Wwj12d

[bliz1712]

I need some advice as I'm stumped as to how to approach this..

So as you all may know my parents live close by and tend to watch the kids whenever we need a babysitter, especially if it's overnight. My parents are great with the kids and I trust them completely. But yesterday v was talking with H about where she was staying when we go to Vegas in April. She said she likes staying with my parents but that they argue a lot plus other things. They aren't afraid to do it and it happens in front of H and I too. It's not full on arguing but more like bickering. I've known couples before that it's just their dynamic and they aren't afraid to do it anywhere. My Mom can be nitpicky and voices her opinion a lot.

How on earth would you say something to your parents, or would you even? H and I talked about it and we thought just bringing it up might not be the easiest and that it should definitely come from me versus him. Coming from me seems outrageous or that they might be offended considering I'm a divorcee. But I also don't want the kids to be around constant arguing or think it's normal behavior. And obviously v has already picked up on it.

I'm going on a trip with them soon and I suggested saying something the next time we witness it. Kind of catch it in the act thing. But what would you say?

Also pdq as I might dd later

[babywinks]

DH and I rarely "fight" but do bicker once in a while. I personally wouldn't want someone to "call out" our bickering in the moment as I am usually grumpy already if I am bickering with DH and would likely get angry and super defensive.

Maybe you can talk about your upcoming trip and bring it up then? I would definitely use V as a "reason" and say that she mentioned something to you about making her feel uncomfortable or caught in the middle between two people she loves or something like that. You can't really say "you need to stop arguing so much" but at least if they know others notice especially your kids hopefully they will make an effort to tone it down or at least apologize to the kids or each other if they realize they are doing it around the kids?

This is tough. DH has a brother and SIL that bicker all the time and it's super uncomfortable even for us adults to be around. Just awkward.

[somethingcleverer]

I don't think I could ever say something to my parents about a behavior that's been going on so long. I guess if they were bickering and I saw it was making the kids uncomfortable I could tell them "please stop you are making the kids uncomfortable" and you might have an opening there. This is probably a bad approach but do you think you could talk to V about you know your parents love each other very much but that's how they have always been.

[MissMusic]

Ahhh this is so tough!
My dad talks shit about EVERYONE, right in front of my kid, all the time. I've straight up told him that it makes me uncomfortable and sets a bad example for the kids, but I also don't have a great relationship with my dad so I have some room to do that.

I agree it should come come you vs YH if you decide to bring it up. Will you see them before your trip? It sounds like you will...and if they start bickering, it might be the opening you need vs bringing it up out of the blue.

When all else fails, blame the kid If they are bickering you can mention that she's a little sensitive (or whatever term you use) and has mentioned the arguing, so maybe try to reel it in when she's around. Something like that?

[bliz1712]

somethingcleverer, when H and I were discussing it I suggested that and he agreed. I also don't want to mention that it was V that said something since it could put her in a wierd position and I don't want her to not talk to us about stuff. I think I could have a more rational discussion with my Dad about it in the moment and then he could relay it to my Mom. babywinks, H is the same way, he is always embarrassed when they do it in public. They are not hesitant to do it out in the open and in front of complete strangers. Case in point, they did it on one of our very first flights together when we went to Cali for a wedding with my parents.

It's not exactly arguing, so maybe I should explain it further. An example from Christmas. My Dad loves the girls and playing with them. He was entertaining them and my Mom was nitpicking about how he wasn't being very helpful, so he gets up and helps her with something. The entire time he's helping she is yapping about how he's not helping right or should be doing it this way. So maybe arguing/bickering wasn't the right terminology.

I agree that it's an extremely off putting topic to have to talk to them about so I don't really want to. BUT I also don't want my kids around it and think that it's normal behavior for a relationship or them to pick up on it and do it among themselves. Maybe it's something we should just let go and find another place for V to stay, since she is the one that expressed concerns about it.