Post by pearlvirus on Nov 14, 2015 20:31:01 GMT -5
If your M14 was your last or you've had / are expecting your last, how/when did you know? Did you have a plan, live the plan and then felt complete? Did you decide based on finances/health/logistics? Or did you know, right after birth? Or a while into it!? DH and have been on the fence about 2 or 3 being right for us. Being that I am 9 days PP with #2, I am aware this is not the moment for a final answer. I sort of assumed there would be a period after DD2s birth that I would feel like 2 is enough, but I thought it would be in a anxious freak out I can't do this, kind of way. But I'm handling newborn a lot better than last time and it doesn't feel like an emergency. So I've been thinking a lot about if she is it. And maybe this won't stick, but I'm feeling done. I made it through 2 pregnancies and deliveries with minimal complication. And I seem to have 2 healthy normal daughters, so why push my luck? Also I gave up working when DD1 came, but I still have some career ambitions that I don't know how many more years I want to put off. I have 4 siblings so I am used to chaos, I assumed my family would be same, but maybe I don't want that! I know you all can't tell me what to do. Nor is there really anything to do. Even if we did go for another we wouldn't even start trying for at least a year. So I guess I'm just curious how others are processing such a huge life choice.
Post by lakecountrygal on Nov 14, 2015 20:45:27 GMT -5
DH and I agreed on 2 a couple of years before we even started trying. When DS was first born DH wanted to be 1 and done because he said the experience was too difficult (since DS ended up in the NICU even though he was full term). He changed his mind in August and I ended up knocked up with 2.0 in September. He says after 2.0 is born he's going to get the big V so we can recover together (haha). I'm ok and have always been ok with only 2 kids. I grew up in a house of 3 and someone was always left out, so I knew I never wanted an odd number. DH and I talked to over and both decided we could never financial have 4 kids so that's also where the 2 came from. DH is afraid I'll want a 3rd if I don't get a girl this time but really I'm ok with 2 whether I end up with 2 boys or one of each.
Post by angelsnight on Nov 15, 2015 3:06:14 GMT -5
I go back and forth a lot, but there are special circumstances. I always thought I wanted two, and at one point even three. But TTC took a long time, and our pregnancies were hard....first an early loss, than a 22 week loss, and then my rainbow's pregnancy was stressful due to the first two losses, worrying about losing her, being high risk for two reasons.
If we had another, I would also now be high risk for those other two reasons, and AMA. On top of that, I just wonder if I am more suited to be a mom of an only (plus I DO have two kids, but one is in heaven). E can be a handful, but she's just one handful. Going out in public with her is fairly easy, and I can't imagine dealing with another. I feel like I can enjoy my time more with her, instead of always being stressed and breaking up fights between siblings.
A couple months ago I decided I would not decide. I would go on BC, and just age out. I wouldn't make the decision to have another, nor to not have another, I just wouldn't do anything about it until I am an age where I definitely don't want another.
I felt great after making that decision. The weight was off my shoulders, I finally felt like I had come to my decision. But now in the last few weeks I've been having a little bit of baby fever. But honestly I think it is more due to multiple people I know having babies. I would say I am 95% certain I am done, but I think it's normal even when you're sure to say awww...maybe I want another.
With the holidays coming up, and then we're going to Disney in February so if we did try again, it probably wouldn't be until after E's birthday. So, I won't say never, but at least for now, we wouldn't even consider trying again before March or April. I am sure for some people they just know they are done or not and I thought I had that moment but who knows. Sorry I'm not much help, but I've obviously wondered the same thing myself. How do you know?
Our decision to stop at two is for practical purposes. I'm 37, MH is 39, so a third kid wouldn't be born until I was close to 40. Honestly I would have liked to wait another year to conceive #2, but we went ahead with it since age is a factor.
On top of that, there are financial issues. We can manage two daycare bills, but three would be too much. I'm sure that will be the same when we start talking about little league, music lessons, etc. Plus three kids would mean buying larger cars and maybe a bigger house.
That being said, we aren't doing anything permanent after #2 gets here. I'm going back on birth control and we will see how we feel in a few years.
We originally thought we wanted 3, since DH comes from a family with 3 children, but after having Carter (around 1 year old) we knew that we only wanted one more. Parenting a toddler has been really difficult for me and I could not imaging having to do it more than 1 more time. Whether we have a boy or girl this time around we will be done. We have yet to decide if he will get a V or if I will do some sort of BC but we can figure that out once my period comes back PP.
pearlvirus, I don't know about other's but every time I've been pregnant, ttc, and or even (especially!) early on pp I've known that it wasn't the last time I wanted to experience the amazingly beautiful miracle of having a child. I'm the worst to ask bc even at 43, with 5 healthy children I'd saw my right arm off to have another.
I think some people think about space in home/car, financially taking care of their children with specific end results (paying for college/camp, etc); but for me all financial and physical concerns are nothing compared to the awesome longing?/desire for another little beautiful face.
I have never experienced that "just know I'm done" so I cannot help you there. I can tell you that for me, the idea of wanting another has never gone completely away and so that is how I know/have known I'm open to one more.
DH and I had decided to not have kids due to his birth defect. DD was a surprise. I would not trade her for the world, but we are one and done. Before DH I wanted 2 kids, but even now I think one is enough. We make enough that one did not affect our lifestyle financially, but two would due to cost of daycare mostly.
Sometimes I do miss being pregnant, feeling them moving. May be I should be a surrogate for someone...
Post by younglove316 on Nov 21, 2015 5:06:52 GMT -5
My husband and I have always said we wanted 2 and DD2 was just born on the 13th, we are both still good with two. When she was born, I had the feeling of completion in our family. This week has been super stressful on all of us because DD1 is having a super hard time adjusting as well and while that's only temporary, I don't want to do it again.
And financially, we are good with 2. I stay at home and we are by no means rich so if we want to do vacations and things like that, 2 is good for us.
Post by RandomName on Nov 21, 2015 23:04:50 GMT -5
We are back and forth on this. Before kids we wanted 3. Then we decided on two. After talking we realized like the idea of even numbers, so stoping at 2 or going to 4 (4 is our point of BF getting a V). A few weeks ago I was thinking done with two bc it was tough. But I never felt completely at ease with that idea. Right now the idea of waiting until these two (17 months apart) are in school to have two more close together is what we are leaning toward.
Post by pearlvirus on Nov 23, 2015 10:49:04 GMT -5
Sometimes I wish there was a definitive reason why we shouldn't have more, but there's just not. DH does well enough that I can stay home and we'd be fine affording 3 of everything. We are midway through a major remodel of an old Victorian house with 4 bedrooms. I have this fantasy with one bedroom for us and a kid in each of the other three. But I know that is a dumb reason to have another. I really really wanted to be this calm nurturing earth mother (like mine was) but that's just not me. I too serious and type a. I miss adults and real conversation. I think I need to get past what kind of mom I hoped I would be and accept what I am. I think I will dig mothering children but I just find little ones challenging. But I won't know if getting through this age will be worth it for what comes later until it is too late. With mine and DHs ages, I wouldn't want to wait more than a couple more years to be done one way or the other :/
pearlvirus, give yourself a minute to breathe; you don't have to decide today and you can change your mind (well; unless v for your h or you have surgery). I wish you happiness no matter what you decide.
Post by pearlvirus on Nov 25, 2015 12:59:21 GMT -5
When we're sure, DH is definitely getting the V. For a woman, it's major abdominal surgery, for a man its a tiny little incision with minimal recovery. That seems like a no brainier to me. However, for now, our plan is that I'm getting an IUD at our 6 weeks PP checkup.
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