~+~ WEEKLY GOAL SETTING: 8/3/15 ~+~

[icequeen]

Hey y'all!

Hope everyone had a good weekend and made some progress with our goals! After your update, you can set some new goals for this week by following the format below. Please don't forget to include any trigger warnings you feel are appropriate. Thank you

Goal:
Short or long term?
Why is it important?
How am I going to accomplish it?

[yoshijo28]

Last week's goal was to make it through the end of week feeling productive with minimal anxiety since my boss was off.

I did better than I thought and kept my self busy without even starting the project we decided I would do while he was away. So I'll start that tomorrow. It helped that I left an hour early one day and came in an hour late one day (worked out in the morning before work). Although I still hit 40 hours.

He's off all this week so this goal will be for this week too. I'm going to accomplish it the same way as last week, mixing up my hours and working on the project. This project involves meeting with 30 people for a short training so while it will be reptitive (I have to repeat it 15 times) talking to the employees usually puts me in a good mood.

[yoshijo28]

jennykat congrats on the permit! If it makes you feel any better I still CAN NOT park when I'm turning into a spot. People at work make fun of me since I'm always crooked. And I manage just fine . I'm really happy you're confiding in YH when you have the urge to do something you know is harmful to yourself. It sounds like he's so supportive

[somebirdswalk]

Way to be everyone, I'm so happy to see these updates and see others keepin' at their goals!

Here's mine for this week, last week is... irrelevant!

Goal: Be nice to the hubster. Like, actively be nice, not just "not be a bitch."

Short or long term? Both

Why is it important? Because our relationship is important and he does so much for me and helps me stay well, I want to do more for him, not necessarily "in return" but "in kind," if that makes sense.

How am I going to accomplish it? Live in the now and take advantage of "nice impulses" rather than be stuck in my head and letting opportunities roll by. Also, try to focus on the now to avoid getting wound up and anxious about "achieving," I'm actually nice when I manage to just "be," so a zen "do everything by not doing" mind-splosion tactic is my tactic this week.... We'll see how it goes.

[icequeen]

yoshijo28, glad you are being more social at work and keeping busy.
jennykat, I totally agree talking to someone about your ED feelings before you act on them is so important. YH is a rock star for realizing that!
somebirdswalk, are there any behaviors in particular you want to work on, or specific ways you can be kinder to YH?

* Trigger: ED/PG mentioned *

Last week was good. I was able to eat all 5 (almost 6) meals without purging. I ate all my cheat meals but had trouble with eating lunch out on Thursday. I thought I could do it but apparently pasta is triggering food for me every time. It was supposed to be my last cheat meal but because I threw up less than an hour after eating, I had another cheat meal in place of it on Sunday. I was able to cut down my workout to 45 minutes, and I also have my new psych appointment scheduled. For this week:

Goal 1: Keep down 7 meals without purging (3-4 cheat meals).

Short or long term? Short

Why is it important? The more meals I can keep down, the healthier my baby will be.

How am I going to accomplish it? Keep focusing on how I am doing this for my growing baby and that I can't be selfish.

Goal 2: Do not stand in front of mirror and obsess about "where" I gained weight.

Short or long term? Long

Why is it important? I have to learn to love myself and realize my weight and how I look does not define me as a person.

How am I going to accomplish it? I might put a post it on my mirror reminding me of my goal.

[bocaburger]

Yay everyone for your hard work! Congrats jennykat on getting your permit!

I did pretty well last week. I definitely watched less tv and mostly limited it to meal times. I also got a lot of studying done in advance... not as much as I had hoped but certainly enough to give me a good head start for the week.

Goal: Come up with a solid plan for how to manage my anxiety and keep up good self care during my vacation.

Short or long term: Short

Why: We are travelling a lot over the next few weeks so I wont be seeing my therapist or acupuncturist. I start IVF as soon as I get back sk it's really important that I take care of myself this month.

How: Come up with a solid plan during my therapy appointment tomorrow.

I was post an update after therapy with the plan I come up with to keep me accountable.

[yoshijo28]

Aug 3, 2015 21:14:57 GMT -5 jennykat said:

icequeen I am so impressed with your resolve and strength! You got this!

+1! You continue to be inspiring every week!

[bocaburger]

My therapy appointment did not go as expected, and I can't decide if it was in a good way or a bad way. I went in all motivated and immediately said, we need to make a plan for my vacation. As we started talking about it, the conversation ended up moving towards my all-or-nothing attitude and my inability to find balance. My therapist basically said that it's really hard to impose new goals during a vacation, that I'll make myself crazy and beat myself up if I don't meet all my goals. He told me that instead of coming up with a strict plan or "rules" for myself, I should be striving for balance. The suggestion he gave me is to be very present when I make decisions - don't just eat the piece of cake, for example, but think through how eating that cake will make me feel now and later and listening to myself.

I think he's right, overall, but I feel oddly vulnerable without a more structured plan. I really expected to leave my appointment with a written action plan for the vacation. I'm worried that I won't be able to achieve balance and will end up throwing all my goals out the window.

A lot of why this is stressing me out so much is that I start IVF as soon as I get back, and I really want to be in a good place both emotionally and physically. My therapist helped me realize that part of why I get so intense about these goals is that put a lot of pressure on every little action, as if that one drink or donut or coffee will be the difference between success or not.

[Deleted]

Aug 4, 2015 17:04:28 GMT -5 bocaburger said:

My therapy appointment did not go as expected, and I can't decide if it was in a good way or a bad way. I went in all motivated and immediately said, we need to make a plan for my vacation. As we started talking about it, the conversation ended up moving towards my all-or-nothing attitude and my inability to find balance. My therapist basically said that it's really hard to impose new goals during a vacation, that I'll make myself crazy and beat myself up if I don't meet all my goals. He told me that instead of coming up with a strict plan or "rules" for myself, I should be striving for balance. The suggestion he gave me is to be very present when I make decisions - don't just eat the piece of cake, for example, but think through how eating that cake will make me feel now and later and listening to myself.

I think he's right, overall, but I feel oddly vulnerable without a more structured plan. I really expected to leave my appointment with a written action plan for the vacation. I'm worried that I won't be able to achieve balance and will end up throwing all my goals out the window.

A lot of why this is stressing me out so much is that I start IVF as soon as I get back, and I really want to be in a good place both emotionally and physically. My therapist helped me realize that part of why I get so intense about these goals is that put a lot of pressure on every little action, as if that one drink or donut or coffee will be the difference between success or not.

I think you got the bones of a plan, it's just not quite what you were expecting.

Your goal is the same: take good care of yourself this month.
How you'll do it is different: be mindful and present about each food choice you make. Focus on one decision at a time; if you make a "bad" decision on one occasion, try to do better next time. 
Why it's important is the same: so you're healthy when you start IVF.

Does that make sense? I'm sure I'm missing some details, but hopefully that gives you another idea of how you might look at it.

[bocaburger]

Aug 4, 2015 18:13:16 GMT -5 @rocknrollfriend said:

I think you got the bones of a plan, it's just not quite what you were expecting.

Your goal is the same: take good care of yourself this month.
How you'll do it is different: be mindful and present about each food choice you make. Focus on one decision at a time; if you make a "bad" decision on one occasion, try to do better next time. 
Why it's important is the same: so you're healthy when you start IVF.

Does that make sense? I'm sure I'm missing some details, but hopefully that gives you another idea of how you might look at it.

This is helpful.  Thank you for helping me look at it from a different perspective.

[somebirdswalk]

icequeen, I think some specific behaviors would be saying thank you more, holding hands or touching more instead of retreating, I want to leave him notes in his wallet like I used to... I've been beating myself up about it and feeling like the affection in our relationship is one-sided a lot lately. We have an anniversary this Friday (1st day we met in person) and it's making me think about how much he's carried me these past 5 years. I guess part of my bigger goal is to try and not feel so shitty about myself and do something nice for him. I feel selfish typing that out... more about me and my issues. UGH. (today was rough, probably not best day to be thinking further out than the next 5 minutes)

bocaburger, just "being" in the moment can be just as challenging as a laundry list of specific rules or goals and maybe that is a good- if not quite as structured-game plan in a certain way? It may seem "too little," like a grain of rice compared to the structured plan that you desired, but I swear I heard something about all the universe being in a grain of sand or something. (brain struggling to work here) It can take just as much discipline to give yourself space as it does to run a tight ship, if that makes sense...

Not sure if it makes sense, I come at things from the perspective of being a list-making, "I'll be happy if I achieve these things and only then," perfectionist, anything but an A+ is an F, no self-estem, always seeking validation and love from without as I struggle to generate my own from within sort of approach, and if any of that is similar to your jive, please know I know how exhausting and frustrating it can be, being the monkey on your own back if you know what I mean. So complicated, I don't know how to sum it up easily, but I hope some of this mishmash makes sense and helps

Oh boy, I'm wore out and my brain is like a beetle missing some legs trying to scuttle his way to safety... Time for a time out. Sorry if this reply is total typin' diarrhea!

[somebirdswalk]

@rocknrollfriend,You said pretty much what I meant just much more succinctly! Thank you NOW I will skulk off for some R & R.

[bocaburger]

somebirdswalk, thanks for understanding - it sounds like we have similar personalities. I hope you can get a little R&R, it seems like you need it!

[Deleted]

Aug 4, 2015 4:34:32 GMT -5 yoshijo28 said:

Aug 3, 2015 21:14:57 GMT -5 jennykat said:

icequeen I am so impressed with your resolve and strength! You got this!

+1! You continue to be inspiring every week!

+1 it's very clear how hard you are working! keep it up!

[Deleted]

Hi all. Sorry I haven't checked in for a couple weeks. I've done well on my yoga goal, with DH's help, I have been averaging about once/week, and intend to keep it up.
I still haven't made my OB appt, but I plan to do that tomorrow between therapy appointments.

New Goal: maintain presence and mindfulness throughout the day
Short or long term? long term
Why is it important? my to-do list has been overwhelming me and ramping up my anxiety. It's helpful for me to stay more present in the moment and not worry about all the things I need to do and plan for.
How am I going to accomplish it? When I catch myself thinking about my to-dos, I'll ask whether I can think about that later (i.e. if I'm doing something else that I should be focusing on, like playing with my son), and set aside some dedicated time to planning out tasks that need to be done. Also, keep going to yoga, because that lets me have really good practice at being present and mindful. It all comes back to yoga!

New Goal: start running again
Short or long term? short term
Why is it important? I have been really slacking on exercise and I feel better when I exercise.
How am I going to accomplish it? make it a priority and put it on my schedule. Because the air quality hasn't been great lately, this week I will take advantage of our rec center membership and go to the gym to run on the treadmill. I'll talk to DH about when would be a good time so he can watch DS.

[lo95]

I'm still pretty new to this; maybe someone can help me make this goal specific and doable?

I want to limit the amount of time I spend worrying about DD's health. I am having trouble with obsessing over making notes about her behaviors because I'm worried I will forget to tell her physical therapist something or that there is some clue to her future health I will miss and not get her help for. It's important to me to enjoy her and be a calm mom. I don't want Google and anxiety to take over the time I get to spend with her while I'm off this year.

[Deleted]

Aug 6, 2015 2:24:16 GMT -5 lo95 said:

I'm still pretty new to this; maybe someone can help me make this goal specific and doable?

I want to limit the amount of time I spend worrying about DD's health. I am having trouble with obsessing over making notes about her behaviors because I'm worried I will forget to tell her physical therapist something or that there is some clue to her future health I will miss and not get her help for. It's important to me to enjoy her and be a calm mom. I don't want Google and anxiety to take over the time I get to spend with her while I'm off this year.

I can understand why that would be so tough to let go of. First I think you need to acknowledge that even though this is causing you anxiety, you are doing it partly because you see some benefit to it. Then maybe try to identify the specific benefits to keeping these notes, and figure out a way to keep those benefits without so much anxiety. Maybe ask her PT what specific notes might be helpful for them to see? Then maybe you can scale back the notes to just those most useful observations. I also agree with blocking the websites you tend to search during the day.
As far as worrying about LO, well, I struggle with that too. My current tactic is to try to recognize/acknowledge the worry, and then question whether it is realistic and whether it is helpful for me to be so anxious about it. The anxious feeling definitely is not helpful, so I at least try to combat that with some deep breathing. Often times my worry is unrealistic also.
I hope that helps a little.

[icequeen]

bocaburger, great job with your studying and limiting TV! Traveling a lot in the next few weeks would definitely throw you off a little but is there any way you can keep in touch with your therapist through email or phone, maybe once a week or every other week? When I know I'm going to be doing something out of the norm for me, I usually try to think of what possible triggers I might encounter and what to do when they come up. Also, if starting the IVF procedures is looming over your head for the next month or so, it might be helpful to make a list of all the positive things you can do for yourself now while you wait, and maybe ask your RE if he/she has any suggestions as to how you can be best prepared.

@rocknrollfriend, it's so easy to let our minds wander to all the things we need to get done and not live in the moment. I do this SO often, whether it's driving in the car by myself or playing with DD. I think it would be great if you designated 5-10 minutes of your day just prioritizing what you need to focus on and stick to it. Don't be too hard on yourself if you don't succeed every time, because you sound like a multi tasker like me, and it's hard for us not to try to do a few things at once.

lo95, I really like the advice that the PP's gave you. I would just ask the therapist what she thinks would be most helpful for you to do with regards to tracking and logging at home. Whatever he/she says, I would just trust them since they are the professionals and specifically trained. It is totally naturally to worry and want to do the most you can for your child, but it's also important to be able to take a step back and not let yourself be consumed by this. My DD is in speech therapy and it's hard for me not to obsess at home about any progress she is making, but I also know that if I'm continuously stressing out and uptight about all the exercises and milestones, our time together won't be very fun for either of us.