~*TPR Fence-Sitters Check-in 2/1*~

[bootsorhearts]

Heyo!

Thank you for being patient with me, only one day late today! :-P

This is a weekly check-in for those considering any type of TPR method (donor eggs, donor embryos, donor sperm, surrogacy or gestational carrier, or some combination of those) but who are not yet ready to take the plunge.

This is a safe place to dip your toe in and share whatever you're feeling in this moment - uncertainty, confusion, worry, etc.

New check-in members: Please share as much of your story as you feel comfortable doing.

1. What method(s) of TPR are you considering?

2. Why are you considering this path?

3. What concerns/reservations/worries do you have?

As a courtesy to those TTC#1 and/or those who have experienced loss, please use a spoiler or a ***warning*** before mentioning sensitive topics. Thank you in advance!

Check-in members:

1. Anything new since last week?

2. What information would help you make a decision?

bootsorhearts Considering donor eggs.

king26 Considering frozen donor eggs, one more IVF with OE! (Should I take you off here for now or do you want to still hang?)

theholmanherd Considering surrogacy or surrogacy with donor embryos

neam2014 Considering donating eggs/IVF. You rock!

dream2be3 Considering donor eggs or adoption (What kind of adoption?)

daystardreams Considering traditional surrogacy. Your sister is all kinds of awesome.

[bootsorhearts]

1. Anything new since last week? Nothing much new here, just chilling. Sometimes I check my old agency's page and see who's getting picked and I think about which donor I'd pick but at this point they'd probably see my name on caller ID and not pick up. Or then again, maybe they would since I spent like $10k. I even gave the donor some money because

2. What information would help you make a decision? I wish I could talk with a big group of women in the same situation as me (with a bio kid) who chose donor eggs and how they felt going into the process and how they feel now about their kids. I'm still talking to my therapist too, she keeps saying to just be in that space of not knowing and being ok with it. I hate being on the fence. It goes against my planning/Type A nature

[dream2be3]

DH and I are meeting with our RE this Friday to make sure that donor eggs are still a good option for us. I've been looking at the egg donor place that my RE works with check out donor bios. I've picked out a couple I like but haven't shared them with DH yet. Not sure how he will feel about my choices. We've decided that as long as our RE says it's a good option, we're going to go that route.

We're refinancing our house in order to pay for it so it will be at least April, more likely May before we can cycle. I have new insurance now and there is a $20000 in a lifetime coverage for infertility. I know it won't cover the cost of the donor eggs but hope it will cover the rest.

I'm feeling pretty bleh about all of it. I don't think I'll feel much of anything until things start moving in one direction or another.

[bootsorhearts]

dream2be3, I thought it was pretty fun (but sorta stressful) picking out donors. In the end, I found that DH did a way better job than I did. He is a good judge of people. He didn't even look at pictures, he just read their responses and said things like 'I like her, she has a good heart'. It made me cry.

Yeah the cost is no joke! Remember to save all your receipts if you go forward, you can deduct everything associated with the DE process including legal fees, agency fees, meds, donor comp, etc.

I'm rooting for you, whatever you decide!

[neam2014]

bootsorhearts, I'm sorry you can't find women in your situation. I know it's not quite the same, but what about women who have a bio kid and then adopt?

dream2be3, I hope things work out for you.

AFM: 1. Anything new since last week? The clinic in Philly is sending me a bunch of paperwork and bloodwork to get started on since I'll be a living tissue donor. Tomorrow I'm meting with a therapist to start talking about all this IF stuff.

2. What information would help you make a decision? Could you all give your thoughts: Would you want my eggs just because it's a $10,000-$15,000 savings over other donors? I'm worried I'll do all this and get ready and then no one will pick me. If no one picks me for the Egg share we will have to wait till summer 2017 for IVF OOP.

If you would, please give your thoughts (don't worry about hurting my feelings please be honest!) Would you pick me as a donor to save $10,000-$15,000 as part of a egg share program?
***OPP and LC warning***
I'm 27, with PCOS
My mom had 5 live births (one naturally at 40), grandmother had 5,
sister is 32 currently preg with 1st (naturally)
I had a son at 18, I placed for adoption (clinic said pp would want to know I had given birth and that my eggs were good)
5'2, Brown hair, blue/green eyes
No family history of cancer, heart issues, kidney issues, lung issues; We are stupid healthy people.
I have a BA in Political Science, work full time in a middle school, am a part time landscape painter, I played 6 instruments in high school, am a huge book worm and am left handed.
Currently I'm 190lbs but not one other person in my family is over weight.

SPOILER: Click to show

{Pictures of me and my family }
Half sister, sister, mom, me, DH, dad, brother

SPOILER: Click to show

{Pics of me }

[theholmanherd]

bootsorhearts , I'm sorry this process is so tough. I don't know the back story on your "old agency", but I'm sorry for whatever happened. I hope your therapy is helping resolve your feelings about it.
dream2be3 , ugh that's a steep price to pay. Good luck at your appointment with the RE.

1. Anything new since last week? DH and I are considering adoption again. I'm not sure how I feel about all of this yet. There are pros and cons for each option, so I need time to think. This works out since we don't have the money anyway.

2. What information would help you make a decision? I really have no idea. Time, I guess. I really don't know.

Edit to answer neam2014. I would totally take a DE from you, especially to save that much money.

[dream2be3]

neam2014 - I believe you have a lot of the qualities I assume most people are looking for. As someone who has been casually looking at donors, the first thing I look at is the medical history. It sounds like you and your family are pretty healthy, which is a big positive. For me, that is the most important thing and I'm sure the majority of people looking at donors/egg share would feel the same. I agree that sharing the fact that you've had a child is a good idea. Even though at the end of the day it's still a gamble and there are no guarantees I believe it gives people a little more peace of mind. I don't see any reason to think you wouldn't get picked.

I look forward to hearing your updates!

[dream2be3]

bootsorhearts - we have spent enough each year the last 2 years to use as a tax deduction and we will definitely continue doing so. IF sure isn't cheap...ugh. If we go the donor egg route we'd be going through an egg bank that spreads the cost out across the recipients so there are no surprise costs. It's a one-time flat fee. It doesn't talk about any legal fees but if there are any they're built into the one-time fee. It's much easier and quicker then embryo adoption.

I hope the therapist is helping and you find the answers to your questions.

[bootsorhearts]

neam2014, first of all, you are gorgeous. I love your wedding dress. I think women want donors who are like them ultimately. Or at least, they want specific features that match them - their interest in science or biking or their shade of brown eyes, or whatever. So I think you have as much chance as anyone, maybe more!

[neam2014]

theholmanherd, dream2be3, bootsorhearts, Thank you all. I guess I was worried that having PCOS and overweight would stop everyone. DH and I are going to make all the plans (flights, time off ect ect) assuming we'll be picked. We planned to do IVF next summer so this is hurrying everything up but a good choice for us if it works.

[daystardreams]

bootsorhearts Thanks for the check in! I'd love to meet a big group of people in the same situation as me too!

dream2be3 I hope your RE is on board!

neam2014 Yes I definitely feel like other women will pick you! Reading your bio, it doesn't sound like there is any reason not to even without the big savings! Not to mention you are beautiful! Like bootsorhearts mentioned, I think most people are looking for people who remind them of their self. I am overweight with PCOS, brown hair, blue eyes so I think I would really identify with you if I was looking for an egg donor.

theholmanherd DH and I go back and forth between surrogacy and adoption too. There are pros and cons to both options. I think the main reason we are leaning toward surrogacy is that we feel like it'll be a shorter timeline...maybe.

1. Anything new since last week? No, not really. We're still just giving ourselves some time to think about anything that might potentially throw a wrench in our plans and weigh our options.

2. I wish I had a magic 8 ball that could at least just tell us that everything will be alright if we choose this route. I have been reading blogs and articles about surrogacy online so that's helpful!

[bootsorhearts]

neam2014, that is a good suggestion about adoptive parents. Maybe I'll lurk on the adoption boards and see what I can find.

theholmanherd, have you researched some agencies in your area? sometimes they have free info sessions. It might help you make up your mind. Keeping in mind not all agencies are the same, you want to find one you really gel with.

The backstory is we started going down the donor egg path - we chose a donor, signed the paperwork, had her testing done, flew her out here, ordered her meds, everything. and then a few days before she was going to start stims, we backed out. It just stopped feeling right and was feeling like a burden or a chore vs. something I was excited about. I think DH was a bit disappointed but he supported my decision. So we lost a lot of money, but we didn't burn any bridges with the agency. They were great, I just changed my mind.

[theholmanherd]

bootsorhearts, daystardreams, there are some informational meetings coming up for the agencies we are looking into. Not until March and April, though. I'm hoping I work up the courage to go by then.

[bootsorhearts]

theholmanherd, go! We went to one and it was great. I really felt good about the agency after wards. If we go down that path, that's who we will work with.

[theholmanherd]

Feb 2, 2016 15:10:46 GMT -5 bootsorhearts said:

theholmanherd , go! We went to one and it was great. I really felt good about the agency after wards. If we go down that path, that's who we will work with.

After I posted that, I called DH. We agreed to a few prerequisites, but as long as those things go well, we are going to go to the March 15th meeting! I already called to get us on the list, since I know they tend to fill up. I'm choosing to stay positive!

[meepmeeps]

Lurking here but
neam2014 , as a DE recipient, bootsorhearts , is right, you're gorgeous and people look for qualities they can relate to, so you'll match someone. A big deal for me were the written responses by the donors. I'm 6'00", 165 lbs and dark blonde but I wasn't picking someone who was 5'10" and 150 lbs and blonde with the answers of an idiot or of someone who was too lazy to provide good answers to people making one of the biggest decisions of their lives. The lazy ones actually made me a little angry. People are looking for a connection and you seem to have heart.

[oneslybookworm]

Hey ladies! I've been reading for a bit, so thought I should come out of hiding. I just intro'd on the main board, but we're heaving considering TPR, so thought I'd come here as well.

1. Embryo adoption / Donor Embryos

2. We've done one IVF cycle with our eggs/sperm, but didn't have much luck. Embryos had a steep drop-off in development between days 3-5, with nothing normal enough to freeze, do PGS testing on, or transplant. We've been told we can try another round, and we had a lot of meds leftover, so thought "why not", but now we're concerned it won't really be any different and want to pursue other options.

3. I think, for us, the biggest concern is time. I'm worried the process of finding the right match will take a long time, and we've already been on this path for a few years. More of a wait just seems so hard. I'm also worried we'll go through the process and it won't take, and we'll be back at square one.