Thanks for sharing your update. I'm anxious to hear where things are at now.
I think anyone would need someone to talk to after the roller coaster you've been on. I hope it's all straightened out very soon. I'm glad LO is doing so well.
@bookworm92- YGPM. There is way more to this story than you realize but I won't put details on blast here. Genuinely sorry that my frustration rubbed you the wrong way.
I'm sorry to keep bumping this up everyone (ok - it's kind of a sorry not sorry, because I also don't really want to start a new thread.)
But: we saw our BM over the weekend. I brought her homemade lasagna and a necklace with A's birthstone. She was in better spirits, and it really helped me feel better about everything. We all took pictures together and I will be hanging some in the nursery. I do have some concerns about her role in his life in the future, but MH and I understand it's going to be a process and we plan on taking things day by day. What is important is that our (inclusive) son remains safe and happy and is able to know his roots. It's just a crazy situation - to enter the west coast as a couple and leave with a son and (in a way) adopting our birth mother too. It's been really really hard but I know it'll be worth it. It already is in many ways. I'm still too deep into it to say for sure what my true feelings are about everything, outside of my pure love for the baby, but I'm taking things as they come. I really do feel like our BM is part of our family too, and with that comes anger and annoyance and stress but at the end of the day, love.
We are still waiting for the legal acknowldgement. It's been received at the office but hasn't been stamped, but hopefully it'll happen soon- maybe today or tomorrow; no matter what it'll automatically take effect next Tuesday. I'm so exhausted from the worry that I'm hardly worried anymore (although seeing BM in a better place helped.) Lawyers/social workers/consultants have told us we are okay to travel home, so we will be leaving this week. BM knows and understands, and wants us to get into our normal routine back on the east coast. It's a bittersweet feeling to know our time on the west coast is almost up, but we are ready to return home and honestly, even from the BMs perspective, return to our previous mode of communication over phone calls, Face time and text- I think things just got very complicated with us being here for so long and having everything happen so quickly. We will probably be seeing her in the future (we agreed to visits when we can swing it), and as long as things remain stable I think it'll be a better experience than what we dealt with last week- everything was just so raw for everyone at that point.
I appreciate everyone's support through this, even though we aren't totally finished yet. If I've upset anyone with my frankness (in addition to bookworm) I am genuinely sorry- maybe I just felt too comfortable talking here about my feelings as I had them in an extremely dark place, and I see now how that could look concerning. At the end of the day, A is our heart and soul and I can't imagine life without him now. It really puts things into perspective.
Post by superchargedmama on Oct 26, 2015 20:56:39 GMT -5
Huge hugs lady! I think all of us use the board to vent. I've bitched about my sweet SIL to you ladies more than I care to admit. Sometimes it helps to get it off your chest. At any rate, Im so excited you get to head home soon and I hope things go smoothly.
Post by pickles4prez on Oct 26, 2015 23:43:47 GMT -5
nobb14 big hugs! I've personally appreciated your frank honesty. MH and I have plans to adopt in the future, and hearing your trials and emotions have been an important source of education for me. I have two brothers that joined our family when I was 4 and my SIL was adopted at birth, so I have experience with their stories but hearing your perspective is invaluable. So thank you for your honesty, I am so happy you get to bring your son home and cannot wait to see family pictures!!!
nobb14 big hugs! I've personally appreciated your frank honesty. MH and I have plans to adopt in the future, and hearing your trials and emotions have been an important source of education for me. I have two brothers that joined our family when I was 4 and my SIL was adopted at birth, so I have experience with their stories but hearing your perspective is invaluable. So thank you for your honesty, I am so happy you get to bring your son home and cannot wait to see family pictures!!!
This is so nice to hear. Thank you
I will say that after talking to many higher ups in our agency, our experience is definitely NOT the typical experience in terms of having such a volatile relationship a birth mother- at least not with my agency. In our situation there have been a lot of "perfect storm" details that have come together to make certain moments in this process extremely difficult for everyone, but it hasn't been hard all of the time- for instance, we've been constantly sending picture updates to BM throughout this entire week and contact has been fine, but I still can't totally shake my nerves or concerns about certain things in our situation. I think what makes it tough is that we do have the child in our care, and he's so innocent and perfect and little, so it's not just a random anecdotal stereotype- it's his life, our life, and BM's life.
I really believe adoption is a wonderful thing, and I always love hearing how many people's lives have been touched by it. I just never expected it to be such an emotionally draining process- there's no way to prepare you for the roller coaster no matter the training.
Post by pickles4prez on Oct 27, 2015 0:31:39 GMT -5
I just have to say that what you are feeling is completely valid. As a loss mom, you are dealing with a double dose of emotions and handling it with grace. You deserve all the hugs!
Post by leopardgurl831 on Oct 27, 2015 3:33:36 GMT -5
nobb14 this is your safe place and we have asked you to share. I'm glad your stay on the west cost is coming to an end, and it sounds like you are in a better place. ((Hugs)) we are here for you.
Post by shortermommy on Oct 27, 2015 9:50:25 GMT -5
nobb14 while I understand that some people here may have been offended or disgusted by your frankness and you venting to us..... I happened to (for lack of a better term) appreciate the fact that you feel/felt so close to us to allow us into your life/adoption and that you (sort of) let us live through the pain and agony with you throughout this entire little adoption process- you even accepted advice/hugs/prayers/thoughts from most of us! For that my friend I am truly grateful that you thought so much of us to share in detail (rather good or bad) your journey with us! I want to encourage you (if I may) to keep posting with your frankness and please do keep us updated on how things are going. You are and will always be in my thoughts and prayers mama!
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