So glad I had just eaten pancakes for breakfast before opening this thread. Nom!
Yesterday was fantastic. DH started the tile in our master bath and it's looking so good! He should get it done or very close today. Yay! It was 66 deg yesterday, so we hung out outside with some of our neighbors and our dogs. It was so nice to get that Vitamin D!
Today I really need to use to get this house cleaned up and go grocery shopping. We are out of literally everything. Ugh, I just hate shopping on the weekend...so crowded!
Post by manybellsdown on Feb 21, 2016 10:28:41 GMT -5
So DH wished me a happy anniversary when I made it downstairs. This came as quite a surprise. Er, oops, I completely forgot. I've been married 7 years today!
He admitted he only remembered because his phone reminded him. Seven years folks.
*sigh* All these helpful husbands. I'm really starting to feel like DH is in for such a rude awakening about his lifestyle. I can't really pinpoint one thing that has me worried, so it is hard for me to figure out how to talk to him about it. We've always had that common problem of one person who gets annoyed and frustrated by messes and the other person doesn't even see them. We've come to a compromise where he'll do big jobs a couple times a week on his days off and I take care of the smaller day to day stuff. I work fewer hours than he does in a less physically demanding job, so I do feel like it evens out. But this was a long process over the years, where he had to learn to respect the level of cleanliness I care about (which isn't actually a high level at all) and I had to realize that he when he sees an overflowing trash can, his brain is saying, "I can balance one more thing on top of that" and not "that's Viv's problem, not mine." I'm just really hoping that he steps up and this doesn't have to turn into frustration and fights after the baby is born when we are both tired and fragile. I think part of it is that my body reminds me 100 times an hour of what is coming, and his life is going on mostly as it usually does. Which I think is normal and fine... I just wish I had more assurance that I'm not going to have to micromanage him to get the level of help I'll need.
Post by ArgyleEnigma on Feb 21, 2016 10:48:44 GMT -5
In other news, my morning sickness is officially back. Struggle. Bus.
ETA vivela We were composing at the same time, but I'm sorry you're having chore disparities. I'm usually the offender in those and I think you are right that he just doesn't see it, and it's kind of you to frame your thinking that way.
DS's birthday party was so fun yesterday! He liked spending time with everyone at our house, and he got some great birthday presents! The zoo was awesome and he loved seeing all the animals. I think I overdid it though. I got really sick when we got home and then spent the whole evening in bed. It was worth it though!
vivela you probably will fight but don't worry, it gets better. A baby, lack of sleep and the feeling that you're doing everything and being needed 100% by the baby is tough. My husband and I struggled for a year but we're in a good place now. I am anticipating some rocky ground again when #2 comes but I feel like I'm better prepared this time because I know what to expect (and not to expect) from him. He's a great husband and dad but it took some adjustment on both of our parts. Keep working on communication. Seems like you're headed in the right direction. Marriage is work.
Post by packerfan4life on Feb 21, 2016 13:45:56 GMT -5
manybellsdown that is so completely adorable. Sadly I'm the lighter sleeper so DD always wakes me up first. I'd love that extra sleep in the morning
vivela we have a similar problem with discongruent cleanliness levels. The problem is I hate cleaning. And I work more than H. We still haven't gotten a good system worked out.
I'm so excited! We booked a weekend getaway for next month. Hopefully I'll still feel up for hiking, DD will be in a good mood (and not scream for the full car trip), and we'll have a ton of fun! If nothing else the hotel has a pool and DD will probably LOVE that
I took a barre class this morning and did surprisingly okay. I can't bend in half cause my big belly but overall I kept up. Felt so good to exercise. Dh just got an amazing article written about him. He did really well at conference and I'm so proud of him. He travels so much and it's freaking hard, so I'm happy to see his hard work pay off
Post by Flair Underwood on Feb 21, 2016 13:58:48 GMT -5
vivela... We are in that boat. DH is so particular about things that I literally don't even see. We've even been to a counselor about but he has always just felt like he's compromising and I am not changing. Which neither are true. Sometimes it's not so bad, and sometimes it seems painfully "irreconcilable." You'll fight after the baby gets here, but you will all survive.
I think one thing I could never have prepared for was how hard the first 6 months of parenthood is. The fights- the exhaustion... It was a scary time in our lives for sure.
Post by Flair Underwood on Feb 21, 2016 14:03:11 GMT -5
Okay, that was negative and I'm sorry. DH and I had a fight yesterday and I'm not feeling great yet. I asked him NOT to do something, he then proceeded to do it and when I said he was stressing me out he began to break things and tell me All I ever do is push and pick and he doesn't even like being around me. This is how he fights and I HATE it. It wasn't a fight even - he freaked when I expressed my feelings and was then an ass. He never, ever apologizes so, ugh. Pity party over.
Flair Underwood I'm sorry about your fight. Fighting with someone you love is awful especially cause they know exactly what to say that can be the most hurtful. I hope you are able to talk to him calmly today. It sounds like he does owe you an apology.
Post by Flair Underwood on Feb 21, 2016 17:15:29 GMT -5
Thanks, ArgyleEnigma. I actually work at a dv shelter - so I know all the signs and I know I'm not in danger. Dh's parents had a horrible relationship so he's never seen a respectful disagreement - only knock down drag-out wars. No excuse but he is what he is. His classic is "I don't apologize because I'm no sorry." Le sigh.
Post by frecklesnbrains on Feb 21, 2016 17:37:30 GMT -5
Flair Underwood, I'm glad to hear you know how to protect yourself! So sorry your H is being so difficult. I hate arguments, especially when one person doesn't play fair. I hope things turn around and get back to normal quickly.
Post by manybellsdown on Feb 21, 2016 17:50:43 GMT -5
Flair Underwood, hugs. I would have a hard time being like, why are you NOT sorry?! I'm sure that could go round and round for awhile, helping no one. I hope he shows you "sorry" in other ways and you can get past this argument quickly.
Thanks for the comments, ladies. Weirdly, it helps to hear that those fights WILL happen, and it is an adjustment period and it will just suck sometimes. I have had this sense that I should be preparing our marriage better somehow... Between trying to get the renovations on the house done and baby stuff, I have a lot on my plate right now partly because I've made zero effort to involve DH in it. So I tell myself he doesn't care what stroller I pick (not because he doesn't care if it is a good stroller, but because he knows I'll put a lot of work into finding the best one and trusts my judgement), so I never bother to ask him to help, then do all this work to find the perfect one, then get stressed because I'm on my own trying to make this decision... And then it isn't just the stroller, it is the 50 other decisions that have to be made about everything from bedding to bathtub. I'm awful at delegating and I can't even book a hotel room for two nights without looking at reviews for 20 different options. It is not a great combination
Late to the weekend party but I'm happy to announce we survived Great Wolf Lodge. I was so worried one of us would be sick but we all survived and are healthy. DD liked it but didn't love it. I was totally bummed she HATED the slides (the little tiny ones) and hated the water dripping from everywhere. My husband kept reminding me she was having fun even if it wasn't the fun I had wanted for her.
Let me add to the fighting after baby thread. It's a really hard adjustment for sure and we had a lot of issues too. Mainly they were they my husband didn't do much in the way of helping before baby and it didn't bother me so much but then this little human came along and needed all my time and I couldn't do everything I absolutely freaked when she was right around 3 months (right around Christmas) and went to my parents house a week before him for the holidays. It was a fantastic idea. It allowed me to take time and get all sorts of help from my family and he realized that I needed help. We got a lot better after that. We still had our issues and. I realized I needed to be more specific and give him tasks and timelines but we are in such a better place now. Everyone will get heated when they are exhausted but you'll figure it out and come out stronger on the other side
Post by sandandsea on Feb 21, 2016 20:08:20 GMT -5
DH and I have always had an awesome marriage and really have been best friends the entire time. We waited 9 years to have kids and seriously the first year after having a baby is by far the hardest. I still don't think our marriage was ever in trouble but geez that year was HARD!!! I laugh when people say the first or seventh year are the hardest. The year you add a non sleeping, crying, needy 24/7 newborn is the hardest!! But it does get better, especially as you work through the kinks and that newborn grows up a little and becomes a little less needy. By the time DS was 2 I would say all of the bumps were worked out and it was back to normal bff land. We actually had a couple of serious discussions and evaluated if we were really ready to go through that again before ttc #2. We both agreed we can survive two years and it will be 10000% worth it in four years. . This time we are at least expecting some bumps and know when to ask for more help and hire more babysitters. . I don't think the first time we had any idea that a baby could make you question 13 years of rock solid relationship!!! This time we can conquer the world.
Post by sandandsea on Feb 21, 2016 20:13:03 GMT -5
I totally overdid it yesterday but we got a lot done. We planted the strawberries, did some landscaping, went on a bike ride, and hung a fancy light fixture in our hallway. We called it a night at 1:30am and we're both super sore. We slept in this morning until 9 then finished hanging the light and returned the giant ladder by noon. Then had lunch and I felt awful (stomachache and cramping) so we have been having a family nap this afternoon and it's been amazing. DS does a great job with family naps because he gets to sleep in our bed and he didn't go to bed until 11:30 pm and was up before 7 so he needed it too!!
ETA. This is the light we installed! It looks amazing but totally sucked to do especially with an 18ft ceiling and a 14 ft rented ladder. But we paid $40 to rent the ladder and the electrician that never returned my call had quoted $100/hour and 2 hours to install. It would have taken him at least 4-6 so we at least saved some money because he never returned my call.
nymama917 I'm glad you had a good time and none of you were sick!
sandandsea that light fixture is awesome! You had a busy day and I'm totally impressed that you stayed up until 1:30!
+1 to everything that's been said about relationships. They're hard enough on their own. Then add in a baby and it can be really hard. I've got to say though, that there is really nothing better than watching a Dad with his baby!
Marriage is hard after a baby. Especially if baby doesn't sleep or is colicky. I think the adjustment was harder on DH because he felt helpless and also felt neglected as my focus shifted to baby. We definitely went through a rough patch. It was a difficult recovery for our marriage, but we made it. It was intensified by the fact that DH came from a dysfunctional family and had no idea how to function in a healthy relationship. I think he still struggles.
I am having intense pain in my right butt cheek all the way down to my foot. I can barley walk at times. I have self diagnosed it as sciatic pain. I'm not finding many helpful remedies. I also am fighting off a cough, where I pee nearly every time I cough, so I am in rough shape these days.
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