Baby Showers - Regular Shower or Coed BBQ

[LadyNymeria]

Any thoughts between a standard women only baby shower or a coed baby bbq?

Apparently my mom and my bff started talking about my shower last night and my mom told my bff she would like to throw me a coed baby bbq.

I've only been to 2 baby showers before, both standard ones, so I was curious if any of you had thoughts between the two options.

One concern I've thought of with a coed shower is do guys generally end up going? Or do they run at the idea of going to a shower?

[jennybeans]

We had a friend from work throw us a co-ed shower and it was ok.. It was weird to some extent since there were a lot of guys my husband worked with who brought their wives with them whom we didn't really know. Those guys and the wives werent super into the gift part so they just continued to chat and drink during that part (which was fine!). It felt more like a normal house party with a weird present part.

I preferred the more traditional shower but it would probably depend on the people you invite and how you think they would do at a party like that...

[sodapop]

I'm also more traditional. I would say women only. At my baby shower, it was women only and the guys that were around (a lot were from out of town) all went to a pub during the shower.

[bennikki]

I've been to a coed shower for my BIL. They were having twins, and we're in MN, so it was MN Twins baseball theme. As part of the invitation, my BIL's BFF wrote a really funny story using baseball puns implying it was a great "crack of the bat" when these twins were conceived. He wanted to invited everyone over to watch the game, have some beers, and celebrate Twins while subtly implying no guy wants to watch a bunch of little outfits, bouncy seats, and bottles opened. He ended it with a suggestion that those invited (just friends, only DH and I were family) pool their money together for a great double stroller with any money going to the couple for baby essentials. That's what we did, and it was really fun. They served baseball food (hot dogs, popcorn, nachos.

I would say if you're looking at a co-ed shower, refrain from typical shower games and grand present openings. Honestly, I don't enjoy stuff like that at showers as a guest nor the one being honored, but my husband would downright revolt if he had to open presents in front of people or guess how big around I was with string. I've been to a couple showers (wedding and baby) where they didn't open the presents in front of people. They opened them after the party, similar to what you would do with wedding gifts. The shower was more like a cocktail party where people just mingled and visited. There were subtle things you did throughout the party such as write a message on a diaper for the parents to read during the middle of the night changings, or there was a couple who were coffee freaks, so we wrote messages on paper coffee cups wishing them well in their new marriage. It was so nice and comfortable for everyone, and if I were to be pregnant with my first or getting married, I'd request that's how my shower would be.

[serendipity731]

I preferred a traditional shower for myself bc I'm weird and like the games lol

I've thrown and been to a coed shower and they were fun. The one I threw was at a rec center at a park and we did some games, but not everyone had to do it if they didn't want to. We had a table to decorate onesies, and guess the baby food flavor was out on a table. We also did a game, mostly for the guys but girls did it too, we filled baby bottles with beer and they raced to finish it. She did open gifts, but whoever didn't wanna watch didn't, nbd.
The one I attended was more of a bbq/party with cake and baby gifts. She opened them there.

Both were fun, it just depends on what you prefer.

[LadyNymeria]

Apr 9, 2016 13:56:43 GMT -5 serendipity731 said:

Both were fun, it just depends on what you prefer.

That's the problem - I don't know what I'd prefer!

Should probably ask MH if he would even want the coed party.

[serendipity731]

Apr 9, 2016 14:12:41 GMT -5 LadyNymeria said:

Apr 9, 2016 13:56:43 GMT -5 serendipity731 said:

Both were fun, it just depends on what you prefer.

That's the problem - I don't know what I'd prefer!

Should probably ask MH if he would even want the coed party.

I think that's a good place to start!

[singingsea]

My shower was a standard women only shower. I've been to both coed and traditional. Both are fun. At the coed there weren't many guys. More ladies than men. Apparently a big thing in my area now is diaper and beer parties for the dudes. Not sure how I feel about that.

Side note....I hate shower games. Don't make me get up and pass a baby bottle between my knees to some chick I don't know

[singingsea]

Bahaha! In the pursuit of finding non annoying shower games for SIL's shower I came across this. Wtf! XD



Sperm cornhole. Yes people. Edit: apparently this is off baby center. Of course

[merryrissmas]

Apr 9, 2016 12:22:55 GMT -5 sodapop said:

I'm also more traditional. I would say women only. At my baby shower, it was women only and the guys that were around (a lot were from out of town) all went to a pub during the shower.

This was me too, and it was great. However, I have attended and liked coed showers too (without games - though that sperm cornhole set looks...interesting...), I mean, who doesn't like some booze and food and mingling. If you prefer the traditional type of shower, go for it! You could always have a coed "meet the baby"   party later too.

I 100% do not want/expect any sprinkle or anything this time (it's common in my area to have a small shower/sprinkle/ "diaper shower" for anything after the 1st baby. Kinda weird) But, if my sisters insist on having something I would much prefer just a  BBQ/coed type of situation without any real games/gifting type thing going on since I've done it all before.

TL, DR: go with whatever you're comfortable with and would enjoy most, LadyNymeria!

[LadyNymeria]

Thanks ladies. MH made the decision easy - he'd rather not have a coed shower and I'm very much ok with that.

singingsea - That cornhole game is hilarious!

[cbrandt1]

We had a coed shower. It was awesome, but a lot of our friends our DH's coworkers and their wives. We didn't really do games, and there was alcohol so it made it more fun for the guys. We won't be having another shower because we literally had one a year ago.

We haven't lived in this area long, so for it to be worth us having a shower, it had to be coed. If it had been only women, I may have had 3 guests... DH is also super in to that sort of thing, so with all of his invites, we had about 30 people! It was so much fun!

[cbrandt1]

I see I'm late to the party ha ha sorry

[mrsjene]

Late to the party...again.

H has absolutely no desire to attend a baby shower, so women only for me. I was going to say to ask your H.

[pismoduo]

Apr 9, 2016 14:27:40 GMT -5 singingsea said:

Bahaha! In the pursuit of finding non annoying shower games for SIL's shower I came across this. Wtf! XD



Sperm cornhole. Yes people. Edit: apparently this is off baby center. Of course

Feel free to judge me, but I find this hilarious enough that I'd probably do it if I had a co-ed shower...

[singingsea]

Apr 11, 2016 11:04:32 GMT -5 pismoduo said:

Apr 9, 2016 14:27:40 GMT -5 singingsea said:

Bahaha! In the pursuit of finding non annoying shower games for SIL's shower I came across this. Wtf! XD



Sperm cornhole. Yes people. Edit: apparently this is off baby center. Of course

Feel free to judge me, but I find this hilarious enough that I'd probably do it if I had a co-ed shower...

No judgement here. My group of peeps are pretty relaxed so something like this would be a hit.

[pismoduo]

My mom and I were discussing this over the weekend. She wanted to know which one of my female friends she should be working with to plan my shower.

It's a tricky situation for me. My closest female friend is struggling with infertility and I get the sense she's not really in a space to be super involved in this kind of thing. I'm totally OK with that, and I don't want to make her sad or uncomfortable. Most of my other female friends are sort of far from me. So it'd be mostly family and a couple of my girlfriends if we did a female only shower.

That said, I really do kind of want the cheesy traditional shower with *some* of the traditional games. Not the chocolate bar in the diaper or anything like that, but we did one at a shower I went to once where you had a team of people who had to get a baby doll ready to go out with each team member only being allowed to use one hand. It was hilarious and fun. We also did that game where everyone has a certain number of pins and anytime someone says "baby" or "cute" or some other words, the person who catches them doing it can take their pin. And whoever has the most pins at the end of the shower got a prize. It worked really well as an ice breaker type thing during the party.

So I don't know. Maybe we'll do a traditional shower and then a co-ed "meet the baby" party? I want to do at least one big summer BBQ blow-out at the house before I have the baby anyway, so maybe we'll just do that instead of a meet the baby later.

[LadyNymeria]

Apr 11, 2016 11:10:59 GMT -5 pismoduo said:

So I don't know. Maybe we'll do a traditional shower and then a co-ed "meet the baby" party? I want to do at least one big summer BBQ blow-out at the house before I have the baby anyway, so maybe we'll just do that instead of a meet the baby later.

My mom wants to avoid people being gone on summer vacations and keep it separated enough from my cousin's wedding so my shower may end up being late June. I turn 30 in August and MH had been talking about throwing a party for me at our house since he's done a ton of work to the house and not many people in my extended family have been over yet.

So we may end up in a similar situation - the shower will be a more traditional shower for me (since MH doesn't want a coed shower) then we'll end up having a completely separate, everyone invited, non-baby event which I'm sure will have some focus on baby anyway since I'll be huge by then, lol.

[pismoduo]

Apr 11, 2016 11:22:19 GMT -5 LadyNymeria said:

Apr 11, 2016 11:10:59 GMT -5 pismoduo said:

So I don't know. Maybe we'll do a traditional shower and then a co-ed "meet the baby" party? I want to do at least one big summer BBQ blow-out at the house before I have the baby anyway, so maybe we'll just do that instead of a meet the baby later.

My mom wants to avoid people being gone on summer vacations and keep it separated enough from my cousin's wedding so my shower may end up being late June. I turn 30 in August and MH had been talking about throwing a party for me at our house since he's done a ton of work to the house and not many people in my extended family have been over yet.

So we may end up in a similar situation - the shower will be a more traditional shower for me (since MH doesn't want a coed shower) then we'll end up having a completely separate, everyone invited, non-baby event which I'm sure will have some focus on baby anyway since I'll be huge by then, lol.

I'm kind of giggling at this timing - my 30th is in late June and I think my mom was thinking of doing the shower in August.

But our wedding anniversary is August 1st, my sister's birthday is August 7th and H's birthday is August 12th. So... yea. No idea how she's gonna work that one.

[LadyNymeria]

Apr 11, 2016 11:24:44 GMT -5 pismoduo said:

Apr 11, 2016 11:22:19 GMT -5 LadyNymeria said:

My mom wants to avoid people being gone on summer vacations and keep it separated enough from my cousin's wedding so my shower may end up being late June. I turn 30 in August and MH had been talking about throwing a party for me at our house since he's done a ton of work to the house and not many people in my extended family have been over yet.

So we may end up in a similar situation - the shower will be a more traditional shower for me (since MH doesn't want a coed shower) then we'll end up having a completely separate, everyone invited, non-baby event which I'm sure will have some focus on baby anyway since I'll be huge by then, lol.

I'm kind of giggling at this timing - my 30th is in late June and I think my mom was thinking of doing the shower in August.

But our wedding anniversary is August 1st, my sister's birthday is August 7th and H's birthday is August 12th. So... yea. No idea how she's gonna work that one.

Haha that is funny timing. And that's a lot of early August birthdays!

I think 6-8 weeks before due date would have been perfect, but that literally puts us at the week before and week after my cousin's wedding. The weekend of July 9-10 would be separated enough, but my mom was worried about people going on vacation. I know it's still early to actually be planning it, but I hope she picks a date soon since we still need to plan my cousin's bachelorette party and they certainly can't end up being the same weekend!

[pismoduo]

Apr 11, 2016 11:36:07 GMT -5 LadyNymeria said:

Apr 11, 2016 11:24:44 GMT -5 pismoduo said:

I'm kind of giggling at this timing - my 30th is in late June and I think my mom was thinking of doing the shower in August.

But our wedding anniversary is August 1st, my sister's birthday is August 7th and H's birthday is August 12th. So... yea. No idea how she's gonna work that one.

Haha that is funny timing. And that's a lot of early August birthdays!

I think 6-8 weeks before due date would have been perfect, but that literally puts us at the week before and week after my cousin's wedding. The weekend of July 9-10 would be separated enough, but my mom was worried about people going on vacation. I know it's still early to actually be planning it, but I hope she picks a date soon since we still need to plan my cousin's bachelorette party and they certainly can't end up being the same weekend!

I think with as much going on as you have, picking a date now is smart. That way everyone has plenty of notice. Our family and friends don't do a ton of summer time travel, so we're not too worried about vacations.

Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk

[bennikki]

LadyNymeria, my shower was super early (25 weeks) because DS1 was due shortly after the New Year, and we were moving December 1st, so we didn't want to add to the hectic schedules of the holiday season or winter weather in MN.

pismoduo, I'd take your friend's lead on if she wants to be involved in the shower or not. As someone who struggled with infertility, I found my feelings about showers sort of ebbed and flowed throughout my struggle. I was super involved in one of my sister's shower (it was still early, we didn't know how serious our issues were going to be), but couldn't even attend one of my SIL's showers (it was 2 years later, DH was just diagnosed with cancer, and we still didn't have any answers). Also, please don't take however much or little she's involved personally. She's worried about making it awkward between you two, she's worried about being able to hold it together, she's worried about her health, her husband's health...infertility is such a mind f**k and my heart goes out to those in the middle of it.

[pismoduo]

Apr 11, 2016 17:32:20 GMT -5 bennikki said:

LadyNymeria , my shower was super early (25 weeks) because DS1 was due shortly after the New Year, and we were moving December 1st, so we didn't want to add to the hectic schedules of the holiday season or winter weather in MN.

pismoduo , I'd take your friend's lead on if she wants to be involved in the shower or not. As someone who struggled with infertility, I found my feelings about showers sort of ebbed and flowed throughout my struggle. I was super involved in one of my sister's shower (it was still early, we didn't know how serious our issues were going to be), but couldn't even attend one of my SIL's showers (it was 2 years later, DH was just diagnosed with cancer, and we still didn't have any answers). Also, please don't take however much or little she's involved personally. She's worried about making it awkward between you two, she's worried about being able to hold it together, she's worried about her health, her husband's health...infertility is such a mind f**k and my heart goes out to those in the middle of it.

Thanks for the advice. I've been letting her take the lead on how much interaction she wants and how much she wants to hear about. So far, it's minimal. And it's fine, I understand some of how she feels. H and I were trying for 21 months before we finally got pregnant.

It's all just kind of tied up with the fact that most of our old close friends have moved to other parts of the country or have sort of fallen out of touch. Add in pregnancy hormones and I'm just mopey about stuff.

[cbrandt1]

For dates, my sis told me that it was good luck to have the shower in the 7th month of pregnancy so that was how I chose my date. I've never been superstitious, but apparently I am more so than I thought, especially when it comes to pregnancy.

[danielle]

We had a huge co-ed shower and it was so much fun. We both have really big families who like to have a good time and I'm not into games and traditional showers, so it was perfect. We had a taco truck, a dj, a margarita machine and kegs. There was also a jumper for the kids. Everyone still talks about how much fun it was.

[singingsea]

danielle ok you officially had the best shower ever!

[thiscoffeechick]

I think co-ed showers are great and I would have preferred one but my hosts didn't really have the space nor budget for 50-60 people so I had a ladies-only shower where 25-30 were invited. It turned out amazing. (FTR I never mentioned WANTING any particular type of shower to the hosts, I graciously accepted their offer to host and was grateful for what they chose to bless me and baby with!)

[cbrandt1]

Apr 12, 2016 22:30:18 GMT -5 thiscoffeechick said:

I think co-ed showers are great and I would have preferred one but my hosts didn't really have the space nor budget for 50-60 people so I had a ladies-only shower where 25-30 were invited. It turned out amazing. (FTR I never mentioned WANTING any particular type of shower to the hosts, I graciously accepted their offer to host and was grateful for what they chose to bless me and baby with!)

Ohhhh the etiquette of accepting a shower offer...I'm not ready for those threads yet.

Our hostesses were in a similar bind, but DH was so excited about doing a big co-Ed shindig at a local place (the hostesses were 30 min away) that he donated $500 to help out. I was only made aware of that after the fact, but everyone loved it and I think it took a lot of pressure off of them (2were getting their masters degrees with full time jobs, one of which was pregnant, and one worked out of town)

We also knew we'd never be doing another shower and I had never gotten a bridal, wedding or engagement shower thrown for me because we move so much so I think he was really trying to make it special. I appreciate his gesture, but totally get the faux pas.

[thiscoffeechick]

Apr 12, 2016 23:01:49 GMT -5 cbrandt1 said:

Apr 12, 2016 22:30:18 GMT -5 thiscoffeechick said:

I think co-ed showers are great and I would have preferred one but my hosts didn't really have the space nor budget for 50-60 people so I had a ladies-only shower where 25-30 were invited. It turned out amazing. (FTR I never mentioned WANTING any particular type of shower to the hosts, I graciously accepted their offer to host and was grateful for what they chose to bless me and baby with!)

Ohhhh the etiquette of accepting a shower offer...I'm not ready for those threads yet.

Our hostesses were in a similar bind, but DH was so excited about doing a big co-Ed shindig at a local place (the hostesses were 30 min away) that he donated $500 to help out. I was only made aware of that after the fact, but everyone loved it and I think it took a lot of pressure off of them (2were getting their masters degrees with full time jobs, one of which was pregnant, and one worked out of town)

We also knew we'd never be doing another shower and I had never gotten a bridal, wedding or engagement shower thrown for me because we move so much so I think he was really trying to make it special. I appreciate his gesture, but totally get the faux pas.

There was no faux pas if he threw in money to help make his wish come true. The hosts, I'm sure, appreciated it and y'all got what you wanted and no harm, no foul.
Shower etiquette is VERY regional too. Some places 2 or 3 showers is the norm, some places, not so much, for example. If he had his heart set on something and helped with the finances to pull it off, he's/ you're golden IMO.

[LadyNymeria]

I don't see any harm in your H throwing money in either cbrandt1. He still wasn't throwing a shower for himself. Just a super nice gesture to help support the hosts financially.