Feb 2016 check-in

[ceejay]

Hi everyone! The board has been slow lately and it's been a while since our last check-in. So say hello and let everyone know what's been going on in your world.

Also a GTKY question for Valentine's day: What is the most romantic/thoughtful thing your SO has ever done for you or you have done for them?

[RajahMD]

Yo yo yo. Not much progress for us.

On the TTC front: currently in the TWW. Planning on testing tomorrow at 10DPO. CD1 expected anytime between Thursday and Saturday.

On the adoption/foster care front: Still waiting on DH's name change to be finalized before we can move forward. It's been a month and a half since we filed the paperwork, so hopefully we'll hear something soon.

[redandblue]

Thanks for the checkin ceejay!

So we just received word today that our date for signing our finalization paperwork will be February 26!!! I'm so excited and impressed with our experience so far! We are in Ontario and adopted a newborn baby boy who was born in August. The process to finalize through CAS can be a little drawn out from my understanding, and a little anticlimactic! We sign paperwork end of February and then those documents go to the ministry for approval and then to the courts. It is my understanding that they are completed 'in judges chambers ' so we don't get to go to the court house or anything. I believe we just get a letter once it's official. Should be a couple of months we are told. My hope is by DS2's first birthday!

GTKY : My DH is probably one of the most thoughtful and fun gift givers! But I think the best stand out is when he 'became' a Purolator guy for a week just to get me a Wii Fit for my birthday! It was back when they first came out and were only released in limited quantities. He kept going to the store to try get one, eventually the guy at the store said 'only way you're getting your hands on one is if you work for Purolator '. Well DH works in trucking and had a connection with the Purolator guy. Made an agreement that he would unload this guy's truck every day just to be able to see what was on the truck! Lol!

Thanks for the great GTKY question! With that being said we never really do anything for valentine's day.

[lizblue]

Hi all, thanks for the check in ceejay. We received word last week that attorney has filed for finalization and we should be receiving a date any day now. DD will be legally and forever ours sometime this month I think. She is amazing and I love her more and more each and every day.

She's had an on again off again cold ever since starting daycare in January which is messing with her sleep. It seems like sleep is two steps forward, one step back, always. The unpredictability is hard for an OCD person like me, but I'm giving in. Parenthood is hard, but great.

GTKY: H is not the most romantic, but he will randomly send me flowers at work for nothing - not for a holiday, just a card that says I am thinking of you and love you. Maybe once or twice a year. It makes me smile.

[nobb14]

Hey everyone!

DS will be 4 months Saturday. He's doing very well, he's learned to blow raspberries which is freaking adorable. We got news that the termination of alleged BFs rights has been submitted to the court, which is a major step in the right direction for finalization. Our state doesn't have a quick turn around for finalization, so it looks like everything will be done may or june... but this is honestly fine by us, since it'll give a great excuse for a pig roast barbecue to celebrate. We are getting ready to send BM another update package.

GTKY: MH is great with thoughtful gifts. I lost one of my favorite limited edition posters in a fire years ago, and he surprised me with another copy for Christmas.

[gnomesweetgnome]

We just passed 2 years since bringing B home, and it'll be one year since finalization next week.

We have had our second foster care placement, J, for almost four weeks. He is already gaining weight and getting stronger. We should be getting started with PT/OT/ST services next week. Today was a permanency conference for his case, but I haven't heard from the CASA how it went yet. We also had a doctor appointment and a visit from our agency case worker today.

[theatrepal]

We've been waiting over a year to match now. We started talking about finding additional agencies last night. The wait is taking its toll on us and our relationship.

Most romantic: it's the little things like showing up at hockey practice when his flight just landed just to give me a hug sooner or bringing home flowers for no reason except he loves me.

[lizblue]

theatrepal, that's tough. Our IF journey really took its toll on our relationship over the years and I was really fearful of a long wait that would do the same. I'll be thinking of you and hoping you are matched soon.

[pinkie]

Feb 9, 2016 15:01:11 GMT -5 theatrepal said:

We've been waiting over a year to match now. We started talking about finding additional agencies last night. The wait is taking its toll on us and our relationship.

Most romantic: it's the little things like showing up at hockey practice when his flight just landed just to give me a hug sooner or bringing home flowers for no reason except he loves me.

I'm sorry! I do think looking at other agency options is a good idea. I don't remember if I ever shared our agency with you but if you are interested pm me and I'll give you details.

The 1 year mark in the wait for our oldest was tough for us too. sending you virtual hugs!

[ceejay]

Congrats on your upcoming finalizations, redandblue and lizblue !

Hugs, theatrepal . Our foster care journey and IF has taken a toll on our relationship as well... Best of luck if you decide to look at some other agencies.


This has been an emotional and stressful few weeks for H and I. Our foster sons have been with us for 5 months. Their bio parents have been mostly MIA for the past 4 months and had shown zero interest in seeing the boys or even hearing how they were doing. We started to get our hopes up that the boys' case may head towards adoption someday. Then out of nowhere, the bio parents started showing up for their drug tests and suddenly they "can't wait to get the boys home." They had their first visit in 4 months last week, and another visit is scheduled for tomorrow. I know it's still early and a lot can happen, but it's been tough for H and I to come to grips with the idea that the boys will probably return home someday. We know that this is what foster care is, and the boys' current goal is to return home, but its just a complete 180 of how the case was looking a few months ago. So we're stuck waiting to see if the bio parents' new found motivation and interest continues. It's difficult for us to make long term decisions for our family (if and when to try IVF, if and when to ask our foster care agency to keep us in mind as a placement for other TPR'd children that may become available) when we don't know for sure what will happen with our foster sons.


GTKY: When H and I were dating during college, I spent a summer in Taiwan for an internship. H coordinated a surprise visit to my home (our families live 8 hours apart) so that he was there when I arrived home at the end of the summer. I ended up accidentally finding out about it ahead of time, but I still acted surprised.  It was so sweet of him, and I was so excited to see him after we had been apart for 3 months.

[redandblue]

ceejay sorry about the difficult time you and YH find yourself in currently. I can't imagine how difficult that must, especially since your foster sons are so young. Those boys are lucky to have so many people who currently love them so much. And hopefully whatever way it ends up, their birth family has found a healthier life.

[jwinct]

redandblue - How exciting! So happy for you!
lizblue - That's wonderful! I hope you get the date soon and you are able to finalize this month!
nobb14 - Hopefully it won't really take that long, but you can throw a kick-ass BBQ either way, to celebrate!
theatrepal- I'm sorry that things are so tough. I hope you get matched soon! Hugs!
ceejay - I can imagine how difficult this must be for you both. Best of luck.

*BFP and ticker warning*

As for me, I got a BFP on January 29th. We have not told DCF yet, but probably should. We kind of wanted to wait to make sure the pregnancy is viable before telling DCF that we are closing our home. But then I'll feel bad if they call us with a potential placement.

So, it looks like I will no longer be an active member of this board, but I will continue to lurk and wish you all the best in the world!


GTKY: DH planned a surprise weekend away at a B&B in Vermont several years ago for our anniversary. He arranged to have my brother take the kids for the weekend - it was wonderful! The following year, I planned an anniversary getaway for us to New York City and got tickets to the New York Beer & Brewery Tour and made reservations at the restaurant we went to for our 1 year dating anniversary in 2003 - so much fun!

[lizblue]

jwinct, holy crap - congratulations! I have everything crossed for you.

[redandblue]

jwinct. Congrats!! All the best for a happy and healthy 9 months.

[butlerfan]

jwinct congrats

[butlerfan]

I'm here. Got some tough news yesterday in regards to our IF journey tbat if we were going to do IVF it would have to be with donor eggs so that is a very tough pill to swallow.

We are working on getting approved for a mortgage to get a house so we can do a home study. We will be starting to figure out classes and more about fostering soon once I process the above info more.



ETA: H planned our honeymoon and gave hints to where during our engagement. I just wanted warm and somewhat tropical. We went to Hawaii and it was gorgerous.

[butlerfan]

Hugs ceejay. Hope things get figured out for you.

[nextchapter24]

Hi Everyone-

We are currently about three months into waiting. We have been shown a lot and have had several situations presented. Most recently we were shown and told we were in the top three of her picks which was hard for us. I am happy with our exposure and realize it's just a waiting game but at the same time the waiting still sucks.


My husband is very romantic much more than I am lol. His proposal was very romantic as well as my 24th birthday. For my birthday he planned a variety of surprises over the weekend ( horseback riding, ballroom dance lessons dinner at our favorite restaraunt ).

i hope everyone is doing well!

[packerfan4life]

Thanks for the check in ceejay! I'm sorry the plans for the boys is so drastically changing. I hope that the system works for them to get them to a safe home whether that's with their bio parents or you.

gnomesweetgnome glad J is doing so well!

Huge ((hugs)) theatrepal

Congrats jwinct! I hope everything goes well with this pregnancy

[packerfan4life]

DD is 16.5 months old. She's doing great. She has such a huge personality.

I'm 22 weeks pregnant and it's starting to get to the point where I feel like this may happen. Just wondering, does anyone have advice on a thoughtful way to share the news of our pregnancy to our daughter's birth mom. We'll probably send an update around Easter. Our adoption is not as open as I'd like so I'm stuck with sending letters through the agency and haven't heard anything in return.

[redandblue]

butlerfan, So sorry for your recent difficult news. Big hugs. Hopefully you will be able to move forward with your home study and classes sooner than later. Have you been in touch with an agency yet?

packerfan4life, I've been wondering how things were going with your pregnancy! 22 weeks!! Wow that's amazing! Sorry, no advice on sharing the news with your DD's BM. Maybe a cute picture of DD wearing a big sister outfit? Let us know what you decide!

[pinkie]

Thanks for the check in . I don't have any adoption related updates at this point but can update about our boys.

My baby is turning 3 in a few weeks and I can't believe how big he is. He talks up a storm and is so smart and so sweet. He can be a challenge for sure (tantrums, etc) but he is just such a big personality.

Our little guy is 16 months and running everywhere, causing trouble. Still no talking but he communicates. He is sweet and cuddly and growing up so fast.

[twocents6708]

Thanks for the check in!

We are going to do our first respite placement next weekend. The first two fell through when kids moved and placement disrupted so we haven't had much luck. We are really excited but expecting it to be a circus as we will have 3 kids ages 3,4, and 8 plus our own 4 year old DD.

GTKY: DH surprised me with a half day at the spa just because when I was a grad school student a year and a half ago. It was so badly needed as I was working full time, going to school and balancing family and was a very pleasant surprise.

[RajahMD]

Update: Looks like we won't be foster or adoptive parents for a few years.

*Poof*

Cue breakdown when I found out. Foster care and adoption have always been my main plan because of my genetic disorders. I'm not even sure if my body can sustain a pregnancy, if I can get pregnant. I know we're only in our 4th cycle trying, so I don't want to borrow trouble, but I can't help but feel hopeless now that my main plan is unavailable for so long.

Sorry for the epic vent. I don't really have anyone IRL to vent to and the whole situation is upsetting.

[redandblue]

RajahMD, so sorry to hear that you are having to put things on hold. Have you contacted the agency yet and explained the situation? You might be able to discuss it with them. They could probably let you know what would be your best next steps, maybe even get the process started. Sorry, that must have been so difficult to take.

[RajahMD]

Feb 17, 2016 11:38:34 GMT -5 redandblue said:

RajahMD, so sorry to hear that you are having to put things on hold. Have you contacted the agency yet and explained the situation? You might be able to discuss it with them. They could probably let you know what would be your best next steps, maybe even get the process started. Sorry, that must have been so difficult to take.

It's VA state law unfortunately. And applies to any "child placing agency", whether it be a local DSS or a private adoption agency. So we're kinda up a creek without a paddle.

[Rogue]

Hi there everyone. It's amazing what a month can do!

Tomorrow is our monthiversary with our 1.5 year old. Things are so much better than I ever expected and I'm super glad we have him! This month we got to tell the foster agency that we are expecting but plan to continue fostering. If we still have a foster at that time, we will keep him but otherwise will take a few months off with new baby.

We just graduated into potty training and that has been an adventure!

Congratulations, I'm sorry, and good luck to all those that need it, whenever they need it!

[lbey]

Is it too late for my update?? Things have been very busy over here!
DD has been with us for 2 months now. She is awesome and i love her to pieces. Yes, we have ups and downs, but we learned to deal with the downs and now we go days before another melt down!!!
School has been quite bad. They just downt know how to deal with DD and ignored my suggestions. March will be our IEP meeting. We are moving to a better school district once school year is over to get into a better school next year.

All in all, things are good and there is not one second that i regret the decision to adopt an older child. Our daughter is perfect for us. She has her dad' s hair and is relaxed like him but she loves reading books like me and definitely got my temper... Lol

Most romantic thing my husband did for me was to let me sleep early on valentines day and he cooked the dinner!

[wesleycrusher]

We are doing well. Went back to visit family this weekend, so DS saw his aunt (who raised him and he thinks is his mom) and he was so happy to see her and her baby, but had no problems when we had to leave. He is calling us mom and dad, but more so because he knows we are called mom and dad, not that he thinks we're his mom and dad. If that makes any sense. But that's totally normal, so no concerns.

We are trying to decide what to do about kindergarten. He's eligible for fall 2017 (which seems like such a far time away) but we have to make the decision by this fall. His birthday is the end of July, DD's birthday is beginning of October, and the cutoff is Sept 1st. So they could be in different years, but they are in the same class in preschool and for extracurricular activities and it's hard to make the decision if we should separate them. They get upset now if they have to be separated (like sometimes for ratio purposes). It's so frustrating because they are really at the same age developmentally and I can't see one going a whole year earlier. We have time to decide, but it's a big decision that is looming.

[oneslybookworm]

I figure I'll jump in, even though it's late. DH and I have picked an agency and submitted an application, and we have our orientation session next week to go over what all we need for the home study. I am so glad that we're kicking this off now...I feel like we've been in a holding pattern for the last three years.