I am just curious - are you involved with your school PTA or PTO (or similar group)?
Why or why not?
For me - I was on the board and then president of our ECPTA. I was on a HeadStart committee through the public school board (and my kids went to private school, it was just something I believed in). I am on the board and will be on exec board of our PTA next year.
We have a lot of slots open and it just boggles my mind. I guess I just like to be involved, improve things, get things done....
I am shocked by the number of women/men with kids in elementary school who profess not to have the time or interest or both.
privacy That is what I am talking about. I seriously cannot comprehend it. Our PTA hosts large scale events people largely participate in (Fall Fest, Spring Fling, Book Fairs, Multicultural Night, Field Day) and funds lots of things people appreciate and use (books, GT resources, special ed resources, gym games/toys, teacher education, field trips, WatchDogs, spirit wear, flowers and plants on the campus, restaurant nights, Reflections, school supply packages for purchase, yearbook and a school website). And people just magically expect these things to happen or something.
Our DC doesn't have a PTO as we are way too small. I probably won't participate in our local school system one in a couple years either as last I knew they hold the meetings as soon as school gets out and I will be working at that time and DD will be going to DC after school. I do plan on letting DD's teacher know that I am willing to volunteer if s/he needs help.
I am not involved, but I do feel guilty about it. Does that count?
I have no excuses other than the long commute, 2 young kids, meetings are at like 7pm for DD's public school PTO and that's too close to the kids' bedtime....plus tired from all of the above. But I know I'm mostly being lame and it is on my list of areas in which I really think I need to step up my game.
Post by sandandsea on Jan 27, 2015 13:42:54 GMT -5
DS is only in daycare/preschool now, so we don't have one. While I'd like to be involved and on the PTA and have leadership skills to actually be a decent candidate, I really don't have time to commit to another "job". DH and I both have demanding careers and already have a hard time fitting necessities in (like sleep and exercise).
I'm not there yet, but my goal is to be involved. As a teacher I really, really appreciate when the PTO does nice things for us. Our school suffers from a serious lack of funding so when we get nice things it is usually a gift from PTO.
Post by kendraj426 on Jan 27, 2015 15:15:19 GMT -5
Frankly, this has always boggled my mind. I used to belong to a Masonic youth group, then was an advisor when I aged out. The group has since folded, or I would still be involved. The group would meet on weekends, and we would travel to visit other groups within the state and for fun events (dances, sleepovers, etc). There were many, many parents who would just drop their kid off, and then pick them up after the activity. As an advisor, I often drove to the long distance events and always took kids with me. Some of them had parents that had to work weekends, but most of them just weren't interested. I never understood. They were interested enough to have their kid take part in the activities, but weren't interested enough to help out at all.
My kid isn't old enough yet to be involved in a PTO, but I hope to get involved when she is old enough.
Post by mustardseed2007 on Jan 27, 2015 15:30:14 GMT -5
My son's preschool school (which is a real private school those goes through middle school) is small and doesn't have one. They do have signups for specific things during the fall festival, and the thanksgiving feast, but it all seems to be organized by the faculty. I do always try to volunteer if I can.
Meanwhile my infant daughter's dc, which goes up to kindergarten, has a parent council that organizes a lot of stuff for the school. A year book where you can buy a dedication page, and a whole thing for teacher appreciation week (our age group is assigned to do breakfast on the Friday that week) and tons of things you can sign up to volunteer for throughout the year. I signed up for 1 extra thing, will bring food for teacher appreciation, and will buy a year book but not a dedication page. I think it's too much for her age group and we're really just waiting for her to be old enough to attend DS's school.
In general I do volunteer for other stuff, though. I'm going to be on the board of our HOA b/c no one else volunteered for the open spot. And I'm the chair of a subclub for our neighborhood women's group that does meals for people who recently had babies or surgery or a death in their family.
It's my understanding, though, that the public school PTAs in our neighborhood are a big hairy deal and the officer positions are things people campaign for. When we get there, I'm not going to run for anything. I'm up for volunteering, not campaigning.
Yes, I would like to understand as well. I am not an officer in the PTO or anything but I do actively volunteer. Currently co-chairing an auction. We have put out several requests for volunteers and it has been such a poor response. Apparently, this is the norm, it is the same 15 people that help out of a school of over 100 families. I even had people volunteer to help but now won't respond to my emails when the work is starting to pile up.
Their school in Canada has a PTA but I have not been involved. Between 50+ hour work weeks and kids' extra curriculars, I had neither time nor energy.
But, I will say I also had limited desire to get involved from what I have witnessed in the electronic communication. The core group comes off as self righteous and self important, there is a distinct clique of core women who are vocal and, IMO, misguided. The guilt tactics they employ on parents and students to involve themselves in fundraising borders on unethical. I particularly dislike the in class fundraising and continuous competitions they engender between classes and between students. It puts significant pressure on lower income families and kids and I do not approve at all.
We are abroad this year and the dynamic within the school here is markedly different.
My work situation will change when we return and I will probably get involved. I have some ideas about fundraising in particular and will voice them in the proper forum.
We're in a weird spot right now, since we're between houses and my son will change districts next year. He's currently in K, so while I did join the PTA, I'm not currently active. BUT - next year when we move to our permanent district, I will be joining and volunteering as a room mom. I definitely want to be involved and know what's going on. I can see how people don't get involved though. I feel like if people run the PTA really well, it's almost like people don't even notice because everything seems to run itself. Nobody stops to think that there are people that actually make it run that way!
I think my point of frustration is that I have reached out and several others have reached out to people who said they want to be involved...we describe everything the PTA does and they come back with "too busy". I get it for moms who work/commute/have little kids at home to some extent. But the moms with one or two school age kids at this school and nominal volunteer history who say things like "I don't have time to even clean my house" are starting to make me insane. Just needed to vent.
The people who complain that we decided to skip an event this year - not one of them even agreed to be on a committee, much less the board. I am starting to wonder if it's not just the kids in this generation who are entitled.
Any suggestions for making it welcoming would be appreciated - I wasn't sure if they needed help but I tend to reach out regardless. A lot of people are not like that. We sent out a nomination survey to all parents and teachers. Very small response. UGH.
Honestly, I probably won't get very involved, only because I envision our schedule being insane once the kids are in school. I'd hope to do more, but am trying to be realistic.
But, if someone on the PTA said "Sign up to do one of these very specific one-off tasks and/or send in a very specific item" I'd totally do that. I just can't see myself having time to be on a committee or attending meetings. Maybe start asking for volunteers in that sense? Or could you do something where you rotate through grades/classes. Like, first grade parents are responsible for helping with this event, 2nd grade helps with the next one, etc...
twinmomma I love that idea! It might be something we can phase in gradually at the school (my youngest is three so I am there for a while). Right now, we are very fifth and first grade heavy (the grades of my girls). I am trying to force a balance by actively recruiting parents from K, 2 and 3. If we can get to a balance at the leadership level to launch this, I think it would be awesome!
The PTA at my school sends out an electronic sign up on Sign Up Genius for all big events. They send it to all the families and the teachers. It breaks down every single job and you can do shifts. You can also input jobs that just involve donating supplies, i.e. Bring a dozen cupcakes for the bake sale.
I think it works well because you are hitting all the people who won't come to meetings, and also I think people are more apt to sign up for something when they don't have to make an instant, face-to-face decision.
We totally use Sign Up Genius for things like that - I am a sign up genius junkie now and use it for clubs, girl scouts, sports snacks, etc.
We need more people on the board to run things at a high level - the people who create the sign up genius. We went from 13 open spots down to 5 - hoping to close this out next week!
I have always found the same thirdtimemomma. I just don't understand what keeps people from volunteering. I know it's not work, school age kids, a husband who travels or not being personally approached
But the moms with one or two school age kids at this school and nominal volunteer history who say things like "I don't have time to even clean my house" are starting to make me insane. Just needed to vent.
The people who complain that we decided to skip an event this year - not one of them even agreed to be on a committee, much less the board. I am starting to wonder if it's not just the kids in this generation who are.
To be fair though, they really might not have time. You don't know when people are dealing with elder care, financial distress, medical issues for anyone in the family, etc. maybe there's no one who can put their kid to bed while they attend a meeting. Maybe they don't have transportation. People who don't know you well might not want to share their totally legitimate reasons for not volunteering. People who DO know you well might not want to admit they're struggling.
People also might not be volunteering because they don't value it the same way. Maybe they value family time and homework over the school community.
At the same time, don't give in to martyrdom. You want to do an event? Awesome. You are the do-er, you get to decide. People are bitchy that an event didn't happen? Too bad! They should've organized it! I think it's legit to email at the beginning of a semester and say "these are the events for the next few months. We have organizers for these two, we need organizers for these three. If we don't get volunteers by x date, we will table the event till next year."
I love doing it - don't get me wrong at all - it's just great to have a place to vent/discuss.
The people I am talking about are the ones who DO HAVE TIME. They don't prioritize it. I know they have time because they talk about being bored, going to the gym, window shopping, etc. This is like when you are dating and a guy says "I didn't have time to call you". Wrong. He chose not to call you; he didn't prioritize it. And it's fine that some people are like that. The ones that are making me insane are the ones that decline to assist because they are "too busy" then offer suggestions of things that could be done more/better/more often/additionally. It just boggles my mind.
I love doing it - don't get me wrong at all - it's just great to have a place to vent/discuss.
The people I am talking about are the ones who DO HAVE TIME. They don't prioritize it. I know they have time because they talk about being bored, going to the gym, window shopping, etc. This is like when you are dating and a guy says "I didn't have time to call you". Wrong. He chose not to call you; he didn't prioritize it. And it's fine that some people are like that. The ones that are making me insane are the ones that decline to assist because they are "too busy" then offer suggestions of things that could be done more/better/more often/additionally. It just boggles my mind.
Totally agree.
And I bet this is the majority and not the minority. I have a "volunteer" right now that doesn't return emails and then when she does, she starts the text by listing all of the things that she is juggling to let me know how grateful I should be. I'm 99% sure that if we had a pissing contest about it, her head would spin if she saw everything that I am currently juggling.
The frustration stems from parents that constantly take and don't ever give. And those that don't have a freakin clue what busy really looks like.
You guys are making me feel bad. But I honestly, truly feel like I don't have time. PTO meetings are right after school and given that I have three little kids I find that volunteering to chair something or be on a committee would be dangerous because I would be spread too thin. I also feel like our particular school actually has a lot of parents involved in the PTO (affluent district, lots of SAHM or part-time moms) so I don't feel as guilty. I have become more involved in the daycare activities - with one-time tasks though: set up the Amazon gift lists for rooms, volunteer to man the bake sale table for two hours, etc.
Don't feel bad! Our meetings are nine times a year (for the board) and they are in the evening; I only make about 70% of them. If they were right after school I would not be involved. I think that's part of it for me too - same - affluent, high SAHM population....but the equation falters there. It's not like other places where we turn people away. I am new to this (one year in my current location) group and found it hard to "break in" but we really opened things up this year.
The original post was more really about people who legit have time and choose not to - because there are a lot of those people, and some share their reasons (they prefer to keep their gym schedule, they don't want to be stressed out, they don't like the school principal, their husband objects....as I have asked people, those are some of the reasons I have gotten). Those are interesting to me and aren't at all about anything our group could do differently - but it's the other people that just don't that mystify me. I was hoping to find a capital R Reason that would help solve for this where I am. I suspect it doesn't exist!
Don't feel bad! Our meetings are nine times a year (for the board) and they are in the evening; I only make about 70% of them. If they were right after school I would not be involved. I think that's part of it for me too - same - affluent, high SAHM population....but the equation falters there. It's not like other places where we turn people away. I am new to this (one year in my current location) group and found it hard to "break in" but we really opened things up this year.
The original post was more really about people who legit have time and choose not to - because there are a lot of those people, and some share their reasons (they prefer to keep their gym schedule, they don't want to be stressed out, they don't like the school principal, their husband objects....as I have asked people, those are some of the reasons I have gotten). Those are interesting to me and aren't at all about anything our group could do differently - but it's the other people that just don't that mystify me. I was hoping to find a capital R Reason that would help solve for this where I am. I suspect it doesn't exist!
I think these things, too, are part of the hesitation though, at least for me. The SAHM crowd is very prevalent at DD's school and very clique-ish and many of them are super duper intense about the school events that they do run, so it's offputting to me. I don't really need more irritation in my life; I have a kindergartener and an almost 3yo, plus job/commute/etc. and that is enough.
OTOH, I will be involved with these people for many years so I know I need to break into the crowd at least casually/cordially sooner rather than later, and I know helping at the school would be a good way to do that. So that is why I do really intend to start doing more.
You guys are making me feel bad. But I honestly, truly feel like I don't have time. PTO meetings are right after school and given that I have three little kids I find that volunteering to chair something or be on a committee would be dangerous because I would be spread too thin. I also feel like our particular school actually has a lot of parents involved in the PTO (affluent district, lots of SAHM or part-time moms) so I don't feel as guilty. I have become more involved in the daycare activities - with one-time tasks though: set up the Amazon gift lists for rooms, volunteer to man the bake sale table for two hours, etc.
Didn't mean to make you feel bad. For the record, I don't regularly attend PTO meetings but I do sign up to volunteer at or chair certain events through out the year. Sometimes, that just means helping out for an hour with set up or clean up. For the event that I am doing now, most of the work can be done at home up until the actual event. It shouldn't be a ton if work but it is turning out to be because there are so few people willing to help out at all. And I do understand the clique issue. I confess that I avoid certain activities if I know certain people are heavy involved. BUT, I also often find that this is overblown in my own head.
Chiming in late here... DD1 is going to kindergarten next year, and I'm already nervous about this stuff. When she starts school, I will have also have a 2 year old, a DH that travels quite a bit, a 50+ hour a week job with a 1+ hour commute each way 3 days a week, and very little family help. I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to be able to get involved.
I'm a bit shy by nature, and from what I've seen from friends and neighbors, PTOs tend to be made up of SAHM helicopter/tiger moms. I'm afraid of them. I know I need to get involved to improve things, but I'm anticipating burnout...
Post by somebabiesmom on Feb 5, 2015 10:52:49 GMT -5
I have every intention to be part of this in a big way b/c I want my kids to be involved at their schools, but I don't intend to do it like it's another job. I expect to make a commitment that will take up to an hour one day a week. But if I don't like the "culture," then I'm going to focus on getting my kids involved in activities elsewhere (like a rec center, city sports, private classes, etc.) and only participate minimally (e.g., a minor role in a function every month or two).
Post by CurlieWhirlie on Feb 5, 2015 16:48:49 GMT -5
You know what's disappointing? The lack of DADS who volunteer at my public school. With most moms working full time now, too, it is SO disappointing to see that moms still make up the majority of the school volunteers. Why so much pressure on moms to "get involved", the guilt if they don't, and no one says anything to dads? And we do it to ourselves, we moms, too. We put pressure on ourselves to do it all.
This is my first year as an elementary school parent, so I volunteer where I can but I am not ready to step up to any leadership positions. I'd like to, though, down the road. For now, I try to volunteer both for the school and the individual classroom at least once a month, and I also empty the special recycling bins at the school on the weekends (batteries, fluorescent bulbs, plastic bags). The kindergarten teacher just sent out an email saying she's desperate for more classroom volunteers, which I find really disappointing. If I can find the time in my work schedule for one morning a month, I feel like the SAHMs don't have an excuse.
You know what's disappointing? The lack of DADS who volunteer at my public school. With most moms working full time now, too, it is SO disappointing to see that moms still make up the majority of the school volunteers. Why so much pressure on moms to "get involved", the guilt if they don't, and no one says anything to dads? And we do it to ourselves, we moms, too. We put pressure on ourselves to do it all.
This is my first year as an elementary school parent, so I volunteer where I can but I am not ready to step up to any leadership positions. I'd like to, though, down the road. For now, I try to volunteer both for the school and the individual classroom at least once a month, and I also empty the special recycling bins at the school on the weekends (batteries, fluorescent bulbs, plastic bags). The kindergarten teacher just sent out an email saying she's desperate for more classroom volunteers, which I find really disappointing. If I can find the time in my work schedule for one morning a month, I feel like the SAHMs don't have an excuse.
I just sign my DH up for stuff and then tell him. He is happy to help but would never go out of his way to do it on his own. Disappointing but that is our reality.
You know what's disappointing? The lack of DADS who volunteer at my public school. With most moms working full time now, too, it is SO disappointing to see that moms still make up the majority of the school volunteers. Why so much pressure on moms to "get involved", the guilt if they don't, and no one says anything to dads? And we do it to ourselves, we moms, too. We put pressure on ourselves to do it all.
This is my first year as an elementary school parent, so I volunteer where I can but I am not ready to step up to any leadership positions. I'd like to, though, down the road. For now, I try to volunteer both for the school and the individual classroom at least once a month, and I also empty the special recycling bins at the school on the weekends (batteries, fluorescent bulbs, plastic bags). The kindergarten teacher just sent out an email saying she's desperate for more classroom volunteers, which I find really disappointing. If I can find the time in my work schedule for one morning a month, I feel like the SAHMs don't have an excuse.
It's funny b/c you just made me realize I was stuck in the box thinking about this! I never thought about DH participating, but I think that would be pretty awesome. He would love it, too, and not just b/c he knows how to make himself the center of everyone's attention...
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