ttma anxiety (long)
Jan 26, 2015 12:21:55 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2015 12:21:55 GMT -5
this might be a post and run because i am working today (or supposed to be lol).
i've been feeling anxious lately. I do have a lot on my plate right now because we are moving, but i think it has been going on longer than that. It's just very specific i guess you would say. I don't even really know where to begin. I will say that I feel awkward talking to my doctor about it because it is a new doctor and I have only met him like twice. My old doctor retired suddenly after getting diagnosed with cancer. I had held off talking to him about it because I thought it would get better. Now I kind of wish i did because I really felt comfortable with him.
ok, anyway... i have a lot of trouble dealing with the parenting thing as far as potential hazards go. I have a lot of anxiety around "bad things" that could happen. At first i thought it was normal, new mom stuff. But it's only gotten worse, especially after having a 2nd child. So basically, i see the potential danger or hazard in EVERYTHING. according to my sister and husband, i excessively worry about things that wouldn't even cross their minds.
for some reason, i have this fear of home invasions. i mean, the statistics of that happening are low. But if H is working overnight (he is LE) i will lay there making plans in my head for what I will do if X happens, or if Y happens. I get scared and am afraid I won't be able to protect them.
a few other examples: i hate going to the park and rarely take the kids. I spend the entire time worrying that one of them will get hurt. I was so surprised when i went with my sister and she was letting her son go down slides by himself (my DS is the same age - they were about 19 months at the time we went) because I was having mine ride on my lap. I'm constantly saying "be careful", I'm so afraid DD will not be paying attention or will trip and fall off the jungle gym - like the areas where they walk across from like slide to slide. I am basically on heightened alert helicoptering the entire time and i can't relax and let them enjoy themselves.
we are building a new house and there is a balcony. i actually mentioned in conversation that it made me nervous with DS. The railing is way taller than him but i thought.. what if one of the spindles broke loose or something and he could fall through. thats when my sister was like "i probably never would've even thought of that" and told me i was overreacting.
i even feel like sometimes helicopter at our own house. like i want them to play in the room i am in so i can watch them. i often don't let them run around in the house because one of them could fall and get hurt... what if it they hit the edge of the table or something?
i avoid the news because i get really upset over bad stories. like, can't stop thinking about it upset. if it involves kids i feel sick and start thinking "what if that was us".
I am afraid that my issues and worries mean I am not letting them have fun and be kids. that is not doing them any favors. but i cannot stand being constantly worried and anxious.
what can i do? i know i should talk to my doctor. if i have a better relationship with my gyro can i talk to him instead of my primary? i don't think this is PPD or PPA because the youngest is almost 2. and i never had the symptoms on the surveys they gave. this seemed normal when they were first born and like i said, it is getting worse the more active they become.
i am not sure how i feel about therapy. i think i would have trouble being completely open, so i don't know that it would benefit. are there ways to deal with this without meds? if you take meds, how do they work? do they just keep you calm, you don't worry as much? Jesus, i minored in psych in college and i am a social worker, but when it's involving me I just feel lost.
is this totally normal behavior and i am overthinking it? it doesn't feel normal because i don't like feeling this way.
i am getting ramble-y now and i am starting to get upset thinking about it all. i don't want my kids to suffer because of my paranoia / worry / concern that they'll get hurt.
so anything you can tell me will be helpful.
i don't know where to start.
thanks. and sorry this was long.
ETA: I just wanted to add because i forgot to mention. that when i think about the potential hazard or injury - i don't just think about that things that could happen, i then think about everything else. what if this happens, what will i do, i will do this. how will i feel? will i forgive myself? it will be my fault. what if its this kind of injury? what if its this? etc etc etc. it kind of spirals in my head)
i've been feeling anxious lately. I do have a lot on my plate right now because we are moving, but i think it has been going on longer than that. It's just very specific i guess you would say. I don't even really know where to begin. I will say that I feel awkward talking to my doctor about it because it is a new doctor and I have only met him like twice. My old doctor retired suddenly after getting diagnosed with cancer. I had held off talking to him about it because I thought it would get better. Now I kind of wish i did because I really felt comfortable with him.
ok, anyway... i have a lot of trouble dealing with the parenting thing as far as potential hazards go. I have a lot of anxiety around "bad things" that could happen. At first i thought it was normal, new mom stuff. But it's only gotten worse, especially after having a 2nd child. So basically, i see the potential danger or hazard in EVERYTHING. according to my sister and husband, i excessively worry about things that wouldn't even cross their minds.
for some reason, i have this fear of home invasions. i mean, the statistics of that happening are low. But if H is working overnight (he is LE) i will lay there making plans in my head for what I will do if X happens, or if Y happens. I get scared and am afraid I won't be able to protect them.
a few other examples: i hate going to the park and rarely take the kids. I spend the entire time worrying that one of them will get hurt. I was so surprised when i went with my sister and she was letting her son go down slides by himself (my DS is the same age - they were about 19 months at the time we went) because I was having mine ride on my lap. I'm constantly saying "be careful", I'm so afraid DD will not be paying attention or will trip and fall off the jungle gym - like the areas where they walk across from like slide to slide. I am basically on heightened alert helicoptering the entire time and i can't relax and let them enjoy themselves.
we are building a new house and there is a balcony. i actually mentioned in conversation that it made me nervous with DS. The railing is way taller than him but i thought.. what if one of the spindles broke loose or something and he could fall through. thats when my sister was like "i probably never would've even thought of that" and told me i was overreacting.
i even feel like sometimes helicopter at our own house. like i want them to play in the room i am in so i can watch them. i often don't let them run around in the house because one of them could fall and get hurt... what if it they hit the edge of the table or something?
i avoid the news because i get really upset over bad stories. like, can't stop thinking about it upset. if it involves kids i feel sick and start thinking "what if that was us".
I am afraid that my issues and worries mean I am not letting them have fun and be kids. that is not doing them any favors. but i cannot stand being constantly worried and anxious.
what can i do? i know i should talk to my doctor. if i have a better relationship with my gyro can i talk to him instead of my primary? i don't think this is PPD or PPA because the youngest is almost 2. and i never had the symptoms on the surveys they gave. this seemed normal when they were first born and like i said, it is getting worse the more active they become.
i am not sure how i feel about therapy. i think i would have trouble being completely open, so i don't know that it would benefit. are there ways to deal with this without meds? if you take meds, how do they work? do they just keep you calm, you don't worry as much? Jesus, i minored in psych in college and i am a social worker, but when it's involving me I just feel lost.
is this totally normal behavior and i am overthinking it? it doesn't feel normal because i don't like feeling this way.
i am getting ramble-y now and i am starting to get upset thinking about it all. i don't want my kids to suffer because of my paranoia / worry / concern that they'll get hurt.
so anything you can tell me will be helpful.
i don't know where to start.
thanks. and sorry this was long.
ETA: I just wanted to add because i forgot to mention. that when i think about the potential hazard or injury - i don't just think about that things that could happen, i then think about everything else. what if this happens, what will i do, i will do this. how will i feel? will i forgive myself? it will be my fault. what if its this kind of injury? what if its this? etc etc etc. it kind of spirals in my head)