I think im getting better at this

[redandblue]

I just wanted to share here an experience I had this morning.

I was with DS2 in a flower shop picking out some plant arrangements to be delivered to the social workers who helped us through our adoption journey (I kind of struggled with this, because I didn't know the right way to show our gratitude for helping to create our family. It is just so huge and nothing seemed 'enough ' to truly express our feelings...anyways that is a separate topic!). While we were speaking with the lady helping us she said 'Oh he must look like his Daddy! He has a little bit of you in him, but he must look like his Daddy'. It was a moment where I gave pause and considered things discussed throughout our different trainings etc. At first I just smiled and was going to leave it. But then I kind of felt like I was lying or hiding or something. I'm also not generally very good at just smiling/nodding, I often feel the need to engage in genuine conversation, even if it is just small talk. So I explained that actually he is adopted and that is what the plants are for, to send thanks for the adoption being finalized, but in fact he does look like his mom! I think I am getting better at answering these comments without being to awkward. We are proud of how our family has been created, and even though I will never see this woman again, I felt okay letting her know he looks like his other mom.

I just wanted to share and see if anyone else has ever had this kind of experience?

[lizblue]

Good job! One of the positives (and sometimes negatives) of transracial adoption is that it is always pretty obvious that DD is adopted. But we get a lot of joking "I don't know, I really think she looks like you... wink wink." I can't tell if I'm annoyed by this or not. I also answer, "She does actually look a lot like her birth mother."

Like you, I don't mind letting people know that we adopted. The problem is that this sometimes opens the door to all sorts of inappropriate questions. I'm going to have to get good at shutting that shit down before DD is old enough to understand.

[nobb14]

Keeping in mind DS is less than a year old, so I'm not jaded by questions yet, I answer all intrusive questions as thoroughly as possible. My favorite (sarcasm font) so far has been, "where did you get him?"

I try not to get too worked up about the gentle jokes (ex- people joking he looks just like me) because I know it is so hard for people to say the right thing, even with the best of intentions, and most of the comments come from a place of wanting to be nice and not knowing what to say. I know it will get harder though, as DS becomes more aware of other people and their words.

[pinkie]

DS1's ethnicity is predominantly Caucasian and some Asian. He has light brown curly hair, the most beautiful blue eyes you can imagine and olive skin that tans easily. We get so many comments because my husband and I are brown hair brown eyes. I've heard things like "oh my goodness his hair is so beautiful (looks at me with my boring straight brown hair) - where does he get it from".

However our comments have calmed down because our little guy is super super fair with dark blond hair and dark blue eyes. Mind you the kids look absolutely nothing alike but people focus on the eyes and we have heard things like "oh look how cute the little guy has blue eyes too".

We have gotten a few obnoxious persistent comments like "no way they can't be brothers" to which we have just said yes they are.

We are really proud of how we have become a family through adoption and I talk about it often with friends but I don't share with strangers who clearly are being super nosy. I guess I feel it's not appropriate to question someone you don't know about this.