The Tantrum Thread

[Deleted]

Several people mentioned this in the check in thread so let's discuss!

What do they look like? How often do they happen? What strategies are you using?

[annapunkalunka]

Yes! Thank you.

Ours aren't tooooooo bad. She just gets pissed if we don't give her what she wants and she lays herself on the floor on her belly and kicks and screams. We can have days with none and days with 7, that varies. We don't really have a strategy, so I'm anxious to see what people say. We usually just ignore or try to redirect.

[ice61313]

Usually it's because we won't pick her up for the 1000th time that day or I won't sit on the floor with her to play just because it's not comfortable for me and I can't hop up so fast. I usually ignore. If it goes on for awhile, I redirect. Usually she just stands and cries. If I try to grab her, she'll run away.

[Courtniko]

She is so determined, and gets her mind so set on something, so if we can not figure out what she wants or we tell her no she just loses it. She is so easily frustrated, especially when she can not communicate what she wants. And now she has opinions on what she wants to wear each day, especially in regards to what socks she wants. She also wants to do EVERYTHING by herself, so if we dare do something for her then a break down ensues.

She jets her lower jaw out and starts crying, she arches her back, slowly goes down to the floor and kicks. There is much screaming.

We try to comfort her, but she just gets so very frustrated. The Happiest Toddler on the Block strategy will calm her down a little bit. I try to say what she wants or what is wrong in "toddler speak" so that she knows I am listening to her, ex "DD want Daddy, DD want Daddy" or "DD MAD, DD MAD." She will stop the tantrum, look at me and say "yeah, yeah." That diffuses the situation some, then I can try and work with her, or comfort her. I am not so successful at that part, but at least tantrums are relatively short, she just has a lot of them.

The big problem is when we get home from work/daycare, and she is often already hungry and/or tired.

I know that the tantrums are harder on her than they are on me, so I try and remember that, which helps me stay calmer and have more sympathy for her.

If she is tantruming over something bad she did, or that we told her no, I will walk away, that actually works pretty well. She generally calms down and comes to find me pretty quickly.

[mimsy]

She had a tantrum the entire way through her 18m checkup. The PA just said to let her have them and ignore it.
Her tantrums are screaming (with or without crying), sitting or laying on the floor. Back arching limbs flailing if you try to pick her up.

She also runs in to her bedroom, slams the door and throws herself on her bed if she's not getting her way. She's been doing that since like 16m?

[mimsy]

Our longest tantrum was off an on for 2h.

[swim]

Her tantrums usually consist of screaming, crying, writhing, kicking and hitting.
She'll have one if we tell her not to do something she knows she's not supposed to do (like stand on the laundry basket if it's turned over),if we try to change her diapers, or if MIL comes downstairs and goes back up after getting DD excited over something.

[Chrisse]

DD fortunately hasn't had any huuuge ones yet, but when she does have a little outburst or fit, I try once or twice to reason with/console her calmly. After that, I leave her to fuss it out on her own. She usually realizes that she no longer has an audience and moves on pretty quickly.

[gratefulgirl]

When DD2 doesn't get her way (like I can't feed her raw meat and she's hungry, that sort of thing), she will sometimes do the stiff backed scream or that sort of thing. I enforce obedience if required - like I physically remove her from a danger - but other than that I don't do much at this age. I might hold her for "time in" for a little while. I know more is coming, but with it will come more reasoning and we'll be able to adjust our response.

4 year old tantrums take most of the attention in our house.

[lucylou]

Mar 31, 2016 15:07:15 GMT -5 @slmck said:

Luckily tantrums have been rare so far and last for maybe 5-10 seconds when they do happen. Days where she's over tired we are most likely to see one. Typically it is if I've said no or she wants something she can't have. I reinforce what she is feeling and what I said (I see you are angry. mommy said no cookies. That's not safe etc) but without negotiating or coddling. I stay nearby but don't directly watch/get involved (so not totally ignoring either). As soon as there's a break I ask if she's done and if she needs a hug, she immediately runs over, we hug, we redirect/move on. I figure at this point she's still trying to figure out how to handle her emotions. So I don't want to feed into it and encourage more tantrums but I also don't want to leave her alone when she's upset. FX she remains easy and fairly tantrum free but that seems like probably wishful thinking haha!

Pretty much all this, except we don't always hug it out.
But I don't try to talk him out of what he's mad about. I'll just acknowledge it usually by stating "you're mad because I wouldn't let you ____. That's really frustrating you." Etc. He's pretty quick to calm down and move on if he feels "heard" I guess. I recommend No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame by Janet Lansbury.
It's working for us. But I also think I lucked out with a pretty even keel kid. Well, for now at least lol.

[sweetpies]

DS tantrums when he isn't allowed to play with off limit items, or when we prevent him from hitting the dog.

The only thing that concerns me is that DS will bang his head on the floor, sofa, wall, etc when he has a tantrum.

He'll usually calms down when we acknowledge his frustration and change the subject by singing a song.

[Deleted]

The biggest cause for us is when LO has to stop an activity he is really enjoying. Cue screaming, crying, sitting or laying on the floor, and kicking.

We ignore and walk away when possible, if not we remove him from the situation and redirect. He is stubborn though and once he goes over the edge he has to decide he is done.

[gahorseygal]

Courtniko that is pretty much my DD too. I'll have to look into the happiest toddler on the block though. Do you think it's worth for us to try? Are you finding it makes a difference?

[Courtniko]

Apr 1, 2016 6:34:41 GMT -5 gahorseygal said:

Courtniko that is pretty much my DD too. I'll have to look into the happiest toddler on the block though. Do you think it's worth for us to try? Are you finding it makes a difference?

It does seem to make a difference. I read the book, but I know some people on here got the DVD instead, and that might be a better route. The book was pretty repetative, which is good, but actually seeing the techniques may be more helpful.

If nothing else I feel like I have more understanding of her tantrums, and knowing that she just can't control her emotions makes it easier for me to work with her vs. getting frustrated with her. And the acknowledging her feelings really does help diffuse tantrums.

[gahorseygal]

Apr 1, 2016 7:35:47 GMT -5 Courtniko said:

Apr 1, 2016 6:34:41 GMT -5 gahorseygal said:

Courtniko that is pretty much my DD too. I'll have to look into the happiest toddler on the block though. Do you think it's worth for us to try? Are you finding it makes a difference?

It does seem to make a difference. I read the book, but I know some people on here got the DVD instead, and that might be a better route. The book was pretty repetative, which is good, but actually seeing the techniques may be more helpful.

If nothing else I feel like I have more understanding of her tantrums, and knowing that she just can't control her emotions makes it easier for me to work with her vs. getting frustrated with her. And the acknowledging her feelings really does help diffuse tantrums.

I will probably get the DVD. I borrowed the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD from a friend and it was a huge help! Thanks

[cashews]

Oh boy. Tantrums. A had then starting at around 14 months or so but she hit 19 months and now I know what a tantrum is really like. Screaming, red face, crying, stomping, lying on the floor face down. You name it. The biggest cause recently is when I won't give her my phone. She is obsessed with watching videos of herself and asks for them by saying "baby" over and over again. I can't have my phone out without her reaching for it. If I don't give it to her, cue the tantrum.

I try to acknowledge her emotions verbally and then get her to do something else. It works sometimes, but not always.