I have been through it. You will be ok, but it will take some time and work on your part and your H (if you stay together or chose to co-parent while separated). I suggest find a counselor/therapist ASAP. It helped me so much to have someone to talk to that would really listen and offer detached perspective.
I am sorry. Nobody should have to feel like you do. You are an innocent in this situation. No matter what issues you may or may not have been having with your H, nobody deserves to be betrayed like this.
Post by notmycircus on Jan 27, 2015 10:17:12 GMT -5
I am so sorry you are dealing with this! I have been in your shoes... Multiple times.
Go ahead and feel any way you want and need to right now! Your heart will heal I can promise you that, and you will come out stronger on the other side. This does not have to be a deal breaker, those decisions are entirely up to you. Forgiving him does not mean you are weak, and if you choose not to forgive him that does not mean you are a bad person!
*Hugs* take your time and be gentle with yourself.
I know you don't know me, and I am fairly new, but if you need to talk I am here for you.
It is going to hurt like hell for a while. And it will come and go in waves. The first thing you need to do is give yourself time to process. You absolutely don't need to make any decisions right now. You just have to let yourself take it all in. Counseling is a great idea, it will help you process. It will help you at least realize that it's not necessarily about you. And then after that you can start to figure out what you want to do. You can decide if it's fixable. If your trust can be rebuilt, if you think this is isolated or a symptom of a situation. There's all kids of factors to consider depending on your situation. But yes it will suck for awhile.
I'm so sorry. Be kind to yourself and don't make any rash decisions either way. That's my only piece of advice. Finding a counselor or a trusted neutral third party to talk to is also really important. I understand not wanting to talk to anyone in your life about this as you are still processing it yourself.
There are a lot of valid emotions that come with learning about an infidelity. How you accept them and deal with them are very personal. You've had great advice from the pps. A neutral third party to talk things through is a godsend -- do your best to find a therapist as soon as you are able. What matters now is not any 'rules' that float around or even 'rules' that you might have had for yourself. You are in uncharted territory. Let yourself feel what you are going to feel and say what you need to say. Nobody is judging you. Nobody is keeping score. You are not alone. You are not stupid. You are not alone. You are not stupid.
Post by mymorningcoffee on Jan 27, 2015 15:24:55 GMT -5
I'm so very sorry. I don't have any advice that hadn't already been given, but I do want to echo others that this isn't your fault. His choices are his.
Im so sorrh you're going through this. I second maybe speaking with a therapist or other neutral party to help you organize your thoughts. Please be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel however you need to.
Sorry for this. I wouldn't make any decisions while emotional. Give yourself time to think. If you must talk ask him what he hoped to gain by doing and revealing this.
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