Things I never expected

[cbowl]

I did not expect to forget so much about pregnancy. I feel so new at this even though my daughter is only 2 years old. I'm like uhhh wait did this happen last time?

[Daikoku]

Apr 15, 2016 8:26:46 GMT -5 fem said:

Apr 14, 2016 22:03:44 GMT -5 danielle said:

I felt an instant bond with my first pregnancy, but definitely don't this time. I am terrified that I'm not going to be a good enough mom to either of my kids because I won't be able to split my attention effectively.

I feel this too. I looked at DD sleeping the other night and thought no way can I love another human being as much as I love her. Then I felt guilty. 

YES! A couple weeks ago, my MIL suggested going shopping for baby and I had such a negative reaction. I don't have a single thing and have no desire to start even cleaning out the office to make a baby room. I don't want all kinds of baby shit laying around in case there is no baby.

ETA: completely responded to the wrong post. Please excuse my density this mornin.

[Daikoku]

Apr 15, 2016 8:27:52 GMT -5 LadyNymeria said:

Apr 14, 2016 18:58:12 GMT -5 Daikoku said:

I love you all so much. I always "knew" I wasn't alone, but it's so wonderful to have a place to express lack of bond with support and no judgement. My heart it full right now.

I think it's huge that you and everyone else that has commented is willing to express those emotions here. I think a lot of women would be afraid to start that conversation for fear of feeling guilty (even though there's nothing to feel guilty about) or being judged. Obviously we have a great group here because it has been all support (no judging) as it should be, but I think it's wonderful to have a place where people really are comfortable sharing the big things.

Rather than shy away from saying anything, you put it out there and it has turned into a great conversation of everyone letting each other know how they feel is normal and that they're not alone. There's not enough of this out there IRL so it makes me happy we all have this place and can share so openly.

I agree. And thank you!

[Daikoku]

Apr 15, 2016 7:57:21 GMT -5 frenchteachermama said:

Apr 14, 2016 16:36:28 GMT -5 Daikoku said:

Also, after trying so hard and for so long, I was expecting to be so in love, but I'm not.

Yes.  For me it's the fear that if I fall in love I'll lose her.  IF steals so much.  ((((HUGS))))

I meant to respond to this post. See above. Thank you for your openness. I'm with you for sure!

[singingsea]

Apr 15, 2016 8:26:46 GMT -5 fem said:

Apr 14, 2016 22:03:44 GMT -5 danielle said:

I felt an instant bond with my first pregnancy, but definitely don't this time. I am terrified that I'm not going to be a good enough mom to either of my kids because I won't be able to split my attention effectively.

I feel this too. I looked at DD sleeping the other night and thought no way can I love another human being as much as I love her. Then I felt guilty. 

I think every single STM goes through this. I've been up at night crying a couple times feeling guilty. Which is asinine and ridiculous because we tried so hard for this pregnancy and this baby is so wanted.

The good news is every single STM I've talked to says your heart will make room. It just happens. You will love both your children with such intensity. Our feelings are completely normal

[merryrissmas]

+1 to not having a bond with my first as a newborn. My life just did a 180 degree flip, breastfeeding was incredibly hard at first, and very little, from my ideas of what having a baby would be like to what I thought my DD's personality would be like, etc, matched up to reality. I struggled hard for months and didn't grow to feel a bond and actually feel "in love" with her for months.

However, it was the complete opposite with my 2nd, I think because I was more comfortable with everything & knew more of what to expect. The moment he was born I was just overwhelmed with love & felt bonded instantly.

[f14mama]

Apr 15, 2016 7:50:46 GMT -5 singingsea said:

+1 to what cbrandt1 and lpj said. I didn't really feel a strong connection with DS until a couple weeks after he was born.

Ditto! Hard time feeling what you are told you're "supposed" to feel during pregnancy and when DS was first born. I also had an incredibly hard time breastfeeding, DS had a  tongue and lip tie, lost a ton of weight, had to supplement with formula which ended up me stopping breast feeding after 2 months...that killed me and threw me into a serious depression. So that coupled with the postpartum, and sleep deprivation, I actually don't have great memories of DS as a newborn. And with both my pregnancies, it just never seemed to kick in for me. However, I have cried a little at the ultrasounds. I *think* you just can't compare or expect anything, so my new motto is JUST SURVIVE.

[pismoduo]

Apr 15, 2016 5:41:50 GMT -5 mrsjene said:

Ummmmm. So I guess I'm the weirdo who cried during the ultrasounds...

I never expected the insomnia or UPPER back pain. There's been a couple of days when the back pain has been almost unbearable.

Don't worry. You were already a weirdo. We all are, really.

Yea, the upper back pain is bizarre. I also find myself hunching forward a lot more since I got pregnant. Is it because my boobs are heavier, or what?

[pismoduo]

Apr 15, 2016 9:19:46 GMT -5 Daikoku said:

Apr 15, 2016 8:26:46 GMT -5 fem said:

I feel this too. I looked at DD sleeping the other night and thought no way can I love another human being as much as I love her. Then I felt guilty. 

YES! A couple weeks ago, my MIL suggested going shopping for baby and I had such a negative reaction. I don't have a single thing and have no desire to start even cleaning out the office to make a baby room. I don't want all kinds of baby shit laying around in case there is no baby.

ETA: completely responded to the wrong post. Please excuse my density this mornin.

Ok, so now that you said this, I finally understand my reluctance to buy anything at all or even discuss buying stuff with people. I've not had a loss, but I know so many ladies who have, and the comments that many have made about not wanting to have baby stuff just in case apparently really stuck with me.

[LadyNymeria]

Apr 15, 2016 9:59:24 GMT -5 pismoduo said:

Apr 15, 2016 9:19:46 GMT -5 Daikoku said:

YES! A couple weeks ago, my MIL suggested going shopping for baby and I had such a negative reaction. I don't have a single thing and have no desire to start even cleaning out the office to make a baby room. I don't want all kinds of baby shit laying around in case there is no baby.

ETA: completely responded to the wrong post. Please excuse my density this mornin.

Ok, so now that you said this, I finally understand my reluctance to buy anything at all or even discuss buying stuff with people. I've not had a loss, but I know so many ladies who have, and the comments that many have made about not wanting to have baby stuff just in case apparently really stuck with me.

I haven't bought anything for baby yet. I've started a registry and I find myself wanting to, but I just haven't pulled the trigger. I didn't really think my loss was playing a part in it but I imagine it must be subconsciously. Now that I'm feeling kicks it's starting to feel even more real. I'm hoping once I have my a/s and find out if it's a boy or a girl that will be the push I need to get in gear and start preparing.

[olive]

LadyNymeria I didn't buy anything baby until after my 20 week scan with DS. Every time I picked something up before that I thought what if it happens again and I would put it down. Same this time. I haven't bought anything baby yet!

[catlady22]

Apr 15, 2016 9:26:35 GMT -5 singingsea said:

Apr 15, 2016 8:26:46 GMT -5 fem said:

I feel this too. I looked at DD sleeping the other night and thought no way can I love another human being as much as I love her. Then I felt guilty. 

I think every single STM goes through this. I've been up at night crying a couple times feeling guilty. Which is asinine and ridiculous because we tried so hard for this pregnancy and this baby is so wanted.

The good news is every single STM I've talked to says your heart will make room. It just happens. You will love both your children with such intensity. Our feelings are completely normal

I feel like I'm the only STM NOT feeling this way. I guess I haven't worried about not loving the second baby as much because I never had strong feelings for DS while pregnant either. I just know it will come.

[danielle]

Apr 15, 2016 13:01:42 GMT -5 catlady22 said:

Apr 15, 2016 9:26:35 GMT -5 singingsea said:

I think every single STM goes through this. I've been up at night crying a couple times feeling guilty. Which is asinine and ridiculous because we tried so hard for this pregnancy and this baby is so wanted.

The good news is every single STM I've talked to says your heart will make room. It just happens. You will love both your children with such intensity. Our feelings are completely normal

I feel like I'm the only STM NOT feeling this way. I guess I haven't worried about not loving the second baby as much because I never had strong feelings for DS while pregnant either. I just know it will come.

For me it's not about loving #2 as much. I'm afraid #1 won't feel as loved because I'm now splitting my attention.

[catlady22]

Apr 15, 2016 16:26:25 GMT -5 danielle said:

Apr 15, 2016 13:01:42 GMT -5 catlady22 said:

I feel like I'm the only STM NOT feeling this way. I guess I haven't worried about not loving the second baby as much because I never had strong feelings for DS while pregnant either. I just know it will come.

For me it's not about loving #2 as much. I'm afraid #1 won't feel as loved because I'm now splitting my attention.

Yeah that makes sense. DS is very independent so I don't think he will even notice. That's probably why I haven't even thought about that.

[watermelonseed]

I needed to come back and add...

Vivid dreams. I can NOT stand them! Good, bad, scary doesn't matter they all feel so real and it's crazy weird.

[cbrandt1]

Apr 16, 2016 4:56:21 GMT -5 watermelonseed said:

I needed to come back and add...

Vivid dreams. I can NOT stand them! Good, bad, scary doesn't matter they all feel so real and it's crazy weird.

Yes!!! And they happen during pregnancy and postpartum!! I had a terrible one last night that kept me up for HOURS!!

[LadyNymeria]

MH got to feel the baby kick for the first time today and I expected him to be more excited than he was.

If Im remembering correctly, he was way more into it the first time we heard the heartbeat on the doppler at home so I was a but surprised today.

I'm actually planning to ask him about it tomorrow, but it felt like it belonged in this thread.

[cbrandt1]

LadyNymeria, I'm sure it just freaked him out a bit. I mean there's a tiny human in your stomach...

[hurricanerek]

LadyNymeria MH did this too. He connected with my whole pregnancy a lot differently than I did. I was worried that he would be a disconnected father but he has been so the opposite: loving and patient and devoted. I think because he isn't growing and feeling the baby, he just didn't feel the same emotions that I did, but when she was born...total gamechanger.

[singingsea]

Apr 15, 2016 16:26:25 GMT -5 danielle said:

Apr 15, 2016 13:01:42 GMT -5 catlady22 said:

I feel like I'm the only STM NOT feeling this way. I guess I haven't worried about not loving the second baby as much because I never had strong feelings for DS while pregnant either. I just know it will come.

For me it's not about loving #2 as much. I'm afraid #1 won't feel as loved because I'm now splitting my attention.

This. I know I'll adore #2. I just worry about DS. That's where my guilt is coming from.

[eboyd83]

This is my fourth. But, every single time I occasionally wet the bed. I'm always like WTH. Seriously, when I'm pregnant I have these dreams that I'm going to the bathroom and pee. Then obviously my actual pee wakes me up. I used to be embarrassed by it but whatever. It's a pregnant thing. My husbands response is always, "oh well, the kids pee on the bed. Whats one more?" Thanks hun.

[getzystark]

I definitely didn't expect HORRIFIC acne. I mean, I've had awful acne my entire life and have even done a round of Accutane, but DAYUM. My face is worse than it's been in a long ass time and it's annoying as hell.

I also expected to actually be more uncomfortable than I am with my current back issues. I think relaxin is my friend right now, and I'm bracing myself for the worst when that stops being helpful.

[cbrandt1]

Black hairs on my buttcheeks! And "wet dreams". Is that what it's called for women too?

[danielle]

getzystark I have a terrible case of acne on my back this pregnancy. It's painful and yucky.

[cbrandt1]

Apr 25, 2016 20:27:11 GMT -5 danielle said:

getzystark I have a terrible case of acne on my back this pregnancy. It's painful and yucky.

At least you can hide yours with clothes! I've NEVER had acne, but my face is horrible. And it's soooooo itchy!

[danielle]

cbrandt1 I'm thankful I can hide it with clothes. I'm not thankful that my husband talks about how gross it is every day. I'm like, dude, I know. Shut up already.

[getzystark]

Apr 25, 2016 21:57:39 GMT -5 danielle said:

cbrandt1 I'm thankful I can hide it with clothes. I'm not thankful that my husband talks about how gross it is every day. I'm like, dude, I know. Shut up already.

He better watch himself!