Welcome back Hooper88. How you are feeling is completely normal, especially if you got pregnant before quickly. Yes, waiting sucks. Yes, it is a test of patience. Hang in there.
And guys, it's not like she came into 3T and posted this. It's totally normal and acceptable to feel sad and impatient while TTC and she is just looking for some understanding and commiseration. If we want GKU to thrive as a GKU board - not a 3T board - we have to be welcoming posts and complaints, that are, like it or not, relevant and normal for someone in their first year of TTC.
And guys, it's not like she came into 3T and posted this. It's totally normal and acceptable to feel sad and impatient while TTC and she is just looking for some understanding and commiseration. If we want GKU to thrive as a GKU board - not a 3T board - we have to be welcoming posts and complaints, that are, like it or not, relevant and normal for someone in their first year of TTC.
I get what you're saying, but I don't completely agree with it.
Sure, too some extent, we have to accept that people will be disappointed and sad that they aren't pregnant as quickly as they had hoped. Like you said, that's normal.
But I don't think we're doing them any services by coddling and hair patting posts like this, either. No, flames aren't appropriate here (and I don't think they were present). Saying that this post bothered me isn't inappropriate, either, though. Personally, her OP read like she was laying it on real thick. I very much got the "woe is me" vibe from it. That's where my problem was, not in the actual complaints themselves.
We were all newbs once. Everyone would do good to remember that. Many of us were similarly disappointed at the six month mark. It's okay to be disappointed, but it's similarly okay to express frustration at impatience. It's okay to remind someone that six months of no pregnancy is normal and that the odds simply aren't with you. TTC is rough business and sometimes a little tough love is necessary.
For what it's worth, Hooper88, I do sincerely hope you join in, despite any misgivings on my end. Everyone is welcome on GKU, in whatever situation they find themselves. We'll help you along the way and I hope you find yourself in the other side sooner rather than later. :)
Welcome back Hooper88. How you are feeling is completely normal, especially if you got pregnant before quickly. Yes, waiting sucks. Yes, it is a test of patience. Hang in there.
And guys, it's not like she came into 3T and posted this. It's totally normal and acceptable to feel sad and impatient while TTC and she is just looking for some understanding and commiseration. If we want GKU to thrive as a GKU board - not a 3T board - we have to be welcoming posts and complaints, that are, like it or not, relevant and normal for someone in their first year of TTC.
I think you have valid points! And I wholeheartedly mean it when I say I welcome her and do hope she'll stick around (of course not too long) but as comfortable as she feels sharing her disappointment I believe we should all feel comfortable to also share our feelings in response and to be honest and (lisa) frank with her so that she's not running off to the RE or creating a problem in her mind.
Thanks again everyone. Again I am sorry for those who I offended. I am frustrated, and I was just venting. I have been part of these types of boards before (I was a participating member of TTC on TB) and I understand how they work and personally I don't think I said anything that was offensive or warranted to much snark. I know that there are women who have been trying longer and while that doesn't make my frustration any less I will be sure to be more sensitive in what I post in the future. I was having a particularly bad day yesterday for multiple reasons and maybe I did "lay it on a little thick" but at the time it was how I felt. I plan on sticking around, and I really look forward to getting to know everyone. To those of who I may have offended please know it was not intentional and I hope you give me another chance moving forward.
Thanks again everyone. Again I am sorry for those who I offended. I am frustrated, and I was just venting. I have been part of these types of boards before (I was a participating member of TTC on TB) and I understand how they work and personally I don't think I said anything that was offensive or warranted to much snark. I know that there are women who have been trying longer and while that doesn't make my frustration any less I will be sure to be more sensitive in what I post in the future. I was having a particularly bad day yesterday for multiple reasons and maybe I did "lay it on a little thick" but at the time it was how I felt. I plan on sticking around, and I really look forward to getting to know everyone. To those of who I may have offended please know it was not intentional and I hope you give me another chance moving forward.
Ummm...
I was trying to say while I personally don't think I said anything offensive, it obviously offended some people and to those people I apologize.
I was trying to say while I personally don't think I said anything offensive, it obviously offended some people and to those people I apologize.
Oh.
So a non apology. Good to know.
I was being honest in saying I personally don't find anything I said as being offensive but obviously some took it that way and I apologize for that. I am sorry if I hurt anyones feelings, I truly am.
Post by ♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪ on Feb 9, 2016 21:38:22 GMT -5
JFC, nothing was "offensive." Just because it rubbed people the wrong way doesn't mean it was offensive.
Hoops, I think everyone understands that whatever you did was not intentional. You can just apologize and let it go. No "but I didn't think it was snark-worthy" necessary. Because other people's reactions aren't dependent on what you think the reaction should be.
That being said, I think everyone should let it go. TTC sucks balls.
P.S. - I hope you like the name Hoops because I'm too lazy to scroll up and tag you properly. Hang in there. If you stick around, you'll have people to commiserate with.
Hooper88. I'm on your side I really am. I can tell you came here the other day in a bad spot and needed to vent and I know you are apologetic because you can see that you've hurt some people's feelings. Thank you for taking the advice given here and not going crazy and returning to reality. That says a lot about your character and I think it means you'll fit in here... But lurk more, read up on the newbie blog and take a step back for just a few minutes.
You have to realize that the language you are using in your apology is a problem. You were not trying to offend, but point blank you did. Its not "if I offended you," it's I am sorry "to those I've offended." It's not "if I hurt feelings." You did hurt feelings and people told you as much. Take this advice and it will help you in the future. And not just on this board.
Welcome back Hooper88. How you are feeling is completely normal, especially if you got pregnant before quickly. Yes, waiting sucks. Yes, it is a test of patience. Hang in there.
And guys, it's not like she came into 3T and posted this. It's totally normal and acceptable to feel sad and impatient while TTC and she is just looking for some understanding and commiseration. If we want GKU to thrive as a GKU board - not a 3T board - we have to be welcoming posts and complaints, that are, like it or not, relevant and normal for someone in their first year of TTC.
I'm not coddling someone because the board is slow. She's entitled to her feelings and I'm truly sorry for anyone that struggles while TTC, regardless of how long they've been at it. But to say that she thinks she's going to be around here for awhile because it hasn't happened in the first 5 months is borrowing trouble. GKU/TTGP has always been a no-bullshit community that doesn't encourage AW/woe-is-me type of posts. I know we've gotten a little softer since the exodus, but I'm not going to feed into someone's crazy because we need more members. There's not even any snark in this thread, FFS.
TTC #1 since August 2013 DX: Endo November 2014: Hysteroscopy, D&C June - September 2015: Clomid + Novarel + IUI #1-3 January 2017: Laparoscopy - endo removed
Welcome back Hooper88 . How you are feeling is completely normal, especially if you got pregnant before quickly. Yes, waiting sucks. Yes, it is a test of patience. Hang in there.
And guys, it's not like she came into 3T and posted this. It's totally normal and acceptable to feel sad and impatient while TTC and she is just looking for some understanding and commiseration. If we want GKU to thrive as a GKU board - not a 3T board - we have to be welcoming posts and complaints, that are, like it or not, relevant and normal for someone in their first year of TTC.
I'm not coddling someone because the board is slow. She's entitled to her feelings and I'm truly sorry for anyone that struggles while TTC, regardless of how long they've been at it. But to say that she thinks she's going to be around here for awhile because it hasn't happened in the first 5 months is borrowing trouble. GKU/TTGP has always been a no-bullshit community that doesn't encourage AW/woe-is-me type of posts. I know we've gotten a little softer since the exodus, but I'm not going to feed into someone's crazy because we need more members. There's not even any snark in this thread, FFS.
I get it, I really do. I was being a drama queen, I will own up to that for sure. I was in a bad spot and probably should have taken a deep breath before I came here and word vomited.
I'm not coddling someone because the board is slow. She's entitled to her feelings and I'm truly sorry for anyone that struggles while TTC, regardless of how long they've been at it. But to say that she thinks she's going to be around here for awhile because it hasn't happened in the first 5 months is borrowing trouble. GKU/TTGP has always been a no-bullshit community that doesn't encourage AW/woe-is-me type of posts. I know we've gotten a little softer since the exodus, but I'm not going to feed into someone's crazy because we need more members. There's not even any snark in this thread, FFS.
I get it, I really do. I was being a drama queen, I will own up to that for sure. I was in a bad spot and probably should have taken a deep breath before I came here and word vomited.
It happens to the best of us. I'm not going to hold it against you, we all say dumb stuff sometimes. I really do hope you stick around and get to know us!
TTC #1 since August 2013 DX: Endo November 2014: Hysteroscopy, D&C June - September 2015: Clomid + Novarel + IUI #1-3 January 2017: Laparoscopy - endo removed
I'm not coddling someone because the board is slow. She's entitled to her feelings and I'm truly sorry for anyone that struggles while TTC, regardless of how long they've been at it. But to say that she thinks she's going to be around here for awhile because it hasn't happened in the first 5 months is borrowing trouble. GKU/TTGP has always been a no-bullshit community that doesn't encourage AW/woe-is-me type of posts. I know we've gotten a little softer since the exodus, but I'm not going to feed into someone's crazy because we need more members. There's not even any snark in this thread, FFS.
I get it, I really do. I was being a drama queen, I will own up to that for sure. I was in a bad spot and probably should have taken a deep breath before I came here and word vomited.
^^^^^^^^This gets you props.
You'll be fine here. Everyone's said something without thinking before. Welcome to the party, kid. ;)
Welcome back Hooper88 . How you are feeling is completely normal, especially if you got pregnant before quickly. Yes, waiting sucks. Yes, it is a test of patience. Hang in there.
And guys, it's not like she came into 3T and posted this. It's totally normal and acceptable to feel sad and impatient while TTC and she is just looking for some understanding and commiseration. If we want GKU to thrive as a GKU board - not a 3T board - we have to be welcoming posts and complaints, that are, like it or not, relevant and normal for someone in their first year of TTC.
she is less than 6 months in trying for her 2nd, who isn't even 2..... So um yeah...
I agree with hippo.There is no need point out that she has already has a child under two. One baby, no babies. The six month mark can be very discouraging. She was venting, she apologized, and now appears to be learning from it.
In general, I would really hope that everyone here understands that the TTC journey can be very stressful at times, regardless of how many children someone has had. There is absolutely no reason that anyone should ever diminish another person's TTC concerns because they already have a child. It's just not ok.
Yeah, but my point is that whether the OP was trying for her first, second, etc, it was completely irrelevant.
Meh..
But we all know, there is a difference, weather we like it or not, and it's how we personally perceive things. to me personally, it's annoying, and it stings, but, people are entitled to feel any way they want.
Aca-scuse me?
I wasn't aware that we placed certain TTC IF struggles on a pedestal. I could say more but I wont.
Yeah, but my point is that whether the OP was trying for her first, second, etc, it was completely irrelevant.
Meh..
But we all know, there is a difference, weather we like it or not, and it's how we personally perceive things. to me personally, it's annoying, and it stings, but, people are entitled to feel any way they want.
Yes, you're entitled to be hurt by the OP's initial statements. We've established that it was hurtful to some people, she's apologized, and we need to move on.
What's not okay is to imply that, because someone already has a child, her struggles are somehow less important than someone who is trying for her first baby. That's bullshit.
juliayadda , kayladawn91 ,I never said it was less important ffs. I may not be conveying things well
I'm guessing this is part of the issue, because I read the same thing from your posts. The rest of my diatribe is not directed solely towards you, Wicked.
I haven't been here in a while, but some of you know me and you know that I enjoy bluntness and snark as much as the next gal.
HOWEVER...I find some of the condescension in the replies to be a bit...much. Who GAF if the OP has been trying for 1 week or 1 year? Her pain is her pain - her struggle is her struggle - and her anxiety is her anxiety. To diminish any of it because she needs to be ready to be in it for the long haul or hasn't been in it as long as you (general you)? And PLEASE don't try to say that you (general you) weren't being condescending or were "just trying to help." When you start commenting things like "oh, honey" (fucking grinds my gears - probably the most condescending phrase on these boards) or "oh." or "..." shit..you know good and well what you're trying to do - and that's to make the OP look and feel like a moron.
The OP in this case graciously took the comments in stride (I really don't think she owed anyone an apology, TBH - X amount of time may not be long in the scheme of things, but if its long for her she's allowed to hate it - it doesn't diminish anyone else's struggle), and has attempted to be open to the words and suggestions of the board.
No one is saying to coddle anyone here. Pointing out that she's "only" been trying for however long is ridiculous and so NOT the point of this board. I don't think she came here looking for an IF diagnosis. She came here looking for answers to some questions (which she got) and to join a community. She wasn't an asshole.
TL;DR I think some of the condescension in this thread was ill-placed and off-putting.
juliayadda , kayladawn91 ,I never said it was less important ffs. I may not be conveying things well
I'm guessing this is part of the issue, because I read the same thing from your posts. The rest of my diatribe is not directed solely towards you, Wicked.
I haven't been here in a while, but some of you know me and you know that I enjoy bluntness and snark as much as the next gal.
HOWEVER...I find some of the condescension in the replies to be a bit...much. Who GAF if the OP has been trying for 1 week or 1 year? Her pain is her pain - her struggle is her struggle - and her anxiety is her anxiety. To diminish any of it because she needs to be ready to be in it for the long haul or hasn't been in it as long as you (general you)? And PLEASE don't try to say that you (general you) weren't being condescending or were "just trying to help." When you start commenting things like "oh, honey" (fucking grinds my gears - probably the most condescending phrase on these boards) or "oh." or "..." shit..you know good and well what you're trying to do - and that's to make the OP look and feel like a moron.
The OP in this case graciously took the comments in stride (I really don't think she owed anyone an apology, TBH - X amount of time may not be long in the scheme of things, but if its long for her she's allowed to hate it - it doesn't diminish anyone else's struggle), and has attempted to be open to the words and suggestions of the board.
No one is saying to coddle anyone here. Pointing out that she's "only" been trying for however long is ridiculous and so NOT the point of this board. I don't think she came here looking for an IF diagnosis. She came here looking for answers to some questions (which she got) and to join a community. She wasn't an asshole.
TL;DR I think some of the condescension in this thread was ill-placed and off-putting.
Number One: Born 06.16.2009 BFP: 01.17.2014 / MC 02.05.2014 BFP: 03.08.2014 / MMC: 05.07.2014 Dx: Partial Molar/GTD. Benched until 01.2015 Number Two: Born 07.22.2016
juliayadda , kayladawn91 ,I never said it was less important ffs. I may not be conveying things well
I'm guessing this is part of the issue, because I read the same thing from your posts. The rest of my diatribe is not directed solely towards you, Wicked.
I haven't been here in a while, but some of you know me and you know that I enjoy bluntness and snark as much as the next gal.
HOWEVER...I find some of the condescension in the replies to be a bit...much. Who GAF if the OP has been trying for 1 week or 1 year? Her pain is her pain - her struggle is her struggle - and her anxiety is her anxiety. To diminish any of it because she needs to be ready to be in it for the long haul or hasn't been in it as long as you (general you)? And PLEASE don't try to say that you (general you) weren't being condescending or were "just trying to help." When you start commenting things like "oh, honey" (fucking grinds my gears - probably the most condescending phrase on these boards) or "oh." or "..." shit..you know good and well what you're trying to do - and that's to make the OP look and feel like a moron.
The OP in this case graciously took the comments in stride (I really don't think she owed anyone an apology, TBH - X amount of time may not be long in the scheme of things, but if its long for her she's allowed to hate it - it doesn't diminish anyone else's struggle), and has attempted to be open to the words and suggestions of the board.
No one is saying to coddle anyone here. Pointing out that she's "only" been trying for however long is ridiculous and so NOT the point of this board. I don't think she came here looking for an IF diagnosis. She came here looking for answers to some questions (which she got) and to join a community. She wasn't an asshole.
TL;DR I think some of the condescension in this thread was ill-placed and off-putting.
The OP did not say she had IF, she just said she was frustrated with the process and (understandably) hurt/frustrated when those around her are having much better luck. I get it.
And I hereby give you permission to drink on Wednesdays from here on out frankenboom.
juliayadda , kayladawn91 ,I never said it was less important ffs. I may not be conveying things well
I'm guessing this is part of the issue, because I read the same thing from your posts. The rest of my diatribe is not directed solely towards you, Wicked.
I haven't been here in a while, but some of you know me and you know that I enjoy bluntness and snark as much as the next gal.
HOWEVER...I find some of the condescension in the replies to be a bit...much. Who GAF if the OP has been trying for 1 week or 1 year? Her pain is her pain - her struggle is her struggle - and her anxiety is her anxiety. To diminish any of it because she needs to be ready to be in it for the long haul or hasn't been in it as long as you (general you)? And PLEASE don't try to say that you (general you) weren't being condescending or were "just trying to help." When you start commenting things like "oh, honey" (fucking grinds my gears - probably the most condescending phrase on these boards) or "oh." or "..." shit..you know good and well what you're trying to do - and that's to make the OP look and feel like a moron.
The OP in this case graciously took the comments in stride (I really don't think she owed anyone an apology, TBH - X amount of time may not be long in the scheme of things, but if its long for her she's allowed to hate it - it doesn't diminish anyone else's struggle), and has attempted to be open to the words and suggestions of the board.
No one is saying to coddle anyone here. Pointing out that she's "only" been trying for however long is ridiculous and so NOT the point of this board. I don't think she came here looking for an IF diagnosis. She came here looking for answers to some questions (which she got) and to join a community. She wasn't an asshole.
TL;DR I think some of the condescension in this thread was ill-placed and off-putting.
Number One: Born 06.16.2009 BFP: 01.17.2014 / MC 02.05.2014 BFP: 03.08.2014 / MMC: 05.07.2014 Dx: Partial Molar/GTD. Benched until 01.2015 Number Two: Born 07.22.2016
juliayadda , kayladawn91 ,I never said it was less important ffs. I may not be conveying things well
I'm guessing this is part of the issue, because I read the same thing from your posts. The rest of my diatribe is not directed solely towards you, Wicked.
I haven't been here in a while, but some of you know me and you know that I enjoy bluntness and snark as much as the next gal.
HOWEVER...I find some of the condescension in the replies to be a bit...much. Who GAF if the OP has been trying for 1 week or 1 year? Her pain is her pain - her struggle is her struggle - and her anxiety is her anxiety. To diminish any of it because she needs to be ready to be in it for the long haul or hasn't been in it as long as you (general you)? And PLEASE don't try to say that you (general you) weren't being condescending or were "just trying to help." When you start commenting things like "oh, honey" (fucking grinds my gears - probably the most condescending phrase on these boards) or "oh." or "..." shit..you know good and well what you're trying to do - and that's to make the OP look and feel like a moron.
The OP in this case graciously took the comments in stride (I really don't think she owed anyone an apology, TBH - X amount of time may not be long in the scheme of things, but if its long for her she's allowed to hate it - it doesn't diminish anyone else's struggle), and has attempted to be open to the words and suggestions of the board.
No one is saying to coddle anyone here. Pointing out that she's "only" been trying for however long is ridiculous and so NOT the point of this board. I don't think she came here looking for an IF diagnosis. She came here looking for answers to some questions (which she got) and to join a community. She wasn't an asshole.
TL;DR I think some of the condescension in this thread was ill-placed and off-putting.
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