscarriage.

How far along are you (weeks/fruit):
Today I am 4w6d, tomorrow the babe will be the size of an appleseed.

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally?
Physically I'm bloated and my tits are really tender.
Emotionally I switch between excited and terrified.

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones:
Today I have my 2nd beta, so Fx for good numbers! If all is well, we will tell our parents tomorrow evening. Also, I've now made it further than the last pregnancy.

QOTD: "Today, I am pregnant."

GL with your second beta! I had mine yesterday and I know how insanely nerve wracking it can be! Try to occupy yourself today while you wait for your results! FX so hard for you!

[wittyandwaiting]

Aug 3, 2015 9:44:37 GMT -5 mrsk23 said:

You are pregnant now, there is nothing you can do to prevent MC if it does happen, don't worry away your joy for this baby.

I love this.

[danenikki]

Pregnancy loss background: 
I had a MMC discovered at 9w officially miscarried after taking cytotec at 10w in mar 15. Then had a CP.

how far along: 4 weeks 4 days. 

Physically/ emotionally:  I feel okay physically. Bloated and gassy. Emotionally I had to get rid of all my pregnancy tests. Looking at the lines was making me crazy. I try really hard to not think or stress about it. 

Appointmenrs: gonna get betas drawn today 

QOTD:  I am also a follower of today I am pregnant. 

Thanks jags8, for starting this. 

[danenikki]

wittyandwaiting, love" trust your body tell me what you need"!! Thanks

[Ann612]

Thanks for this!

Pregnancy Loss Background (if you're comfortable) One loss - I was due August 2015 so to squeeze my BFP right before the due date feels like a real blessing

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 4 weeks, 5 days

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally? Physically good. Eotionally - up and down.

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: Today is my first ultrasound

QOTW: Do you have any mantras you repeat to yourself when you feel anxious about another loss? LIVE IN THE MOMENT! I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but at least being knocked up is better than still wondering when the ef it will happen again. It took 14 months the first time. Only 2 this time (under RE)

[Ann612]

jags8 and danenikki, good luck for kick ass beta numbers today!

[ellewills618]

Ann612, good luck at your U/S.

jags8, congrats on your 2nd beta being awesome and good luck on yours danenikki,.

Pregnancy Loss Background (if you're comfortable) I got pregnant on our anniversary in April and M/C at 7w4d (started bleeding and cramping. Sac measured 5 weeks. Completed with misoprostal).

How far along are you (weeks/fruit): 5+3, appleseed

How are you feeling physically? Emotionally? Physically- gassy, hungry, pit in my stomach and brief bouts of nausea and burps. Emotionally- up and down. I freaked myself out this morning with a light pee stick that turned darker later. WTAF brain. You know better.

Upcoming Appointments or Milestones: I can't make an appointment until we move and I'm just crossing everything that things go quickly and I can get some reassurance when we get where we're going (I'll be 8 weeks by then).

QOTW: Do you have any mantras you repeat to yourself when you feel anxious about another loss? Nothing I did caused my M/C and nothing I do will prevent it if it's going to happen. Today I am pregnant and I love my baby.

[ellewills618]

Anyone here really miss the naivety of just getting pregnant and being happy and blissfully ignorant? I worried about loss with my son but it wasn't the same as it is now that I've experienced one. The agony of a bad U/S has me terrified for the next one. I want an appointment for reassurance so badly but I'm also so worried to hear more bad news. I'm actively choosing to be happy but I feel robbed of some of that lightness I felt with my son.

[jags8]

Aug 3, 2015 17:42:11 GMT -5 ellewills618 said:

Anyone here really miss the naivety of just getting pregnant and being happy and blissfully ignorant? I worried about loss with my son but it wasn't the same as it is now that I've experienced one. The agony of a bad U/S has me terrified for the next one. I want an appointment for reassurance so badly but I'm also so worried to hear more bad news. I'm actively choosing to be happy but I feel robbed of some of that lightness I felt with my son.

To be honest, I just feel like I'm more prepared if I lose this seedling again. I know I survived one miscarriage, so I know I can survive another.

[danenikki]

Aug 3, 2015 17:42:11 GMT -5 ellewills618 said:

Anyone here really miss the naivety of just getting pregnant and being happy and blissfully ignorant? I worried about loss with my son but it wasn't the same as it is now that I've experienced one. The agony of a bad U/S has me terrified for the next one. I want an appointment for reassurance so badly but I'm also so worried to hear more bad news. I'm actively choosing to be happy but I feel robbed of some of that lightness I felt with my son.

It totally made me appreciate DD more and how fragile this whole thing is. But I could totally go without so much paranoia over every twinge and increased discharge I get. Also I'm scared to death of the first us.

[mrsk23]

Aug 3, 2015 17:42:11 GMT -5 ellewills618 said:

Anyone here really miss the naivety of just getting pregnant and being happy and blissfully ignorant? I worried about loss with my son but it wasn't the same as it is now that I've experienced one. The agony of a bad U/S has me terrified for the next one. I want an appointment for reassurance so badly but I'm also so worried to hear more bad news. I'm actively choosing to be happy but I feel robbed of some of that lightness I felt with my son.

I totally agree with this sentiment! I've never had a healthy pregnancy and I am actively trying not to let that fact stifle my experience with this baby...but it's hard! And I feel like I'm missing out on that light hearted experience.

[ellewills618]

jags8, I also feel more prepared but I wish none of us had to know that.

danenikki, I totally agree. I am so thankful for DS and having him to help keep me distracted through all this. And yes. Everything sets off PGAL brain. It's exhausting.

mrsk23, I'm sorry you're also missing out on the light hearted feelings. It sucks that any of us have to know tempered enthusiasm during pregnancy. I'm hoping once we get into the second trimester that some of that lightness will creep back in. I know there's no true safe zone but we deserve to love without abandon and have reckless enthusiasm about our future littles.

Thanks ladies. It's good to know I'm not alone.