FAQ - Selecting a Sperm Donor

[waffles]

This is part of the LGBT FAQ series.


Share your experience in selecting a sperm donor here.

Things to consider including:
    What factors did you consider in selecting a donor? (ethnicity, offspring, education, family medical history, etc)
    Did you select a known donor (KD), willing to be known donor (WTBK), anonymous, etc.
    Which cryobank did you select and why?



If you do not feel comfortable sharing for privacy concerns please feel free to PM your experiences and I will share them anonymously here.

[sdfonz619]

For us, it was important to find a donor that had the same desires as far as not wanting involvement, but was open to communication after 18. We were fortunate enough to find two great known donors through Known Donor Registry. The important thing to consider here is that using this site only connects you with potential donors. It is then up to you to follow up on medical and legal documentation to ensure you are protected.

[karlamo]

We started with ethnicity first, then eye color, followed by medical history. Once we had that pool narrowed down we only selected college educated people and by certain degrees.

We changed donors 4 times. The first 2-3 we were super strict with our requirements. "Second cousin, five times removed had acne, nope". By our 4 and last we were like "grandma had cancer, ah, why not". I kid, but honestly the process became mundane after the second donor.

We did spend two years vetting a known donor but in the end I knew it was not for us. Now that R is here, I'm glad we didn't go that route.

[luckypanda]

What factors did you consider in selecting a donor? (ethnicity, offspring, education, family medical history, etc)
We selected a Polish donor that had similar characteristics to my wife (the non-gestational parent). Blonde, blue eyes, tall. We also selected someone who had a healthy family medical history.

Did you select a known donor (KD), willing to be known donor (WTBK), anonymous, etc.
We selected an anonymous donor because that's all our cryobank works with

Which cryobank did you select and why?
We went with International Cryo which is local to us and our RE works closely with them.

[lilzeezee]

What factors did you consider in selecting a donor? (ethnicity, offspring, education, family medical history, etc)
Similarly to karlamo, we changed donors midway through and found we were less picky the second time around. The first time we really wanted a red-haired donor with blue/green eyes, (like DW) plus college degree, athletic, etc. We tried 5 times with him and got nowhere, and later found out he had no successful pregnancies. We switched to a brown-haired, brown-eyed guy (decided we didn't care too much about that) who was enrolled in med school but 18 years old when he donated (hooray for young sperm!). He worked out on the second try.

Did you select a known donor (KD), willing to be known donor (WTBK), anonymous, etc.
Anonymous donor.

Which cryobank did you select and why?
New England Cryobank, which is outside Boston and about an hour and a half's drive from us. We went with them since they have a "buy one, get one 50% off deal" (seriously!), and plus it was cheaper to drive out and pick up the sperm than to have it shipped. Plus we could store it at our fertility clinic's lab, so it was always on hand and we never had to worry about timing the shipment right. They were great!

[mrsnorris]

We went with a donor through the Known Donor Registry. Our criteria were that it be someone who shared our desires (open to communication and willing to meet after age 18 but no direct involvement or parental role.) We also wanted someone with a healthy family background and a college education. We tried for a year with one donor (DIY) and had no luck. We switched donors and were successful on our first try. Now that LO is here I wouldn't change a thing.

[Stringy]

Can I just ask - are you taking what we write and copying it into one big thing? Or kind of combining into some quick answers for a TTC FAQ?

[waffles]

Jan 29, 2015 10:30:25 GMT -5 Stringy said:

Can I just ask - are you taking what we write and copying it into one big thing? Or kind of combining into some quick answers for a TTC FAQ?

I'm going to link them all in one FAQ post. I may eventually make a blog or something, but I would eliminate names.

[2moms2be]

What factors did you consider in selecting a donor? (ethnicity, offspring, education, family medical history, etc)
We based it off my DW's brothers. We matched their features such as hair color, eye color and height. That narrowed it down significantly for us so we only had about 4 to choose from. From there we decided completely anonymous (no contact after 18) and went based on DW's interest and good medical history. Funny enough both the boys look just like me or DW's brothers.

Did you select a known donor (KD), willing to be known donor (WTBK), anonymous, etc.
We went with anonymous. We went back and forth worrying if we went with anonymous our kids would feel cheated by not having that possibility but in the end we didn't want to have a complication or risk disappointment if he wasn't what they pictured. We figure we have enough positive male role models that it wouldn't be a big deal as the donor isn't an integral part of our family.

Which cryobank did you select and why?
I would have to go back and double check but I believe we used California Cryo or one of their partners.

[Stringy]

Jan 29, 2015 11:32:25 GMT -5 waffles said:

Jan 29, 2015 10:30:25 GMT -5 Stringy said:

Can I just ask - are you taking what we write and copying it into one big thing? Or kind of combining into some quick answers for a TTC FAQ?

I'm going to link them all in one FAQ post. I may eventually make a blog or something, but I would eliminate names.

Ah ok - just changes how I write, I think

[2moms2be]

We used to just have a sticky post at the top that had the link to all these threads. That way too you could see who used what methods etc to know where to ask questions if you didn't want to post them to the public board. Then once we had enough answers in a certain post we killed the post making it still visible but not able to post anymore (keep it from coming back to the top after it had been dead a long time).

[Stringy]

Jan 28, 2015 12:36:48 GMT -5 waffles said:

This is part of the LGBT FAQ series.


Share your experience in selecting a sperm donor here.

Things to consider including:
    What factors did you consider in selecting a donor? (ethnicity, offspring, education, family medical history, etc)
    Did you select a known donor (KD), willing to be known donor (WTBK), anonymous, etc.
    Which cryobank did you select and why?

Things to consider including:
What factors did you consider in selecting a donor? (ethnicity, offspring, education, family medical history, etc)
We wanted a donor with the same ethnic background as ourselves and our extended family. We realized soon into the process that every donor had a good medical history. They are all screened for major issues, but yet everyone has family members with issues. No one in the world has no family member who has ever had heart disease or cancer or something else common.  Education ended up being a helpful factor - we ended up with an older donor, someone in their early 30's, not early 20's. A lot of donors in their early 20's just haven't had time to complete their education yet.  The bank we used included some personal narratives, and our deciding factor was the way he wrote and expressed sincere feelings for his family and for becoming a donor.

Did you select a known donor (KD), willing to be known donor (WTBK), anonymous, etc. WTBK from the start.  This is only fair to our child. It is no secret we needed a donor - and we didn't want to have anything mysterious left to her. Related back to the individual donor selection we made, we felt as if his being older also meant he had more life experience and had thought things through - and that made him more likely to actually show up when contacted in 18 years.

Which cryobank did you select and why?
This is something I wish we thought about before we started. We started out by looking for the right person. but the bank can matter too. After some searching we realized that some banks have no limits on the number of offspring/families a donor can create.  We ended up using The Sperm Bank of CA - which has the lowest limit (10 families per donor) - and is also a non-profit.  They do a lot of research on donor families, and it was nice knowing they aren't in it for the money.

[RM80]

For us there were three must haves:
1. WTBK at 18, felt it was our kids choice!
2. Had to be CMV negative
3. Had lifetime photos available (child & adult)
From there we only had about 15 to choose from, we found one who could write well and we thought sounded like a decent person!

We went with Fairfax as they are one of the only ones who had adult photos for some donors!

[healz413]

What factors did you consider in selecting a donor? (ethnicity, offspring, education, family medical history, etc)
Our first criteria was ethnicity because it was important for us to reflect manada's own heritage. There were very few donors with any amount of that heritage, but there were enough for us to pick from. We also wanted someone who was "open ID" (willing to be known after offspring is 18), although we almost changed to anonymous at one point. We wanted someone who was tall (M and I both are) and didn't have allergies to pets or life-saving medications. We ended up compromising on the allergies for our second donor.

The first donor we selected looked like one of my brothers and like M's brother and we thought this was a perfect balance. When infertility changed our plan so that we'd be using my eggs for IVF, we switched donors to one who looked more like M. So hair colour and eye colour were important there.

We avoided one donor who talked extensively about being an officer in the military. We knew we would have very little information to give our child(ren) about their donor and we wanted to feel good about the limited information they did get. (We didn't avoid anyone who had served in the military, just the guy who talked only about that.) In the same vein, we also looked for a donor whose personal essay spoke to use in one way or another (i.e. we had to feel good about giving that to our child/ren as the main thing they'd know about their donor.)

Unlike some people, we did look at pictures and only considered people who had pictures available.

Did you select a known donor (KD), willing to be known donor (WTBK), anonymous, etc.
WTBK ("open ID"-- after 18)

Which cryobank did you select and why?
Xytex. We're in Canada and could only use sperm that was "Canadian compliant" (had an extra test done that only Canada requires). Xytex had the largest selection of Canadian compliant donors and had passcodes we could find online for 24 hour free access to the complete profiles (so we could see photos and stuff like that without paying).