TTMA subsequent adoptions

[redandblue]

Hey there friendly people of fostering /adoption! I have a question for those who have adopted more than once (I don't believe that group is very large) . I'm just curious about a couple of things. When did you decide you were ready to begin the process again? What did that process look like for you (ie/ what kind of updates/assessments/training) did you need to do?. Any major tips or things to consider should we decide to go down the road again?

TIA. And cookies and wine for your time!

[pinkie]

Mmmm wine and cookies

Short story, we started the process when DS1 was about 13-14 months old, we were active when he was 17 months old, matched one month later and DS2 was born when he was 19 months old.

Longer story is we wanted our kids relatively close in age and we are not spring chickens so we wanted to get active early expecting we would wait 1-2 years. I would say to be sure you would be ok bringing home a new baby the day you are active lol. I wouldn't change anything and we are so blessed but be prepared for anything

[gnomesweetgnome]

We chose to start the fostering process when B was 20 months. Went active 2 months after he turned 2, then had our first placement a few weeks later. Sometimes I wish I had had more time with just him, or at least that he was a little older, but we knew it can take a long time to get a placement who becomes available for adoption and we didn't want our kids too far apart in age or to prolong the baby/toddler phase too much.

[Captain Serious]

We met J when we were in Peru adopting M. We came home with M at the end of July, and made the decision to try to adopt J at the beginning of the following January. If it hadn't been that we specifically wanted to adopt J, though, I don't think we would have started over so quickly. The process was awful, and my husband was very put off by the thought of having to go through it all again.

That being said, we went through the same process all over. The only thing that went quicker was the homestudy because our SW knew us and was still seeing us all the time for postplacements. We also didn't have to do the education credits again, because we were living it and our SW knew we had already voraciously read anything we could get our hands on.

The biggest thing we found was that every child will adjust in his/her own way and on their own timeline. Sure there are some generalizations, but how they will go through those stages can vary vastly and there's no way to know until you are in the thick of it.

Something we are considering now (as we contemplate fostering/adopting from foster care) in the future, is how the new child will affect the dynamics and relationships in the home. We are thinking about everything from bedroom assignments, to how one child's behavior affects another's, to how much responsibility the older kids have to set a good example, to resentment, etc. A great book to get you started thinking about this is Wounded Children, Healing Homes: How Traumatized Children Impact Adoptive and Foster Families. But of course, it has more to do with older child adoption, and may not affect you quite as much if you are considering infant adoption.