Lil' Muggy is in the House! (BFP and infertility saga)
Nov 9, 2015 12:25:30 GMT -5
Post by mugster on Nov 9, 2015 12:25:30 GMT -5
Cycle/Month: 18/18
EDD: 7/11
How We Did It: IVF.
After a year of trying on our own we moved onto the RE. I was diagnosed with ovulatory dysfunction and polyps, and told that if we removed the polyps and added medication, I had a great chance of getting pregnant with minimal intervention. One surgery and two medicated cycles later, we moved onto IUI. We did two IUIs, each with four mature follicles, and over 25 million motile sperm. I was convinced we would have triplets, but I did not get pregnant. Our RE said that on paper there was no reason to give up on IUIs, but she recommend IVF. She thought it would work. So we took the plunge.
We have fertility coverage for IVF, but it has a lifetime max, and that max includes medications. We decided to pay OOP for our medications in order to maximize our benefits. For those of you who might do the same, we paid around $3000 for our medications (I was on 300 iu daily of stims, a combo of bravelle and menopur) through Walgreens Specialty pharmacy, and we should get a rebate check for around $1000. Our RE said the same amount of medication would use up about 8k of our fertility benefits if we ordered through our insurance's specialty pharmacy.
My stim cycle went well. I responded a little quickly and we triggered after eight days of stims. They retrieved fourteen eggs, and we were ecstatic. Based on everything I had read, fourteen eggs was likely to give us several embryos, and I felt confident that the cycle would work and maybe even give us enough embryos for a sibling. The next day, we got a phone call that only two had fertilized. I sobbed for two days, convinced that this was the end of our journey, and bitter over the fact that I still had to give myself shots until they called to cancel our transfer. I was extra miserable because our RE had told us they would do a mix of conventional and ICSI, but had changed the plan without telling us, and they had only done conventional fertilization. I felt lied to, betrayed and hopeless.
But the call I was dreading, didn't come. My clinic only does five day transfers. So on day 5, we drove to the clinic to learn that one embryo had arrested, but one was a beautiful, highly viable, blastocyst. I cried during the transfer, in shock that we had made it that far and fully traumatized by the cycle that we had been through.
Here is my embaby:
Four days later, I felt awful. I was bloated, it hurt to walk, I was having lots of spasms in my ovaries. I emailed my nurse and she brushed off my concerns, but the ladies on 3T encouraged me to test, and to be on the lookout for OHSS. I tested at 5dp5dt and saw the faintest of lines. Two betas later, and I'm feeling pretty confident that this is the real deal.
Symptoms: The terrible bloating and pain faded within a day or two (so I didn't end up getting evaluated for OHSS), but I still have sharp spasms in my ovaries a few times a day. I'm exhausted, my boobs hurt a lot, and I'm constipated, but all of that is likely the progesterone shots.
How I told my husband: I told him I was going upstairs to change after work, but peed on a stick instead. When it was positive, I just came back down with it and waved it in his face. He could barely see the line though. Neither of us got very excited till the second beta. The journey has just been too long for that.
The mushy stuff: I came over in the mass exodus from the Dump and moved from being mostly a lurker, to participating a lot. When things got tough I retreated to the IF thread and 3T, so if you've never seen my face, that is why. But I've really enjoyed hanging out with everyone, and appreciated all of the support both fertility-related and otherwise. I am rooting for each of you.
Things I learned in my journey:
1. Infertility can happen to anyone. It doesn't matter if your cycles are regular, you are healthy, you are young, or even if you've already had a kid, this could be you.
2. Whatever gets you pregnant will be a great story. There were so many months that I thought, if we get pregnant this month it will be so perfect because... Eventually, I realized that no matter when it happened, it would be awesome. It was also a little hard to give up on natural conception, but science is cool y'all!
3. Just because one intervention doesn't work for you, it doesn't mean the next one won't. I was terrified to try IVF because nothing else had worked. I didn't really understand why it would help. Now, knowing we have huge fertilization issues, it makes more sense.
4. It really might only take one. Some people get eleven embryos out of an ivf cycle, we got one. But so far it is sticking.
5. The financial stuff sucks, and is unfair. IVF should be covered by everyone's insurance. My insurance company paid 5k for my cycle. I would have had to pay 15k oop for the same services. Insurance companies get better rates because they are monopolies, but it is so unfair. When the majority of IF treatments are paid OOP, as a society we are saying that some people don't deserve to have children because they don't make enough money. That is crap. All of my infertility treatments have cost my insurance company less than my husband's gallbladder surgery last spring. IF would be a drop in the bucket for them, but they don't cover it because people consider it elective. Bullshit. My pregnancy != someone's nose job.
6. The physical component of IVF is easier than it seems. The shots are unpleasant, the appointments a drag, but what makes IVF intense is the emotional component. I was terrified of each type of shot. The only one I had real problems with is the hcg trigger shot (hives!).
7. Hero narratives / pity both suck. I am not strong because I have suffered. If I am strong, it is because I have kept moving forward despite that suffering and because I have found space in my heart for both loss and hope. Don't feel sorry for people who have infertility, sit with them and their pain and fear. Hope with them when they have hope. Hope for them when they don't.
8. Advocate for yourself with your doctors, ask lots of questions, and don't be afraid to find new doctors if you aren't getting the care you deserve. I love my RE, despite the saga above, but I don't like my nurse, and the communication failure I detailed above has me pretty convinced that when we are ready for a round two, I will go somewhere else.
9. 3T/IF is an amazing resource. The ladies over there have been through it all. If you have infertility questions and need answers, go lurk, or ask, or join in. The IF thread on GKU is also an awesome place for support. If you find yourself there, rest assured those ladies will have your back.
10. You can't outrun infertility, and getting pregnant doesn't cure it. This pregnancy feels so precarious, not because it shows any signs of being so, but because the journey to get here has been so hard. I have been forever changed by this experience, and I sometimes miss the version of me that would have no problem squeeing, the version of me that wouldn't have hesitated to post this because of the fear that it might cause someone pain. I made this post this long and this detailed, because I hope that it offers hope to someone who needs it right now.
tl;dr: My doctor got me pregnant.
EDD: 7/11
How We Did It: IVF.
After a year of trying on our own we moved onto the RE. I was diagnosed with ovulatory dysfunction and polyps, and told that if we removed the polyps and added medication, I had a great chance of getting pregnant with minimal intervention. One surgery and two medicated cycles later, we moved onto IUI. We did two IUIs, each with four mature follicles, and over 25 million motile sperm. I was convinced we would have triplets, but I did not get pregnant. Our RE said that on paper there was no reason to give up on IUIs, but she recommend IVF. She thought it would work. So we took the plunge.
We have fertility coverage for IVF, but it has a lifetime max, and that max includes medications. We decided to pay OOP for our medications in order to maximize our benefits. For those of you who might do the same, we paid around $3000 for our medications (I was on 300 iu daily of stims, a combo of bravelle and menopur) through Walgreens Specialty pharmacy, and we should get a rebate check for around $1000. Our RE said the same amount of medication would use up about 8k of our fertility benefits if we ordered through our insurance's specialty pharmacy.
My stim cycle went well. I responded a little quickly and we triggered after eight days of stims. They retrieved fourteen eggs, and we were ecstatic. Based on everything I had read, fourteen eggs was likely to give us several embryos, and I felt confident that the cycle would work and maybe even give us enough embryos for a sibling. The next day, we got a phone call that only two had fertilized. I sobbed for two days, convinced that this was the end of our journey, and bitter over the fact that I still had to give myself shots until they called to cancel our transfer. I was extra miserable because our RE had told us they would do a mix of conventional and ICSI, but had changed the plan without telling us, and they had only done conventional fertilization. I felt lied to, betrayed and hopeless.
But the call I was dreading, didn't come. My clinic only does five day transfers. So on day 5, we drove to the clinic to learn that one embryo had arrested, but one was a beautiful, highly viable, blastocyst. I cried during the transfer, in shock that we had made it that far and fully traumatized by the cycle that we had been through.
Here is my embaby:
Four days later, I felt awful. I was bloated, it hurt to walk, I was having lots of spasms in my ovaries. I emailed my nurse and she brushed off my concerns, but the ladies on 3T encouraged me to test, and to be on the lookout for OHSS. I tested at 5dp5dt and saw the faintest of lines. Two betas later, and I'm feeling pretty confident that this is the real deal.
Symptoms: The terrible bloating and pain faded within a day or two (so I didn't end up getting evaluated for OHSS), but I still have sharp spasms in my ovaries a few times a day. I'm exhausted, my boobs hurt a lot, and I'm constipated, but all of that is likely the progesterone shots.
How I told my husband: I told him I was going upstairs to change after work, but peed on a stick instead. When it was positive, I just came back down with it and waved it in his face. He could barely see the line though. Neither of us got very excited till the second beta. The journey has just been too long for that.
The mushy stuff: I came over in the mass exodus from the Dump and moved from being mostly a lurker, to participating a lot. When things got tough I retreated to the IF thread and 3T, so if you've never seen my face, that is why. But I've really enjoyed hanging out with everyone, and appreciated all of the support both fertility-related and otherwise. I am rooting for each of you.
Things I learned in my journey:
1. Infertility can happen to anyone. It doesn't matter if your cycles are regular, you are healthy, you are young, or even if you've already had a kid, this could be you.
2. Whatever gets you pregnant will be a great story. There were so many months that I thought, if we get pregnant this month it will be so perfect because... Eventually, I realized that no matter when it happened, it would be awesome. It was also a little hard to give up on natural conception, but science is cool y'all!
3. Just because one intervention doesn't work for you, it doesn't mean the next one won't. I was terrified to try IVF because nothing else had worked. I didn't really understand why it would help. Now, knowing we have huge fertilization issues, it makes more sense.
4. It really might only take one. Some people get eleven embryos out of an ivf cycle, we got one. But so far it is sticking.
5. The financial stuff sucks, and is unfair. IVF should be covered by everyone's insurance. My insurance company paid 5k for my cycle. I would have had to pay 15k oop for the same services. Insurance companies get better rates because they are monopolies, but it is so unfair. When the majority of IF treatments are paid OOP, as a society we are saying that some people don't deserve to have children because they don't make enough money. That is crap. All of my infertility treatments have cost my insurance company less than my husband's gallbladder surgery last spring. IF would be a drop in the bucket for them, but they don't cover it because people consider it elective. Bullshit. My pregnancy != someone's nose job.
6. The physical component of IVF is easier than it seems. The shots are unpleasant, the appointments a drag, but what makes IVF intense is the emotional component. I was terrified of each type of shot. The only one I had real problems with is the hcg trigger shot (hives!).
7. Hero narratives / pity both suck. I am not strong because I have suffered. If I am strong, it is because I have kept moving forward despite that suffering and because I have found space in my heart for both loss and hope. Don't feel sorry for people who have infertility, sit with them and their pain and fear. Hope with them when they have hope. Hope for them when they don't.
8. Advocate for yourself with your doctors, ask lots of questions, and don't be afraid to find new doctors if you aren't getting the care you deserve. I love my RE, despite the saga above, but I don't like my nurse, and the communication failure I detailed above has me pretty convinced that when we are ready for a round two, I will go somewhere else.
9. 3T/IF is an amazing resource. The ladies over there have been through it all. If you have infertility questions and need answers, go lurk, or ask, or join in. The IF thread on GKU is also an awesome place for support. If you find yourself there, rest assured those ladies will have your back.
10. You can't outrun infertility, and getting pregnant doesn't cure it. This pregnancy feels so precarious, not because it shows any signs of being so, but because the journey to get here has been so hard. I have been forever changed by this experience, and I sometimes miss the version of me that would have no problem squeeing, the version of me that wouldn't have hesitated to post this because of the fear that it might cause someone pain. I made this post this long and this detailed, because I hope that it offers hope to someone who needs it right now.
tl;dr: My doctor got me pregnant.