How would you define infertility?

[Liv]

I know some of you have or know someone who has experienced infertility and/or fertility treatments, so I'd love to hear your more educated thoughts!

In my social circles, A LOT of people have been throwing around the "infertile" label and I've been kind of confused-- in every case, it's a couple in their early twenties who have been actively trying to conceive for only 6 months or so. When they don't get a BFP, they conclude they are infertile and start pursuing fertility treatments. 

I always thought that getting pregnant could take quite a few cycles even for a perfectly normal, healthy couple. As in, you might start thinking you have fertility issues after a year or more of active charting and trying. 

I REALLY don't want to be insensitive to anyone who really is going through something genuinely unusual and tragic, but I can't help but think "you're not infertile!" when after a few cycles a couple doesn't end up pregnant. 

Am I wrong?? What's normal? What's "infertile"?

[dawnfire]

So they haven't had any doctors yet investigate what's going on with the plumbing?

I'd side-eye them a bit, if that's the case. It took a year and a half for us to conceive, but in that time DH went and had his plumbing checked (he was fine) and I was diagnosed with PCOS. It took us 6 months after the PCOS diagnosis to make LO, and that was the stage when we were really close to looking into IF and other options.

But maybe it's possible they already know one of them has an issue. I have a friend who isn't TTC, but she was diagnosed with PCOS so when they do try, they are already aware that it can cause issues.

I guess I don't want to be Judgey McJudgerson without know if they know they have a valid reason to think that.

[isolemnlyswear]

My sister actively tried for a year per the recommendation of her doctor. After the year my BIL got his swimmers tested and they tested fine. That's when they diagnosed my sister with PCOS and she started medication. After on meds she was pregnant after her second cycle. for her second pregnancy they just started her on the medicine and it still took 5 months for her to get pregnant.

So I would agree if you are actively trying for over a year I would say then it's time to check in with a doctor.

[Liv]

Feb 6, 2015 16:59:19 GMT -5 dawnfire said:

So they haven't had any doctors yet investigate what's going on with the plumbing?

I'd side-eye them a bit, if that's the case. It took a year and a half for us to conceive, but in that time DH went and had his plumbing checked (he was fine) and I was diagnosed with PCOS. It took us 6 months after the PCOS diagnosis to make LO, and that was the stage when we were really close to looking into IF and other options.

But maybe it's possible they already know one of them has an issue. I have a friend who isn't TTC, but she was diagnosed with PCOS so when they do try, they are already aware that it can cause issues.

I guess I don't want to be Judgey McJudgerson without know if they know they have a valid reason to think that.

Exactly! I really don't want to judge or even be skeptical if I'm way off base. I'm not close enough to either couple to know what kind of evaluations they've done... I just know when they actively started trying (people are pretty transparent about some things on Facebook!!) and then less than 6 months later, they're asking for good vibes for their first IUI. I have to think stressing out for 6 cycles would be detrimental, if you're just "sure" you have issues. But maybe they do have some medical obstacles. I just don't know.

[littlemissmarla]

If you have to go through medical interventions to conceive, I would consider you infertile.

I have PCOS, a blocked tube and we did IVF, so I consider myself infertile.

What about people who conceive naturally after having medical intervention? I guess you can be both or experience temporary infertility... Interesting!

[lea]

Considering there's only something like a 20% chance a healthy couple will conceive in any given month, I wouldn't even pursue testing until after a year. I wouldn't consider myself infertile until I had an actual diagnosis.

[sararl07]

Feb 6, 2015 17:26:09 GMT -5 lea said:

Considering there's only something like a 20% chance a healthy couple will conceive in any given month, I wouldn't even pursue testing until after a year. I wouldn't consider myself infertile until I had an actual diagnosis.

This!!!  

And corgrats getting member status

[Lola]

I agree with Marla. If medical intervention is needed after a year+ of trying. My sister tried for over a year and then went through testing to find out her hubby has a cystic fibrosis gene that caused a lack of the vas deferens. So they retrieved sperm via needle aspiration and then they had Ivf. There is no physically possible way for them to get pregnant from sex.

[GrrArgh]

Everything I read said that if you are under 35 and healthy you should try for a year before seeking medical intervention, over 35 after 6 months.

[anotherdreamer]

By definition it's unsuccessfully TTC for a year under a certain age (want to say 35?) and over that age it's unsuccessfully TTC for 6m. Unless you have known issues that would render you medically infertile. It can take a healthy couple 12m to conceive though, there is. 20% chance each cycle even with perfect timing.

I don't ovulate. I didn't as a teenager, didn't as a newly wed 21 year old, still don't. I have always been infertile, I just didn't get diagnosed for awhile. My recurrent losses also make me infertile by definition, to be technical.

DS took me 4 years, three losses, and a lot of fertility treatments. And surgery. The twins only took 4 medicated cycles, it was like winning the lottery- we were very fortunate.

I would try not to judge, in case of known issues (I certainly didn't go around talking about my lack of periods, would rather just say I can't have kids or that I have PCOS, or issues).

[Liv]

Thanks, ladies. I hope I didn't sound like a total jerk-- I really sincerely just didn't understand! Thanks for shedding some light and offering perspective.

[tinkerham]

Ditto the others. A year of well timed sex unless you aren't ovulating, or have other known issues. We used sloppy pull & pray for a long time. Then started actively trying. After a year we started tests. Eventually moved on to IUI and then ivf. Took 5+ years for this sticky baby.

Whatever you do, don't say "just adopt" or "it will happen" or "just relax"

[Liv]

Feb 9, 2015 8:18:37 GMT -5 tinkerham said:

Whatever you do, don't say "just adopt" or "it will happen" or "just relax"

Geez did people actually say kind of thing to you?? GoodNESS.

[anotherdreamer]

Feb 9, 2015 14:26:30 GMT -5 Liv said:

Feb 9, 2015 8:18:37 GMT -5 tinkerham said:

Whatever you do, don't say "just adopt" or "it will happen" or "just relax"

Geez did people actually say kind of thing to you?? GoodNESS.

Yeah, those statements are unfortunately the norm.

[tinkerham]

Feb 9, 2015 14:26:30 GMT -5 Liv said:

Feb 9, 2015 8:18:37 GMT -5 tinkerham said:

Whatever you do, don't say "just adopt" or "it will happen" or "just relax"

Geez did people actually say kind of thing to you?? GoodNESS.

Oh yeahhhh. I got so snippy about it I yelled at MIL "Relaxing won't improve Mister's sperm count!"

[Liv]

Feb 9, 2015 17:07:32 GMT -5 tinkerham said:

Feb 9, 2015 14:26:30 GMT -5 Liv said:

Geez did people actually say kind of thing to you?? GoodNESS.

Oh yeahhhh. I got so snippy about it I yelled at MIL "Relaxing won't improve Mister's sperm count!"

Thumbs up to you!