I've been pretty absent on here lately due to pregnancy exhaustion, work shitstorms and toddler meltdowns.
The last of which leads me to this topic. What is everybody doing as far as disciplining your toddler when they won't listen to you? I've started instituting a 1.5 minute time-out in the corner of whatever room we are in, but I'm sitting there with him for it bc he won't stay put. He gets a warning first and then the time out, but I'm just feeling that there may be a better way to go about this.
Post by walterjenne on Mar 23, 2016 7:13:01 GMT -5
We do timeouts in a chair. He now knows he has to sit but I'm not convinced he knows why he's sitting. At least he is being taken away from what is causing the bad behavior. He did enjoy a time out at church this week when DH took him out and put him in the only available seat, a wheelchair.
Post by hurricanerek on Mar 23, 2016 7:27:27 GMT -5
We are also doing a timeout in a "crying chair." At this age I don't actually expect her to stay there but it does remove her from the situation and gives her an opportunity to start over. When she is able to stay, I will make her stay in the chair until she stops crying and then I'll sit with her so we can talk about what happened.
When we started time out for DS (around this age) we put him in the spot and sat across from him to keep him there, but wouldn't engage him. If he tried to get up, we put him back and simply said he had to stay because he was in timeout for (insert reason). Once he figured out he couldn't run off, he'd get upset but stay put. After the minute or 2 was up (we also do minutes per age), we bring him to us, tell him why he was in time out, tell him to do better because we know he can, then he gets a hug and reminder we love him and is off.
After the first couple of times, he got that he couldn't get up until told (though sometimes he still tries and that just adds time to his timeout). Now when it's over, we tell him to come to us and we have the same little talk about why he was there, but now he can actually tell us why when we ask him if he knows why he got time out.
DD has only needed it once so far, but she's seen brother do it so she didn't even try and get up. Yesterday DS had timeout when we got home from school and she just went and sat next to him. He started explaining to her why he was in time out. Time out shouldn't be cute, but man, that was.
Post by littlemissmarla on Mar 23, 2016 8:06:02 GMT -5
From my understanding at this age timeouts should be a last resort because most children don't have the reasoning skills yet to comprehend the whole idea of being in time out and what they did wrong. If it works for you and you notice an improvement then keep doing what works. We redirect over here and usually say in a strong tone what she did wrong and why we don't do that "NO Zoey, you don't stand on the chair because you could fall and get hurt!" - does it work all the time, no way lol but no matter what you do consistency is key!
Post by surfmama106 on Mar 23, 2016 8:21:21 GMT -5
We just say no and redirect. Anytime I get really mad at her she just laughs in my face. Temper tantrums I mostly ignore, but if I have to pick her up and get her out of wherever she is I do it quickly (and usually with a baby attached to me). I haven't tried time out but I doubt she'd get it right now. All in all her behavior isn't really that bad, just spontaneous, so I try to do like Marla said and so no and explain why and redirect.
Post by isolemnlyswear on Mar 23, 2016 8:23:27 GMT -5
I redirect. If she ends up in a tantrum I ignore her. I will go into a completely different room so she can't see me laughing because sometimes it's so darn funny. If her tantrum is out of control and she's flinging herself around the room I'll put her in her crib and let her stay in there till she's calmed down. This is more for her safety than a time out.
DD's lone timeout was for biting. We use it for things that redirecting (to us) isn't enough, usually related to something that hurts someone else. I don't want to redirect to something that could be just as fun if they are doing something that hurts someone else.
We're still doing redirection. Time outs will probably start around 2. DS1 has tried to put him in time out himself once or twice when he didn't like what he was doing, lol.
We redirect and redirect and redirect, until it's something safety related (climbing somewhere, standing up on the edge of the couch, etc.) If one redirect and an additional no/warning don't work, we will physically remove her from the situation and we go stand facing the wall (we sit next to her/corral her) and once she's done crying, we talk to her about what's happening, and why we don't climb on the couch. We usually save the "timeout" for when she's too hysterical, and needs to calm down before she can listen to us.
Post by asunasword on Mar 23, 2016 10:01:40 GMT -5
Like littlemissmarla, we redirect. That said, he gets one warning and then redirected. It is tough sometimes to just stick to the one warning but he has already learned that he will only get one and usually adjusts one his own. He likes to push boundaries a ton so being consistent is huge over here. He has started throwing tantrums. If we are home, we walk away and ignore him. If we are out, he is immediately removed from where ever. He has already figured it out that throwing a tantrum in public means he leaves. That occasionally backfires on us...
We're still doing redirection. Time outs will probably start around 2. DS1 has tried to put him in time out himself once or twice when he didn't like what he was doing, lol.
I like 1-2-3 Magic for discipline reading.
I have that on my holds list at the library. Counting surprisingly already works!
Post by hurricanerek on Mar 23, 2016 11:11:31 GMT -5
You're all making me feel like a bad parent. Obviously redirection is the primary form of discipline right now but after redirecting three times and failure to listen, that's when she gets removed from the situation. It happens rarely. If she throws a tantrum I just let her cry and she'll find me when she's done.
Maybe a fffc but I don't see anything wrong with a timeout at this age as long as it's not forced confinement. Timeout seems like the logical progression from redirection. "Here, let me redirect you to this chair for a minute."
Post by jnnfrrose6 on Mar 23, 2016 11:15:28 GMT -5
@hurricanreek I'm with you on this one. If my daughter can understand me when I ask her to go get her shoes then she can understand me when I tell her something she's doing is wrong and she needs time out for it. Timeout isn't the first step, but it's definitely an available option.
Post by walterjenne on Mar 23, 2016 12:12:26 GMT -5
We ignore tantrums when we can. It's when he starts hitting or throwing things that he gets put in time out. He knows what to do there and usually calms down pretty quickly then. He usually tries to get back on our good side buy pitifully reaching for us. We just ignore this until his time is up.
I don't think anyone who does timeouts is wrong or a bad parent. I think at this age it's probably dependent on the child as to what works.
Redirecting still works well here but when it doesn't anymore we will move onto timeouts. I do remove him from situations when he won't listen (like I'll take him inside if he won't stop messing with the dog water outside) but haven't had him sit on a chair or anything yet.
Like some others mentioned I ignore tantrums. If I pay any attention he feeds off it and tantrums harder.
I agree with this. I also think we've lucked out with Amelia so far in that she's not one to test boundaries or throw tantrums...yet.
We mostly redirect. E does a lot of hitting which he thinks is funny and doesn't seem to fully understand is a bad thing. If he's going to hit me I usually grab his hand and say no hitting or soft hands (soft hands is what the therapists say to him), but I'll be honest, it doesn't have much impact. He usually just gets mad at me about it. I think we're just getting to the point now where he's really understanding some of the things I tell him, so hoping things improve slightly at least if I say no hitting.
1-2 warnings (stop ___) or requests (put ___ back), then remove and/or redirect. Tantrums really are not too frequent, and happen more because she's tired rather than being disciplined. If it's due to discipline she's ignored and she's usually done within a minute. Timeout is probably on the horizon, but she's doing good so far with what we are doing IMO.
Thanks everyone. It's really helpful to see what others are doing that works. He's just started this phase where "No" from Mommy and Daddy translates to keep doing it as long as you can. He's always been really respectful of the NO until this point so it's jarring to us to see him do that. Redirecting usually works, but when he's feeling especially ornery, he goes from one unacceptable behavior to the next waiting for us to catch him. When that happens it seems like he needs a time out to show that we mean business and that we aren't going to allow repeated bad behaviors. Parenting is tough and we aren't even at terrible twos or threenager levels yet.
Timeouts at this age isn't a bad thing if it works! Redirection still works for us for now which is why we haven't moved on. My kid also doesn't have many words so even though his receptive language is good, he can't express much back to us. DS1 was a lot more verbal and so by 2 he could express what he did wrong when acknowledging why he got a timeout. It's totally kid-dependent.
And also mine is one of the youngest J14 babies and at this age those weeks still make a big difference. Next month things might change and we'll need to do more.
Post by anotherdreamer on Mar 28, 2016 8:22:55 GMT -5
Redirection usually does nothing here, my kids are focused and they will work together knowing I can't chase them all at once. I remove them and try to point them to something else but they usually just run straight back giggling, or my favorite they pretend they are redirected just long enough for me to take a step away then beeline back to mischief. Or the other twin runs back while I'm distracted. Because teamwork.
I remove toys as necessary (in cases of throwing/hitting/fighting over). They've started full on brawling over toys: hitting, biting, clawing, pushing over... screaming 'NO! Give it back! Let go! MOMMY!!!" The other one usually screams back, "Give it to me!" And tries to bite or something. Mild fights I might encourage sharing, brawls gets the toy removed though.
If they repeatedly ignore me over something dangerous (crawling on the dining table, hitting, coffee table and couch gymnastics, etc) I do put them in a very short timeout with me away from the others- usually until they calm down and I will repeat the reason. Older DS (4) goes in the corner for 3-5 minutes, the girls have apparently noticed because I told DD2 she was going in timeout the other day and she walked to his corner.
So my kid so far is the Mean Kid in his class at the new daycare, and it's making me very sad/anxious. He had a lot of trouble at his old DC, but they weren't very good and just put him in a high chair for 1 minute for hitting/pushing/pulling hair. That hasn't done much of anything to teach him to be gentle and use soft hands.
I don't have a lot of experience with toddlers, so I don't know if what he's doing is normal (especially since he is just now trying to walk on his own and has very, very few words) or abnormal. I don't really have a baseline to work with. Apparently yesterday at daycare he pushed a kid and then almost dropped a truck toy onto another one's head. At home he has thrown toys at my face a few times and split my lip.
Yesterday I gave L his first time out. He was throwing a massive tantrum for absolutely no reason. I tried putting him in a chair but he wouldn't stay so I brought him upstairs and put him in his crib for a minute. He hates being in his crib unless it's time to sleep. It worked like a charm. I don't think there is anything wrong with time outs at this age, especially is redirecting doesn't work.
So my kid so far is the Mean Kid in his class at the new daycare, and it's making me very sad/anxious. He had a lot of trouble at his old DC, but they weren't very good and just put him in a high chair for 1 minute for hitting/pushing/pulling hair. That hasn't done much of anything to teach him to be gentle and use soft hands.
I don't have a lot of experience with toddlers, so I don't know if what he's doing is normal (especially since he is just now trying to walk on his own and has very, very few words) or abnormal. I don't really have a baseline to work with. Apparently yesterday at daycare he pushed a kid and then almost dropped a truck toy onto another one's head. At home he has thrown toys at my face a few times and split my lip.
I wouldn't worry about it (yet). At this age they don't have a way to communicate their frustration so it can come out in "violent" ways. I was told this week that DD has started biting kids in her class. What does the new school do when he does act out? Our school redirects and separates the kids that need to be apart.
jnnfrrose6, They tell him to us gentle hands/we don't hurt our friends and try to redirect to other activities or proper behavior. I'm probably being too hard on him, but I'm ultra sensitive because he's the new kid there and I don't want him to be the Mean Boy!
I think he's probably frustrated by communication. He gets really angry with me at meal times if I don't automatically give him more when he points. (I'm trying to get him to sign More, and I help him do the sign, but he gets mad and tries to hit then.) Maybe I'm also being inconsistent because sometimes I just keep offering more or I give him some if he points. Ugh, being a mom is complicated!
@zerozeroone, okay good I feel less alone now! And +1 for not understanding gibberish. Poor E sounds like he's trying to make full sentences, but heck if I know what "Phfth be be da da da mamamamama" means.
Post by honeybee434 on Apr 6, 2016 18:38:03 GMT -5
Toddler tantrums are definitely violent in my house. Kicks, screams, claws, head thrashing around, and everything else you can imagine. Thankfully it's only been something she's done around DH and I so far, and I know it's definitely communication issues. She doesn't understand why she can't have what she wants OR why we can't figure out what she wants. I'm hoping it's a quick phase. :/
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