I told one of my friends about my IF and she keeps saying super insensitive shit to me. This has been going on for awhile now and I've been brushing it off but she's just getting to me lately. She's always half joking and I can't tell if she knows she's being an asshole or not. I feel like she has to know. I just don't get why someone would do that.
TTC #1 since August 2013 DX: Endo November 2014: Hysteroscopy, D&C June - September 2015: Clomid + Novarel + IUI #1-3 January 2017: Laparoscopy - endo removed
I told one of my friends about my IF and she keeps saying super insensitive shit to me. This has been going on for awhile now and I've been brushing it off but she's just getting to me lately. She's always half joking and I can't tell if she knows she's being an asshole or not. I feel like she has to know. I just don't get why someone would do that.
I'm a fan of telling friends they're being insensitive and or asshole-ish.
TTC #1 since August 2013 DX: Endo November 2014: Hysteroscopy, D&C June - September 2015: Clomid + Novarel + IUI #1-3 January 2017: Laparoscopy - endo removed
I'm a fan of telling friends they're being insensitive and or asshole-ish.
I almost did tonight but I chickened out.
What is she saying?
After our loss my uncle jokingly said my H was "shooting blanks" and I lost my shit. I'm NOT a person who normally loses my shit on people.
(My reaction would probably not be considered to be severe by most of you but it was for me. I basically said something to the effect of "I fucking can't even with that" and walked away)
eta: I never talked to my Uncle about what he said. I told my Mom and I can only assume she brought it up with him. I think it would be good to let her know. Maybe she thinks she's lightening the mood or coping through humor or something, and she needs to know you're not on the same page.
Post by ohinvrtedworld on Apr 23, 2016 23:03:48 GMT -5
lilsneezy I just can't imagine what crappy person would intentionally make mean jokes about IF, I sure hope that isn't her deal and she is just trying to lighten the mood. But if it's a close friend I would definitely say something if possible.
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After our loss my uncle jokingly said my H was "shooting blanks" and I lost my shit. I'm NOT a person who normally loses my shit on people.
(My reaction would probably not be considered to be severe by most of you but it was for me. I basically said something to the effect of "I fucking can't even with that" and walked away)
eta: I never talked to my Uncle about what he said. I told my Mom and I can only assume she brought it up with him. I think it would be good to let her know. Maybe she thinks she's lightening the mood or coping through humor or something, and she needs to know you're not on the same page.
She was jumping on a trampoline and peed her pants a little (she just had a baby two months ago) and then told me that "having kids is no bu.eno" Like no, what's no bueno is not being able to have kids. She just makes little comments like this all the time. I know I'm being sensitive but her pregnancy was super hard on me. There's a whole big story behind it but basically she got her BFP on a test I gave her and told me she was pregnant on CD1 after my first failed IUI. It was just a really rough time for me but I tried my best to be there for her during her pregnancy. I took her out to dinner, went for pedicures, bought her a ton of shit for her baby shower, among other things. Then a few weeks ago a mutual friend of ours (who I never talked to about my IF) told me how she told her that she couldn't even talk to me about her pregnancy because I get mad about it. I couldn't even believe she said that because I was nothing but nice and supportive even though it crushed me to be around her while she rubbed her pregnancy in my face. And not one time did she ever ask me how I was doing or how I felt. Not like I need to be coddled, but FU bitch! I thought we were cool.
Last Edit: Apr 23, 2016 23:49:03 GMT -5 by lilsneezy
TTC #1 since August 2013 DX: Endo November 2014: Hysteroscopy, D&C June - September 2015: Clomid + Novarel + IUI #1-3 January 2017: Laparoscopy - endo removed
Went grocery shopping. Forgot to use all coupons (would have taken 10% off over hundred dollar purchase). Store said sorry, can't fix it Sale ended at midnight.
TTC #1 since August 2013 DX: Endo November 2014: Hysteroscopy, D&C June - September 2015: Clomid + Novarel + IUI #1-3 January 2017: Laparoscopy - endo removed
I'm so sorry lilsneezy. She sounds like a tool. I would have a really hard time not telling her she's being a huge asshole. I'm sorry.
Thanks. I'm usually just in shock when she says something insensitive. Like how can you be so dumb? I want to say something but I don't want to deal with the awkwardness later on.
TTC #1 since August 2013 DX: Endo November 2014: Hysteroscopy, D&C June - September 2015: Clomid + Novarel + IUI #1-3 January 2017: Laparoscopy - endo removed
I'm so sorry lilsneezy. She sounds like a tool. I would have a really hard time not telling her she's being a huge asshole. I'm sorry.
Thanks. I'm usually just in shock when she says something insensitive. Like how can you be so dumb? I want to say something but I don't want to deal with the awkwardness later on.
I can only imagine. Especially after hearing her complain about you during her pregnancy. Just makes a shitty situation worse.
Thanks. I'm usually just in shock when she says something insensitive. Like how can you be so dumb? I want to say something but I don't want to deal with the awkwardness later on.
I can only imagine. Especially after hearing her complain about you during her pregnancy. Just makes a shitty situation worse.
Yeah like so sorry my IF put a damper on your pregnancy. She even tried to steal the baby name I had picked out! And the house I was trying to rent. This is why I stick to my online friends.
TTC #1 since August 2013 DX: Endo November 2014: Hysteroscopy, D&C June - September 2015: Clomid + Novarel + IUI #1-3 January 2017: Laparoscopy - endo removed
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I can only imagine. Especially after hearing her complain about you during her pregnancy. Just makes a shitty situation worse.
Yeah like so sorry my IF put a damper on your pregnancy. She even tried to steal the baby name I had picked out! And the house I was trying to rent. This is why I stick to my online friends.
After our loss my uncle jokingly said my H was "shooting blanks" and I lost my shit. I'm NOT a person who normally loses my shit on people.
(My reaction would probably not be considered to be severe by most of you but it was for me. I basically said something to the effect of "I fucking can't even with that" and walked away)
eta: I never talked to my Uncle about what he said. I told my Mom and I can only assume she brought it up with him. I think it would be good to let her know. Maybe she thinks she's lightening the mood or coping through humor or something, and she needs to know you're not on the same page.
She was jumping on a trampoline and peed her pants a little (she just had a baby two months ago) and then told me that "having kids is no bu.eno" Like no, what's no bueno is not being able to have kids. She just makes little comments like this all the time. I know I'm being sensitive but her pregnancy was super hard on me. There's a whole big story behind it but basically she got her BFP on a test I gave her and told me she was pregnant on CD1 after my first failed IUI. It was just a really rough time for me but I tried my best to be there for her during her pregnancy. I took her out to dinner, went for pedicures, bought her a ton of shit for her baby shower, among other things. Then a few weeks ago a mutual friend of ours (who I never talked to about my IF) told me how she told her that she couldn't even talk to me about her pregnancy because I get mad about it. I couldn't even believe she said that because I was nothing but nice and supportive even though it crushed me to be around her while she rubbed her pregnancy in my face. And not one time did she ever ask me how I was doing or how I felt. Not like I need to be coddled, but FU bitch! I thought we were cool.
(ETA: Yikes, sorry for the long rant)
That sucks, I'm so so sorry. I was going to say maybe she was trying to "act normal" by not acknowledging your IF and trying to talk naturally about her own body/pregnancy...but knowing what she said to your mutual friend...makes it seem like she knows it upsets you? And if that is the case it's pretty shitty. That being said, MH always says "believe half of what you see and nothing of what you hear", so maybe the conversation with the mutual friend was twisted too and your friend isn't really purposefully upsetting you. It does seem like it warrants a conversation, as uncomfortable as it might be. I think the sandwich method is the best approach if you're uncomfortable with it (positive thing, negative thing, positive thing).
ETA: I caught up on the posts, and kind of think maybe she's just terrible now. So, take or leave whatever I posted above... Sorry for her general assholery lilsneezy , sounds like it's been building for some time.
ETA2: Ugh, deleted my second paragraph because I feel like I didn't express myself how I wanted to, and I don't want it to be misunderstood.
She was jumping on a trampoline and peed her pants a little (she just had a baby two months ago) and then told me that "having kids is no bu.eno" Like no, what's no bueno is not being able to have kids. She just makes little comments like this all the time. I know I'm being sensitive but her pregnancy was super hard on me. There's a whole big story behind it but basically she got her BFP on a test I gave her and told me she was pregnant on CD1 after my first failed IUI. It was just a really rough time for me but I tried my best to be there for her during her pregnancy. I took her out to dinner, went for pedicures, bought her a ton of shit for her baby shower, among other things. Then a few weeks ago a mutual friend of ours (who I never talked to about my IF) told me how she told her that she couldn't even talk to me about her pregnancy because I get mad about it. I couldn't even believe she said that because I was nothing but nice and supportive even though it crushed me to be around her while she rubbed her pregnancy in my face. And not one time did she ever ask me how I was doing or how I felt. Not like I need to be coddled, but FU bitch! I thought we were cool.
(ETA: Yikes, sorry for the long rant)
That sucks, I'm so so sorry. I was going to say maybe she was trying to "act normal" by not acknowledging your IF and trying to talk naturally about her own body/pregnancy...but knowing what she said to your mutual friend...makes it seem like she knows it upsets you? And if that is the case it's pretty shitty. That being said, MH always says "believe half of what you see and nothing of what you hear", so maybe the conversation with the mutual friend was twisted too and your friend isn't really purposefully upsetting you. It does seem like it warrants a conversation, as uncomfortable as it might be. I think the sandwich method is the best approach if you're uncomfortable with it (positive thing, negative thing, positive thing).
It's easy to get sensitive and it's something I've had to work on myself. Recently my IRL friend was benched a month due to medical reasons and she was complaining to me about it. I thought "well, at least you weren't benched for a year". But after talking to MH about it we agreed that that is a never-ending game to play. There are women who have had the same diagnosis as me and ended up needing chemotherapy and were benched over 2 years from their loss. The fact that I was benched for a year from my loss is shitty. But, my friend who was excited to ttc only to be told she had to wait a month is also shitty. I hope I'm making myself clear because I'm definitely not trying to discredit anyone's suffering. I guess all I'm saying is sometimes it's easy to get in your own head and for other people to get stuck in their own head too.
ETA: I caught up on the posts, and kind of think maybe she's just terrible now. So, take or leave whatever I posted above... Sorry for her general assholery lilsneezy, sounds like it's been building for some time.
Thanks, I appreciate that. I was pretty pissed off when I heard she said that and planned on confronting her but I kind of came to the same realizations as you. I don't or can't expect everyone to understand what I'm going through or what the right or wrong thing is to say to someone experiencing IF. I think what hurt me most is exactly what you said; that she was doing it knowing that she was hurting me. And I do think that was the case because our mutual friend is also having TTTC and she was doing the exact same thing to her (that's how the conversation came up). She actually said something very similar to me about our mutual friend. She said that she can't be around her or talk about her pregnancy because she gets mad/upset and that it's not her fault she can't get pregnant. I kind of felt like she was passively directing that comment at me when she said it. I've been trying to be the bigger person because I think she's just insecure, but I kind of just want to stoop to her level and be a bitch back.
TTC #1 since August 2013 DX: Endo November 2014: Hysteroscopy, D&C June - September 2015: Clomid + Novarel + IUI #1-3 January 2017: Laparoscopy - endo removed
TTC #1 since August 2013 DX: Endo November 2014: Hysteroscopy, D&C June - September 2015: Clomid + Novarel + IUI #1-3 January 2017: Laparoscopy - endo removed
That sucks, I'm so so sorry. I was going to say maybe she was trying to "act normal" by not acknowledging your IF and trying to talk naturally about her own body/pregnancy...but knowing what she said to your mutual friend...makes it seem like she knows it upsets you? And if that is the case it's pretty shitty. That being said, MH always says "believe half of what you see and nothing of what you hear", so maybe the conversation with the mutual friend was twisted too and your friend isn't really purposefully upsetting you. It does seem like it warrants a conversation, as uncomfortable as it might be. I think the sandwich method is the best approach if you're uncomfortable with it (positive thing, negative thing, positive thing).
It's easy to get sensitive and it's something I've had to work on myself. Recently my IRL friend was benched a month due to medical reasons and she was complaining to me about it. I thought "well, at least you weren't benched for a year". But after talking to MH about it we agreed that that is a never-ending game to play. There are women who have had the same diagnosis as me and ended up needing chemotherapy and were benched over 2 years from their loss. The fact that I was benched for a year from my loss is shitty. But, my friend who was excited to ttc only to be told she had to wait a month is also shitty. I hope I'm making myself clear because I'm definitely not trying to discredit anyone's suffering. I guess all I'm saying is sometimes it's easy to get in your own head and for other people to get stuck in their own head too.
ETA: I caught up on the posts, and kind of think maybe she's just terrible now. So, take or leave whatever I posted above... Sorry for her general assholery lilsneezy , sounds like it's been building for some time.
Thanks, I appreciate that. I was pretty pissed off when I heard she said that and planned on confronting her but I kind of came to the same realizations as you. I don't or can't expect everyone to understand what I'm going through or what the right or wrong thing is to say to someone experiencing IF. I think what hurt me most is exactly what you said; that she was doing it knowing that she was hurting me. And I do think that was the case because our mutual friend is also having TTTC and she was doing the exact same thing to her (that's how the conversation came up). She actually said something very similar to me about our mutual friend. She said that she can't be around her or talk about her pregnancy because she gets mad/upset and that it's not her fault she can't get pregnant. I kind of felt like she was passively directing that comment at me when she said it. I've been trying to be the bigger person because I think she's just insecure, but I kind of just want to stoop to her level and be a bitch back.
Oh that sucks. Not knowing the situation I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt but no. That's awful. I agree, it might be time to find someone else to hang out with.
I'm also glad you got what I was trying to communicate. I got really anxious after I posted that I didn't really express my thoughts well.
Thanks, I appreciate that. I was pretty pissed off when I heard she said that and planned on confronting her but I kind of came to the same realizations as you. I don't or can't expect everyone to understand what I'm going through or what the right or wrong thing is to say to someone experiencing IF. I think what hurt me most is exactly what you said; that she was doing it knowing that she was hurting me. And I do think that was the case because our mutual friend is also having TTTC and she was doing the exact same thing to her (that's how the conversation came up). She actually said something very similar to me about our mutual friend. She said that she can't be around her or talk about her pregnancy because she gets mad/upset and that it's not her fault she can't get pregnant. I kind of felt like she was passively directing that comment at me when she said it. I've been trying to be the bigger person because I think she's just insecure, but I kind of just want to stoop to her level and be a bitch back.
Oh that sucks. Not knowing the situation I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt but no. That's awful. I agree, it might be time to find someone else to hang out with.
I'm also glad you got what I was trying to communicate. I got really anxious after I posted that I didn't really express my thoughts well.
It's a tough situation and I know I'm fragile sometimes. I try to take that into consideration when I get upset about stuff like that. I don't think it's all her. But she does suck sometimes. Maybe I'll say something the next time she does it. Thanks for the pep talk
TTC #1 since August 2013 DX: Endo November 2014: Hysteroscopy, D&C June - September 2015: Clomid + Novarel + IUI #1-3 January 2017: Laparoscopy - endo removed
lilsneezy I have a friend who has put her foot in her mouth a bunch and said some crazy insensitive stuff. She does check in on me and try to be supportive, too, so I think she's more clueless than mean...but I've found ways to set her straight a couple times. It was awkward a bit but I felt way better having told her why what she says is so hurtful. Sometimes I soften it by saying a little self deprecating joke about being overly sensitive or something but she gets the point. I hope you can say something to her. That just sucks.
TTC since July 2014. CP March 2015. IVF #1 March 2016, 5R, 3M, 2F with ICSI. Transferred 2 on day 3. CP. Surprise BFP and then CP August 2016 (prep cycle for IVF). IVF #2: zero eggs retrieved IVF #3: 6R, 5M, 5F, 3 (2 8A and 1 11A) transferred, one "B" graded embryo frozen on day 5. BFP (at home 7dp3dt, confirmed 14dp3dt with 1552 beta) and U/S at 5w5d, 2 sacs and 2 yolks!
lilsneezy I have a friend who has put her foot in her mouth a bunch and said some crazy insensitive stuff. She does check in on me and try to be supportive, too, so I think she's more clueless than mean...but I've found ways to set her straight a couple times. It was awkward a bit but I felt way better having told her why what she says is so hurtful. Sometimes I soften it by saying a little self deprecating joke about being overly sensitive or something but she gets the point. I hope you can say something to her. That just sucks.
Thanks. I've tried dropping hints but she clearly doesn't get them. Or she misinterprets it for me being "mad" instead of hurt. When she was pregnant she would complain to be about not being able to drink or smoke or whatever and I would say things like "I'd trade places with you" or something along those lines. If she didn't know about my IF it probably wouldn't bother me at all. But she does so she just comes off as callous.
TTC #1 since August 2013 DX: Endo November 2014: Hysteroscopy, D&C June - September 2015: Clomid + Novarel + IUI #1-3 January 2017: Laparoscopy - endo removed
lilsneezy sorry I was being obnoxious in the middle of this conversation. I'm sorry your "friend" is acting like this. I used to be awkward and probably saying the all he wrong things in the past with friends with IF. I still get nervous but I have learned a lot here. Basically don't be an a**hole.
Oh no you were fine! I was totally the Debbie Downer of the thread last night so I apologize for killing the mood
TTC #1 since August 2013 DX: Endo November 2014: Hysteroscopy, D&C June - September 2015: Clomid + Novarel + IUI #1-3 January 2017: Laparoscopy - endo removed
Oh no you were fine! I was totally the Debbie Downer of the thread last night so I apologize for killing the mood
I posted drunk and then fell asleep while trying to read he thread oops and then saw my poorly placed "PSA??" Omg trashed. I'm giggling here. Anyways glad you didn't think I was super rude.
Haha, nope! It is the "Random" thread after all Hope you had fun last night and aren't paying for it too bad today!
TTC #1 since August 2013 DX: Endo November 2014: Hysteroscopy, D&C June - September 2015: Clomid + Novarel + IUI #1-3 January 2017: Laparoscopy - endo removed
Post by easilyunamused on Apr 24, 2016 10:49:11 GMT -5
Sorry lilsneezy. That sucks when a good friend is insensitive. My BFF is the same way. Her "understanding" a problem is to talk about herself either in the situation, or something close she went through. It's very frustrating.
Like one time I was talking about starting clomid and she brought up her friend to took unmonitored clomid. Her friend got pregnant, so of course I will too! And then went on to talk about her friend complaining about first tri. I had to basically tell her to shut up. I'm not in a place to talk about someone's first trimester.
It hard to keep her in check about it mostly because we are long distance friends. It's hard to have those convos on the phone. So I don't really bring kids/pregnancy/babies up. Which is hard because she has 3 kids. Lol
Sorry lilsneezy. That sucks when a good friend is insensitive. My BFF is the same way. Her "understanding" a problem is to talk about herself either in the situation, or something close she went through. It's very frustrating.
Like one time I was talking about starting clomid and she brought up her friend to took unmonitored clomid. Her friend got pregnant, so of course I will too! And then went on to talk about her friend complaining about first tri. I had to basically tell her to shut up. I'm not in a place to talk about someone's first trimester.
It hard to keep her in check about it mostly because we are long distance friends. It's hard to have those convos on the phone. So I don't really bring kids/pregnancy/babies up. Which is hard because she has 3 kids. Lol
She sounds like a one-upper. I haaate that. It's one thing if you can really relate to something but every single time? Nooo, just stahp. I don't bring up babies/pregnancy/IF with my friend either. I keep that stuff to the TCF boards now. I just try my best to act like it doesn't affect me as much as it does. I think she gets a slight enjoyment out of it.
TTC #1 since August 2013 DX: Endo November 2014: Hysteroscopy, D&C June - September 2015: Clomid + Novarel + IUI #1-3 January 2017: Laparoscopy - endo removed
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