Playtime Halp! Re: Normal Behavior? *Long*

[mosaicmoscato]

Ok I'm about at the end of my rope here, so I decided to reach out for help/advice. tLex I was hoping you had some baby behavior words of wisdom, but I'd absolutely love any and all feedback from anyone!

So DS absolutely loves his toy cars, and plays with them above anything else. It's so adorable, but often and seemingly unprovoked he will snap and hit the car while screaming and sit up and cry a little, and then go back to playing sweetly with the car. Its almost as if he got frustrated for one reason or another. It happens multiple times a day and worse obviously right before nap or bed time. I usually tell him calmly that he needs to breathe and calm down, or if its bad enough I will remove the car for a minute. Sometimes I just ignore the behavior. Is this normal?! I apologize if this is like a no brainer, but I'm a FTM with zero experience around babies and it has me stressed that he has some sort of baby anger issue or something.

Similarly with tantrums. What in the world do you do at this age?! If DS gets his hands on something he shouldn't have and I take it away he arches his back throws his head back and just lays on the floor and screams. If I tell him no, or remove an object he's reaching for that he can't have the same thing happens. It doesn't happen every time, but when it does its bad! Should I be taking this time to 'teach' him? Should I ignore the behavior? Redirect? Just deal with it until he understands time out? DH is clueless as well and looks to me for help so I feel very insecure with my parenting not knowing what to do at this age. I naively thought babies were perfect well behaving creatures until 2 when apparently all hell broke loose. I'm worried that DS is having tantrums so early, and even more worried that I have no idea what to do about them.

*takes deep breath* Wow sorry for the novel, but help please F'14! My sanity is at stake here

[MissDemeanor]

I'm in the I don't know what to do either camp. But R has his temper moments. My sweetheart little boy will actually reach out and hit/bite/scratch us when he's upset. I know it's because he's frustrated but I'm freaking out that he reaction to that is to hurt someone.

I already talked to my bf about this yesterday, but I'm noticing a problem with myself/my parenting now too. Yesterday he had a sharp mechanical pencil and was waving it around, and could have poked his eye out or whatever. Obviously I had to take it away from him. But I actually felt bad about doing so, because I didn't want to upset him. I can't believe a part of me felt guilty about taking a dangerous object away from him! OK, sorry for that T/J

Commiserating with you, because feeling lost while parenting is hard, but I think it's something we need to get used to. And FWIW, I don't think your LO is acting abnormal at all, he just doesn't have another way to show he frustration yet.

[laur]

I think a lot of it is frustration. Like they don't have the fine motor skills to manipulate things they want so they get agressive.

Then they may want something and you take it away but they don't have the words to say they are upset or the ability to get the thing you took away back.

It will pass when they are more able to talk and explain themselves and more able to manipulate the world around them.

[squirm]

I'm not an expert at all and I dont have personal experience with the snapping but it does sound like normal frustration. There is so much that our lo's understand and want to do and how frustrating that developmentally they are not physically able to do what they want all the time, kwim? At this age, I would focus mostly on redirection. My lo definitely does the arched back temper tantrum and she certainly wouldn't respond to me calmly explaining the situation. The name of my game is distraction. To prevent, I give her something safe to focus on and remove the unsafe object. Or, if she is in an unsafe situation, I lure (creepy) her to a safe situation. Once she's upset, I do things to distract her. A light up toy, something to hold, I'll even make random loud noises to get her attention. Usually she's just upset bc frustrated and calms down as soon as her attention is focused elsewhere. It's also important to remember that these babies all have different personalities so it may be that your lo is more sensitive than others. Hard for mama sometimes, but can be such a great attribute when lo gets older. Hugs, you are doing a great job looking out for your little guy

[hammysmommy]

Feb 6, 2015 12:18:27 GMT -5 MissDemeanor said:

And FWIW, I don't think your LO is acting abnormal at all, he just doesn't have another way to show he frustration yet.

This is my thought too.  babyG does the crying/archingback/worldisending fits when I take something away, or move something out of reach that he's not supposed to(or we don't want him to) play with (i.e. my phone, the TV remote, the scissors that his big sis was using)...  Lately I've gotten into the habit of putting a pillow down behind him as I'm taking/moving the toy/object because he arches so violently that he whacks his head on the floor *thud*.  It actually seems to annoy him that I am able to take some of his thunder away with the pillow truth be told...    I try the redirection, try giving him another toy/object first, but sometimes there is no changing his focus.   When it's close to nap/bedtime, it's a little easier because we just start the bedtime/naptime routine - when it's not...  I've let him cry for a moment/two (he makes this super cute grumpy cat face) and then try to redirect him/make him laugh or smile with another toy or a funny noise or tickling him.  When his big sister is there, all she has to do is look at him with a big, wide-eyed, open mouthed like 'oh my gosh' face and he cracks up - I like those days best, but we only get to have her for half of the week so other days are harder.

[caer]

I have no magic answer for you either but I wanted to reassure you that it sounds normal based on my observations in the Caer household. DS gets SO sad/mad (smad?) if I take away or won't give him something he wants. Like head in his hands, collapsed on the floor, weeping sad. It's all very dramatic. He may have a career in Mexican soap operas if nothing else pans out.

Distraction helps some of the time. Sorry you're dealing with it too but it sounds like a normal stage! We're here if you need to vent.

[shellbell]

My LO definitely gets frustrated with his toys. If something isn't going the way he wants it to (and sometimes it might be apparent to me...like I think he's doing great with a truck or whatever), it's the end of the world for him. This especially happens if he's crawling with a toy and it doesn't go the way he wants it to. Tantrum city.

Re: taking away things he shouldn't have -- I try my best to substitute with something else. There are some things that are, in my mind, non-negotiables. If he's playing with those things, he gets moved. Anything that I just don't want him to have (magazine, newspaper, cat toy, blah blah), I try to involve him in something else. It's hard. He has a memory like an elephant. He'll go back to the bad thing untl it's out of sight. But I try to pick him up, interest him in a toy, move him to another location, etc.

[mosaicmoscato]

Thank you all so very much for your advice! I feel like I can breathe a little easier knowing I'm not alone in this, and I (hopefully) haven't ruined DS I'm sorry you ladies have to deal with the tantrums too though!

MissDemeanor that has definitely happened to me too, you're not alone!

[hashtagrainbow]

L does this on occasion with her toys. Particularly her shape sorter blocks. When I see it happen, I try to distract her by singing songs or I'll grab her xylophone. Music soothes her and she'll calm down relatively quickly.

You're doing a great job mama! Don't fret.

[homebrewgirl]

No advice. Just also wanted to say it sounds normal and not to feel like you're doing something wrong. You're doing a great job by keeping lo safe!

[codypup]

T/j but tLex, is it too late to teach sign language if we've never started?

[mosaicmoscato]

Thanks again everyone! Seriously it means so much to me, I felt like I was drowning in panic/stress. tLex thank you for the sign language suggestion! I think I'll look into it, but where in the world do I start?!

[avswolf]

Feb 6, 2015 12:38:59 GMT -5 laur said:

I think a lot of it is frustration. Like they don't have the fine motor skills to manipulate things they want so they get agressive.

Then they may want something and you take it away but they don't have the words to say they are upset or the ability to get the thing you took away back.

It will pass when they are more able to talk and explain themselves and more able to manipulate the world around them.

This. They are learning, and are frustrated that they can't communicate their needs. It will come with time.

[squirm]

I think it is even easier to start sign language now bc they are so much more capable physically and mentally! mosaicmoscato I started with what lo needed to communicate most: milk, mom, diaper. I would start with whatever you think will benefit lo the most. I read not to do more than 5 new signs at a time but idk if that is just for young babies.

[redsoxgirl10]

I downloaded an app Learn ASL and it's great for baby signs. We just taught LO to say down bc he was biting us to get down which was not fun