TTCAL Check In 03/15

[peaseblossom55]

daystardreams, I'm so sorry I have 2 pregnant women who sit near me at work. It's not fun at all.

[pinkcat]

So many hugs, ellabee. I am glad you got through yesterday OK, and am so sorry to see you back here. Xoxo.
doodler So many TPs to her and I hope you don't have to deal with her too much this weekend!
Good luck peaseblossom55....I hope ER next week goes well!
requiressnacks Who thinks that is appropriate dinner conversation? Grrrr what is wrong with people?!!
I'm so sorry about your loss caer, and so sorry about how terrible your OBs office is being.
kayladawn91 The year mark is tough I'm sorry....and those comments from your mom. UGH.
daystardreams It's so hard to see pregnant women, and seeing them at work all day has to be tough. Hugs.

How are you doing?: I'm really sad about hitting the year mark in a few weeks. When we first started trying, I knew that it could very well take awhile but I naively thought I would most definitely be pregnant by now.

Status: Cycle 12, 3AL

Diagnosis: NA

Updates: No updates here....just trying away. Hoping that I won't have to make an appointment with my OB to talk about hitting the year mark.

Debbie Downer: I am feeling like the past year has been a waste, and then I feel guilty for feeling that way. I still had a fun year with my husband, we got to take some great trips, have lots of fun weekend adventures, etc. and I know he would feel terrible if I called the past year a waste. I just feel like I am so ready for the next chapter of our life to start and to have a purpose. Work, work, work, clean the house, go out on weekends, repeat....I feel so ready for a baby and to feel like I am doing something more. Sorry for the dear diary post today, just having a pity party this morning

GTKY: I go shopping too much. Ooops. I can't really think of a bad habit DH has- I guess leaving clothes laying around?

[caer]

(((Hugs))) daystardreams. That must be a very difficult work situation for you.

I've also been TTC for a year pinkcat and I feel you so hard on the "wasted time" thing. We've also had a lot of good and happy moments this past year but I hate how TTTC/loss colors those moments. (((Hugs))) for all the bad feelings. I hate how hard and painful this can be.

[notagoddess]

ellabee, hugs. I hope you heal from the D&C quickly. FWIW I had less bleeding after than with a period. It sucks to be surrounded by babies and pregnancies during this time.

littlelion, I'm sorry you're feeling the time pressure! I feel it too and it's not very helpful.

@samrs22, I'm sorry for your experience. I hope the NTNP going forward works well for you and YH, and you get another BFP soon.

doodler, I would let the RE call to let the OB know. Or you could just leave it and not feel any obligation. Whatever causes you the least stress. I hope the months of TTA go by quickly.

peaseblossom55, I'm glad to hear your stimming is going better than before! I have my FX for you!

requiressnacks, that's weird to bring it up over dinner when you hadn't personally shared anything with her. She sounds like a pretty awkward person. I hope the TWW goes by quickly!

caer, I'm sorry about the insensitive OB office staff on top of what you are dealing with already. I hope you heal soon physically, and you can focus on healing emotionally. Hang in there. 

kayladawn91, hugs. Hitting the year mark AL with all the pregnancies in your family... I'm sorry. I hope your conversation with the OB is productive and gives you hope.

daystardreams, I hope the break from the RE is healing for you and YH. And I hope the natural cycles will work. Sorry about all of the pregnant women.

pinkcat, I relate to wanting life to have more purpose and to the feeling of wasted time. I hope you get lucky this cycle and you won't have to have that conversation.

[notagoddess]

How are you doing? I'm doing OK.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): Resected uterine septum, in the process of getting a diagnosis from the RE

Updates/questions: I'm waiting for my appointment with the RE on Monday. He will be going over my test results and giving us the next steps. 

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I skipped my best friend's baby shower. I said I would go, but when I saw the evite it was all couples and babies, so I RSVP'ed no and just sent a gift. I felt super guilty. Then, it was her birthday the day after and since I felt guilty I didn't call to wish a happy birthday. And now I feel doubly guilty.

GTKY: What's a bad habit you'd like to break? A bad habit you wish your husband would break? Me - procrastinating. MH - piling his clothes on furniture instead of putting them away.

[littlelion]

notagoddess, I'm sorry you missed your friends shower and birthday. I don't think anyone can blame you for skipping out, it's one of those moments that you really want to be there for but at the same time it would be torturous.  Life throws us some difficult choices. And yeah, I would've felt too embarrassed to call the next day and make that forced, lighthearted conversation. GL Monday, hope your RE has a good plan!

[peaseblossom55]

notagoddess, sorry you feel bad about missing the party. I wouldn't, but sometimes self preservation is key. I would have done the same.

[notagoddess]

Mar 16, 2016 13:42:40 GMT -5 littlelion said:

notagoddess , I'm sorry you missed your friends shower and birthday. I don't think anyone can blame you for skipping out, it's one of those moments that you really want to be there for but at the same time it would be torturous.  Life throws us some difficult choices. And yeah, I would've felt too embarrassed to call the next day and make that forced, lighthearted conversation. GL Monday, hope your RE has a good plan!

Thanks. I did want to be there, truly. But if I had gone, I would have a week of dreaded anticipation and probable breakdown right after. It really would be torturous. 

[akraus2015]

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}
ellabee, I’m so sorry you’re feeling down. I am also feeling like EVERYONE I know is making pregnancy announcements…it’s so hard not to let it get to you. ((hugs))
littlelion, many women get pregnant over 40. I have several friends in the 40+ group with newborns or toddlers. Don’t give up hope!
@samrs22, you are so strong for going to visit your friend and being supportive for her. I’m sorry it affected you in the way that it did. Take care of yourself…hugs!
@doodler, sometimes I really want to TP people who make such insensitive comments like that. It’s like they don’t think twice about saying something that ends up sticking with you for hours or days afterwards.
peaseblossom55, I think the candle service sounds like a wonderful way to remember your little girl, but I totally understand not wanting to go back to that hospital. Maybe if nothing else, you and YH could light a candle at home and have a few special moments, or something.
requiressnacks, see above re: people I want to TP. Your dinner date falls into that category as well.
caer, I’m sorry that you find yourself here. This is an amazingly supportive group of women. I had physical side effects for a long time after we lost Emmett (1st loss), and it was really, really hard to feel like I could move on emotionally at all while I kept getting nasty reminders of what happened.
kayladawn91, my mom makes similar (equally shitty) comments about how badly she wants a grandchild, etc. I know they mean no harm, but seriously?!
daystardreams, ugh to the preggerlies at work…my new assistant just told me she’s pregnant, and its been hard not being resentful…
pinkcat, I know how hard it is to feel like you’re wasting time while waiting for a baby. I feel that way a lot, too, especially since this is supposed to be our “honeymoon phase” and people are always talking about how we must be loving being newlyweds. Keep remembering those good times that you and YH had in the past year.
notagoddess, if she’s your best friend, I’m SURE she understands why you weren’t able to go to her shower. I bet she’ll be very understanding when you talk to her.

How are you doing? So many ups and downs…I’m a freaking rollercoaster right now.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC…waiting for AF to return…

Diagnosis (if applicable): MTHFR

Updates/questions: Again, so many ups and downs. I obviously didn’t get pregnant this cycle, so the progesterone supplements were a waste…now I’m 15DPO and still have no period, and not sure when to expect it to return. RE prescribed Clomid for this upcoming cycle, so I’m optimistic to know that it will increase our chances of getting (and staying) pregnant, but annoyed that we are STILL going down this road. In other news, our application for an adoption agency was approved today and we have a phone conference next Tuesday to discuss next steps and creating our profile. H still seems hesitant, but he’s willing to participate in the meeting and see what our options are.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Just frustrated that this cycle didn’t end in a BFP. I was so sure this was our month. I’m discouraged, and angry, and tired, and weary, and starting to lose faith…I just want a baby…

GTKY: There are so many. H has a terrible habit of leaving used toothpicks all over our house. I am a terrible multitasker. I have the hardest time focusing on one thing at a time. (Hence my TCFing while I’m working…)

[requiressnacks]

pinkcat, I know exactly what you're saying and I feel you, girl.
notagoddess, don't feel bad at all! At least you took the time to RSVP no and you sent a gift. Sometimes you have to put yourself first. I have a friend who I have been a really bad friend to lately (I've basically ignored her since she told me she's pregnant with twins). I'm almost in a place where I am ready to reach out and apologize for being such a shitty friend.
akraus2015, I'm sorry you are still here, but that is so exciting about adoption!

[kayladawn91]

pinkcat hugs for the year mark coming up soon and all of the feelings you're having about the past year.

notagoddess I hope your RE appointment is informative and you are able to make a plan for moving forward.

akraus2015 sending hugs to you for all the emotions you're dealing with.

[peaseblossom55]

pinkcat, sorry you feel like this year has been a waste. I hope it really hasn't.
akraus2015, I'm so sorry this cycle didn't work out. I like your idea of perhaps doing a candle light at home. We have a few weeks to decide I believe.

[ellabee]

I'm sorry that you're forced to sit next to pregnant coworkers daystardreams. I'm sure it's so tough to know that's what awaits you at work every day. ((hugs)) for you, lady. Also, thanks for sharing about your experience post-d&c. I'm really hoping I fall into the "small amount of bleeding" camp.

So many ((hugs)) for you pinkcat. I'm so sorry about coming up on the 1 year mark. Mental milestones can be so tough. I can empathize with feeling like this whole TTC time has been a waste, for lack of a better term.

I'm sorry you're feeling guilty over your friend's shower/bday notagoddess. Sometimes you just need to put you needs first - so, kudos for you for that. Thanks also for sharing your post-d&c experience. I keep waiting for the bleeding to get heavy, but maybe I'll be lucky (HA, lucky...) and it won't be too bad.

Lots of ((hugs)) for you akraus2015. I'm sorry about the emotional rollercoaster. Good news about the application though! I hope your conference goes well on Tuesday!

[pinkcat]

You ladies are all truly the best and I love how supportive this group is. I hope our group starts to get smaller though!

[ellabee]

Oh, I remembered I had a few questions I wanted to ask you ladies.

1) Does anyone know how to turn off the thread pic previews in tapatalk? I just can't handle the bumps popping up from the grad thread when I'm mobile. 
ETA: I figured it out. It was easy, I'm just bad at technology sometimes.

2) How did you capture your loss info in FF? I know there is a "specifics" for miscarriage that I can check, but do I put my post-d&c bleeding as Menses/Spotting? Or should I just wait until my first post-d&c AF to record any new data?

[caer]

ellabee - I'm interested in the FF question as well. I marked my D&C as CD1 but I have no idea if I should have done that. I haven't recorded the bleeding because I'm assuming 12 days of bleeding is going to confuse and freak out FF so I'm not sure what to do.

[caer]

I'm sorry that you're feeling bad about your friend's shower and birthday notagoddess. I completely understand needing to take the space though and I think it's ok to protect yourself sometimes. I hope your RE appointment goes well.

All the (((hugs))) akraus2015 for all the bad and difficult feelings. I'm so sorry.

[littlelion]

I put the first day of MC bleeding as CD1 in FF. I haven't had a MC last longer than 5-7 days and get a period about a month later. I think labeling cd1 is fine, FF will adjust as your cycle normalizes.

[daystardreams]

ellabee and caer I marked the day of my D&C's as CD1.

[akraus2015]

***Trigger Warning***

Welp...stalked the grad thread for the first time in 7 months. The girls from my BMB have 6 week old babies right now. And they're so damn cute. I'm not crying...but I may be having all the wine tonight...

[caer]

(((akraus2015))) Sending you love and some extra squishy hugs.

[notagoddess]

ellabee, I skipped charting during my post D&C cycle. I started again with my first post-loss period. I don't regret not having that data and it was a necessary mental break.

[ellabee]

Oh akraus2015, I'm so sorry. The grad thread and ex-bmbs are definitely a unique and gut wrenching kind of torture. I have to actively stop my muscle memory from leading my mouse cursor over to O16. Sometimes I click it by accident and it causes instant eye welling. Drink all the wine, girl. ((Hugs))

[doodler]

Mar 16, 2016 18:20:21 GMT -5 akraus2015 said:

***Trigger Warning***

Welp...stalked the grad thread for the first time in 7 months. The girls from my BMB have 6 week old babies right now. And they're so damn cute. I'm not crying...but I may be having all the wine tonight...

My first BMB are all about to have babies.  I would be 37 weeks today.  After my last loss I can't even go in there anymore.  Just seeing the thread pop up gives me anxiety.

[akraus2015]

Mar 16, 2016 19:22:24 GMT -5 ellabee said:

Oh akraus2015, I'm so sorry. The grad thread and ex-bmbs are definitely a unique and gut wrenching kind of torture. I have to actively stop my muscle memory from leading my mouse cursor over to O16. Sometimes I click it by accident and it causes instant eye welling. Drink all the wine, girl. ((Hugs))

Thanks lady. H and I decided on a last-minute date night at a fancy Italian place last night, complete with wine and dessert. That cheered me up and helped me stop thinking about it.

[Rama]

I know I'm late, but I wanted to pop in anyway.

How are you doing? Kind of awful, but only peripherally regarding TTCAL.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): NTNP/TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS, EP

Updates/questions: Nothing special. I wish I did have updates.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I just wish my body would freaking work. I hate that I don't ovulate. Hate. I hate that I have to spend no less than $1000 per shot at getting pregnant and that we can't afford to pay that for the indefinite future.

GTKY: What's a bad habit you'd like to break? A bad habit you wish your husband would break? I'd like to break the habit of being a couch potato. MrRama should break the habit of not washing his hands after using the restroom and freaking scratching his nuts CONSTANTLY. Drives me nuts.

[caer]

I'm so sorry Rama. I'm not in your exact situation but we're likely headed into fertility treatment too (I'm unexplained infertility at this point). I understand how frustrating and upsetting it can be when your body doesn't seem to do what others can do with ease. I'm sorry for all the bad feelings and frustration. (((Hugs)))

[ellabee]

All the ((hugs)) for you Rama. I'm so sorry that your body isn't getting with the program and I feel for you that treatment costs are so ridiculous and daunting.

Also, what is with guys and needing to touch their nuts all the time. My H loves to have one hand hang out down there while sitting in bed looking at his phone. Like, are you afraid it'll go somewhere?! If I tried to have a conversation with him with a hand down my pants he'd look at me like I had 2 heads.

[Rama]

Mar 17, 2016 16:43:52 GMT -5 ellabee said:

All the ((hugs)) for you Rama. I'm so sorry that your body isn't getting with the program and I feel for you that treatment costs are so ridiculous and daunting.

Also, what is with guys and needing to touch their nuts all the time. My H loves to have one hand hang out down there while sitting in bed looking at his phone. Like, are you afraid it'll go somewhere?! If I tried to have a conversation with him with a hand down my pants he'd look at me like I had 2 heads.

Right? I mean, I'd give infinitely less fucks if he were just keeping his hand down his pants for warmth or whatever, but he's always *scratching*. Even right out of the shower! So I know it's not that he's dirty or anything. It's just a terrible habit and the noise makes me crazy now. It's like nails on a chalkboard.

[Rama]

Mar 17, 2016 16:13:25 GMT -5 caer said:

I'm so sorry Rama. I'm not in your exact situation but we're likely headed into fertility treatment too (I'm unexplained infertility at this point). I understand how frustrating and upsetting it can be when your body doesn't seem to do what others can do with ease. I'm sorry for all the bad feelings and frustration. (((Hugs)))

*hugs* Treatment blows. I hope if you do end up heading this route, that it happens for you wiggly and you end up with your take home rainbow baby. And quickly.