Post by carolyngrace on Dec 16, 2015 19:42:40 GMT -5
DH is hating his job and legit considering staying at home FT - meaning I would go to work FT. We had a long conversation about potential conflicts and issues tonight. I see a ton.
He has no passion for work and no consistent job history. I love my job and could likely support us.
One big question (of many) though: what do people do once their kids are in school full-time? I know some moms continue to stay at home. But if the parent wants to reenter the workforce. How does that work after, hypothetically, 7 to 10 years off? I see this being much harder for my husband then it would be for me. Since I have always been in human and social services, and have the degree to back it up. He has no degree and spotty work history.
It makes me feel pretty uncomfortable. Why the hell would you agree to/suggest this as a pic idea. Nope.
I'm about to have a spiced eggnog mudshake (aka premixed vodka & eggnog in a bottle). Does this sound naaaasty?! I want a drink so badly today, I can't even tell.
DH is hating his job and legit considering staying at home FT - meaning I would go to work FT. We had a long conversation about potential conflicts and issues tonight. I see a ton.
He has no passion for work and no consistent job history. I love my job and could likely support us.
One big question (of many) though: what do people do once their kids are in school full-time? I know some moms continue to stay at home. But if the parent wants to reenter the workforce. How does that work after, hypothetically, 7 to 10 years off? I see this being much harder for my husband then it would be for me. Since I have always been in human and social services, and have the degree to back it up. He has no degree and spotty work history.
I think nowadays listing "stay at home dad" for 5-6 years on a resume is totally acceptable. If he is just working random jobs, I would not consider that as a negative factor to him re-entering the work force. I used to be an office manager and was in charge of hiring new administrative employees. We had a number of applicants who stayed home with children for periods of time and I never saw it as a negative. Again, it depends on the type of work he does. If he is involved in anything technology based then an employer may see it as a bad thing.
Thanks for your input. He was admin, then sales, now a manager at a nonprofit. So yeah, just random. I guess there's always temping and getting hired on from that, which he's done in the past.
DH is hating his job and legit considering staying at home FT - meaning I would go to work FT. We had a long conversation about potential conflicts and issues tonight. I see a ton.
He has no passion for work and no consistent job history. I love my job and could likely support us.
One big question (of many) though: what do people do once their kids are in school full-time? I know some moms continue to stay at home. But if the parent wants to reenter the workforce. How does that work after, hypothetically, 7 to 10 years off? I see this being much harder for my husband then it would be for me. Since I have always been in human and social services, and have the degree to back it up. He has no degree and spotty work history.
This is really tough. I think you have to ask yourself how you will feel about being the sole breadwinner in the family. Are you going to be comfortable allowing him to make financial decisions? Are you going to give him an allowance? Is what he chooses to spend money on going to bother you? Do you want to work FT? Will he truly be happier staying home? Will you resent it?
I feel like many people who leave the workforce and then renter after a period of time have a tough go of things. Especially if they aren't so motivated to begin with. How would he feel about finding a different job that he might like more instead of leaving the workforce now all together?
He's overwhelmed about finding a new job, because he has no idea what he wants to do with his life. He has just bounced around from thing to thing and always ends up saying he hates it after a few years. I have encouraged him to go back to school, or really meditate about what he wants to do, and he still says he has no idea. He said he's excited about staying home. And when I talked about what kind of expectations I would have for cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. he said it sounded reasonable.
I do want to work full-time, and planned to in the next couple years anyway. Honestly, the thought of him being home with our kids rather than having to use full-time childcare makes me feel really good.
I doubt money will be an issue. But I know things can always surprise you! At this point all of our money is pooled, and even though he's the primary breadwinner I definitely spend more of it. Both on household and fun items.
Honestly, I think him reentering the workforce is going to be the biggest issue. Well, and I'm sure we will fight all the time about dividing up housework until we really get it figured out. It would be a huge adjustment. At this point I pretty much take care of everything, even though I work part time.
Post by carolyngrace on Dec 16, 2015 20:58:13 GMT -5
@bubbs119, & Kristykristyleelee, - No, I don't think he really understands what it would be like. At all. How would a trial run work though? He can't really take a week off of work for that.. I guess maybe we could say that he quits his job (once I have a FT one) and we take a month to "try it out". After that he could always look for a job... Other ideas of how to do a trial run?
As I've mentioned before, my mom is daycare for O. She comes to our house every day to watch him and we pay her a reasonable amount to do so. Some days she takes O to her house which is fine. Except my dad smokes and my baby comes home smelling like smoke. He never smokes in the room with O. But O goes into their room to hang out with my mom. And their house smells like smoke. H was walking around tonight trying to figure out what stunk. It was O. He super smelled like smoke. It just clings to everything. Any suggestions on how to broach this topic with my mom? We have a good relationship, if we didn't she wouldn't watch O every day.
@bubbs119 , & Kristykristyleelee , - No, I don't think he really understands what it would be like. At all. How would a trial run work though? He can't really take a week off of work for that.. I guess maybe we could say that he quits his job (once I have a FT one) and we take a month to "try it out". After that he could always look for a job... Other ideas of how to do a trial run?
Can you take a weekend vacation? Leave him with baby for 2 days and see what happens?
I will say that before I stayed home I thought it would be easier than it really is. However as they grow, things are constantly changing. So even if he feels overwhelmed now, he may feel like he has a better grasp on things 3 months in. Plus, he will learn and have a routine that works for him and baby after awhile. So a trial run is not going to be a deciding factor.
I was sick Monday and he had Oscar pretty much all day, including taking him to doctor's appointments. And he loved it. But I think it would definitely have to be more than a 1 day trial run, because being with them day after day is part of what is crazy-making about it. He DOES have a week off over Christmas, so I'll see how he feels about doing a couple days alone with DB.
@jemomma, even though I'm not in the same situation as Carolyn I'm really enjoying reading your posts. Lately I've been struggling a bit ith staying home and feeling some resentment towards DH about some of how we divide up duties and things like that. I think your advice about talking and making check ins a priority is very good. I also like hearing that it gets easier as the routines get established and the kids get older. As a FTM I've found it's gotten easier for me, but I still struggle with figuring out how much I should be letting LO play on his own. I often feel that if he's awake and I'm doing other things I'm not doing my "job" but then I also know he should learn to play alone.
Bluedaisy I'm glad to help! When I first started staying home I hated it. It was about 8 months of just being home with the kids because I didn't know what else to do. As time goes on you learn what they like to do and what you like to do. Its important to get out of the house and to have time to yourself. I say with no shame that my kids spend roughly 1-2 hours per day playing by themselves. I am also a person who holds things in and does not like conflict. It took me awhile to open up about things that were bothering me to my H. We still have issues, mostly me being resentful that he gets more time to himself, but it has gotten a million times better since I started voicing my feelings. I'm sure you will start to feel better and get into a good routine with your LO soon!
Thank you SOOOO much. You have no idea how reassuring this is. I feel so conflicted because I love LO so much and that makes me feel so guilty when I resent DH. I also know that my husband is way better than a lot of guys out there for the amount he does around the house, etc. so that also makes me feel like a selfish brat at times. However I think you are right that it will help if I get out of the house and do stuff more. I think I also need to let LO just play on his own more and I think I will get better at that as he gets older.
I'm only home for 14 months and I think that is part of the conflict. I know I am lucky to have this time and people keep telling me to enjoy it but that just makes me feel worse.
Joolschweets, that is EXACTLY how I feel. It's this juggling act and I feel like there aren't enough hours in the day. And I get frustrated with myself and with DH.
Joolschweets, I am so glad I'm not the only one feeling this way. And admittedly I thought it would be easier. I didn't realize how emotionally charged EVERYTHING seems to be right now.
Oh & I just read the sticky re tinypic. (If you havent already, go read it!) Wtf?! Went back to HDBD & half our pics are gone now...Guess I'll have to figure out another pic site or not post pics.
DNW random pics of the peen :/
Dang, i guess I need to learn something else. Tiny pic was so easy!
Being a SAHM is hard! I had a really hard time adjusting with DS even though it's always what I wanted. Nothing quite prepares you! I mean, just becoming a mom in general really. Like everything, you figure out a routine and stuff eventually, I promise you! I remember the first 6 months being the hardest with him and slowly feeling like I was getting into the groove after that. Especially since having 2 I feel like my days are so short now. GL ladies!!! We could maybe do a SAHM check in once in awhile? It's nice to swap ideas and talk to adults regularily!!
ETA reading backwards and responding first fail-I see this has all been covered. Oops!
Does anyone else watch The Splat on Nickelodeon? I am currently watching stick stickly and reminiscing about my childhood. "Ahh real monsters" is next. I am excited.
I wish I had cable just for this. There was/is a Roku/internet channel that was just all old school Nickelodeon shows. We bought an on-demand subscription and watching old commercials was so great!
Post by holliberry28 on Dec 17, 2015 8:06:17 GMT -5
Also wanted to echo what budders said...2 When I was pregnant, I was sure of the fact that I wanted to be a SAHM, and was so upset to have to go back to work after 3 months or so. But, I found that, after a while, staying home with M all day was very isolating and I felt depressed most of the time.
So Joolschweets and Bluedaisy, I think it's normal to feel the way you do. They require a lot of attention and it's so easy to feel guilty about this or that. I also wish I had a more flexible schedule, but I do like that working gives me alone time. Lunch breaks, commuting, etc. And while I know I'm lucky to have my MIL watching M, but I sort of wish she wasn't an option and we'd send him to daycare so he wasnt getting "raised" just by her all day.
But she retired so I can't really do that to her now and she loves him so much, I just worry she's teaching him Bad habits ( only napping in the stroller) just as an ex.
I asked my dad to come yesterday to stay with the baby for a few hours to give her a break( he's retired) and he was supposed to take him to the park to nap, but instead when to his old job at the MTA and obv. M woke up and messed with the rest of the day. I probably shouldn't be so anal. But, dad seems to be very out of it lately, says stupid shit without thinking, and overall just careless.
Post by carolyngrace on Dec 17, 2015 9:34:24 GMT -5
Kristykristyleelee, That's so true. And when DH and I talked this morning (again) about being a SAHD he said his main concern is that he would at times feel like he wasn't contributing enough or doing enough. I said "So.. you'll have the same struggles as most SAHM's?" I mean, there not any "perfect" set-up, unless you happen to be from a ton of money and can truly pick your destiny. And even then, I bet people constantly second guess their choices.
Post by carolyngrace on Dec 17, 2015 9:36:29 GMT -5
I applied to 4 hospital social worker positions last night. Reading the descriptions made me kind of excited! I love doing therapy, and think it's what I will do in the long-term. But spending a few years in a more high-paced environment where I have to think on my toes would be interesting.
It's crazy because being a hospital social worker is pretty much the only thing I can do full-time with my degree (MSW) that pays well. Until I get licensed. After that I can do therapy and get paid just as well (or better).
Then Comes Family, LLC is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising
program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.