NPR: Oversharers on the 'net?

[mnp48]

My sister's bff decided to post my baby's name (that we have not officially announced) to my Facebook wall post, under the our sex reveal photo.  I quickly deleted it.  Our baby name isn't a secret with our family but we aren't ready to announce it or hear unwanted opinions.  (Yeah, I've made the mistake of mentioning the name once and didn't like what I heard.)  Maybe I'm being butt hurt but it irked me so much!  

This comes down to...What, if any, information would you be posting on the 'net?  And, shouldn't you be able to control the info on your pregnancy/ baby photos/baby names/etc?  I've googled and seen comments from "You have every right to ask photos/comments not to be posted about your pregnancy/baby/etc." to "Why are you on Facebook/Twitter then?".  

[ombradellarosa]

I'm totally with your feelings. I was so worried that once I told people someone would spread it or post on social media. I strongly feel that it's your news and no one should get to share it but you. I think once someone has made it publicly known that's one thing, but being the first to post obviously goes to the parents in my opinion. Fortunately, no one posted about it. I still haven't, actually, and i'm thinking I should.
I want to announce because a lot of people still don't know but I'm all hung up on a cute announcement and it feels really late in the game to me. I have weird feelings about it because my one uncle did my wedding invites and my other uncle "joked" about being passed up for his younger brother (I asked them both since they're both artists but my younger uncle had more time to do it). I really wanted to give him the chance to do my pregnancy announcement because I thought that might make up for it and he'd enjoy it, but I also intended to get it started earlier. Do you think five months is too late to announce publicly? I guess better late than never.
Holy word wall. Sorry. Anyway, I definitely agree with you that the parents should be in control of the info, especially pictures, that go out on the Internet. So help anyone who posts my child's picture on the Internet. I will END THEM. And then my mum will do it again.

[erbear]

Right after we found out we were pregnant, my husband's uncle posted something congratulating us on our FB walls. We actually locked our walls until we announced at 13 weeks just because of that. No one knows the name (well, H told his mom and our best male/female friends know, so three people) so that's not really a worry. We don't mind posting pictures when the time comes but we haven't posted any ultrasound pictures, just because. We actually are probably going to make a blog with locked access for family as I really don't want my estranged brother seeing pictures of my kid all over FB.

Kind of related, but someone asked my H to post where we were registered the other night. I told him that he absolutely should neeeeever post that!

[lunalovegood]

I think it is absolutely your news to share and other people should not be posting things before you have.
We told my in laws about the pregnancy at 8 weeks only because they live out of state and we happened to aleady have a visit planned. We both locked our Facebook down after that because my mother in law was so excited to tell people and we didn't know if she would let it slip.
I think it is totally your right to be protective of your baby and your news and share on your time.

[missjenniebean]

I feel the same way. We haven't announced it on FB yet, people who know keep posting on my pictures or wall to see my baby bump or how I can be tired because I am carrying a baby. I'm sitting here thinking STOP IT. I have NOT ONCE posted anything that even said we are pregnant, so why do you continue to post this stuff. Text me or stop by to see my bump or something. Annoying. I straight up told my sister that I won't even be posting too many pictures. I have already stopped doing that with my pets, for practice.


It is hard, when everyone is used to sharing everything on social media. I do agree though, that as parents we have a right to control what goes on with our child on the internet.

[Bluedaisy]

I agree that it is definitely parent's news to share.

However it's incredibly hard to control and police. The best way is to let people know you really don't want it shared. If they don't listen then deleting stuff and locking your wall is about all you can do, other than not sharing stuff with people who might be jerks.

DH and I both locked our walls while we were telling family because due to the time difference we ended up telling his family hours before mine and didn't want mine to find out on fb. So far the only person who put anything on FB was my grandpa and he didn't mean anything by it so I just deleted it and sent him a nice message that we hadn't told my boss yet so we didn't want it on FB yet.

[sully326]

I'm right there with you on the name thing! We won't be posting it on FB until she's born & I had to make a post last night letting people know that because they would.not.stop.asking.

My close family & friends know that DH & I will be the first to post ANYTHING when it comes to pregnancy, labor & delivery. When we found out I was pregnant I had to stop my mom from putting it on FB because I was only 7 weeks & wanted to wait until 13. When we found out the sex, the people we told knew not to post until after we did. So far everything's gone like we wanted & people have respected us so, as long as they do it from here on out, I'll be fine.

[mrskblack11]

I had to remind both sides of my family to not post anything on Facebook until I was ready to share. Thankfully they all respected my wishes even though they did harass me because they wanted to share the news about being a grandma or aunt.

I think it is common sense not to share info on someone else's baby if the parents have not shared it first, but I still went out of my way to remind my family that baby news is mine to share, not theirs.

I did start posting bump pictures and everyone LOVES to see them. I know everyone is super excited about our baby and my extended family lives out of state so I do enjoy sharing a few things with them.

[Deleted]

Ditto everyone else. That is just not someone else's news to spread. TBH, and I know it sounds horrible, but we will probably announce the birth on FB first and then immediately call family because I don't want someone else to post a picture and let it out there in place of us, and I just don't trust people. They just seem to have no common sense and we deserve to be the ones to share that news with the world.

[Deleted]

I completely agree! DH hates social media in general so I agreed to honor his wishes about not posting anything until baby gets here. I also like the privacy of keeping the news just between our family & friends.... But I specifically had to tell my mom "do NOT post anything".

She has honored that so far and even told her friends not to post anything because I don't want that which is cute. I think people just get excited and can't contain themselves... But it should be common sense!

[honeybunches101]

I locked my Facebook wall so no one could post about it. It took us a while to tell all the people we wanted to tell and I didn't want to have to make a big deal about telling everyone not to post on Facebook. I put it on Facebook the night we found out the sex so people wouldn't have to text me the same thing over and over. With DS, one of my good friends posted that I was in labor and I started getting calls and texts, so I think I'll leave my wall locked for the duration.

[Deleted]

I agree with everyone else that anything baby related is for the parents to share.

I haven't really had any issues with this at all. Everyone in my family is on Facebook and/or Instagram, but I never had to tell anyone not to post anything about my pregnancy. It was just common sense. Also, I am not too big on Facebook. I've only posted two status updates relating to my pregnancy (one announcing I was pregnant, and the other announcing the baby's sex). I've also posted two bump pictures so far and all my friends and family went nuts over those!

Anyone that knows me IRL already knows the baby's name, but I'm not sharing it on social media until she is born. I never posted ultrasound pics either. DH has a friend that's having a baby and the GF posted an ultrasound pic of their baby with the full name on FB and I gave it major side eye. I mean to each their own, but I am just not comfortable with sharing that much so early!

I know myself and I'll definitely post pics of the baby after she's born because I want to share with my friends and family that are scattered all over the country. I have also been deleting a lot of people off my FB so my "audience" is actually people that are closer to me.

[billyhorrible]

While I won't argue the point that it's the parents news, I also feel like you can't really choose who knows and who doesn't, especially in this age of social media. Tell one person and you better be ready for everyone to know.

I don't post anything pregnancy related on social media (ever) and I lock my wall until everyone in my life knows I'm pregnant. I even use an AE on forums (like TB) so that people who know me and know my SN don't find out before I'm ready.

And I never use my kid's name online - even on my facebook page. I don't care too much about someone posting pictures of him on Facebook, but probably because the only people who do are close family members and friends, and even then they rarely do it.

[baileybaileybne]

Feb 7, 2015 8:41:49 GMT -5 missjenniebean said:

I feel the same way. We haven't announced it on FB yet, people who know keep posting on my pictures or wall to see my baby bump or how I can be tired because I am carrying a baby. I'm sitting here thinking STOP IT. I have NOT ONCE posted anything that even said we are pregnant, so why do you continue to post this stuff. Text me or stop by to see my bump or something. Annoying. I straight up told my sister that I won't even be posting too many pictures. I have already stopped doing that with my pets, for practice.


It is hard, when everyone is used to sharing everything on social media. I do agree though, that as parents we have a right to control what goes on with our child on the internet.

I know what you mean, and it always seems to be the people not even that close to you! I went to the tennis over the Christmas break from work and put up a photo of the match joking that I felt guilty eating ice cream while they were working so hard. So of course there was a comment saying "Don't feel guilty, the baby needs it!"

After that I went public on Facebook, just to avoid the few people I hadn't seen face to face yet finding out from someone else. It sort of doubled as our way to share that we'd found out it is a girl.

[Deleted]

I've been trying to figure this out for a while, but is there a way I can stop people from sharing my pictures on FB?

[jcprn]

I made a small Facebook announcement on Christmas but haven't mentioned my pregnancy again. But I feel like this will impact me more once baby arrives. I always find it obnoxious when someone besides the parents makes a Facebook announcement that "the baby is here measuring blah blah inches at blah blah pounds and his/her name is blah blah." Especially when other people post the first picture that everyone is going to see of YOUR baby. That's absolutely the parents info to share with friends and family. That just ALWAYS rubs me the wrong way. Everyone who visits in the hospital will get a social media disclaimer.

[mnp48]

Feb 7, 2015 21:10:13 GMT -5 @jimbobcooter said:

I've been trying to figure this out for a while, but is there a way I can stop people from sharing my pictures on FB?

I don't think there is.  You can untag yourself but you can't remove the photo.  All you can do is ask the person who posted it have it removed.

[mnp48]

Feb 8, 2015 8:38:16 GMT -5 jcprn said:

I made a small Facebook announcement on Christmas but haven't mentioned my pregnancy again. But I feel like this will impact me more once baby arrives. I always find it obnoxious when someone besides the parents makes a Facebook announcement that "the baby is here measuring blah blah inches at blah blah pounds and his/her name is blah blah." Especially when other people post the first picture that everyone is going to see of YOUR baby. That's absolutely the parents info to share with friends and family. That just ALWAYS rubs me the wrong way. Everyone who visits in the hospital will get a social media disclaimer.

Ah, this is a very good point!  When the time comes, I will have to make sure none of my sisters or their SOs posts without my consent.  It's my business and I'll announce it when I feel like it.  

[wifedeangel]

Feb 8, 2015 11:01:28 GMT -5 mnp48 said:

Feb 7, 2015 21:10:13 GMT -5 @jimbobcooter said:

I've been trying to figure this out for a while, but is there a way I can stop people from sharing my pictures on FB?

I don't think there is.  You can untag yourself but you can't remove the photo.  All you can do is ask the person who posted it have it removed.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but if you have the setting for you pictures "friends only", it won't matter if they share the picture because only your common friends will see it.

Now if they save your picture and then post it as their own, you're screwed.

[cnumbers]

I haven't shared anything about baby on Facebook or any other form of social media. Only SO's and my family know we are expecting. SO and I discussed this in great detail and came to the conclusion that we would not be sharing anything. My mom pestered me at the start to let her share the news. I straight out told her no. I feel that people who aren't family or even close friends aren't really interested, they see it as just gossip & SO and I probably have those fair few on our friends list that would have something bitchy to say. There's always those people that get pissed off at other peoples happiness. I don't want people discussing our child or this time in our lives as it's a private and special thing that should just be between us. We agreed if we bump into any close friends we will probably tell them the news as it will be kinda obvious. My mom has accepted I'm not sharing anything about LO at all and since I'm now 23 weeks pregnant and settling into it I doubt I'll be sharing anytime soon and I have no desire too. I think it's very much a personal preference and choice between the couple. I don't mind those who do share but it's just not for me.. Phew, that was an essay and a half .

[leenziepops]

Feb 7, 2015 21:10:13 GMT -5 @jimbobcooter said:

I've been trying to figure this out for a while, but is there a way I can stop people from sharing my pictures on FB?

I have this exact same problem. I love my MIL and I love that she considers me and DH the center of her world but she shares so many of my pictures and albums on to her own FB page. It's pretty harmless but then I get 100 notifications that I have to sift through as all her friends click LIKE on every single photo. Not to mention all the comments that are in another language. 

[mnp48]

Feb 8, 2015 13:30:52 GMT -5 wifedeangel said:

Feb 8, 2015 11:01:28 GMT -5 mnp48 said:

I don't think there is.  You can untag yourself but you can't remove the photo.  All you can do is ask the person who posted it have it removed.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but if you have the setting for you pictures "friends only", it won't matter if they share the picture because only your common friends will see it.

Now if they save your picture and then post it as their own, you're screwed.

You're absolutely right.  I misread Jimbobcooter's post.  If it's your photo that you posted, you can stop it from being shared but if someone posted a photo of you, you're S.O.L. unless you have them take it down.