TTCAL Check-In 2/23

[notagoddess]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive after a loss every week.

Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.

**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**

How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent):

GTKY: Spring is around the corner. What are you looking forward to in the change of seasons?

[notagoddess]

How are you doing? I'm OK. I've had so much going on that TTC is less on my mind than before. This is a P&R but I'll be back to tag later.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): Uterine septum

Updates/questions: I had my MRI and CD 3 blood work yesterday. MH is getting a SA this week. We're going to schedule an appointment with the RE in about 2 weeks. Hopefully, we'll get some answers.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Not GKU related but I spent the whole weekend at the ICU with my grandmother. It's looking like she'll make it, but for a while things were really bad and we thought that was it. I'm upset, stressed, and very behind on some assignments, which is causing even more stress.

GTKY: Spring is around the corner. What are you looking forward to in the change of seasons?  I'm looking forward to exercising outdoors instead of having to go to the gym. I'm also enjoying the longer days already.

[Deleted]

Trigger warning**** LC mentioned

How are you doing? I'm doing pretty ok

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC cycle 1AL

Diagnosis (if applicable): AMA

Updates/questions: I don't know what my body is doing. I haven't temped so I based O on positive OPK but now I don't know if I O'd because I'm 15dpo and no AF and all BFN. And I spotted on 11 & 12 DPO but that was it. Wtf?! Lol. Clearly I need to start temping. I just know last time I tried I couldn't even make sense of it because my sleep is so interrupted and I am forgetful lol. Will try harder!

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Im going to register my oldest for K today and my "baby" is going to be 3 in less than a month. Which is bumming me out because the gap between kids is getting bigger and bigger... It's silly I know. I should be grateful for what I have, I know.

GTKY: Spring is around the corner. What are you looking forward to in the change of seasons? Not allergies! Lol. Warm weather because I am a photographer so spring = lots of outdoor shooting!

[Deleted]

Hugs notagoddess I hope your grandmother gets better!

[wannabmama]

notagoddess sending good thoughts to your grandmother and family. I hope she continues to improve. Take care of yourself, too.

Status: TTC
Diagnosis: AMA/MFI
Updates/questions: we are just hanging around, waiting to hopefully do IVF next month. This is a natural cycle for us l so I have no expectations or hope.
Debbie downer: ha I guess my answer above was pretty downer...
GTKY: just being outside more, I like at least walking with the dogs in the am a few days a week and it easier when it's warmer and light out! I also love the days where you can open the windows in the house and let the fresh spring air in!!

[peaseblossom55]

notagoddess, I hope your grandmother gets better, the added stress is no good.

How are you doing? Not good at all

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): Me: PCOS DH: Pericentric inversion of chromosome 9

Updates/questions: So ER was last week they got 8 eggs 4 were mature 3 fertilized as of yesterday morning the day 5 embryos were slow growing, & not at the blastocyst stage to be biopsied for PGS. So I am supposed to hear today. Usually when they have normal updates they call before 9, so I am expecting to hear bad news that the other 2 haven't developed today and nothing will have resulted from IVF #1

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I feel like sometimes I will never get pregnant again. I am so beyond disappointed how this IVF turned out and that most likely we will have nothing to show for it. We are doing another cycle next month, but I fear we will get the same results. I really feel so depressed, I just want to constantly cry. Sorry for being such a Debbie downer

GTKY: Spring is around the corner. What are you looking forward to in the change of seasons? Warmer weather not being miserably cold all the time.

[doodler]

notagoddess I am so sorry about your grandmother. It sounds like she is doing better now and I hope things continue in a positive direction!
@irish sometimes I get down about the fact that the gap is getting wider between my kids. But then I remind myself that I know tons of people who have wider gaps between kids(including my family!) and they have amazing family dynamics.
wannabmama sorry you're just hanging out. It's exciting that IVF is almost here!
peaseblossom55 I hope you are wrong about the embryos. I've got everything crossed for you. I'm sorry you are down in the dumps. I'm sure all the extra hormones and shots you have in you aren't helping. ((hugs))
danib good luck with your timing


How are you doing? I'm ok today. It pretty much changes hour by hour at this point.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Benched for 3 months to rule out Partial Molar.

Diagnosis (if applicable): RPL

Updates/questions: DH and I go back to the OB on Thursday to discuss the RPL testing and next steps.

Also, thanks for all of the support after my story about the therapist last week. For the most part I have been able to laugh it off. A few things she said stung but I'm trying to write her off as crazy. I'm not sure if I will see someone else but one of the social workers at work gave me a recommendation. We will see.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Nothing specific this week!

GTKY: Spring is around the corner. What are you looking forward to in the change of seasons? I am sooo ready for Spring/Summer. Crab feasts, swimming, long walks, wearing dresses, cookouts, bonfires, smores! Bring it on!

[requiressnacks]

notagoddess, I'm so sorry about your grandmother. Hopefully she pulls through.
@irish, my mom planned me and my sisters all 4 years apart and we love it. Don't fret.
wannabmama, I hope you get your BFP this month, but if you don't - I'm glad you have a plan.
peaseblossom55, I have no good advice. Just hang in there. ((hugs))
danib, hope the timing works out with H!
doodler, sounds like you have the right attitude.


Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): Unexplained IF

Updates/questions: Nothing really - just hanging out in the TWW of my first IUI since the loss.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I just always torture myself and lurk my BMB. I don't know why!

GTKY: Spring is around the corner. What are you looking forward to in the change of seasons? Aside from the obvious (warm weather!) I am excited for my first paid day off of 2016 - good Friday. C'mon March!

[littlelion]

How are you doing? Fine

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, WTO

Diagnosis (if applicable): MTHFR and AMA

Updates/questions: Well, I saw someone else post that their LP has gotten longer since starting progesterone. So that explains why my periods are coming in later than expected. Also, DH and I are having some good times.  Still argue quite a bit esp about his drinking. But he's making me feel very special these days. 

Debbie downer (a place to vent): none today.

GTKY: I am looking fwd to the warm (but not hot) weather and airing my house out. 

[littlelion]

notagoddess , Hope your grandmother continues to make a healthy recovery.
@irish , Hope you figure out what is going on soon. I'm like you, I should temp but my sleep is unpredictable.
peaseblossom55 , don't give up hope yet! FX that you get some good news soon!
danib , GL getting to O before your husband leaves!
doodler , How could I forget about the s'mores! Yes, to looking fwd to that as well. I actually have a recipe for some s'mores bars that I may dig up now that you mention it. 
requiressnacks , I think lurking your BMB after your loss is common, you were getting to know those ladies.  But it does hurt to see their progress.  What I do now is in the TWW I lurk the BMB I could graduate too and think of how I'd introduce myself. Dumb and torturous. 

[requiressnacks]

littlelion, I'm so glad I'm not the only one!

[kayladawn91]

How are you doing? I'm okay. Just frustrated.

Status: TTC / cycle 9/month 11 AL

Diagnosis: n/a

Updates/questions: none

Debbie Downer: I'm just so frustrated to be approaching the year mark of TTCAL and to still not be pregnant.

GTKY: Just being outside more. We had a fluke spring weather weekend and it was nice to be able to walk the dogs and enjoy the outdoors without freezing.

[kayladawn91]

notagoddess I hope you get some answers in the coming weeks!

@irish MH and his brother are 6 years apart and they're best friends now.

wannabmama sorry you feel this cycle is kind of a waste, but I'm glad you have IVF scheduled for next cycle!

peaseblossom55 so many hugs. I'm sorry for all the feels you're having about TTC and IVF. I hope you get good news today.

danib I hope you O soon!

doodler I hope that if you do go to a different therapist that you find it helpful!

requiressnacks I hope this TWW ends with good news!!

littlelion I'm glad you and YH are getting along good

[peaseblossom55]

Feb 23, 2016 11:11:49 GMT -5 requiressnacks said:

littlelion , I'm so glad I'm not the only one!

Guilty of doing it too. I'm a glutton for punishment I guess.

[Deleted]

requiressnacks fingers crossed for you!!!

And thanks guys, I know a larger age gap will be just fine and I'm sure if we are lucky enough to welcome a third my kids will be great with him/her. I just so loved the dynamics between my first two who are less than 2.5 yrs apart. But it is what it is!!!

[Deleted]

Feb 23, 2016 11:57:05 GMT -5 peaseblossom55 said:

Feb 23, 2016 11:11:49 GMT -5 requiressnacks said:

littlelion , I'm so glad I'm not the only one!

Guilty of doing it too. I'm a glutton for punishment I guess.

I do it too!!

[Deleted]

Hugs kayladawn91 and peaseblossom55

And any others I missed.

[notagoddess]

@irish, I don't have kids but I relate to the intense feeling of time passing me by. I hope your cycle ends one way or another and the next one is less confusing.

wannabmama, the longer days make it so much easier to be active! I hope you get the IVF process started soon. The constant waiting is so hard.

peaseblossom55, I am still holding out hope for your two. I'm so sorry this process sucks so much.

danib, I'm glad you're doing well! FX you are able to hit at least one day in your FW before your H leaves.

doodler, I hope your appointment with the OB is productive and you have an idea of where to go from here. If you feel up to it I still think you (or anyone in your position) would benefit from a good counselor. It's so much to go through.

requiressnacks, FX for this IUI. I hope the TWW flies by for you.

littlelion, I'm glad your husband is putting in the effort to make you feel like the special lady that you are! BTW I do that too with the BMBs. I had two possible due dates in October (2nd and 31st I think) so I kept thinking, maybe I'll end up here! No. Sigh.

kayladawn91, I feel you on the frustration. I think that 1 year mark TTCAL will be pretty hard to pass. Hugs.

[daystardreams]

notagoddess I'm glad your grandma is getting better!

peaseblossom55 I'm so sorry IVF #1 didn't work out very well. I've got my FX for a better update on your embryos today.

danib FX for good timing.

@irish I'll ditto what danib said, you've got every right to be sad for what you are missing. We're still working on #1 but I've recently had friends going through rough patches tell me that I should be thankful I have a great DH. I am thankful for all that I have but very aware of what we're missing too.

requiressnacks FX for you and I lurk all my past BMBs and my potential BMB of the month. I don't know why either!

littlelion Glad DH is making you feel special and my LP was 16 days while on progesterone (I usually stopped supplements on 14 DPO and new cycle would start two days later). I didn't take progesterone this month because we weren't really trying and my LP went right back to 10 days.

kayladawn91 That year mark is rough. Hugs!

AFM,

How are you doing? OK, I guess.

Status: CD 1 of our 20th cycle. We still haven't decided if we want to walk away from all this or call up the RE again. We'll most likely do another natural cycle. Honestly I'm leaning toward walking away...at least for awhile.

Diagnosis: RPL, PCOS, MTHFR

Updates: Nope

Debbie Downer: I think I might have to cut my sister out of my life. It's so hard but I think it's time. She's an alcoholic and a drug addict. Her husband is also a drug addict. They live several states over and have a teenage son. My sister is my only connection to him. Several years ago her therapist decided that all her problems stem from our mother mentally and physically abusing her...the problem is that none of these things ever happened. My mom is just short of a saint...my sister gets in drunken rages and makes incoherent rants about our mom on FB. I took it upon myself to defend my mom every single time so other people know it isn't true. Usually my sister deletes the posts the next day and we just pretend like nothing happened.

Sometimes when drunk she decides to "fix" my situation. I've had to tell her hundreds of times that I can't just adopt or get a surrogate and adopting from foster care isn't all that easy either. So last night she said our mother was cold hearted, I defended our mom and she sent me this text

"you got the mom gene for sure...perhaps you'd be an abusive neglectful horrible mother like your own and that's why you can't have a baby....."

I'm so done and hurt. I blocked her number and I blocked her on FB. I've tried to be supportive but I can't mentally handle her outbursts anymore. I feel horrible because I know she was just drunk but I just can't. I know I'm failing her but I'm at a loss.

Sorry that was long but it helped to get it out.

GTKY: Baby chickens! My dad and I raise chickens together but keep them at his house. However I bought an incubator last year so I can hatch at my house and then just deliver the chicks later. It's so fun!

[legalbeagle]

Ugh. So many feelings while reading everyone's posts. Yes/me too to all of it. Since my cycles are so long I have been going to yourduedate DOT com and calculating my due date based on different ovulation dates and that is just so not helpful to see when different milestones would be reached if I conceived on a certain date but I still do it.

How are you doing? Okay. In TWW so I'm hopeful now but ask me again next week.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): none

Updates/questions: Nothing.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I still feel like my husband doesn't really understand how much the miscarriage hurt. He still has the "Well if it doesn't work out this time we'll just try again" mentality. I just really really want to be pregnant again and have everything work out. And one of my close friends is going through some really hard IVF/genetics stuff right now and between that and my loss I am finding it hard to be positive about conception and pregnancy stuff and makes me realize just how difficult this all is.

GTKY: Spring is around the corner. What are you looking forward to in the change of seasons? DH and my five year anniversary is coming up! We're going on a trip to celebrate. Originally New Orleans but maybe thinking Montreal now.

[legalbeagle]

daystardreams, I am so so so sorry. I think you definitely should cut her out of your life and if you can't face it as "forever" then at least for a little while. My sister and I went through a really rough patch a few years ago and we didn't talk for almost a year and things got much better after that. I hope your sister can sober up and apologize to you eventually. Family is hard.

[notagoddess]

I'm so sorry you had to see that awful comment, daystardreams. You really have to take care of yourself first. Your sister sounds like a very troubled individual. Don't let her take you down with her.

legalbeagle, I'm sorry your husband doesn't understand how much it still hurts. It's common we experience it differently than our partners. MH wanted me to "get over it" which felt awful, but he was just trying to protect me from sadness in his own (not very helpful) way.

[peaseblossom55]

So none of my embryos made it to biopsy.

[notagoddess]

peaseblossom55, oh honey, I'm so, so sorry. My heart is breaking for you.

[daystardreams]

legalbeagle Thanks, knowing it happens to other sisters makes me feel better. I do the due date thing too. My DH also sometimes says "we'll just try again". I think sometimes he just doesn't know what else to say and he's trying to be positive. I've been thinking about telling him that it my feelings of loss seem invalid but I haven't decided if I want to make a deal out of it yet or not.

[daystardreams]

peaseblossom55 I'm so, so sorry. I can't imagine how hard that must be.

[littlelion]

Feb 23, 2016 13:42:33 GMT -5 peaseblossom55 said:

So none of my embryos made it to biopsy.

I'm so very sorry peaseblossom.

[requiressnacks]

Oh my gosh, peaseblossom55. I am so devastated for you.

[legalbeagle]

I'm so sorry peaseblossom55.

[kayladawn91]

Oh peaseblossom55 I am so sorry