Post by carolyngrace on Jan 28, 2016 12:01:37 GMT -5
You all know my DH can be the worst when it comes to housework etc... Classic boy raised by a SAHM who expected very little of him. So I'm not sharing this to be an ass, but because there's hope!
This week I've been extra busy, so I've let everything slide instead of killing myself. This morning it looked like a bomb went off in our house. EVERYTHING is a mess. DH was sleeping soundly as I got me and DB ready before work. When I needed his help I put DB on the bed and told him "I need your help to get out the door". Not mean, but very direct. Then I grabbed DB and ran out the door.
I just got a text: " I'd like to help get the house in order tonight. Let me know what I can do."
Praise Jesus. In the past I would have nagged or hinted and we would have fought. Small win.
Post by mrsmonogrammed on Jan 28, 2016 12:05:10 GMT -5
Anybody else dealing with stupid little regrowth from PP hair loss? I constantly look like I stuck my finger in a light socket thanks to all these little hairs standing up everywhere-__-
On a good note, have not had a "I'm bored" snack today! ::pats self on back::
Post by billyhorrible on Jan 28, 2016 12:33:21 GMT -5
kemdupuis - I grew up in a skewed version of a house like yours. My parents didn't necessarily pull equal weight, but they definitely each did their part. When I was little that meant my dad did a lot because my mom was working and going to school. So for me, it's always been a given that everyone pitches in.
Our division of labor used to be similar to yours, where at the end of the night DH was on the couch with a beer and I was making dinners, lunches, washing dishes, pumping, getting everything together for the next day, etc. It's just not sustainable and I was resentful. We've switched things around a bit, and now things are better. In fact, I look forward to our evenings where I'm prepping meals while DH washes the dishes. It's some nice "us" time every night where we can talk without being distracted by kids and television. I hope you are able to work something similar out.
Post by mrsdee1982 on Jan 28, 2016 12:44:54 GMT -5
Morning all.
C had the worst night she's had in a LOOOOONG time last night. Awesome sauce.
Plus, yesterday the transmission in DH's truck blew. So we're on the hook for $3,500 to rebuild that plus probably about $400 to rent a car since it's going to take 2 weeks.
Plus plus, I too had to have a CTJ talk with DH last night. He is really bad about drawing boundaries with his work. Therefore, they tend to abuse his time and his schedule. His schedule was finally in an awesome place for us, and it stayed that way for 2 weeks. Now he is back to working 70+ hours a week, 6 days a week, unstable day's off, and then on his day off spending half of the night answering work emails/phone calls/texts. I finally told him last night that this doesn't work for our family anymore. It is now a detriment to our marriage and his ability to parent. He has been pressuring me for a while to start trying for BabyDee 2.0, and I've been telling him "when C turns 1, we'll talk". Well, last night I told him I had to take it off the table now. I am not willing to even discuss a second baby until his work schedule is a more manageable schedule for a man with a wife and small child(ren) at home. He says he totally gets where I am coming from and he will be having a conversation with the owner on Friday. We'll see…fingers crossed.
billyhorrible- yes. I am totally OK with skewed division of labor because he does work more than 40 hours a week, and most of the stuff I would rather do on my own anyway. But, DH needs to do SOMETHING. And he needs to treat it like his job every night. I shouldn't have to say "hey, can you take care of the dishes" it should just be a given, just like it is a given that I figure out dinner.
To be fair, he does do things sometimes. Just not consistently. And he likes to do them on his own schedule, which isn't fair because it holds me up from getting other things taken care of in a timely manner. So then I just end up doing the chore I was asking him to do in the first place.
We absolutely need to have a conversation about it but I seriously think I need to put it off because I am still fuming. I was really pissed that he crapped on my parents, too. I've been waiting/hoping he would text me today to say sorry, but nothing so far.
I posted a pic of my niece 3 years ago today. A and her look so much alike it's cray!
Any other US peeps do their taxes yet? I'm sorely disappointed at how little A seemed to impact them. I know every tax scenario is different and based upon your earnings, tax bracket, bla bla. But like we're getting almost the same amount back we got last year. Wtf man?
It made a difference of 1k for us. I know because I use h&r block online and it shows your estimated rebate on the side. It jumped up when I added db's info. Not sure related to last year because I also worked much less.
To be fair, he does do things sometimes. Just not consistently. And he likes to do them on his own schedule, which isn't fair because it holds me up from getting other things taken care of in a timely manner. So then I just end up doing the chore I was asking him to do in the first place.
THIS. This drives me crazy. I can't tell you the number of times I've heard "well you didn't have to do it, I was going to do it." Really? It's been sitting there for 3 days. How long am I supposed to wait?
kemdupuis it must be in the air. I mentioned this already but I had CTJ with DH this morning after running around like a crazy person getting N and I ready for the day. I text him my frustrations that had been built up recently. I told him we are partners and I am not his mother. Thankfully he was responsive and acknowledged his laziness. I feel like we do this every few months. Its quite frustrating.
Do you still have the cleaning person coming to help? That was you a while back I think?
I'm sorry you're dealing with this too. My sentiments exactly, though- I am not his mother. Hoping my DH will be able to acknowledge his laziness too.
Yeah, cleaning person is coming once a month right now. It's great for the week and a half following her visit, and then the house really needs to be cleaned again, so that's been kind of a battle. B took a really long nap on Saturday this week, so I got a lot of the cleaning done then, which was good. It's more the day-to-day stuff, though. Like, would it kill him to put his dishes IN the dishwasher, instead of on the counter next to it?! Or MAYBE wipe down a counter after he dumps coffee grinds all over it every morning?!
I brought up that I need to get on the cleaning lady's schedule for Feb. because his parents are coming to visit and I DNW to have to scramble to clean my house before they come during the middle of the week, but he was all "I thought we were just trying it for 3 months" and I was like "well, nothing has changed. So until something changes, I'm having her come every month". Ugh.
Post by billyhorrible on Jan 28, 2016 13:47:09 GMT -5
So my upper arm hurts like I scraped it against something, just rolled up my sleeve to see an angry red line almost from pit to elbow - three blistery/hivey looking things on one end.
Just texted a picture to my mom to see if she thinks something crawled under my skin.
You all know my DH can be the worst when it comes to housework etc... Classic boy raised by a SAHM who expected very little of him. So I'm not sharing this to be an ass, but because there's hope!
This week I've been extra busy, so I've let everything slide instead of killing myself. This morning it looked like a bomb went off in our house. EVERYTHING is a mess. DH was sleeping soundly as I got me and DB ready before work. When I needed his help I put DB on the bed and told him "I need your help to get out the door". Not mean, but very direct. Then I grabbed DB and ran out the door.
I just got a text: " I'd like to help get the house in order tonight. Let me know what I can do."
Praise Jesus. In the past I would have nagged or hinted and we would have fought. Small win.
Your DH sounds a lot like mine... he wants to help me, but he just doesn't self-motivate. We had a blow-out last week about how I was feeling resentful and doing everything, and he was mad because he thought I was doing ok because I don't necessarily want to have to ask him for everything (think the scene from "The Break-up" where Jennifer Aniston tells Vince Vaughn "I want you to want to do the dishes"). Long story short - I'm trying to get over feeling like a nag, and just asking him to unload the dishes, or watch the baby for an hour. We've been doing much better the last week or so, so I'm hoping we can keep it up!
@bubbs119 - I feel your pain. Same situation at my house.
DH and I got in a fight last night. He didn't get home until 7:30 because he was bringing a customer out to dinner and then they had a few drinks. Fine. I was nursing B and trying to get him to sleep when DH got home. I hadn't had a chance to even make myself a sandwich for dinner because B was super clingy yesterday and did not want to be put down.
I finally got B to bed (after DH kept stimulating him and playing with him while I was trying to nurse/get him to calm down for the night) around 8pm, and then I go to make myself a sandwich. I still had a ton of crap to do- unloading/reloading the dishwasher, packing B's bag and getting his bottles/food together for today, cleaning up the living room, cleaning up the kitchen from B's beet mess, cleaning up his tub, packing my own lunch and pumping stuff, getting the mail, laundry... etc. Tons of stuff to do. Instead of helping, DH sat his butt down on the couch and started playing on his phone and drinking a beer. I asked him to help me a few times and then he just blew up at me. Saying that he wouldn't be my "whipping boy" and that he wouldn't allow me to turn into my mother.
Background: both of my parents were full time teachers growing up, and they both did chores around the house daily. Mom cooked dinner, did general cleaning, laundry, got us packed up for the next day, etc. Dad was in charge of trash, the dishwasher, sweeping/vacuuming floors, etc. Point being, they both pitched in on a daily basis. DH's mom stayed at home. She did everything cooking/cleaning/kid related. She picked up all the dishes from the table, cleaned up after everyone's mess, basically catered to her husband and her kids.
I think DH thinks that I need to be more like his mom, but I work full time. Last night, I seriously asked him to handle the dishes, and he freaked out. I know he is tired. I am too. But seriously, I feel like if your spouse is working to get a bunch of things cleaned up/accomplished and you're sitting on the couch drinking a beer, maybe you should offer to pitch in? He knows what needs to get done on a nightly basis. I feel like I shouldn't have to ask him for help.
Ugh. That was long. If no one read it, that's fine. I just needed to vent.
This would not fly with me at all. You are a team and that means getting things done in the house together. He needs to realize it is 2016 where men and woman share the responsibilities in the house. At home if i cook dinner Dh does the dishes afterwards, if he cooks dinner I do the dishes. He needs to realize that he cant just come home and sit on the couch like he did before you guys had B. I hope he slept on the couch last night!
kemdupuis, seriously the dishwasher thing is my house EVERY day....my DH is great around the house genereally but I sometimes think he figures there's a dish fairy to put the dishes in the dishwasher.
Post by musicfrk2002 on Jan 28, 2016 14:10:15 GMT -5
J is Mr crankypants today. Tried to put him in a back carry because I have a crap ton to get done...epic fail. How the heck am I supposed to reach behind my back to grab his foot and pull him across my back? My arms don't work correctly. I tried swinging him over superman style, but then I couldn't get the carrier up over him.
I think he is falling asleep in his room now though. Hopefully.
kemdupuis it must be in the air. I mentioned this already but I had CTJ with DH this morning after running around like a crazy person getting N and I ready for the day. I text him my frustrations that had been built up recently. I told him we are partners and I am not his mother. Thankfully he was responsive and acknowledged his laziness. I feel like we do this every few months. Its quite frustrating.
Do you still have the cleaning person coming to help? That was you a while back I think?
Haven't read all the comments but this is definitely us too. We keep having this cycle of get your shit together because if I'm doing everything around here then I'm staying home to do it and you can effing support us...oh that's not happening? great well then me doing everything isn't happening EITHER! I told him you are a grown ass man who managed to take care of shit on your own just fine before I came along. He says that he doesn't want me always telling him what to do around the house and nagging him. I said well good cause I'm not your mother and I don't want to be. So go ahead and take a look around at what NEEDS to be done and do it so that I don't have to say a fucking word to you about it. I also threw in after he told me I wasn't grateful enough when he does stuff around the house that I don't EVER get a thank you...I'm just expected to do it and be happy about it. So no I'm sorry you don't get a fucking head pat every time you do something that has to be done like a grown up!
Clearly this is a hot button for us too and the dishes and bottles and trash now get done. It took a pretty heated argument with crying and the whole 9 though. But now we make an effort to say thank you to the other person for doing things and the nagging has gone down to almost nil.
I just read this post on FB yesterday and passed it to my husband to read...
So this happened, sent an email to my boss asking the status of my promotion. Replied to an email he sent to my group this morning and must have clicked reply to all because e.ve.ry.one got my email too. Womp womp.
So my upper arm hurts like I scraped it against something, just rolled up my sleeve to see an angry red line almost from pit to elbow - three blistery/hivey looking things on one end.
Just texted a picture to my mom to see if she thinks something crawled under my skin.
Post by sugarkissed on Jan 28, 2016 15:25:15 GMT -5
I'm with you all on the husband issues. DH is pretty useless with keeping the house clean, but complains when he can't find stuff. He also comes home so tired and I feel like asking him to watch the kids for something as simple as a shower is such a chore for him. Maybe go to bed earlier instead of playing video games?
J is Mr crankypants today. Tried to put him in a back carry because I have a crap ton to get done...epic fail. How the heck am I supposed to reach behind my back to grab his foot and pull him across my back? My arms don't work correctly. I tried swinging him over superman style, but then I couldn't get the carrier up over him.
I think he is falling asleep in his room now though. Hopefully.
What carrier do you have?
The superman style makes me nervous, but that's what my bestie does.
I think the key to all of the back carries is to tabletop your back, so that you don't have to keep both hands on the baby. Then you have a free hand to flip the carrier up over his back.
Hi, all. Checking in. This whole situation sucks. Everything is planned to happen Saturday. My house is invaded by all the people. I'm exhausted. Owen is getting his first tooth and is ridiculously constipated. Thanks kiddo for the distraction.
Please keep praying for us all.
Edit to add: The local paper decided to cover my father's death IN DETAIL INCLUDING HIS NAME on the front page yesterday. Since it was related to the snow storm. Thanks, assholes.
I had the same issues with my DH also kemdupuis. I agree with the others that you need to have a serious talk with your H and lay it all out on the table. I had to do this several times with my H since we've been living together/married, and it has helped. Although there usually is a regression every few months. Hope you resolve some things tonight and he understands why you're so upset.
I've been feeling really down again. I've been comparing M way too much to other babies and worried that he's not propped on all fours, that he doesn't hold a bottle, etc etc. To the point where I'm in a constant state of anxiety. I know I need to stop worrying so much, but I'm just having a hard time keeping the irrational thoughts in check. It probably doesn't help that we've had 4 am wakeups for 8 weeks straight. It seems we've tried everything, I don't know what else to do or try. Just needed to vent.
jessila thinking of you and your family. Also prune juice helps a lot for the constipation.
holliberry28 I totally get your anxiety and comparing to other babies. I do it all the time. My little one is small for his age and younger than the other babies we hang out with which makes it so much worse. The thing that finally helped was having his Dr. tell me that he's perfectly healthy and will do things at his own pace.
@kej0004 hugs to you over work stress and exhaustion.
Post by prettymama36 on Jan 28, 2016 16:42:13 GMT -5
I've been feeling really down again. I've been comparing M way too much to other babies and worried that he's not propped on all fours, that he doesn't hold a bottle, etc etc. To the point where I'm in a constant state of anxiety. I know I need to stop worrying so much, but I'm just having a hard time keeping the irrational thoughts in check. It probably doesn't help that we've had 4 am wakeups for 8 weeks straight. It seems we've tried everything, I don't know what else to do or try. Just needed to vent. [/quote]
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. FWIW Owen isn't holding a bottle or even close to attempting to crawl. He's content to be a blob. I'm not worried about any of this because the truth is they all get there in their own time. It's so much more work once they are mobile! In a couple of months, none of that will matter. Lack of sleep does mess with your thoughts, that's for sure. ETA quote fail holliberry28 I see @jemomma has covered this
kemdupuis it must be in the air. I mentioned this already but I had CTJ with DH this morning after running around like a crazy person getting N and I ready for the day. I text him my frustrations that had been built up recently. I told him we are partners and I am not his mother. Thankfully he was responsive and acknowledged his laziness. I feel like we do this every few months. Its quite frustrating.
Do you still have the cleaning person coming to help? That was you a while back I think?
Haven't read all the comments but this is definitely us too. We keep having this cycle of get your shit together because if I'm doing everything around here then I'm staying home to do it and you can effing support us...oh that's not happening? great well then me doing everything isn't happening EITHER! I told him you are a grown ass man who managed to take care of shit on your own just fine before I came along. He says that he doesn't want me always telling him what to do around the house and nagging him. I said well good cause I'm not your mother and I don't want to be. So go ahead and take a look around at what NEEDS to be done and do it so that I don't have to say a fucking word to you about it. I also threw in after he told me I wasn't grateful enough when he does stuff around the house that I don't EVER get a thank you...I'm just expected to do it and be happy about it. So no I'm sorry you don't get a fucking head pat every time you do something that has to be done like a grown up!
Clearly this is a hot button for us too and the dishes and bottles and trash now get done. It took a pretty heated argument with crying and the whole 9 though. But now we make an effort to say thank you to the other person for doing things and the nagging has gone down to almost nil.
I just read this post on FB yesterday and passed it to my husband to read...
Post by jillywilly on Jan 28, 2016 16:50:43 GMT -5
jessila, prayers for you, your family, and your sanity continuing. holliberry28, I could have written your post word for word. I know we're not supposed to compare babies, but I'm pretty sure we all do to some degree. DS doesn't even remotely begin to prop himself on all fours, and has no idea that holding his own bottle is a "thing" - he much prefers to use his hands to hit the bottle, or play with my shirt, necklace, etc., I don't think it's ever remotely occurred to him to grab it for himself. If it makes you feel better, I was super anxious about the fact that he was essentially stationary up until seriously a couple nights ago, no he can scoot himself fairly well backwards. We're nowhere near crawling, but we made marked progress - and it literally happened overnight with no warning. I actually talked to my mom about why DS wasn't moving, and she told me to a) shut it and stop worrying and then b) pulled out my baby book, and pointed out I didn't start crawling until 9 months. DH's mom always talks about how he never crawled, he started walking at 10 months - we both think of ourselves as capable, intelligent adults. All babies truly just do what they want when they want, regardless of the amount of worrying we do. I've also started to take a half hour or an hour to just do something totally non-baby related to myself most days, either reading, or exercising, whatever, and I've found that has helped my anxiety level with how DS is doing (for now at least).
I'm with you all on the husband issues. DH is pretty useless with keeping the house clean, but complains when he can't find stuff. He also comes home so tired and I feel like asking him to watch the kids for something as simple as a shower is such a chore for him. Maybe go to bed earlier instead of playing video games?
We really blow up when DH stays up playing video games and then is tired and crabby (or worse, takes a long nap) the following day. For fucks sakes dude! Lol I get mad just thinking about it.
Regarding baby milestones: No crawling or up on all fours yet either. It's easy to feel worried your kids are behind on a place like FB or a forum, because people are posting to celebrate what their kids ARE doing, not what they aren't. KWIM?
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