SAHMs, let me be nosy

[frodabaggins]

1) What does your SO do? (or if your SO is the SAHP, what do you do?)

2) What region of the country do you live in? Are you urban/suburban/rural?

3) Are you SAHM by choice or necessity or a combo of both?

4) Do you know I think you're awesome and have mad respect?

[gingy]

My husband is in law enforcement and I stay home by choice. I have a lot of feels about staying home. Buckle up.

My mom worked and I always hated that she could never help in my classroom and I always felt weird my grandma (who babysat me) took me to all of my after school functions. Even as a child part of the reason I wanted to be a teacher was so I would be home with my kids in the summer. As I grew up, I realized that even if I did have to work (either financially or by choice) teaching would give me the greatest amount of time home with my kids because our schedules would match up. My H and I have been together since we were 16, and that was always something we talked about, so he was able to also choose a career that would allow me to stay home.
Teaching is a career that requires so much attention and there are not set office hours, much like being a mother. I know millions of women do both, but for me, I know I would feel spread too thin, so I chose to walk away and stay home for a while. I have so much respect for working mothers because I could not imagine the level of stress to have that many pokers in the fire. I'm not trying to start a war, I know many love their jobs and choose to work. It just isn't for me right now and I feel really lucky I don't have to operate at that stress level.
That being said, I could possibly have the opportunity to go back to work part time next year and I'm seriously considering because it would be at my ideal school, ideal grade and only half time? Perfect situation. But, it's totally sending me into a tail spin because it's not what I had planned. Can you tell I'm a control freak with a plan for everything?
Eta: we live in Stepford suburbia in northern California. Like identical tract homes, identical suvs, mom's dressed in matching lululemon outfits, the whole deal. And UO...I love it. It's the neighborhood I wished I lived in as a kid and always felt like I missed out on I guess.

[navyblues2114]

1. My h is an engineer.
2. Suburbs of Manhattan
3. Sahm by choice. It was something we had talked about since we began dating and it was important to us. Once my kids are in school I will probably go back to work part time but I may never work full time again.

[mrsnorris]

1) What does your SO do? (or if your SO is the SAHP, what do you do?)
DW works at a university running a program that plans training events for professionals within a particular field as well as a program for grad students within that samefield.


2) What region of the country do you live in? Are you urban/suburban/rural?
Suburban Los Angeles

3) Are you SAHM by choice or necessity or a combo of both?
Combo. We could not afford care for our girls that I would feel comfortable with in our area and still have it make sense for me to work financially. I also love being at home with them and am glad I can do so.


4) Do you know I think you're awesome and have mad respect?
Hey thanks! Back atcha!

[caybeh]

DH is a software engineer. We live in the northern great plains in a metro area of 200k people. I'm home by choice. It is something I have always wanted to do.

[cdseno]

1. My H is a restaurant manager.
2. We live smack dab in the middle of a large city in West Michigan
3. It is not my choice, but it is what makes sense right now. If I worked as a hair stylist we wouldn't make enough money for DC to be worth it. Some hair stylists make major money, but I always had a major internal struggle with charging a lot of money, so it isn't for me. I love the technical aspect of it, not the money part, which is why I chose to go back to school. H is burned out working in a restaurant but he would have a very hard time finding another job making what he makes without having a degree. When I am done with school the plan is for me to work FT and him to make take a couple college classes and work PT so he can be home with the boys.

I always thought I would want to SAH, but it isn't for me. I love working. I like having goals and deadlines and more structure.

4. Thanks, but I think we're all pretty awesome.

[Lestex]

H is an attorney.

We live in the suburbs of a major city. 20 min from downtown.

Staying home by choice. We've always discussed me staying home when we had kids. Also, a teacher, so probably return when we're done having kids and they're school age.

[bkroxfan003]

1) What does your SO do? (or if your SO is the SAHP, what do you do?)
H is a marketing director for a company that sells fencing/decking/granite.

2) What region of the country do you live in? Are you urban/suburban/rural?
We live in a big suburban city just east of Denver.

3) Are you SAHM by choice or necessity or a combo of both?
By choice. My mom always stayed home and I liked having her at home when I got home from school and I want to do that for our kids. I don't want to send them to daycare. I do work 6-8 hours a week decorating cakes so I can still get out of the house a bit and make a little extra dough.

[redhorizon343]

Jan 29, 2015 17:00:18 GMT -5 frodabaggins said:

1) What does your SO do? (or if your SO is the SAHP, what do you do?)

2) What region of the country do you live in? Are you urban/suburban/rural?

3) Are you SAHM by choice or necessity or a combo of both?

4) Do you know I think you're awesome and have mad respect?

1. Post Production Audio Engineer
2. NYC Suburbs
3. Stay at home mom by choice, (And I struggle with that decision, I worry about not feeling personally fulfilled and putting LO's needs too far ahead of my own)
4. Thanks! Back at ya!

[jamjoyful]

1) What does your SO do? (or if your SO is the SAHP, what do you do?)
He is a CPA.

2) What region of the country do you live in? Are you urban/suburban/rural?
Midwest. I don't even know how to describe the area we live in. It is....special.

3) Are you SAHM by choice or necessity or a combo of both?
A little of both. Most of my salary would be going to daycare so we decided it would just be easier for me to stay home.

4) Do you know I think you're awesome and have mad respect?
How sweet! Really though, my husband is helpful and my rock. He keeps me sane.

[weeklyplanner]

Jan 29, 2015 17:00:18 GMT -5 frodabaggins said:

1) What does your SO do? (or if your SO is the SAHP, what do you do?)

2) What region of the country do you live in? Are you urban/suburban/rural?

3) Are you SAHM by choice or necessity or a combo of both?

4) Do you know I think you're awesome and have mad respect?

1. Business guy: mergers and acquisitions
2. NJ-the burbs
3. By choice. It's always been the plan. He works insane hours and used to travel a ton. It's important to us that one parent be around consistently.
4. Thanks! Six months in and I love SAH, but it's nice to hear that from a fellow mom. Some people think it's so easy, but it's not!

[gahorseygal]

So I'm SAHM and WAHM. The only help I get is when I force LO on my husband on the weekends but usually we are busy doing other things. I work about 15-20 hours a week during LO's naps and after she goes to bed.

1) What does your SO do? (or if your SO is the SAHP, what do you do?)

DH is an industrial engineer for a popular flooring company.

2) What region of the country do you live in? Are you urban/suburban/rural?

We live in the southeast in a more rural area.

3) Are you SAHM by choice or necessity or a combo of both?

It's by choice. I was looking for a new job at the beginning of my pregnancy but decided that I would prefer my current job since I work from home. Now I am dying for a job out of the home. I love my job and I love my child but this current situation is so hard. I resent DH a lot right now bc he loves to tell me that I use LO as an excuse. Um I work, I take care of our child, I try to keep our house in order and I put dinner on the effing table every night. All he does is complain and play video games (um he was not a gamer until he got the stupid PS4). He thinks because he makes more money that all the pressure is on him so he can do what he wants.

^^^See? Resentment. I want a job and I need a job. I will absolutely HATE having to put LO in daycare especially since she does not like taking a bottle. However we will mostly likely be able to afford in home care.

4) Do you know I think you're awesome and have mad respect?

Thank you I'm glad someone respects me. However I feel that being a working mom is much harder. I can't imagine working all day then coming home to take care of the house and LO. At least if LO has a rough night I can be lazy the next day.

[pineapplemae]

1 H is a bar manager at a restaurant (it's really mostly a bar with food)
2 We live in downtown Orlando
3 I was teaching high school, so I wasn't making quite enough to justify DC. I'd rather stay home with her if my pay would just go to DC and commuting. Aaaand I was getting major anxiety at the thought of leaving her. Also, H mostly works 5pm to 4am so he would never see baby V if she was at daycare all day. We would basically have opposite schedules, which would be much harder to deal with now than pre baby when we could go out freely on his days off.

4 Aww shucks

[roccobabyk]

I stay at home about 90% of the time and substitute teach random days. H works part time for sheetz while he is finishing nursing school. After he is finished with school we are moving where I can get a job and then I will work f/t and I think I will be very sad.

We live in WV so the whole state is rural. I need to be closer to things and people.

I SAH by choice and necessity. There is nothing within an hour drive of us In my degree field. Daycare would also be too expensive. Our babysitter is a very good friend of mine's mother and I trust her 100%. She's flexible and can keep up with my random subbing days.

[navyblues2114]

Jan 29, 2015 20:07:02 GMT -5 gahorseygal said:

So I'm SAHM and WAHM. The only help I get is when I force LO on my husband on the weekends but usually we are busy doing other things. I work about 15-20 hours a week during LO's naps and after she goes to bed.

1) What does your SO do? (or if your SO is the SAHP, what do you do?)

DH is an industrial engineer for a popular flooring company.

2) What region of the country do you live in? Are you urban/suburban/rural?

We live in the southeast in a more rural area.

3) Are you SAHM by choice or necessity or a combo of both?

It's by choice. I was looking for a new job at the beginning of my pregnancy but decided that I would prefer my current job since I work from home. Now I am dying for a job out of the home. I love my job and I love my child but this current situation is so hard. I resent DH a lot right now bc he loves to tell me that I use LO as an excuse. Um I work, I take care of our child, I try to keep our house in order and I put dinner on the effing table every night. All he does is complain and play video games (um he was not a gamer until he got the stupid PS4). He thinks because he makes more money that all the pressure is on him so he can do what he wants.

^^^See? Resentment. I want a job and I need a job. I will absolutely HATE having to put LO in daycare especially since she does not like taking a bottle. However we will mostly likely be able to afford in home care.

4) Do you know I think you're awesome and have mad respect?

Thank you I'm glad someone respects me. However I feel that being a working mom is much harder. I can't imagine working all day then coming home to take care of the house and LO. At least if LO has a rough night I can be lazy the next day.

Please do take offense but your h sounds like an asshat.  He needs a swift kick in the balls,id be happy to do it for you.  

While I love staying at home it is seriously fucking hard and there are days I want to run back into the workforce.  If my h gave me shit and made light of everything I do I would probably kill him (not literally).

[gahorseygal]

Jan 29, 2015 20:36:36 GMT -5 navyblues2114 said:

Jan 29, 2015 20:07:02 GMT -5 gahorseygal said:

So I'm SAHM and WAHM. The only help I get is when I force LO on my husband on the weekends but usually we are busy doing other things. I work about 15-20 hours a week during LO's naps and after she goes to bed.

1) What does your SO do? (or if your SO is the SAHP, what do you do?)

DH is an industrial engineer for a popular flooring company.

2) What region of the country do you live in? Are you urban/suburban/rural?

We live in the southeast in a more rural area.

3) Are you SAHM by choice or necessity or a combo of both?

It's by choice. I was looking for a new job at the beginning of my pregnancy but decided that I would prefer my current job since I work from home. Now I am dying for a job out of the home. I love my job and I love my child but this current situation is so hard. I resent DH a lot right now bc he loves to tell me that I use LO as an excuse. Um I work, I take care of our child, I try to keep our house in order and I put dinner on the effing table every night. All he does is complain and play video games (um he was not a gamer until he got the stupid PS4). He thinks because he makes more money that all the pressure is on him so he can do what he wants.

^^^See? Resentment. I want a job and I need a job. I will absolutely HATE having to put LO in daycare especially since she does not like taking a bottle. However we will mostly likely be able to afford in home care.

4) Do you know I think you're awesome and have mad respect?

Thank you I'm glad someone respects me. However I feel that being a working mom is much harder. I can't imagine working all day then coming home to take care of the house and LO. At least if LO has a rough night I can be lazy the next day.

Please do take offense but your h sounds like an asshat.  He needs a swift kick in the balls,id be happy to do it for you.  

While I love staying at home it is seriously fucking hard and there are days I want to run back into the workforce.  If my h gave me shit and made light of everything I do I would probably kill him (not literally).

No offense taken. I'm actually considering marriage counseling. He was a great communicator and we always worked through things but lately he just shuts me down and doesn't listen. I don't really know how to handle it.

[briarrose]

I consider myself a part-time SAHM. I personal chef 2-3 days a week and I love my business and my freedome\ but my heart is in the days where I am at home.

1) What does your SO do? (or if your SO is the SAHP, what do you do?)
DH is an assembler at a factory that makes oil filters for large machinery. He is currently in the running for a promotion to group leader for his department, and we are getting sick of waiting on finding out if he got it or not.

2) What region of the country do you live in? Are you urban/suburban/rural?
We live just outside a town of 18,000, and I suppose if you are from a big city you would consider us very rural.

3) Are you SAHM by choice or necessity or a combo of both?
Combo. I hated working for "the man" so I started my own business. DC would negate much of what I make. The plan was to have my mom help out, but she is having some serious health issues, so she cant help as much as she would like/I need. LO comes to work with me many days. If I could just put my business on hold, and could get DH on board, I would stop working completely and SAH in an instant. Financially I could, but DH isn't comfortable with that right now and I cant let my business die. I have a lot of feels about all of this.

4) Do you know I think you're awesome
Thanks! I couldn't do the FT working mom thing!

[navyblues2114]

Jan 29, 2015 20:47:13 GMT -5 gahorseygal said:

Jan 29, 2015 20:36:36 GMT -5 navyblues2114 said:

Please do take offense but your h sounds like an asshat.  He needs a swift kick in the balls,id be happy to do it for you.  

While I love staying at home it is seriously fucking hard and there are days I want to run back into the workforce.  If my h gave me shit and made light of everything I do I would probably kill him (not literally).

No offense taken. I'm actually considering marriage counseling. He was a great communicator and we always worked through things but lately he just shuts me down and doesn't listen. I don't really know how to handle it.

So sorry to hear that.  I hope if you go to counseling that you find it helpful.  

[wickednomnoms]

Jan 29, 2015 17:00:18 GMT -5 frodabaggins said:

1) What does your SO do? (or if your SO is the SAHP, what do you do?)

2) What region of the country do you live in? Are you urban/suburban/rural?

3) Are you SAHM by choice or necessity or a combo of both?

4) Do you know I think you're awesome and have mad respect?

1. SO is an engineering specialist in the biomedical industry.

2. We live in the northeast, about 15 minutes outside of Boston.

3. I stay home with LO during the day and work 2 nights, Saturday's and every other Sunday. I'm a vet tech and it wouldn't make sense for me to work full time as my income would just cover daycare costs.

I enjoy staying home with LO and am grateful to do so but it is a hard balance. Working 2 nights isn't bad and I have to admit it is a nice break but on those nights I get virtually zero sleep as I need to be up with him in the morning. And his sleep is crap as it is. Working gets me out of the house though and allows us some extra money so for right now we're sticking it out atleast until he is a bit older.

4. Thanks! I think we're all awesome- no matter how you cut it this mom thing isn't easy Good thing they are so cute!

[theteno]

Jan 29, 2015 17:00:18 GMT -5 frodabaggins said:

1) What does your SO do? (or if your SO is the SAHP, what do you do?)

2) What region of the country do you live in? Are you urban/suburban/rural?

3) Are you SAHM by choice or necessity or a combo of both?

4) Do you know I think you're awesome and have mad respect?

DH is a leo in our area. We live in rural nj. Im sah by choice. Part of me wants to work, but wouldnt it be great if I could only goto work on the days I feel like it? Money is very tight. I may have to go back next year. I taught, so Im considering subbing to see how it feels to be away. And thank you. We all deserve respect no matter how we do it. Its hard. gahorseygal, good luck. I hope your h will goto counseling if thats what you really want and that he realizes what you do. Has he ever been alone with lo?

[Deleted]

I am half and half right now. I teach three middle school classes from 12:30-3:00.

1. DH runs a non-profit in our area. They do not have/need and established office. He is out meeting with people and running events about half the time and working from home the other half.

2. We live in the Tampa, FL area...very urban

3. This combo is a choice. I wanted to keep my foot in the door and also needed to keep my health insurance through work. My current plan is to work part time for 2 more school years and then go back to full time.

4. I think you ladies who are full time at home are amazing! DH and I have conflicts about what I do with my "extra" time....and I need that few hours a day for my sanity. I also think those of you who work full time are awesome. The pumping alone would do me in.

[kimberlyb]

1. I'm also half and half. I work part-time as a grant writer
2. DH runs the wealth management division at a large back. They are in charge of managing the investment portfolios of wealthy clients.
2 We live in the burbs in a midwestern city
3. Our current arrangement is by choice. I realized that I need to work for my sanity and this arrangement allows me to do that while still getting plenty of quality time with the kids.
4. I have mad respect for the full-time SAHMs!!! It is a demanding and often thankless job

[gahorseygal]

Just in case any one was wondering....DH and I talked last night and I finally felt that he listened to me and acknowledged what I've been feeling. Life isn't all rainbows and butterflies but it's a step forward.

[silvermelody]

I am back to work full time and my boyfriend is the WAHP/SAHP.

1) What does your SO do? (or if your SO is the SAHP, what do you do?)
I'm a technical supervisor for a small niche electronics company. I've been there 7 years and it is a great place to work with good salary and good benefits.

2) What region of the country do you live in? Are you urban/suburban/rural?
We're in NorCal in the suburbs

3) Are you SAHM by choice or necessity or a combo of both?
I would rather not work but I need to right now to pay down my debt. When I got pregnant my BF tried getting a full time job in sales again that was supposed to be high commission. The commission angle never worked out and we realized that if we put LO in daycare full time that we'd be losing money. So he's back to doing what he was doing when I met him: day trading from home, and working part time on the weekends.

4) Do you know I think you're awesome and have mad respect?
I got a nice long maternity leave and I totally have mad respect for the SAH parents! It is a lot of work watching these little buggers, and it's unpredictable time. The second day I was back to work I came home, my BF handed me the baby to feed and said "I'm going to go shower now". It was 5pm and he looked exhausted.