Hiding pregnancy Q

[addymac]

Hey ladies!

Some help is needed. I turn 30 on Saturday and am having a birthday brunch with friends. Two of them are big drinkers, and I used to drink with them often (margaritas at lunch, wine and sushi, bloodies at brunch, etc) but obviously I'm not touching it. I don't feel comfortable even drinking a little, so I don't feel comfortable ordering even one mimosa and sipping it lightly. (Unless you think this is the best plan) How do I avoid telling them I'm pregnant when "it's your birthday! Have one drink!" Is what I'm going to be hearing?

FWIW, back in March / April I was on topamax for migraines, and I cut drinking out completely bc it was recommended to not drink at all while on that med, so I didn't drink for a little while and friend A kept saying "one glass is no big deal", so I'd get one glass of wine and have like three sips. Friend B kept saying dumb shit like "so how long can you not have fun aka drink with this stupid med?" Dumb on my part, but at the beginning of May, I went to a wedding with Friend B and since I had gotten a BFN, I drank the whole night, telling her I was weaning off the meds (already off them, but pretending to be on them so if I was pregnant I had an excuse).

Do I pretend to be back on the meds or just use another excuse to not drink "bc I'm 30!"?? I know people should respect my decision not to drink but they're pushy as fuck and I can see the friendship fading once they find out I'm pregnant bc that's what they do with pregnant friends, but for now, aside from their insistence on drinking, still good friends...

[pivot]

Could you maybe order a mimosa and then say you have to go to the bathroom & catch the waitress and tell her to just do orange juice & that you will most likely order another mimosa but for that one to be orange juice as well? I did that when I was pregnant with my first and it worked well! (Except my drink of choice is a cranberry vodka - so they did cranberry and sprite )

ETA: If I was going to a friends house for like a cookout or party I would buy my usual wine and dump it ( ) and add white grape juice or regular grape juice in place of it. 

Also, happy early birthday!  

[EmMilAlly]

Happy early birthday!!! Is this at a restaurant? Can you call ahead or arrive early and ask them to make your drinks virgin? Otherwise, I would order one and take only a sip or two.

(It's too bad they won't drop it after you say no thank you. That sounds like a whole other issue!)

[CoffeeOnIce]

I had the most dramatic restaurant visit when I tried to order an alcoholic beverage in a normal glass, like the actual margarita glass for example, but with no alcohol. They made a big fuss saying it was illegal for them to do that because maybe we would switch around drinks or something I dunno. I can't explain their rationale, but it was strange. Especially since they checked all id's eventually. I ordered it before ppl arrived and finally they did bring it it though. But I'd say try the meds reason since that seems like a plausible excuse for you! Pretending to drink is exhausting haha id rather just have a good excuse ?

[flyinghorses6]

Happy early birthday!!
Or actually arrive early and order "a drink" and just tell the waitress you'll have another of whatever fake drink you're having.

The medication one is easy enough too. Just explain you've been feeling crummy and started back on that medication again. If they guilt you tell them the migraines are awful and to lay the F off.

I'm lucky I'm not a big drinker but I'm also hiding this pregnancy for other more stupid reasons and I am nervous about every little thing I'm at. And every outfit I wear and everything.

[shellbell]

Your friends just sound delightful.

I would either
1.) get there early and be waiting at the bar with a virgin drink and say you're only having one because you're driving

2.) tell them you're on a combination of migraine medicines and you have been warned strongly about what would happen if you drink.

[addymac]

Jun 16, 2016 14:50:24 GMT -5 flyinghorses6 said:

Happy early birthday!!
Or actually arrive early and order "a drink" and just tell the waitress you'll have another of whatever fake drink you're having.

The medication one is easy enough too. Just explain you've been feeling crummy and started back on that medication again. If they guilt you tell them the migraines are awful and to lay the F off.

I'm lucky I'm not a big drinker but I'm also hiding this pregnancy for other more stupid reasons and I am nervous about every little thing I'm at. And every outfit I wear and everything.

Thanks, ladies! I'm def going to try the fake drink approach or the meds. I guess it'll depend on if I can get there early enough or catch the waitress quickly enough.

flyinghorses6 - I get it about being nervous about every where you are- at work I'm like X-rays! Contagious diseases! In life I'm like, is this just my belly fat that I haven't gotten rid of or is it bloating or is it pregnancy bump bc it used to go away when I'd stand up straight and suck it in, but now it's not going away! Time to lose the tight shirts! Or am I imagining it??

I'm obvs hiding it at work but it's harder when I have to hold babies for X-rays. Last night I was helping a coworker with her sick patient and they came for an X-ray for the kid and I freaked out. I managed to grab a nurse tech to help and ran away as quickly as possible bc that's usually how ppl get outed and I really wanna wait until my first appt / u/s before I leak it bc of a damn X-ray.

[flyinghorses6]

I step out for every X-ray. Always have and always will. But I'm with adults so a little easier

[tiffw2012]

That's so difficult. If I were you, I agree with PP, and I'd say that after being off the meds, you realized you needed them and are back on.

I have a standing monthly girls night (or brunch) that we've been doing for 5+ years. We always have a nice dinner and drinks. We're getting together next Sunday for brunch and I'm thinking of going ahead and telling them since it will be obvious I'm not drinking. If I can get there early enough, I may try with a fake mimosa, but these girls are my nearest and dearest, so I'm excited to tell them anyway. I'll be just over 8 weeks.

Whatever you decide, good luck!

[ImAPepper]

Or if you can stomach tomato juice/v8 that can be pretty convincing as a Bloody Mary.

Or you could do Virgin Daiquiris.

[Deleted]

I'm currently fake drinking myself. Id go with the meds and if Friend B calls you out just say like PP - needed to be back on again.

[tiffw2012]

Jun 16, 2016 17:35:48 GMT -5 ImAPepper said:

Or if you can stomach tomato juice/v8 that can be pretty convincing as a Bloody Mary.

Or you could do Virgin Daiquiris.

I wish I could, but as much as I love tomatoes, I just can stomach tomato juice!

This brunch place has $10 unlimited mimosas, so I'm sure that's what most will be having.  I think they also have $1 bellinis, so maybe I'll see if I can get a virgin one of those.

[allisong87]

I have to figure out how to get away with this too tomorrow. We are going on a boat ride with family and friends and there will be lots of drinking!!

[notagoddess]

That sounds tricky. I'd say get there early and talk to the waiter to bring you virgin drinks, and if that doesn't work, the meds are your next best out.

I'm going to be facing this problem soon too, ugh.

[Somers Isles]

Jun 16, 2016 14:54:47 GMT -5 shellbell said:

Your friends just sound delightful.

I would either
1.) get there early and be waiting at the bar with a virgin drink and say you're only having one because you're driving

2.) tell them you're on a combination of migraine medicines and you have been warned strongly about what would happen if you drink.

I second this.  

The problem with ordering a real drink and just sipping it, is that your friends will probably notice that it's still mostly full by the end of the meal. 

Also... you're friends drop pregnant people??  Jeez... they sound like awesome people... sorry you have to deal with that

On another note, happy early birthday!

[lilyofthevalley]

Happy birthday!!

I like shellbell's idea of getting there first and ordering a virgin drink. Or after you order, excuse yourself for the ladies room, and find the waitress/bar tender and ask them to make it a virgin.

I waited a while to announce with DS, and it was tricky - I felt like I ran out of excuses after a while. I pulled the excuse that "I'm not feeling well" or "I have to work later" quite a bit, but all my friends later told me that they suspected/knew long before I officially announced.

Good luck - don't stress too much!

[oldbaylover1024]

Happy early birthday!!!

The arrive-early-and-order-virgins is great in theory, but I've also had issues with this at bars. Mainly because tenders get busy and forget, or wait staff gets busy and forgets... Let's just say my second virgin mimosa was not so virgin when I tried this a few years ago.

My go-to is, "Oh man, you guys. I had this horrible XYZ (cold, infection, whatever) and now I'm on this strong antibiotic. I had a beer/glass of whatever last night with H and puked my guts out. So I'm not drinking until I'm off these meds."

Sorry they're attitude around pregnancy is so off-putting. I'd be pissed if they ditched me because of a baby. Serious side-eye...

[staccajaye]

Happy early birthday, and my friends are exactly the same.
Go the meds route, and opening ask for just orange juice in a champagne glass, then your friends will hopefully forget after a couple hehe

[staccajaye]

So, How did it go addymac?

[addymac]

Jun 19, 2016 7:30:07 GMT -5 staccajaye said:

So, How did it go addymac ?

 Hey! So, I went the oj in champagne glass route and none of the people that arrived after us said anything! Except I wanted eggs Benedict so I had to verify they didn't use raw egg in the sauce and asked for my eggs over hard, not over easy, and one friend was like geez, are you pregnant??! And I was like uhhh no I just hate none thoroughly cooked eggs lol.. (I actually love poached eggs). And my BFF found out bc the waiter took like five years to understand I wanted JUST OJ in a champagne glass and she sat down at the table as I stopped talking and he said "so JUST OJ... No champagne in a champagne glass? And I was like ughhhhhh and she was like omgggggg. But she's pregnant, too, so it's okay. I mean we didn't want to tell anyone, but if anyone had to know, She's the best one to know and knows how to keep her mouth shut bc she's suffered early losses, etc , so she gets it. I felt bad telling DH and he was a little miffed, but oh well.  No one else found out and none of my crappy friends made an issue of me only drinking mimosas and not bloody Mary's, so I consider it a win! 

[missi]

Yay! I'm glad it went well Sorry, I have been lurking since before you posted this

[tiffw2012]

So glad it went well! I'm surprised that waiter had never heard that type of request before. Just roll with it man!

And happy to hear that if someone had to find out, it was one who understands discretion.