TTCAL Check-In 12/8

[littlelion]

requiressnacks , so sorry for your loss {hugs}. sucks to see you back here. but hope you find comfort in our little group. 

[requiressnacks]

Dec 8, 2015 15:35:12 GMT -5 littlelion said:

requiressnacks , so sorry for your loss {hugs}. sucks to see you back here. but hope you find comfort in our little group. 

Thanks, girl.  It is beyond sucky to be here but I take a lot of comfort in hanging out with you ladies here.  I never really understood what a loss would feel like (obviously), and it's nice to be around people who "get it."

[littlelion]

How are you doing? Ok, keeping busy. I’ve been really upset by the fact that I’ve gained weight since the last 2 miscarriages. I haven’t gotten on a scale but I can tell in my face and my how tight my pants fit.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTA 1 cycle AL.

Diagnosis (if applicable): MTHFR and AMA

Updates/questions: Tomorrow is my next blood draw, FX that hcg is down to 0. It’ll be about 2 wks since my last one which came out to 175.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Both DH and I have gotten in bad eating habits. And he’d made comments about eating healthier. I need to do it to lose weight, he needs it to watch his cholesterol. So logically it makes sense. But he keeps talking about which is fine, but drags me into it and that makes me feel even more self-conscious. I ended up bursting into tears at one point. He felt bad and we kind of talked about it. I know I’ve been eating my emotions. I don’t know how else to cope. And now I feel pressure to lose weight before actively TTC.

GTKY: How has your loss affected your faith or spirituality, or lack thereof? Each time I miscarry I feel some anger at God, less these days than the first couple miscarriages. I think it has made my faith stronger. I feel like I need to believe in heaven and God and angels, and that He has a plan for me. Otherwise, I’d be unable to enjoy life and the good things that I am been blessed with.

[requiressnacks]

Hope you're down to zero, littlelion. And I hear ya on the eating habits. It is so hard.

[mosdub]

I gotta run so I only have a couple tags, I'll be back later.

ellabee I'm so sorry you're here. I'm so sorry you had to put on a brave face for your loved ones. So many hugs.

kayladawn91 I'm so sorry for your sister's loss (and your family's loss). Thinking of you and her.

[mosdub]

requiressnacks I am so sorry you're here too and for the complications you're experiencing. Love to you.

[kayladawn91]

FX your hcg levels are down to zero littlelion. I also understand what you're saying about the eating habits. I put some weight after my loss and I'm having trouble getting it back off. I eat my feelings too.

[lvlyldybmp]

1st time posting here, shout out to LadyNymeria for the invite
History: Got pregnant with 1st in May, on DH's birthday, MC end of July, this is our 1st cycle trying AL.

How are you doing? Mentally I feel like I'm in a good place, trying not to think "this will be the month!"

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, my temps are all over the place, it's the first time I've temped since I got my BFP

Diagnosis (if applicable): NA

Updates/questions: None today, relieved to be talking to others who understand my situation

Debbie downer (a place to vent): My cousin is one of the best moms I've ever known, but her super enthusiastic parenting of her adorable 10 month old gives me the sads... like it's just such a glaring example of what DH and I don't have.

GTKY: How has your loss affected your faith or spirituality, or lack thereof?
It has deepened it.  I really had to rely on prayer to find peace in all the TWW, and I wouldn't have gotten to the place I am healing wise without the prayer and support of those around me.  It forced me to accept that not everything was in my hands/under my control.

ellabee, we were preparing our house for sale like a week after I had my miscarriage, it was so incredibly stressful, I really feel for you.

I hope I'm not a spaz here, I'm not intentionally leaving anyone out, I have read all the posts and my T&P are with each of you strong ladies!

[doodler]

Hey guys, yesterday was non-stop and I didn't get back on here after 8am. I am sitting here crying at work reading through the thread and seeing that ellabee and requiressnacks have joined us. I am so, so sorry ladies. Please treat yourselves gently and know that we are here for you guys.
requiressnacks I had to have a D&C. I hope you don't need it but if you do and you have questions I would be glad to try to help.

[requiressnacks]

Thanks, doodler. I'm sorry that you went through this too.

[ellabee]

Thanks for all the love, ladies. I'm really so grateful to have somewhere to go that feels safe and where people understand my situation. To know that I have an outlet where I don't have to put on a brave face is really comforting.

[doodler]

SPOILER: Click to show

kayladawn91, I am so sorry about your sister. I just can't imagine how you feel right now. I don't know what to say except that I am sending my virtual support your way.

hydrangea1019, I know how hard it can be when you have a friend who is pregnant. Allow yourself the space to work through the really complicated emotions. My BFF is pregnant and while 99.5% of the time I am overjoyed for her, I had a tough time when I first found out and then the other day I walked in her house and she had a little bump for the first time. I left there and sat in my car and cried. It can be really hard to process at times.

LadyNymeria I'm glad your test came back clear! Good luck this month, I will be right there with you!

notagoddess good luck on your interviews!

cheshie6 I hope your timing lines up. Ours got screwed up last month because of work and it is so frustrating!

flojo973 I feel you about the OB appointment. My annual is scheduled for this month and I am dreading having to go in(new office) and explain everything that has happened the last few months.

littlelion I am ashamed to say that I have gained 15-20 lbs since getting pregnant in July. I just decided that my new years resolution is to get back on track because I can't keep doing this to myself. Good luck

lvlyldybmp I'm sorry you have to be here but I am glad you found us.

How are you doing? Much better than last week but I think the impending Christmas celebrations are really going to be hard and that is stressing me out.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): N/A

Updates/questions: I have decided that last month was most likely a CP and not false positives on the new FRER's. I had the longest/heaviest cycle I have ever had and my emotions/hormones were all over the place. I have my annual with the new OB at the end of December and I will bring it up then. I'm really annoyed that my old OB office didn't bring me in at all to check things out when I called them about it. It felt like they really blew me off, which was the last straw for them.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Much like everyone else, the holidays are making things hard. I am pretty open about my loss but when you are sitting in a room with lots of people, including kids, and someone starts asking about when I want to have another kid, etc, it can be hard. I'm not going to put it out there in a forum like that and it is hard to paste a fake smile on my face and act like nothing ever happened and everything is ok.

GTKY: How has your loss affected your faith or spirituality, or lack thereof? It hasn't.

[hydrangea1019]

doodler the holidays are rough, and the nosy questions are hard to 'fake smile' through. I hope you can get through it without the questions.

Last big family gathering I was anticipating the questions, but thankfully my brother took the brunt (he's older and at the time had 1 child). Funny story, I went alone and the question I kept getting was 'are you guys ok' lol. I guess when I attend family functions alone that means we are on the rocks! Instead of struggling through the kid question, I was laughing about having to defend our marriage lol

[notagoddess]

littlelion, I hope your next draw shows HCG is 0. You're not alone in eating your emotions and gaining weight. Before I got pregnant, I took several months to lose weight and get in great shape, thanks to a strict diet and bootcamp classes. And then after the loss I just couldn't make myself do it again. So I'm chunkier than the first time, and I feel guilty about it. It's very hard. Big hugs to you and your husband.

lvlyldybmp, I'm glad you found our group. The first cycle of TTCAL is full of so many emotional ups and downs. It's good to have some support. I hope you don't need to stay here very long, though.

doodler, I'm relieved you're finally switching practices! They seemed so awful, ugh. And yes, tis the season for intrusive questions and forced smiles... I hope we can all get through it.

[littlelion]

Yay my hcg is under 2! No more testing needed. The nurse said to call back when I get my period because they want to do a saline flush of the uterus. Anyone else do that?

notagoddess doodler requiressnacks It took me 3 months to lose10 lbs right before summer and I targeted another 10 by sept. I'm sure I gained more than 10. It takes so much effort and time to move the scale down. But it has no problem shooting right back up. Grrr.

[notagoddess]

Yay for hcg under 2, littlelion!

[LadyNymeria]

Yay for your hCG being down littlelion!! I haven't heard of a saline flush but after my sonohysterogram the other day I was joking to a friend that maybe my ute just needed a bath and the next BFP will stick.

[mosdub]

littlelion I'm so glad your hCG is negative! Good luck with the saline wash - I've never had one done but I assume it's to make sure nothing is clogging the Fallopian tubes?

[daystardreams]

Oh man, I keep meaning to be active here and I keep forgetting. I'm going to try harder!

hydrangea1019 I'm officially the only one in my circle that isn't pregnant or parenting, I'm feeling left behind too. Hugs!

LadyNymeria I'm impatiently awaiting FW too! And that's great about the SHG!

kayladawn91 I believe I told you before but I'm so, so sorry for your family's loss.

ellabee I'm so sorry for your loss. Having to interact while miscarrying is so difficult. Hugs!

requiressnacks I'm so sorry for your loss, hugs!

cheshie6 FX that O aligns just right!

littlelion I've gained about ten pounds after each loss. I keep getting all serious about eating healthier and exercising but after a few weeks I slide back into bad habits.

Loss History: I had a blighted ovum in April '14 followed by a D&C. I then had a CP in December '14 at 5 weeks. I was DX with PCOS and after Letrozole got another BFP which resulted in a missed miscarriage after a slow heart rate at 7 weeks and another D&C.

How are you doing? I'm not doing well, I'm upset about the holidays, I'm upset about feeling left behind...I'm just upset.

Status: TTC Cycle #17, WTO

Diagnosis: PCOS

Updates/questions: Not today

Debbie Downer: I don't have a specific vent today, just down in general.

GTKY: I'm an atheist and always have been. I think it helps me to believe that there isn't a being that is punishing me or involved in my losses in some way. I know a lot of people lean on God during loss and I think that's really great too!

[LadyNymeria]

Many hugs to your daystardreams.

[cheshie6]

daystardreams, I'm sorry you're having a rough time this holiday season. I think a lot of us are. I too am feeling this holiday season. I'm having a case of the "shoulda's" and that's never good.

[requiressnacks]

daystardreams, your history is just heartbreaking. You have every right to be upset. ((Hugs))

[requiressnacks]

Question for the CAL ladies....I have maternity clothes being delivered this week that I purchased on Black Friday. Should I return or keep? Will they haunt me in my closet?

[littlelion]

Dec 9, 2015 16:49:11 GMT -5 mosdub said:

littlelion I'm so glad your hCG is negative! Good luck with the saline wash - I've never had one done but I assume it's to make sure nothing is clogging the Fallopian tubes?

I couldn't find any info online. Except for what LadyNymeria had it used for, the sonohysterogram. I might not get it done, it doesn't sound necessary. I asked the nurse who called if this was common for anyone who's had a miscarriage and she said yes. Really?  :raised eyebrows:

[littlelion]

Dec 10, 2015 9:36:59 GMT -5 requiressnacks said:

Question for the CAL ladies....I have maternity clothes being delivered this week that I purchased on Black Friday. Should I return or keep? Will they haunt me in my closet?

Personally, it would haunt me. I bought one top for my first pregnancy early on. Afterwards whenever I saw it, I felt like crying. 

[notagoddess]

Dec 10, 2015 9:36:59 GMT -5 requiressnacks said:

Question for the CAL ladies....I have maternity clothes being delivered this week that I purchased on Black Friday. Should I return or keep? Will they haunt me in my closet?

If you do keep them, pack them up right away (or keep them in the shipping box) and put them away out of sight. You won't want to encounter them in your closet when you're searching for something else. 

I have mine packed away in a Rubbermaid storage container in the basement. I never see them unexpectedly and they don't haunt me at all.

[peaseblossom55]

Dec 10, 2015 9:36:59 GMT -5 requiressnacks said:

Question for the CAL ladies....I have maternity clothes being delivered this week that I purchased on Black Friday. Should I return or keep? Will they haunt me in my closet?

Ugh that's hard, part of me says return them, but I think part of me says to keep since you will need them again soon anyway.

ETA Since I was already wearing some maternity clothes, the ones I wore are now in a different closet in a spare bedroom I rarely go into.  I would definitely not keep them out in the open if you keep them. 

[notagoddess]

So many hugs, daystardreams. I'm so sorry you're down.

[flojo973]

Dec 10, 2015 9:36:59 GMT -5 requiressnacks said:

Question for the CAL ladies....I have maternity clothes being delivered this week that I purchased on Black Friday. Should I return or keep? Will they haunt me in my closet?

I would return.  One, because they'd make me super upset and two, because I am somewhat practical and I wouldn't be sure that I would get pregnant again at the same time of year so they might not fit.

[LadyNymeria]

Dec 10, 2015 9:36:59 GMT -5 requiressnacks said:

Question for the CAL ladies....I have maternity clothes being delivered this week that I purchased on Black Friday. Should I return or keep? Will they haunt me in my closet?

If it was something I really liked I would keep it, but put it way back in my closet so I couldn't see it unless I went looking. But if you think catching a glimpse of them in your closet will hurt you, definitely send them back. No deal is worth hanging on to them if seeing them will cause you pain.

I bought a shirt that I had planned to wear for weekly bump pictures each week. After the mc I balled it up and threw it in the back of my closet. Obviously I know it's there, but I can't see it just looking in my closet so it doesn't seem to bother me.