Now my worry is that he will come here in the morning and make a scene. It'll be pretty easy to figure out where I am.
Can you make sure someone is with you at all times tomorrow?
yes, my sister will be home all day. I'm more worried about her than anything. She is having her baby next week and I really don't want her to get stressed out
gingerygirl, stay safe and think twice before forgiving and forgetting. My senses are picking up a substance abuse problem as well. Its like living with Jeckell and Hyde?
yes. Yesyesyesyes. That's exactly what its like. He comes home late from work because he was "hanging it with his coworkers" and he's all happy and smiling and goes to sleep. Then when he wakes up to get ready for work again he's so grumpy and pissy. He says it's cause he's tired and doesn't want to go to work.
That sounds like a hangover/coming off a high to me. Like 90% of my coworkers at my old job were on some sort of drug. This is how they always were. Please be safe. Make sure someone stays with you when he comes over. If he is using again, he could be unpredictable.
ETA: Maybe not your sister, is there another man in the house that could be there? Or make your H come by when there will be a man there?
Post by motownthrowdown on Nov 6, 2015 21:50:29 GMT -5
gingerygirl, I second having another person, preferably a guy, with you. Especially since it sounds like drugs are involved. I'd actually consider making a police report tonight, just so this shits on the record.
gingerygirl, thank god for your sister! I know others have said it, but this is absolutely abuse. I've been there. And I agree that if your H wants to make a scene in the morning, call the cops. You and J don't deserve that shit! Keeping you guys in my thoughts and prayers.
I'm going to make sure my BIL is there when he comes. H respects him so hopefully nothing crazy will happen.
Ugh I just want to give you a big hug. I totally get that you most likely feel like you need to stand by your husband but it comes to a point! You deserve a lot better!
Hey ladies, keep my SIL in your thoughts. She has chloestatis and the just found out this afternoon she has preeclampsia. So they're heading to the hospital and might induce tonight! Good news is that she's 36 weeks! She's going to do great!
FX for your SIL. Teagan was a 36 weeker, and other than being a little small and having a minor digestive issue, she was and has been great!
gingerygirl maybe start thinking of a plan for once you go home. He might flip out on you once the audience is gone.
Yeah I hadn't thought about this. I'm a little worried for you once you are alone together
my immediate thought is to keep the baby in my arms because I know he won't hurt him. My second thought is to lock the baby in his room because I don't know how unpredictable he will be if he is on drugs. My third thought is to leave baby at my sister's house until I can scope out the situation.
Do you guys think I should alert his probation officer to my suspicions? If they make him do a substance test and its positive he could go to jail.
If things are getting to the point where he is abandoning you at a store because of this, I probably would. What happens if you don't alert his P.O. and something happens? Could you live with it? If this was your sister or your son, what would you tell them to do? I don't mean to sound condescending or anything. These kinds of questions just help give me perspective.
Yeah I hadn't thought about this. I'm a little worried for you once you are alone together
my immediate thought is to keep the baby in my arms because I know he won't hurt him. My second thought is to lock the baby in his room because I don't know how unpredictable he will be if he is on drugs. My third thought is to leave baby at my sister's house until I can scope out the situation.
While normally he wouldn't hurt the baby, drugs do crazy shit. I wouldn't chance it.
gingerygirl, It doesn't sound like he is necessarily violent, more just a big dick. But I agree with abvintage, if his paycheques are being deposited onto a prepaid card that you have no access to, I suggest finding a way to stash some money. Didn't you get a job at the same place that he is working?
Post by motownthrowdown on Nov 6, 2015 22:47:14 GMT -5
gingerygirl, the fact that we are having this conversation should be a huge flag. Tell his po. Call him tonight, if you can. Because yeah, if he's on drugs and fails the test, it means jail, but if he's on drugs and never takes the test, that means he's with you and or the baby.
I'd keep the baby out of it as much as possible. You just never know. I'd say to leave him with your sister, but if she's due in a week, that might be a bit much.
Post by runningmommy519 on Nov 6, 2015 22:47:17 GMT -5
gingerygirl I'm not sure. Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before they can make positive changes in their life. Maybe jail time would do him good.
Are you absolutely sure he wouldn't do anything to Jackson? You need a plan that will allow you to get out within minutes just in case
gingerygirl, It doesn't sound like he is necessarily violent, more just a big dick. But I agree with abvintage, if his paycheques are being deposited onto a prepaid card that you have no access to, I suggest finding a way to stash some money. Didn't you get a job at the same place that he is working?
I did but they had us working the same schedule (overnights) and wouldn't change it so i decided to not take the job
Are you absolutely sure he wouldn't do anything to Jackson? You need a plan that will allow you to get out within minutes just in case
I'm just not sure. Everything is so unpredictable lately. If I need to get out, I can take the car. I have my own set of keys, the diaper bag is always packed, I would just need to be able to pack up the baby quickly. The problem is he is so much bigger and stronger than me that I know if he really wanted to stop me from leaving he would be able to. I do know that if I was really in trouble any one of my family members would drop everything to come get me. The closest is my sister, ten minutes away from where we live. My parents are the next closest but they are almost an hour away.
Post by gingerygirl on Nov 6, 2015 23:03:07 GMT -5
He's never been physically violent. He will yell if he's mad but I've never seen physical violence from him. I hope he never becomes that way but I know how unpredictable drugs can make a person.
I feel like with the way the conversation has gone you should definitely call his probation officer and voice your concerns. This is such a difficult situation, but please take care of yourself and your sweet little boy by staying safe.
gingerygirl at this point you need to inform not only his PO but inform your family of what's going on. You need the support. Also you need to have a "come to Jesus" moment and really think long and hard about what your future is going to look like.
Post by lawndog1216 on Nov 6, 2015 23:37:26 GMT -5
gingerygirl, a big hug and prayers you and Jackson are safe. There is a ton of good and helpful advice here. I second contacting the PO, and also if he takes off in your car again, calling the cops to report it stolen. Unfortunately I speak from experience when I say drugs are a slippery slope and you THINK you KNOW this man you love would never do something to jeopardize your health and well-being... But then he does because drugs. This is so hard and I'm sorry it's your situation tonight.
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