TTCAL Check In 03/08

[littlelion]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive after a loss every week.

Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.

**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**

How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent):

GTKY: What are 3 things you're thankful for these days

[littlelion]

How are you doing? bordering on ok and anxious

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, TWW

Diagnosis (if applicable): MTHFR & AMA

Updates/questions: Waiting to test is such a distraction. I can't focus. 

Debbie downer (a place to vent):  I'm not symptom spotting but I'm getting my hopes up. And it makes me excited and afraid at the same time. I want to be pregnant so bad but then get scared of going thru another loss.  

GTKY: I'm thankful for GKU, no one IRL wants to know how many DPO I am or my FW activities.  And getting to talk about that and my losses keeps me from going nuts.  I'm thankful for my job that has unlimited sick time and is paying me a bonus this year. And I'm thankful for my dad who has been so willing to help me and my family this past year.
 

[peaseblossom55]

How are you doing? Really well actually. I'm excited to start this new IVF cycle, I think this new protocol will yield better results. I don't feel stressed and feel pretty positive

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): Me: PCOS H- Pericentric inversion

Updates/questions: Today is CD 1, Friday is my baseline blood work & u/s. If all looks ok I should start stims on Saturday I am pretty excited.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I went to see my niece in a dance competition this weekend. I was so proud of her but I also felt sad. I will never know would Anne.liese have had dark hair or light? Would she have loved dancing too or hated? So many what ifs and unknows, it broke my heart a bit.

GTKY: What are 3 things you're thankful for these days
1. DH
2. the good weather
3. loving and supportive friends/family

[notagoddess]

Thanks for starting littlelion . I know the feeling of being scared to get your hopes up. Having to go through so many losses is devastating -- it's going to affect you.

How are you doing? Eh. I'm OK-ish. 

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): Resected uterine septum

Updates/questions: I got my MRI results back, and they were really good. The septum is almost completely gone and I won't need another surgery. As for the other testing, the SA was good. But I had issues with my CD 3 blood work, including excessively high CD 3 LH levels. My OB says I should work with the RE, who is likely going to prescribe fertility drugs to overcome those issues. My appointment is March 21.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm in my FW and we're having sex to make a baby. But I know it probably won't get us anywhere because my hormones are off. I have to wait for the RE's help to have a real shot.

GTKY: What are 3 things you're thankful for these days: MH providing for us while I focus on school and a new career. The longer days. Finding a great place to intern.

[wannabmama]

Good luck littlelion I hope you can manage the anxiety...I know it's easier said than done, but I'm sending you good positive vibes to help.

peaseblossom55 I'm so glad you feel good with the new protocol and feel less stressed!

notagoddess I hope the RE is helpful and you can work on getting the hormones balanced out.

I'm finally getting IVF started as long as my bw/us is ok tomorrow morning. After so much waiting it suddenly feels like times going fast (I'm sure this feeling will stop around the TWW).

I just realized that my ER is likely to be the same week as our CP last year, sort of a strange coincidence.

GTKY: oh man is this hard question right now, I literally feel like nothing is going well...but that's exactly when it's important to focus on the things we're thankful for right? 1. Definitely GKU 2. MH who tries so hard to be supportive even when he falters at it a bit 3. Early morning walks with my dogs (and that its light enough and warm enough to do them pleasantly again), they are good for my piece of mind.

Love you ladies and sending big hugs to y'all,

[kayladawn91]

littlelion The fear of another loss is in my mind every time I get my hopes up too. Hugs.

peaseblossom55 I'm sorry your niece's competition gave you some sad feelings. So many hugs.

notagoddess I'm glad your MRI results came back good and I hope you can get a good plan in place for the rest

wannabmama GL with IVF!

[requiressnacks]

littlelion, FX for you this cycle!! I always get hopeful too.
peaseblossom55, I'm so glad you're feeling good!!!
notagoddess, I hope the RE can help you guys.
wannabmama, so exciting that you're getting started with IVF!

How are you doing? I am doing alright.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): Unexplained IF

Updates/questions: Not much - just excited for my monitoring appointment tomorrow! Is it weird I like to see my follicles?

Debbie downer (a place to vent): No real downer post today. But if I get pregnant this cycle, I would have the baby just before my 35th birthday. That would be very exciting for me. If I don't, I'm going to be very sad.

GTKY: What are 3 things you're thankful for these days

1. My supportive husband
2. My job, which allows me pay for the RE and my new kitchen
3. Warmer weather!

[Rama]

How are you doing? Okay

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): NTNP/TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS, EP

Updates/questions: My OB agreed to put in an order for a HSG for me, but I'm pretty sure she coded it for IF instead of because of my EP, because it's not normal practice for an HSG after an EP somehow. It was too late in my cycle anyway and now MrRama doesn't have a job, so it'll definitely have to wait, but I'm not sure if we'll go with it through Kaiser now or if I'll just go back to the place I got my first HSG. Guess I'll talk to my RE about it, too.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Feeling melancholy more lately and the sudden halt to any treatment plans certainly didn't help. I know that if I start up an exercise regiment again, that I could possibly start ovulating on my own again, but I'm so demoralized, stressed, and demotivated, I'm not jumping at the idea like I feel like I should.

GTKY: What are 3 things you're thankful for these days @led, having a roof over my head, and that my husband doesn't seem to have a shortage of leads...yet.

[peaseblossom55]

Sending you so many hugs Rama.

[Rama]

Mar 8, 2016 14:06:02 GMT -5 danib said:

I'm gonna break typical structure here because I'm in the hospital. I came in 5am yesterday due to an issue with my hip (I can't walk). I am admitted and they are trying to figure out the cause, but I'm a complicated case and they are struggling.


Warning: possible bfp
They wanted to do an x-ray and give me toridol (spelling?) so they did a pregnancy test (blood test). I was only 8DPO so I assumed it would be negative regardless if this cycle works due to being too early. They came back with a HCG level of 6. 0-5 is considered negative, so they are treating me as if I am pregnant but cautioned that it may be a margin of error with the lab or it may be too low to be viable. They suggested testing again in a few days to get a clearer answer. So right now I'm not getting my hopes up too high but this could be it.

I am crossing EVERYTHING for you.  I'm so sorry you're in pain, but I really, really need your little bean to be a lovely, viable, sticky baby.  YOU HEAR THAT BABY?  STICK!

[peaseblossom55]

danib, I really hope this is your sticky baby!!!!!!

[notagoddess]

danib, wow! I'm sorry you're in the hospital and everything that's happening with your hip. But I have my fingers crossed so hard for you and baby!! When are they testing again?

[wannabmama]

Fx danib and I hope you feel better too!

[littlelion]

Mar 8, 2016 14:06:02 GMT -5 danib said:

I'm gonna break typical structure here because I'm in the hospital. I came in 5am yesterday due to an issue with my hip (I can't walk). I am admitted and they are trying to figure out the cause, but I'm a complicated case and they are struggling.


Warning: possible bfp
They wanted to do an x-ray and give me toridol (spelling?) so they did a pregnancy test (blood test). I was only 8DPO so I assumed it would be negative regardless if this cycle works due to being too early. They came back with a HCG level of 6. 0-5 is considered negative, so they are treating me as if I am pregnant but cautioned that it may be a margin of error with the lab or it may be too low to be viable. They suggested testing again in a few days to get a clearer answer. So right now I'm not getting my hopes up too high but this could be it.

I have everything crossed for you! What a surprise. 

[requiressnacks]

All the hugs, Rama. I don't know if this is relevant, but I'll share anyways - I have pretty much the worst insurance on earth and after my loss my RE wanted to do a SHG (not an HSG). I asked her to code it as related to my pregnancy, she complied, and my insurance covered it. I guess it's worth asking for your HSG, if you can. I hope your melancholy lifts too.

[littlelion]

peaseblossom55, and wannabmama, I'm excited about your IVF along with you! GL!

notagoddess, Sorry about the bad CD3 test results but hoping that those meds do the trick!

Rama, Big hugs, coming to a standstill sucks. GL to YH, hope he finds a job soon!

requiressnacks, reaching those age milestones while TTC makes them even more emotional. It's not just a number, it does mean a lot. I'll keep my FX that your IUI's work soon!
 

[requiressnacks]

danib - crazy story! I hope this is IT!!!

(and I really hope you start to feel better too!)

[Rama]

Mar 8, 2016 15:24:46 GMT -5 requiressnacks said:

All the hugs, Rama. I don't know if this is relevant, but I'll share anyways - I have pretty much the worst insurance on earth and after my loss my RE wanted to do a SHG (not an HSG). I asked her to code it as related to my pregnancy, she complied, and my insurance covered it. I guess it's worth asking for your HSG, if you can. I hope your melancholy lifts too.

I think my insurance would cover it, my problem lies with the doctors. I don't know if they would code something to related to my loss because I do have an IF dx. They never have before. It's "outside of their comfort level" and I'd need to talk to their infertility specialists and. ...yeah.

Still think your insurance is worse? ;)

[requiressnacks]

Mar 8, 2016 15:58:07 GMT -5 Rama said:

Mar 8, 2016 15:24:46 GMT -5 requiressnacks said:

All the hugs, Rama . I don't know if this is relevant, but I'll share anyways - I have pretty much the worst insurance on earth and after my loss my RE wanted to do a SHG (not an HSG). I asked her to code it as related to my pregnancy, she complied, and my insurance covered it. I guess it's worth asking for your HSG, if you can. I hope your melancholy lifts too.

I think my insurance would cover it, my problem lies with the doctors. I don't know if they would code something to related to my loss because I do have an IF dx. They never have before. It's "outside of their comfort level" and I'd need to talk to their infertility specialists and. ...yeah.

Still think your insurance is worse?

That's a lot of doctors to deal with. Annoying.

[Rama]

Mar 8, 2016 16:08:39 GMT -5 requiressnacks said:

Mar 8, 2016 15:58:07 GMT -5 Rama said:

I think my insurance would cover it, my problem lies with the doctors. I don't know if they would code something to related to my loss because I do have an IF dx. They never have before. It's "outside of their comfort level" and I'd need to talk to their infertility specialists and. ...yeah.

Still think your insurance is worse? ;)

That's a lot of doctors to deal with. Annoying.

No freakin' joke.  I just want to make sure my tubes aren't still filled with any material, you'd think it'd be easy.  I hate Kaiser.

[hydrangea1019]

How are you doing?I'm doing ok. Some minutes are better than others...
Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, TWW
Diagnosis (if applicable): uterine polyp is all we've got so far... just got a phone call with DH's SA results... morphology is low... like low low low.... like I can't tell DH over the phone.... I just called him and he said it's going to be a late night. I need to process this... sorry I can't respond to other posts right now
Updates/questions I guess my update is that DH and I had an intense 'discussion' over when to research and dive deeper into this polyp thing... Since we just had the HSG, DH just wants to wait it out three months since 'fertility chances increase the first three months' after the HSG. However, I've read that a polyp can even act as your body's own IUD.... Finally we kind of hashed it out. I have scheduled a consult with my OBGYN to see what she thinks and if she can order to SIS procedure (saline ultrasound) and if necessary if she can remove the polyp, so that insurance can cover it.
Debbie downer (a place to vent): I don't know if this is considered a downer, it did make me cry, but they were happy tears. Work was slow yesterday, so I was looking back through the pictures on the phone and came across the sequence of when we told my family I was KU. I love love love these pictures... i can't delete them.
GTKY: What are 3 things you're thankful for these days: Family, supportive friends, and my spiritual relationship with God. Without these, I don't know how I would have gotten through

[kayladawn91]

requiressnacks FX for a good appt

Rama sending you hugs

danib FX for you!!

hydrangea1019 I'm glad you and YH seem to be in agreement on next steps.

[kayladawn91]

How are you doing? Eh

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): n/a

Updates/questions: Well, last cycle was a bust so I'm moving on to cycle 10. Next week will be 12 months TTCAL. Hate being at this point.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Just all the feels after last cycle. My LP was longer which caused me to get my hopes up and it's just been an emotional few days.

GTKY: What are 3 things you're thankful for these days? My husband, my job, and my family.

[akraus2015]

littlelion , I am right there with you right now. I HATE the TWW!!!
peaseblossom55 , I know how tough it is to watch your little kiddo relatives and wonder if they would resemble your child. DH’s nephew is 18 and looks just like a mix between me and DH, and acts just like DH. I often think “This is what Emmett would have been like as a teenager…” I’m sorry you’re having those sad thoughts. ((hugs))
notagoddess , I’m glad your septum is all better!! Hoping the RE apt. brings you good news, as well!
wannabmama , I’m also getting excited about being able to walk the dog outside again. Maybe I won’t have to keep taking him to daycare to get his energy out!!
requiressnacks , FX that this is your month and you get a great 35th birthday present!!
Rama , I need to get back into the exercise routine as well. It seems like it’s so hard to just get started!!
danib , praying/hoping/sending you all the good vibes!! Please update us when you know!! Also, I hope you get better soon!
hydrangea1019 , I’m glad your photos bring you happy memories. I can’t bring myself to delete mine, either, but I also try not to look at them very often.
kayladawn91 , sending you hugs lady!

How are you doing?  I'm good!  Feeling really hopeful this week.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, in the TWW and 8DPO---DYING TO TEST!!

Diagnosis (if applicable): MTHFR

Updates/questions: Went in for blood work on Monday to check progesterone levels and confirm ovulation, and she said my numbers were really good.  So, I think our timing was really good.  I'll continue with the progesterone supplements, and just wait...RE says to test on Monday.  I'm going to buy some cheapies and test on Saturday.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Not a huge debbie downer, but it will make you guys laugh, for sure.  My RE has me inserting the progesterone pills vaginally.  They're super tiny and slippery, and kinda hard to get up there.  Well, yesterday morning, I got it STUCK IN THE WRONG PLACE!!  I don't even know how I did it, but it definitely didn't go where it was supposed to, and it hurt SO FREAKING BAD!  I kept trying to get it back out, but I was laughing so hard at how ridiculous I probably looked, so it took me like three whole minutes of squirming around like a crazy person in the bathroom to get it where it needed to be.  #embarrassed.

GTKY: What are 3 things you're thankful for these days?
1. YOU GUYS.  Specifically you.  In the weekly TTCAL thread.  It's the only place I feel really compelled to post every single week.
2.  MH.  He's been wonderful and so understanding through this process.
3.  My therapist, Mary, who keeps me relatively sane.

[kayladawn91]

akraus2015 LOL at your story. GL testing this weekend!

[hydrangea1019]

Oh. Em. Gee akraus2015 that story definitely made me giggle a bit. Glad you were able to get it out!

[peaseblossom55]

akraus2015 that's funny. Good luck this weekend testing!

[peaseblossom55]

So many hugs but glad you and your H are on the same page hydrangea1019

[doodler]

Hi guys! I was out with students all day yesterday so I didn't get a chance to get on here. I am headed out again now so I will come back in a bit and do an update. I just had to leave a message for danib! Girl I so hope this is it for you!!!!!! I definitely teared up a little when I read your post! Everything is crossed!

[doodler]

littlelion- FX for you!
peaseblossom55- I am glad you are in a good place right now. You know I have everything crossed!
notagoddess- I am glad that you are getting some answers. Also very, very good news that you don't need any additional interventions for the septum!
wannabmama- Good luck!!!
requiressnacks- GL this cycle. I hope you don't have to cross over into old pregnant lady territory(I'm kidding, of course!). My 35th birthday is in April so I feel you.
Rama- Sorry for all the issues. I had Kaiser at one point and I didn't like it. Having all your docs in one place is great until you don't like one of them and they won't let you go anywhere else!
hydrangea1019- I'm sorry about your news from the SA. Good luck tonight, I'm sure the discussion will be hard.
kayladawn91- ((hugs)) lady. Do you think you are going to see an RE now? Or am I being forgetful and you already are?
akraus2015- Wow girl. That's a funny one Oh and GOOD LUCK!