Before lo

[penguin129]

I voted 2+ too. We wanted 2 and DH still does. Our experience with my post delivery scares us both about having more.

[Deleted]

I'd say 'before seriously discussing kids' I thought 3 would be great. It soon became 'let's see how we handle one, and go from there'. So far, neither of us has really felt the desire to add.

[smalltownmoon]

I said 2, maybe 3; DH has always said 1. There was a time we debated being DINKs, too.

[esmerelda]

I wanted 5. I came from a big family and wanted that so bad. But the realization of parenting 5 kids... No thank you.

[waffles]

I wanted between 3-5. Now the thought of 3-5 gives me a panic attack. Lol

[tonksy]

We both always discussed 2.

[purplehaze11]

We always said 2-3, until we had DD. Then we debated being OAD, but ultimately decided to have two. Two miscarriages later.. Who knows now!

[namastebiotches]

We once in a while mentioned 2, 3 was max.

[kld2014]

When we were TTC H was OAD, I was pretty sure I was OAD but not 100%. Now that we have her, I can't imagine, the thought of DD plus another is terrifying. It helps that we're medically done so there's not really any "what if's."

[dmlk413]

I wanted to have one and see how it went.

[chapter79]

I always assumed two, as did H.
But we decided WAY early in pregnancy that we were both OAD. My pregnancy was so high risk and every day of it sucked. Then it was clenched when she came and we felt complete. But yeah- pre-pregnancy we were "2".

[TheEleventhHour]

I voted possibly OAD because before I was pregnant anytime we talked about kids we were between 0-2. I say 0 because we hadn't planned to even have kids until my 30s (at least 32, possibly later, due to medical school but lol I ended up HATING med school) so it was a very small possibility we just wouldn't have any. Once I was pregnant, at 26 much younger than I ever thought, we were both firmly OAD but now we waver every once and awhile as you all know

[lainikins]

We always said 2, then my niece and nephew came to visit. I did not think it was too crazy, but DH was then dead set on just one. I still wanted 2.

[Deleted]

I always felt I'd be content with 1, but DH didn't want an only child, so we settled on 2. That sounded fine to me before DS, I thought about how sweet the sibling relationship would be.. but now that he's here I'm content.

[skategirl128]

When DS' father was alive the plan was 2-3. When he died I was still pretty young and thought I'd have another if the right guy came along. I did get pg again but lost that LO. With that and other health issues afterwards SO and I are OAD.

[sandandsea]

We always said 2. Before thinking seriously about kids and while babysitting in high school I thought 4 would be amazing. When ttgp we started thinking 1 sounded nice so we hopped on the fence.

[Deleted]

I always knew that I wanted just one. DH wanted to play it by ear but now he's super happy with just one.

[tarheelmom]

DH told me on our first date that he only wanted one (he has 3 siblings); I just wanted at LEAST one.

I only have one older sister, but we had a very poor relationship growing up, and even now -- I think that being within 18 months of each other highly contributed to our issues. She long ago decided she would never have children -- she never wanted or liked babies, including her baby sister.

I think 3-4 years apart is the ideal sibling separation, so I have a hard time jumping off the fence (either way) until we reach that window. I can't 100% predict how I'll feel 6-12 months from now.

[TheEleventhHour]

tarheelmom I also feel like I will be on the fence until my preferred age gap is closed. I think I was more set on OAD when DS was younger because I could never imagine 2u2 but as DS gets older I am less sure because 3-4 years difference would be great. I said the other day I will never be 100% OAD until DS turns 5 because I'd never want a gap bigger than that.

[eyenigh]

We never wanted any-- more me than my husband even and I was always very vocal about it. I never had any interest in having kids though I don't have a general dislike for kids or anything. I just didn't want it. Then when I turned 36, the stupid biological clock that I was sure was broken inside me woke up and started ticking. I tried to ignore it because I felt like I was betraying my childless platform. I knew then that either I was going to ignore it and have none or have one and hope like hell I got a boy. Got it. Done. (I picked SS since it was Either none or one if we went that way.)

[eyenigh]

Feb 1, 2015 21:34:32 GMT -5 tarheelmom said:

DH told me on our first date that he only wanted one (he has 3 siblings); I just wanted at LEAST one.

I only have one older sister, but we had a very poor relationship growing up, and even now -- I think that being within 18 months of each other highly contributed to our issues. She long ago decided she would never have children -- she never wanted or liked babies, including her baby sister.

I think 3-4 years apart is the ideal sibling separation, so I have a hard time jumping off the fence (either way) until we reach that window. I can't 100% predict how I'll feel 6-12 months from now.

See, I would think the exact opposite. My sister and I are 4 years apart and have a horrible relationship. Aside from the fact that we're very different people, it was always just hard to coordinate with that gap. We were never in the same school at the same time, we never rode the same bus or were really around each other during those growing up years to possibly share activities or have fun. If I could go back and make a suggestion to my mom, I'd say 2 or 2.5 years, tops. I have good friends that are 18 months apart and they may as well be twins. They're best friends, do everything together and just generally like each other. I was always jealous of that closeness. Who knows, though, maybe it's all about personalities no matter what. 

[tarheelmom]

Feb 1, 2015 22:08:43 GMT -5 eyenigh said:

Feb 1, 2015 21:34:32 GMT -5 tarheelmom said:

DH told me on our first date that he only wanted one (he has 3 siblings); I just wanted at LEAST one.

I only have one older sister, but we had a very poor relationship growing up, and even now -- I think that being within 18 months of each other highly contributed to our issues. She long ago decided she would never have children -- she never wanted or liked babies, including her baby sister.

I think 3-4 years apart is the ideal sibling separation, so I have a hard time jumping off the fence (either way) until we reach that window. I can't 100% predict how I'll feel 6-12 months from now.

See, I would think the exact opposite. My sister and I are 4 years apart and have a horrible relationship. Aside from the fact that we're very different people, it was always just hard to coordinate with that gap. We were never in the same school at the same time, we never rode the same bus or were really around each other during those growing up years to possibly share activities or have fun. If I could go back and make a suggestion to my mom, I'd say 2 or 2.5 years, tops. I have good friends that are 18 months apart and they may as well be twins. They're best friends, do everything together and just generally like each other. I was always jealous of that closeness. Who knows, though, maybe it's all about personalities no matter what. 

Maybe it is more about the personalities - my sister and I couldn't be more different.  She always thought I was trying to compete with her, or one-up her when I was just trying to do my own thing.  Anytime I did something well, she resented it.  For my DH and his siblings, they never had any feeling of competition because they were far enough apart, it was irrelevant.

[eyenigh]

Feb 1, 2015 22:14:05 GMT -5 tarheelmom said:

Feb 1, 2015 22:08:43 GMT -5 eyenigh said:

See, I would think the exact opposite. My sister and I are 4 years apart and have a horrible relationship. Aside from the fact that we're very different people, it was always just hard to coordinate with that gap. We were never in the same school at the same time, we never rode the same bus or were really around each other during those growing up years to possibly share activities or have fun. If I could go back and make a suggestion to my mom, I'd say 2 or 2.5 years, tops. I have good friends that are 18 months apart and they may as well be twins. They're best friends, do everything together and just generally like each other. I was always jealous of that closeness. Who knows, though, maybe it's all about personalities no matter what. 

Maybe it is more about the personalities - my sister and I couldn't be more different.  She always thought I was trying to compete with her, or one-up her when I was just trying to do my own thing.  Anytime I did something well, she resented it.  For my DH and his siblings, they never had any feeling of competition because they were far enough apart, it was irrelevant.

Your experience sounds a lot like my sister and me. Always jealous and resentful. Always a victim of some supposed way that I had wronged her. It sucks. I would have liked to have a decent sister, instead I just have someone who caused me mostly nothing but hurt and abandoned me when I really needed a sister. I haven't even spoken to her in almost 3 years. 

[casey]

I always said I'd be ok with zero or two. DH envisioned one. Now, I'm OAD and he's happy with one or one more.

[Deleted]

Feb 1, 2015 22:08:43 GMT -5 eyenigh said:

Feb 1, 2015 21:34:32 GMT -5 tarheelmom said:

DH told me on our first date that he only wanted one (he has 3 siblings); I just wanted at LEAST one.

I only have one older sister, but we had a very poor relationship growing up, and even now -- I think that being within 18 months of each other highly contributed to our issues. She long ago decided she would never have children -- she never wanted or liked babies, including her baby sister.

I think 3-4 years apart is the ideal sibling separation, so I have a hard time jumping off the fence (either way) until we reach that window. I can't 100% predict how I'll feel 6-12 months from now.

See, I would think the exact opposite. My sister and I are 4 years apart and have a horrible relationship. Aside from the fact that we're very different people, it was always just hard to coordinate with that gap. We were never in the same school at the same time, we never rode the same bus or were really around each other during those growing up years to possibly share activities or have fun. If I could go back and make a suggestion to my mom, I'd say 2 or 2.5 years, tops. I have good friends that are 18 months apart and they may as well be twins. They're best friends, do everything together and just generally like each other. I was always jealous of that closeness. Who knows, though, maybe it's all about personalities no matter what. 

I say it's personality 100%. DH has four siblings. The age difference is huge with most of them, 20 years, 19 years, 7 years and the 4 years. He's super close to his sister that is 20 years older, and his youngest brother that's 4 years younger. His other siblings have personality clashes with him.

I'm the same way with my brothers. I'm close to my brother that is 11 years older than me. Not close to my brother that's 10 years older, and working on a relationship with my brother that's 8 years older.

I guess you just have to role the dice and hope.

[helenahhandbasket]

I always pictured 2, but my impending divorce and AMA status make it look like it will just be the one for me, unless situations change drastically in a fairly quick fashion.

[helenahhandbasket]

Feb 1, 2015 21:58:42 GMT -5 eyenigh said:

We never wanted any-- more me than my husband even and I was always very vocal about it. I never had any interest in having kids though I don't have a general dislike for kids or anything. I just didn't want it. Then when I turned 36, the stupid biological clock that I was sure was broken inside me woke up and started ticking. I tried to ignore it because I felt like I was betraying my childless platform. I knew then that either I was going to ignore it and have none or have one and hope like hell I got a boy. Got it. Done. (I picked SS since it was Either none or one if we went that way.)

Funny-- I always said no kids for me also, then I just woke up one day and wanted to be a mom.  I was about to turn 30-- so not sure if that milestone had something to do with it or not.

[BostonKisses]

SS: I was hoping for 2, and DH was hoping for 2-3, but with our IF issues we knew that there was always a possibility that we'd end up O&D because of the unknowns surrounding treatments and all. So we were kind of bracing ourselves for the possibility of being O&D right away, and were starting to come to terms with it, but were still kind of hoping that we could have 1 more.

[TheEleventhHour]

I definitely think sibling relationships are more about personality and less about age difference. My sister is 5 years younger. We didn't have a lot in common growing up because of the age difference. We are closer now that we are older but we will never be super close just because we are polar opposites. We certainly don't talk every day but we don't dislike each other. My mom is one of 7 and of her 6 siblings she's closet with her oldest and youngest siblings which is a 5 year age difference on either side.

[tomorrowisanotherday]

I can't see the poll on mobile, but I always said I wanted a big family (not Duggar big, but at least 4-6). Boy did that change! DH has always said he is OaD. He says we can do more financially (for us and LO), and now that we are blessed to have one healthy, awesome little boy. I'm trying to appreciate everything in case we really are OaD; right now the plan is to get an IUD and if we make it the 5 years I will definitely be done because I don't want that big of a age gap. I am happy with one right now, and glad that I get to SAH and cherish the experience! My only concern is how being OaD will affect adult life (his and ours)...