Weekly PGAL check in 10/26

[vivela]

Ugh, babyzebra, that sucks. It is kind of a bummer telling people the second time. There is just that history hanging over your head.
It is good to forgive and let go of resentment. But it is also ok to minimize contact with people when they can't manage the, "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" rule.

[babyzebra]

Thanks for your encouragement and kind words, vivela!

[virginiaorjohn]

babyzebra dude, I'm sorry. Sometimes, you know people are good and they just said the wrong thing by accident... And other times, you know they will never get it. I'm with vivela, it's totally okay to put distance between yourself and those people!

[chriskoo]

babyzebra people suck.

I'm also PGAL after miscarrying earlier this year -- so far we've only told our immediate families and they definitely reacted with more trepidation than last time. It's sad that what happened in the past makes it harder to enjoy the experience this time, hang in there! Xo

[txmommy14]

Nov 1, 2015 17:37:30 GMT -5 babyzebra said:

So I need to vent here and I can't wait until the PGAL checkin tomorrow. I wanted to wait until I was out of the first tri to tell any of my family because I'm still kind of hurt about how they handled my 2 MCs this year. Well, DH and I had a good talk about this and decided that I really needed to move past those negative feelings and tell them.

So I talked to my mom, dad, and sister all in the phone separately this afternoon to tell them. 2/3 of them made a comment to this effect:

"Well hopefully this one will work out better for you since you're not so stressed with life and your career now like you were before."

I seriously feel like pulling my hair out explaining to them that motherfucking stress does not cause motherfucking miscarriages. Do people really think this? So I get the double whammy of miscarriage guilt with working mom guilt. Thanks.

Ok I feel a little better now that that's out!

Uggggh!!! I'm so sorry. I got comments like that too. People are so rude. So sorry

[soultrane]

babyzebra, I'm sorry that you're dealing with those types of reactions. I think that people who haven't experienced loss first-hand just don't realize how much weight their words can hold and how hurtful their "well-meaning" statements can be.

[csat]

So sorry you experienced that reaction babyzebra, people can be so insensitive when it comes to MCs and IF issues and it hurts more when it comes from people you are close to. Most people just don't get it.

[littleducky]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, babyzebra. People just don't think. But it's one thing for strangers to be insensitive - when it's family you're telling so early on, you need them to be supportive. I'm sorry.