Okay, Team Blue

[ArgyleEnigma]

Team green. We won't circ if it's a boy, because the default in our families/culture is no, so I'd need to be convinced of the medical benefit and I'm not (yet). The men in my generation in my family haven't been, and have had no issues, medical or social. I would do it for religious reasons, if I had them, or for medical reasons, if a medical professional laid out a good argument (thanks for reminding me to ask!), but I wouldn't to avoid locker-room teasing. It seems like too major a procedure to be justified as an anti teasing measure, unless I expected pretty serious bullying.

This isn't my motivation, but I've also heard from people who are strongly against making irreversible decisions about others' bodies before they're old enough to consent, and that seemed like a thoughtful argument. Especially because it came from an adult who wasn't happy to be circ'd.

Whatever we ultimately decide, we will not be sharing our decision with nosy people. It's not open to popular vote, people. Details of my son's genitalia are need-to-know.

[frecklesnbrains]

I just want to echo the sentiment that it's so refreshing that people are being so open and non-judgmental about this topic. There are some doctors (pediatricians) that will quote the decreased rate of urinary tract infections and STDs in circumcised men. I know this literature well and in my opinion the benefits for a kid in America are small. It's a different story in places where rates of HIV are very high (like in Africa). As for the stories about a need to have a circumcision as an adult for "medical reasons" I'm suspicious. It's not something I came across in my medical training (but I keep in mind that I'm a pediatrician so I don't know adult medicine as well). I will comment that I've seen hundreds of newborn boys who've been circ'd and the vast majority tolerate the procedure extremely well. It's a different story outside the newborn period. So I'm still really of the opinion that there's no right or wrong answer.

[origamimommy]

frecklesnbrains I can tell you're talking about me because I'm the only one that brought up needing it later in life. It's happened multiple times in my husband's very large family. It's not unheard of or made up, and it was obviously a tough decision for us to make. Saying you're suspicious feels very judgmental to me.

[packerfan4life]

Feb 7, 2016 9:20:36 GMT -5 frecklesnbrains said:

I just want to echo the sentiment that it's so refreshing that people are being so open and non-judgmental about this topic. There are some doctors (pediatricians) that will quote the decreased rate of urinary tract infections and STDs in circumcised men. I know this literature well and in my opinion the benefits for a kid in America are small. It's a different story in places where rates of HIV are very high (like in Africa). As for the stories about a need to have a circumcision as an adult for "medical reasons" I'm suspicious. It's not something I came across in my medical training (but I keep in mind that I'm a pediatrician so I don't know adult medicine as well). I will comment that I've seen hundreds of newborn boys who've been circ'd and the vast majority tolerate the procedure extremely well. It's a different story outside the newborn period. So I'm still really of the opinion that there's no right or wrong answer.

I have seen older kids end up getting circ'ed due to phimosis (tightening of the opening) or recurrent infections. Sometimes it's a hygiene issue/ not understanding how to care for an uncircumcised penis issue. Sometimes I imagine it's just bad luck. But there are reasons it can happen later in life. And for those planning to not circ, especially if H is circed, it is important to learn how to care for an uncircumcised penis. There arw also people who circ due to preference as they get older.

[Andrea]

We are going for it. MH is circumcised and he made the final call. I think it's a total personal decision for each family to make and there shouldn't be a right or wrong answer; nor judgement on what each set of parents makes for their boy.

[pbandj714]

Feb 7, 2016 10:54:35 GMT -5 origamimommy said:

frecklesnbrains I can tell you're talking about me because I'm the only one that brought up needing it later in life. It's happened multiple times in my husband's very large family. It's not unheard of or made up, and it was obviously a tough decision for us to make. Saying you're suspicious feels very judgmental to me.

I know that you have strong feelings on this topic, but if you read all the posts, you are not the only one who posted about circs being needed later in life for medical reasons. I seriously doubt that freckles was judging and certainly not you specifically. Let's all remain calm.

[frecklesnbrains]

Feb 7, 2016 10:54:35 GMT -5 origamimommy said:

frecklesnbrains I can tell you're talking about me because I'm the only one that brought up needing it later in life. It's happened multiple times in my husband's very large family. It's not unheard of or made up, and it was obviously a tough decision for us to make. Saying you're suspicious feels very judgmental to me.

My apologies, as this was not my intention. I'm sorry your family members had such a hard time with this. I do admit it's not my area of expertise.

[txmommy14]

We circumcised DS. Like others have said, totally a personal decision and I respect either way! I also know a few people that had to get it done in their teenage years (or maybe not "had" to, but did, I don't know the exact circumstances). Anyways, that wasn't our reason for doing it, because ultimately DH is circumcised and he made the decision. All I knew was that I did not want to be in the room or know when it was happening, because I do think it's really sad, but honestly, I didn't think a lot about it (is that bad?) There are other things that were just as sad to me, like having to get my newborn's blood drawn so many times for his genetic testing. Such a personal decision for each family and it sounds like everyone here is very open-minded and nonjudgmental (as June tends to be!)

[greysonsmom]

We had DS circumcised. DH is so it just seemed like an easy choice for us. They didn't even give us the option to be with him for the procedure, that was probably for the best. I understand both sides of the argument. Ultimately it's no ones business what's going on with your son's genitals.

[origamimommy]

Feb 7, 2016 14:10:23 GMT -5 frecklesnbrains said:

Feb 7, 2016 10:54:35 GMT -5 origamimommy said:

frecklesnbrains I can tell you're talking about me because I'm the only one that brought up needing it later in life. It's happened multiple times in my husband's very large family. It's not unheard of or made up, and it was obviously a tough decision for us to make. Saying you're suspicious feels very judgmental to me.

My apologies, as this was not my intention. I'm sorry your family members had such a hard time with this. I do admit it's not my area of expertise.

I appreciate this and I didn't think you were intentionally being rude. I just felt like I was kind if being called out, but reading over it I think I just jumped to being a little over sensitive. I apologize for jumping to that conclusion.

[cattuccino]

With our first pregnancy, we were team green and had planned to circumcise if it was a boy. We ended up being team pink (sprung what we set aside for a private room instead - it worked out in that regard).

This time we know we're team blue and opting not to circumcise . Both DH and I have been doing reading and research about it and are more more comfortable not circumcising as an infant - and DH is circumcised (which was one of the reasons we were going to do it if we were team blue before).

There's a lot about the penis and foreskin I had no clue about and DH being circumcised didn't either, so our research has been helpful to us and really helped us with our decision.

It's really still a personal decision, and something you need to be comfortable with and while we've reached our decision, it doesn't mean that a different one is "wrong". Try not to compare what others are doing, because the reasons and circumstances aren't the same - and it really doesn't matter.

[soultrane]

I was reading over the weekend and didn't have a chance to post, but I want to echo the sentiments of everyone else. This is typically a pretty charged conversation so kudos to you ladies for keeping it calm, rational and respectful - not that I'm surprised because you guys rock!

We went back and forth on what to do when I was pregnant with DS and ultimately decided to circumcise, for most of the reasons already listed above. We weighed the pros and cons of each option, and it ultimately became a decision that I deferred to DH on simply because he has more, ahem, hands on experience than I do. I made sure that we both had the research available to read through and that we were making the best decision for DS, but let him make the final call. DS didn't have any issues post-circ and it healed really quickly so I don't have any regrets about our decision at this point.

We haven't talked about this little guy yet, but I'm sure that we'll make the same decision.

[microworm]

We circumcised DS mostly because I let MH make the final call after going through the pros and cons that were mentioned above. I suppose this one will be the same. If it were up to me, I'm not sure. I certainly hated seeing DS's penis after the procedure since it did look painful, however he was unbothered.

[2dogs2kids]

Team green. We did with DS and we will if this ones a boy. We had a discussion before DS was born and ultimately decided it's what was right for our family. We never really discussed it this time other than we will do it again if it's a boy.

[sandandsea]

I didn't really say why we chose not to, but a few reasons as we did a ton of research with DS. First, it's not necessary medically. With proper hygiene and safe practices, most potential issues are negated. Many men throughout the world are not (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prevalence_of_circumcision states it's only about 1/3 of men that are) and have no issues throughout their lives. Of course, we all hear of the one off scary stories, but those balance out from what I've heard and either way can produce a scary story. Second, it's not required by our religion. If I were Jewish or my religion required it, I would do it. Third, I don't want to make a permanent change to my child's body without them having any say. For the same reason, I would never pierce a DD's ears until they could ask for it. Finally, I'm not concerned about any future locker room teasing because it's actually well under 50% in my state, and seriously, if guys start talking about that kind of stuff and looking for that kind of stuff, well, I don't think my child is the one with the issue and I hope to raise my child to be confident and not worry about bullies.

My nephews are and my SIL (who was only 19 when her first was born) did whatever her hospital recommended and was shocked to find out DS wasn't and seriously questioned us. I'm not one to care about other people's opinions so I really just brushed it off. But mostly, people (doctors and daycare and nosy family members, as they're really the only ones who know) have been really supportive. After the decision is made, it doesn't really come up in conversations.

To each their own, and I really appreciate how open and accepting everyone here is! Great job ladies!

[regal]

Even though I did not want to do it I did some research to confirm what I thought. Higher rates of penile cancer seems to be the stat people many to refer to on the pro side. When you compare that to the rate of complications and death related to infant circumcision, I wasn't willing to take the risk.

Furthermore, penile cancer mainly affects men who do not wash properly, such as the homeless. There are other things I can do as a parent to reduce this risk, such as making mental health a priority.

Finally, what was most important from my research was that if Icould not bear to stand reading about a procedure that was not recommended and wouldn't be able to stand watching it, then it wasn't important enough for me to consent to it for my son. If it becomes necessary at some point, I will do whatever it takes to make my son healthy.

This study is a good look at the possible complications.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3253617/

[Flair Underwood]

Okay - mom's of boys (on both sides of the fence):

Because I have ZERO clue about this and zero experience:

If you circ'd: How do you care for a circumcision wound? Also - were you there for the procedure or know what method was used?

Or-

How do you wash/care for an infant non-circed penis? Do you have to make sure NOT to get soap in anything? Do you make sure you get it washed out well? Do you roll things back or separate things? What about nasty diaper messes?

I'm so thankful for your openminded input... Sorry if these questions sound dumb, I am just entering all new territory!!

[regal]

Feb 8, 2016 20:59:58 GMT -5 Flair Underwood said:

Okay - mom's of boys (on both sides of the fence):

Because I have ZERO clue about this and zero experience:

If you circ'd: How do you care for a circumcision wound? Also - were you there for the procedure or know what method was used?

Or-

How do you wash/care for an infant non-circed penis? Do you have to make sure NOT to get soap in anything? Do you make sure you get it washed out well? Do you roll things back or separate things? What about nasty diaper messes?

I'm so thankful for your openminded input... Sorry if these questions sound dumb, I am just entering all new territory!!

For uncirc'd you just leave it alone.  The foreskin has a natural adhesion to the glans, pulling it back will release that and that's when you have problems.

To clean it, you just wash it like a finger.  The adhesion will slowly loosen as the boy gets older, usually between 5-8, and then they have to pull it back to wash it.

Messy diapers were never a problem.  Less folds than a vulva so it's actually easier than a girl in my experience.

It was also one less thing to deal with after birth.  I had enough stuff to learn and deal with after birth.  Dealing with an open wound in a diaper was one more thing I was happy not to have to deal with.

[greysonsmom]

Flair Underwood DS is circ'd, I was not given the option to be there for the procedure, so I don't know what method was used. They came and got him from the room and brought him back less than an hour later. As for care the nurses were great about showing me what to do. You pretty much just put a ton of Vaseline on a piece of gauze and put it on top of the penis every time you change their diaper. You have to do this for maybe a week.

[babyzebra]

I just wanted to add that for an uncircumcised penis, it's important to not retract the foreskin in the first year. DS's pedi said that beyond that time, you still shouldn't retract it to clean it until he gets a little older (around kindergarten age is what he told me), but that it's ok if DS retracts his own foreskin.

[txmommy14]

DS is circumcised. We didn't have to do any cleaning or care. It was super easy. There was a little ring on his penis that fell off in about 10 days-around when umbilical cord stump did. We didn't have to do Vaseline or anything special. I think it's the newer of two methods. He didn't seem bothered at all and it never got irritated.

[Flair Underwood]

Thank you, thank you, regal, greysonsmom, babyzebra, txmommy14, and EVERYONE! I'm starting to form a more solid point of view. I just called my pediatricians office to ask a couple questions - and the only thing the nurse provided was "well, i think they numb it a little maybe?" Well, I would hope!

[littleducky]

We are team pink this time, but DS is circumcised and it was a no brainer for us because we are Jewish and, even among progressive Jews, this issue is a non-starter. If we weren't Jewish, I'm not sure whether we would have had him circumcised or not.

[littleducky]

Feb 8, 2016 20:59:58 GMT -5 Flair Underwood said:

Okay - mom's of boys (on both sides of the fence):

Because I have ZERO clue about this and zero experience:

If you circ'd: How do you care for a circumcision wound? Also - were you there for the procedure or know what method was used?

Or-

How do you wash/care for an infant non-circed penis? Do you have to make sure NOT to get soap in anything? Do you make sure you get it washed out well? Do you roll things back or separate things? What about nasty diaper messes?

I'm so thankful for your openminded input... Sorry if these questions sound dumb, I am just entering all new territory!!

I've heard of people getting a wide range of recommendations on how to care for the circumcision after the surgery.  The mohel who did DS's bris (a mohel is someone whose whole job it is to brisses - literally, it is all he does, multiple times a day, every day) had us put neosporin plus pain relief ointment and vaseline and then put gauze on top of that for a few days.  If I remember correctly it was completely healed within a week or so.

[2dogs2kids]

Feb 9, 2016 9:21:53 GMT -5 Flair Underwood said:

Thank you, thank you, regal, greysonsmom, babyzebra, txmommy14, and EVERYONE! I'm starting to form a more solid point of view. I just called my pediatricians office to ask a couple questions - and the only thing the nurse provided was "well, i think they numb it a little maybe?" Well, I would hope!

If you have more questions I would recommend asking your OB about it if you are seeing an OB or speak with the staff at your hospital. My OB was able to answer any questions I had because they are the ones who do the procedure at my hospital. Not sure if this is standard practice or not, but just a thought if you were unsatisfied with the lack of information you received from your pediatrician.

[Flair Underwood]

Feb 9, 2016 12:38:37 GMT -5 2dogs2kids said:

Feb 9, 2016 9:21:53 GMT -5 Flair Underwood said:

Thank you, thank you, regal , greysonsmom , babyzebra , txmommy14 , and EVERYONE! I'm starting to form a more solid point of view. I just called my pediatricians office to ask a couple questions - and the only thing the nurse provided was "well, i think they numb it a little maybe?" Well, I would hope!

If you have more questions I would recommend asking your OB about it if you are seeing an OB or speak with the staff at your hospital. My OB was able to answer any questions I had because they are the ones who do the procedure at my hospital. Not sure if this is standard practice or not, but just a thought if you were unsatisfied with the lack of information you received from your pediatrician.

According to my pedi's office - the pediatrician is the one who does it in the nursery at the hospital. I think the office nurse just had NO IDEA about it, somehow.  

[greysonsmom]

Feb 9, 2016 12:51:10 GMT -5 Flair Underwood said:

Feb 9, 2016 12:38:37 GMT -5 2dogs2kids said:

If you have more questions I would recommend asking your OB about it if you are seeing an OB or speak with the staff at your hospital. My OB was able to answer any questions I had because they are the ones who do the procedure at my hospital. Not sure if this is standard practice or not, but just a thought if you were unsatisfied with the lack of information you received from your pediatrician.

According to my pedi's office - the pediatrician is the one who does it in the nursery at the hospital. I think the office nurse just had NO IDEA about it, somehow.  

At my hospital the OB did it as well.

[ArgyleEnigma]

My OB referred me to the pediatricians when I asked yesterday.

[packerfan4life]

Depends on the area. Peds do then in a lot of areas. OB in others. some places do in the nursery others in the office

[melody330]

Havent read everyone's response, and we are team green this time.

However, I have a lot of strong feelings about it. DS was not circumcised. Everyone else in my family is, and a lot of people are shocked when they find out he isn't. My biggest concern with him being in tact is that his care givers understand how to take care of diaper changes. I make sure to tell them do not pull it back (this seems to be a huge misconception out there). Just leave it the hell alone and wipe it like you normally would. Once people realize its NBD, no one really cares anymore.

Before DS was born, DH just assumed he would be circumcised. I had assumed he wouldn't. We realized this at our birthing/breastfeeding class lol. Once we did some research together DH was very put off and we decided not to do it.

ETA - Clarify my last thought