Post by rikkiandjulie on Aug 19, 2015 22:27:47 GMT -5
Thanks for being a supportive sounding board everyone. This BFN has so far been the worst out of them all. Im pretty sure that I am not strong enough emotionally for this, every time it's a no go, I break down more and more. Everyone says it gets easier with time, I don't feel that way at all. I feel like it just gets harder, more disappointing, more financially straining, and more heart wrenching. I've poured, and cried all day. DW hasn't said much either other than she's bummed. We went to a movie to try and pass the time tonight, but the whole car ride there and back we just sat in silence because we both feel the same way, and have no idea what to say to make it better. I also never realized how lonely and isolating the journey is. When BIL was attempting to concieve and were struggling it was nice to have them to understand, but now they are 14 weeks pregnant and have already forgotten what it's like to not be in the club, and considering I am significantly more emotional the DW, it makes it even harder. I feel alone even though I'm not. I feel like God, the universe, or whatever you believe in is trying to say we aren't meant to have kids, that's the worst part. The other part is that DW has NO interest and I mean NONE in fostering or adoption. It's an issue we've talked about for a very long time in counseling and she's just not looking for anything other than one of us to carry. I am not interested in discussing the specifics of that here, but it's super personal and not meant to offend anyone. So thank you for listening to me, providing support, and caring enough to read this. Thanks for giving me a glimmer of hope, and reminding me that even though TTC is dark and lonely, I'm not alone.