TTMA moving through your grief
May 3, 2016 12:07:50 GMT -5
Post by rslh10 on May 3, 2016 12:07:50 GMT -5
**LC mentioned**
Hi Ladies,
I just want to thank you all in advance. I feel like sometimes when I post I'm asking you to revisit your pain and grief etc....and I really really appreciate you going there to help me out.
Today, my IVF meds came in. I've been really looking forward to getting them because it means were one step closer to trying again. But...The past few days/weeks I've found myself in a weird place. Sort of between depression and acceptance? I don't know if that makes any sense at all. I guess I'm just feeling really depressed in the sense that there is literally nothing that can be done EVER to bring her back to me. I could try everything in my power, all the money in the world, ANYTHING, and it wouldn't matter. She is and always will be my daughter who died. I feel that I'm standing one foot in depression and one foot in acceptance. I know there is nothing I can do to bring her back, or change what happened so I feel that is the "acceptance" part. And the above is the depression part.
I won't lie, there are ok days, but there are the days where I would rather just be dead so that I could see her sweet face again and hold her in my arms. There are days where I wake up and she is not IMMEDIATELY the first thing on my mind (but this is because we have a 5 year old who wakes me up and I need to tend to him first thing). She is the last thing on my mind at night, though, always. I kiss her urn good night, and kiss her photo good night as well. It seems like the night time is harder for me. Maybe because that's when I am able to relax? I don't know.
I have noticed that as IVF is becoming a thing that will be happening, I'm feeling guilt? I want another child, I would seriously like 2-3 more (in a perfect world). It just makes me feel like, every step I take forward is one step away from my baby girl. I know that is inevitable, and life has to go on, but...it still causes me serious guilt. I know I will never "replace" Kenley, and I would never want to/try to...but it's just a mindfuck.
So all that being said, I'm asking you to tell me how you feel you moved through the grief? Do you remember the time it took you to do certain things again, or how long it took you to feel certain ways? I know each individual is different, but I figured this was the best place to ask.
pickles4prez showed me this image, and I'm sure you all relate to it.
Hi Ladies,
I just want to thank you all in advance. I feel like sometimes when I post I'm asking you to revisit your pain and grief etc....and I really really appreciate you going there to help me out.
Today, my IVF meds came in. I've been really looking forward to getting them because it means were one step closer to trying again. But...The past few days/weeks I've found myself in a weird place. Sort of between depression and acceptance? I don't know if that makes any sense at all. I guess I'm just feeling really depressed in the sense that there is literally nothing that can be done EVER to bring her back to me. I could try everything in my power, all the money in the world, ANYTHING, and it wouldn't matter. She is and always will be my daughter who died. I feel that I'm standing one foot in depression and one foot in acceptance. I know there is nothing I can do to bring her back, or change what happened so I feel that is the "acceptance" part. And the above is the depression part.
I won't lie, there are ok days, but there are the days where I would rather just be dead so that I could see her sweet face again and hold her in my arms. There are days where I wake up and she is not IMMEDIATELY the first thing on my mind (but this is because we have a 5 year old who wakes me up and I need to tend to him first thing). She is the last thing on my mind at night, though, always. I kiss her urn good night, and kiss her photo good night as well. It seems like the night time is harder for me. Maybe because that's when I am able to relax? I don't know.
I have noticed that as IVF is becoming a thing that will be happening, I'm feeling guilt? I want another child, I would seriously like 2-3 more (in a perfect world). It just makes me feel like, every step I take forward is one step away from my baby girl. I know that is inevitable, and life has to go on, but...it still causes me serious guilt. I know I will never "replace" Kenley, and I would never want to/try to...but it's just a mindfuck.
So all that being said, I'm asking you to tell me how you feel you moved through the grief? Do you remember the time it took you to do certain things again, or how long it took you to feel certain ways? I know each individual is different, but I figured this was the best place to ask.
pickles4prez showed me this image, and I'm sure you all relate to it.