Vent?

[britbratjf]

I dont even know where to start. Dagny whines all the time and won't nap anymore. Freya cries, sleeps terribly & refuses to eat anywhere but the changing table in her room.It's a huge fight to get her to take a bottle. This morning she woke at 6 to eat then went back to sleep until 8:30. I couldn't get her to eat before we left for Dagnys swim lessons so by the time those were over at 10 Freya was getting super fussy wanting to eat. I tried to feed her in the bathroom there but she wasn't having it. Screamed all the way home, Dagny whined the whole way home & I cried the whole way home. I feel like all I do is yell at Dagny which makes her more upset. I have moments every day where I regret having a second child because I feel like it's made me a terrible parent. Then I feel awful for thinking that because of course I love Freya. Even getting away for a few hours is stressful because I worry the whole time that Freya isn't eating. I just feel like an awful person and mother. Please tell me it gets better. I thought it would be by 4 months but honestly it's worse than in the beginning since F won't sleep or eat anywhere but home.

[somethingcleverer]

Awww big hugs. It's so hard with two. When Aubrey was a baby she hated everyone except me and Tim and wouldn't let anyone else feed her. She did eat some for my mom but usually waited for me to get home. I feel like things started to improve some around 9-12 months but the most improvement came after a year.

Could it be something more? Allergies/intolerance/gerd? Freya's problems sound like there could be more to them. Aubrey was fussy and stubborn but she was ok when I was around even in strange places.

[britbratjf]

somethingcleverer honestly I think a lot of daytime fussiness is due to frustration (wanting to move around/play with big big sis) and over tiredness since she fights naps hardcore. Nighttime wake ups where she just cried but won't eat are usually gas (probably from all the crying) but I've tried gripe water & gas drops & neither really helped much. Her poops are normal & she does smile/laugh/play so it's not like she's constantly crying. It's just very very frustrating that she won't eat anywhere else because it severely limits our outings which isn't fair to Dagny. Honestly all I want to do it switch to bottles but Freya won't take them and I feel guilty doing that because 1) I BFd Dagny for a year and 2) $$

[sarahandeddie]

From what I remember 4 months is a growth spurt and developmental milestones. She just has a lot going on right now. It will get easier. DD#1 was only 22 months when Avery was born. I had the same thoughts about having a second. Hopefully she'll get easier in regards to eating soon. I can only imagine how frustrating that is.

Avery can also be super whiny. I think it's just part of being 3. I know that's not very helpful but you're not alone.

[nursedesi]

I'm sorry that your having such a tough time right now. Having 2 is so much harder than one.

I for sure raise my voice at Henry way more than I want to. And I've cried from being frustrated too.

I hope that its just the 4 month milestones for you and that F gets everything figured out soon.

[vanessalc]

First off, you are a GREAT mom and a GREAT person. You have all my respect and sympathy. I hope it all gets easier... I mean it has to, right?!

[britbratjf]

Thanks so much ladies The bottle refusal has been the biggest issue for me because I don't feel like I can "get away" at all. Very overwhelming. I needed some good J12 love

[laurski81]

Big hugs girl. Have you tried wearing her when you are out. Cece was the same way and it's honestly all that worked. She would also nurse while I was wearing her too and that helped a ton.

[tribute17]

I'm sorry britbratjf,. Mine isn't quite as bad but I'm there with you too. And it has been way worse with H gone. Will eats well but starting around 4:00 pm he wants to be held and not laying down. He used to be happy laying on his playmat or on a blanket on the floor and watching us play. Now he wants to sit up but can't so he sits between my legs playing or chewing on something while I try to play with Patrick. Patrick gets annoyed because I don't fully play with him or if I put Will down then he cries the whole time we are playing. And then when I have to feed Will, Patrick gets annoyed and starts acting up knowing that I will have to come over to deal with him. He is starting to sleep better but I'm up usually 3-4 times a night with him. I don't know how single parents do it.

I don't have the breast feeding guilt because it didn't work out with either of them so they are both bottle fed babies. It is easy for me to say this so please don't take offense but I would switch to bottles (if she will let you), at least for part of the day so you can go out. I don't really know how to get babies to take bottles so I know it is easier said than done. A little sanity goes a long way though. I also notice that Patrick acts up waaaay more when he isn't getting enough attention. Even laying with him for 20 minutes at night instead of 10 or playing one extra game while Will is asleep instead of making dinner has helped his behavior. It may help with Dagny if you can get a little time one on one with her while H feeds F. Maybe?

It is hard and I do think that it will get easier, hopefully. But I always feel like I'm letting down one kid or the other. I know that in the end it will be fine and I never feel like I missed out on time because I had a brother and sister. The guilt is hard though. I will say that I truly believe the guilt of not exclusively breast feeding would go away knowing you had a little more time for each of them. My doctor told me when I was still pumping and crying in her office that the post pregnancy hormones stay around when you are pumping and that once I stopped then the guilt and sadness would lessen. And it did. Again, I haven't been there so please don't take this the wrong way and obviously make the decision that is best for you.

I know you were mostly just venting and didn't really ask for advice so feel free to ignore. I can commiserate and hopefully it will get easier sooner rather than later.

[bantyrooster]

Hugs!! You and me are the same. I feel like I constantly yell at gage or put him in front of the TV. Ellison doesn't sleep and is horrible to put to bed so we never go anywhere. I honestly don't think people could handle her and can't have fun knowing she is at home crying.

[mightybee]

Hugs girl! Having 2 has definitely been more of a challenge than I expected. I often feel like there isn't enough of me to give and both get the short end of the stick a lot. And then I'm left with no stick!

My experience has been it gets better, then worse, then easier, then hard again. Basically, when I feel like we get the hang of some thing, a new challenge arises. But there are definitely more easy days now that P is a mobile toddler.

I hope you catch some easier days soon. I know this is also your hard time with your H working so much. All of that 'on" time as mom is soooo draining. Vent away!

[sarahandeddie]

Jan 28, 2016 14:08:08 GMT -5 britbratjf said:

Thanks so much ladies The bottle refusal has been the biggest issue for me because I don't feel like I can "get away" at all. Very overwhelming. I needed some good J12 love

I can 100% relate. Avery never took a bottle and it was very frustrating. At some point I just accepted the fact that I wouldn't get much "me" time for awhile. I would do quick trips out alone in between feeding every once in awhile and it did get a bit easier as she got older and spaced out her feedings. The good news is she won't nurse forever. As I look back I do cherish all the time I spent with her, even though I may have been frustrated at the time.

It does get easier - I promise. She's still new and you're still getting to know her. It also takes time to find your groove as a mom of two. Cut yourself some slack and try to breath. All of this will be much easier in a few months.

[britbratjf]

laurski81 I do have a K'atan I've worn her in a few times but she just looks around, won't fall asleep and I don't really think I could nurse in it. I have an Ergo but she isn't a fan yet, I'll keep trying.

tribute17 it's helpful to know I'm not alone!! I'm really debating switching to bottles but it's my H's busy season at work right now so I would be bottle feeding alone too although it would probably be easier for being out & about. I'm trying to stick it out to 6 months & if she's still acting like this I'll work on switching her to bottles or cups. I wonder if she would take formula better out of a bottle?

mightybee you are correct. I'm basically single parenting it at the moment which is exhusting too and everything's just wearing on me. Thank god it's a short session & I only have to deal with it through March instead of May

[xanthepants]

I don't have any good advice since I don't know what it's like with 2. But I can offer Hugs girl. I will get better though and you are a great mom. We all have our days we run short on patience. They still love us warts and all.

[MissMusic]

Good lord, so you have a threenager and a baby going through a milestone?! Its a miracle you're put together at all! You are doing everything you can just to get through the day, so please be gentle on yourself! Its hard with Mom Guilt, but you are the only one pinning that to you. Your girls love you, even if they cry or throw a fit.

We've all had those moments where you feel like a bad parent (I'd like to forget about 1 awful incident at xmas thats currently burning my heart, because I was a bad mom that day) and it happens. We are human. We have limits. That doesn't make you less of a mom.

Freya will eat and sleep again, I know it doesn't feel like it now but you are being a vigilant, loving mom and that will allow her to work through her milestone to a more comfortable place. Dagney will work through her whines too, and appreciate every cuddle you can give her.

Kids break you apart and then, in a flash, they put you back together. Hang in there!

[cookiesandwine]

You are absolutely not alone! The 4 month period is hard but I finally now (6.5 months) feel like we're setting in to a new normal. Even if the new normal just feels like survival mode!

[lainikins]

That sounds so stressful. The threenager is hard enough for me. I can not even imagine a demanding 4 month old with it. Though I am sure it is little comfort, but it will pass. For now, try to escape between feelings, even if it is just to another room for a few minutes. Maybe take a bath if someone can watch the kids for you. A big hug to you.

[britbratjf]

Jan 28, 2016 19:47:24 GMT -5 cookiesandwine said:

You are absolutely not alone! The 4 month period is hard but I finally now (6.5 months) feel like we're setting in to a new normal. Even if the new normal just feels like survival mode!

This gives me hope!! I remember Dagny getting easier around 6 months but I also don't remember her being this difficult at 4 months (of course I didn't have another kid to contend with). I'm seriously counting down the days until 6 months.

[mommymadness]

It gets better!! Abby hated everyone except me. I feed her, got up with her 1000 times a night and couldn't ever get away, even for an hour because she would scream bloody murder. Oh and she would not take a bottle at all either! She is 17 months now and although she still gets up at nights and mostly wants me, she likes others and did eventually take a bottle! I know it seems like forever right now but it will just be a little phase when you look back! I was exhausted and frustrated often but when I look back at those days, I kind of miss her being an itty bitty baby monster! Lol hang in there mamma!

[aylafsu1881]

Lots of hugs. Number 2 has been hard on us to. F just wants to be held all day, every day. She is not a fan of bottles and eats about 4 ounces at daycare. This makes her reverse cycle and she is up every 2-3 hours at night. It is stressful. I find myself yelling at E more often than i want. One thing i found is to put F to bed early. I put her down at 7 pm. This givenmme an hour or more to spend with E. I find that focusing just on E for that hour makes both of us happy. We draw, eat a snack, or read books. It also makes me feel less like a crappy mom. I also tell myself that tomorrow is a new day and that it will be better. It helps Keep me from spiraling into a hole.
You are a great mom and it is tough. It will get easier and this phase will pass.

[roo1582]

I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. Like others have said, having two is way harder than I thought it would be. Going from 1 to 2 is definitely not additive, its exponential (sorry, I'm a math person)! It definitely seems worse around the 4 month mark when it seems like everyone is working against you. I had (and still have) plenty of moments where I feel like I'm being a horrible mom and that all I do is yell and fight. None of this is easy and I can't imagine how hard it is with your husband working so much as well. Like cookiesandwine said, it was probably around 6-7 months where things started to get a little easier. Andrew became less needy and Kayleigh started to get more accepting of that fact that she is stuck with a brother Of course, we still have our rough cycles, but know it does get better.

[britbratjf]

Jan 28, 2016 22:49:37 GMT -5 aylafsu1881 said:

Lots of hugs. Number 2 has been hard on us to. F just wants to be held all day, every day. She is not a fan of bottles and eats about 4 ounces at daycare. This makes her reverse cycle and she is up every 2-3 hours at night. It is stressful. I find myself yelling at E more often than i want. One thing i found is to put F to bed early. I put her down at 7 pm. This givenmme an hour or more to spend with E. I find that focusing just on E for that hour makes both of us happy. We draw, eat a snack, or read books. It also makes me feel less like a crappy mom. I also tell myself that tomorrow is a new day and that it will be better. It helps Keep me from spiraling into a hole.
You are a great mom and it is tough. It will get easier and this phase will pass.

F does go down to bed early - by 6:30 - which has helped a TON and gives me time to relax with D.

That really stinks that your F is reverse cycling!! Honestly it's hard enough dealing with the sleep deprivation while being at home, I couldn't imagine having to work!

Again, thank you so much ladies for your words of encouragement. Yesterday was one of my worse days, hoping today goes a little better!

[mrsplaydoh]

I'm sorry its so rough right now...it does get easier!! Hang in there! I remember the 4 month regression of everything...it was more stressful just because there's another kid there too that needs attention....I know it'll be better soon so try and hang in there...

[aimeefarrahfowler]

Oh big hugs girl. 2 kids is really no joke. I definitely had those feelings of "what on earth have I done?" When DS2 was little. They both need so much of you. But it does pass and they grow and become more independent. This is all temporary, for better or worse. That's what I would try to tell myself when I was at my wits end "they will not always be this small and needy and clingy".

And then sometimes you just gotta put the baby in the bouncer and hide in the bathroom to eat chocolate. Whatever gets you through the day.

[summergirl1211]

I'm so sorry you're struggling right now britbratjf. I don't know what it's like to have two and basically be a single parent, but I know you're one tough lady and you'll get through it. You don't have to be perfect, you just have to get through each day, one after another. I hope things start calming down for you like everyone else says. Feel free to vent here any time. You're doing awesome girl! Just hang in there.

[justbeth]

Oh girl, big hugs. I can also totally relate. Ben and I had a serious convo the other day about this. Since our baby is a foster, there is that 'do-over' reality. We 100% love him and would adopt him in a second if that option comes available, but if they are able to find relatives who want to adopt him and we cannot keep him, then I told Ben that I want to wait until Emma is in kindergarten to pursue any more long term foster babies. IT IS HARD. I feel like Emma gets the short end of the stick many times because I just don't want to deal with dragging two kids out and it taking us for.freakin.ever to get dressed and ready to go anyway. Also, since he is a foster we aren't allowed to leave him with a babysitter or the grandparents, which is similar to your situation and SO draining. We need date nights, we need alone time, we need help, and when that isn't possible it is absolutely draining. Big big hugs.

[britbratjf]

justbeth you can't!? I mean I guess that makes sense you can't leave a foster baby with someone who hasn't been vetted but man that is really hard! Also, what you & your H are doing is awesome. I couldn't imagine taking care of & loving all those babies for just a short amount of time. MH & I have talked about fostering when our kids are older but I think I would do older kids.