Advice for A16

[ampaints]

So it's been almost a year (and already a year for some) since our A15 babies were born. Let's show A16 some more love and share advice, life hacks, and good wishes.

I'll leave this up until 7/15 and then post it to A16.

bibliothecary could we get this pinned temporarily please.

[ampaints]

Get a lingerie bag to put socks and bibs in so they don't get lost or stock to everything else in the wash.

[girlonabike]

(hi!)

It goes by so fast. I know right now it might seem like time is trickling by, but before you know it--it will be a year later.

The newborn phase sucks, but is passes. It will not always be like that.

If you are crying more than your baby, you just might have PPD/PPA. Get help. It's ok. And you will feel sooooo much better. I never, ever felt like I did after Liam was born, and it scared me so much. Once I got some medication, it was like a horrible nightmare had passed.

Rest after the birth. There will be a nagging voice. Sometimes real. Sometimes imagined. It's going to tell you that you SHOULD be doing (laundry, dishes, your job, keep the house, working from home, losing the baby weight, making dinner, being 100% perfect and doing it all, etc). Ignore that voice. Rest. Let it go. It's just for awhile, not forever. You don't need to do everything. It will be there still when you are ready.

DO have a routine though, even if its just to go for a 10 minute walk outside everyday. It's easy to drown in the newborn stage. Keep it simple, but keep it up. Eat, sleep & do something for you.

Your kiddo is going to outgrow 70% of the clothes they have before they even get to wear it once. Don't go overboard with clothes. Or toys. They will ignore 90% of their toys. They just want to play with paper and boxes and the remote control.

A Rock n' Play is amazing.

If you choose the formula route, the Born Free Bottle Genius saved my sanity.

Don't spend a ton of money on an expensive diaper bag. A backpack or a big purse works just fine. Honestly, we don't even bring a diaper bag on 95% of our trips outside the house. It's not a big deal to shove a few diapers, a pack of travel wipes & a pacifer in a purse. You'll get the urge to bring EVERYTHING with you, even the kitchen sink, whenever you leave the house.....but you don't need it.

Do spend money on a decent stroller though. I like a jogging stroller because its just as good as a "regular" stroller, but better for uneven terrain. It's a beast.

Do NOT compare yourself to other moms. Your situation and child are unique to YOU. You do what works for YOU.

It's ok to not like the newborn phase. It gets so much better.

Pacifier clips. Get them.

Snaps are the fucking devil. Zippers all the way.

Good lord, I'm watching my son cruise around the room, snorting and laughing and banging things against other things and remembering where I was a year ago....its just unimaginable. I wish I could say The Thing That Will Completely Prepare You, and there just aren't the right words in the universe. Other than.. it's worth it.

[ampaints]

I couldn't have made it through this year without my BMB. They're great to bounce questions off of, get hair pats on the bad days, and celebrate the good.

[ChrissDee]

Every situation, family, momma, and baby is different. Don't get caught up in comparing yourself or your baby to others. Do what works best for you and your child.

People will give you all different kinds of advice (solicited or not). Not all of it is good advice. Some of it is good advice but maybe just isn't for you. You can learn a lot from others' experiences, but don't feel like you have to do things the way they did it.

If someone offers to help you out, accept it! You don't have to do it all, especially in those first few weeks after your baby is born.

At the same time, having lots of visitors/"helpers" over can be overwhelming. If you'd rather spend time alone at home with just your family it's okay to say "No" too.

Trust your instincts! They're there for a reason. You know your baby better than anyone.

Your hormones will be all over the place in the weeks following the birth. You might feel like you're going crazy. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Keep in touch with your BMB even after the baby's born! Mine has become my "tribe" and I don't think I would have made it through this last year or so without them.

The first few weeks/months are hard, but goes by SO FAST. Take the time to enjoy it. Stay in bed late just to have extra snuggle time with the little one. Kiss those tiny feet and hands. Cherish every moment. The time will fly by and a year from now, you'll be writing advice to August '17 moms and watching your little one crawling, walking, learning to talk, getting into everything, and wonder where all that time went.

[zonagirl]

So I may be a broken record here, but the newborn phase is really hard. I actually didn't truly feel like I got into the mom groove thing until like seven months. I think my problem was that I thought the first few weeks would be hard and then it would get easier. For me at least, the first several months were hard.

BMB was/is such a wonderful place for support and companionship. However, I did a lot of comparing myself to other moms in the beginning and constantly felt like I was coming up short. I felt like I was completely drowning and everyone else was doing OK. Looking back, I would have done so much better to drop the comparison.

No matter how great of a partner you have, no matter how much you guys split the workload, etc. You will take on more of the baby duties, at least at the beginning. Especially if you are breastfeeding. It isn't fair, and you may resent your partner. It will get better.

Rock n play is great for reflux babies. The Happiest Baby on the Block stuff really worked for us. Introducing a pacifier before the one month mark didn't mess up breastfeeding and helped me not be a human pacifier.

If you are anything like me, you may not super enjoy the newborn period....but just give it some time...it becomes really fun when they get a little older!

[ars093s]

I'm so excited for you all to meet your new little squishes!

In the beginning, you may feel like you have no idea what you are doing. I mean, they let you just roll out of the hospital with a new baby like you're supposed to just know what happens next! Trust your instincts but don't be afraid to ask for help. Those moms who seem like they have it all together probably feel the same way you do.

Listen to all the advice people will give you. Then ignore half of it. Every baby and every situation is different so what is tried and true for one baby may not work at all for another. And it doesn't mean anything is wrong.

Enjoy your new LO and let everything else wait. There will always be time to clean and cook and host guests but that 30 minutes you are about to spend just staring at your sleeping baby and admiring those little ears and toes is a chance that will go by so quickly.

Don't stress about losing the weight right away. Be kind to yourself. Remember, you've got this.

[tuscanlatte]

Aw I remember this time. Be kind to yourself! At this point I had been feeling so crappy for so long that I felt like it was normal but I was miserable. I lost the perspective that it would end! And it will and you will feel like a normal person at some point, promise.

Freezer meals! If you can get some time to make some freezer meals now, you will love yourself over the next couple months for it.

Second time + moms really love up your older kids. The week before Lilja was born holds such sweet memories for me with my older boy. We spent every day walking to parks (trying to go into labour but still haha), going out for ice cream and slushes, seeing movies. It was a good way to pass the time and I think it helped ds with the transition too.

Expect the unexpected! I hated the newborn stage with ds and was dreading birth and the hospital and newborn nights, but with DD it was all so different. The hospital was more relaxed, I was able to enjoy the newborn stage a lot more.

It's hard! You might just want to drive away some days and that's ok. I second that the BMB is amazing and will be there with you in the moments.

Aw, I'm so excited for the A16 babies and pretty nostalgic about our A15 bitty babies.

[ampaints]

As an IF mom one of the hardest things for me was to admit that I don't enjoy every moment of being a mom. Yes it is amazing and the most rewarding thing I've done. But some times just suck and that's okay.

It's okay to be sad if you don't get the birth you wanted. Ultimately healthy mom and baby are the goals.

At nearly a year I finally feel like I'm getting back to bring more than just a mom. It can take a while to balance your new role with the others in your life. Time for yourself is so important, even if it's hard at first. Take time for you, you deserve it!

[jabs]

If you get a spinal block, watch out for headaches. Spinal headaches are the worst pain I've ever felt in my entire life. I didn't notice them until I was leaving the hospital and when I went to the ER the next day they couldn't do anything for me, but if I had said something before leaving they could have done a patch and saved me a lot of pain.

Second time mommies... Not every baby is the same. Yes, I'd heard this, but I had no idea just how different it would be. Night and day different. My first was great at BFing from the beginning, it took DS2 a few weeks to catch on (a few very hard, very exhausting, tear filled weeks). My first loved to be swaddled, the second hated it. DS1 slept through the night at 1 month old, the second... I'll have to get back to you on that considering he still doesn't sleep through the night. At least not consistently.

It's ok not to have your shit together all of the time. It's ok to fall apart sometimes. As long as baby is loved and taken care of you're doing great!

Don't be afraid to ask for help.

It's ok to not love every minute.

Newborns are hard and scary, even if you've done it before.

Make sure you have everything you need (phone, drink, remote, pillow etc.) and have gone pee BEFORE sitting down to nurse. Trust me.

It feels like time is crawling, but really you're going to be planning a first birthday party before you know it!

Everyone has advice, everyone thinks they know the right way to raise a kid. And they mean well, but only you know what's right for YOU and YOUR baby. Trust your instincts.

[bibliothecary]

Holy lord, the newborn phase sucks. They sleep, poop, and scream. It's okay to not like it. It doesn't mean you don't adore your squish.

Cloth diapers are awesome. A year later and we're still going strong. If you can do laundry, you can do cloth.

Breastfeeding is hard. HARD. If you're planning to breastfeed, get the number of a lactation consultant now. Not a lactation nurse. An IBCLC. Don't wait until it's 3 a.m. and your nipples are on fire and your child is screaming at you because they're frustrated and hungry. Go early. Have them checked for ties. Get your SO to support you by making sure you drink enough, take vitamins, and have snacks you can eat with one hand.

More breastfeeding: IT GETS SO MUCH EASIER. The first month, you'll hate it. SO MUCH. You'll feel like a failure, you'll worry about how much you're making, you'll find yourself yelling "IF YOU WOULD JUST OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF THE WAY, I COULD FEED YOU!" at your tiny human. If you don't, you are a better person than I. The second month, you'll think you could maybe do this for one more month, no more. By the end of the third month, you are a fucking pro. It gets so, so easy. Kellymom is your new next friend. Join a breastfeeding group on facebook. Join several. The support is invaluable.

Cosleeping is a great way to get some sleep. Done safely and responsibly, it's as safe as crib sleeping. I didn't think I'd cosleep. I bought the crib. I have a nursery. He's never used either. I have a barnacle baby and this is how I get sleep without constant wake ups. (I do not have a barnacle *because* we cosleep. I know many other mothers who cosleep and have lovely, independent children. They come out with personalities.)

Speaking of personalities. They come out with them. You can push them a little one way or the other, but if you have a high needs baby, that's just how it goes. It's cool, you'll get through. I'll send wine.

BABYWEAR. Oh my god, babywear. There are few babies who don't like to be worn, but I haven't met any. This is how you enjoy actual hot meals and coffee or get anything done. Go to a BWI meeting. BEFORE you give birth. They are lovely, helpful people and will let you try things out and teach you. Find a carrier, wrap, or ring sling that works for you. And use it. Constantly.

When people stop by, have them bring food. Or do your laundry. Or mow the lawn. Have no shame. You just removed a tiny person from your body via one of your fun places or the side exit. Neither is pleasant. Let people do things for you.

Freezer meals are good and magical.

Everyone will have advice. Most of it's crap. Except mine. Mood and smile at great aunt Gertrude when she tells you that "they did [insert stupid dangerous thing here] and all her kids are fine." She's full of shit, but let it go. You don't have to justify your choices to anyone.

Get your car seat professionally installed or checked after you install it. Not optional. Almost everyone does it wrong. If someone corrects you in a non asshole ish way, say thank you. They're trying to keep your kid safe. That's more important than your pride.

[ampaints]

Breastfeeding is hard. And it's okay if it doesn't work out for you. The important thing is that you feed your baby. I made it four months, I quit when it was just stressful for myself and ds. It always ended in tears. Stopping wasn't something I wanted to do, but looking back it was the best decision for me. That stress was gone and I had more quality time with him. So find what works with you and run with it.

[flippinchica]

If your baby requires constant walking/bouncing then try bouncing on a yoga ball. Much less tiring than standing.
Do what is right for your family. Try to be flexible and not be rigid about your plans pre baby.

[thewop]

Lean on your SO. If you need help from them, or expect something from them, tell them straight up. Don't wait until you're exhausted/angry/end of your rope. Even if you BF exclusively. Your SO can still diaper change, burp, clean, cook, etc.

Be you! Just because you're a parent now, doesn't mean you lost your identity. Go grab a cup of coffee, a glass of wine. Take a Target/grocery store SOLO! 30 minutes to yourself is huge.

If breastfeeding doesn't work out..... YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. THERE IS NO SHAME FEEDING YOUR BABY FORMULA OR EXCLUSIVELY PUMPING. DO NOT LET ANYONE MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY IF YOU GO THAT ROUTE. Period.

[thewop]

Forgot something: I know someone mentioned co-sleeping above, but I'm going the opposite route here (sorrynotsorry). Crib from day one. I took the advice from several friends, and started a bedtime routine and did the same.thing.every.single.night. at the same time no matter what. Bath- bottle- story- snuggle/rock- in the crib. It worked wonders for us. I did it with both my kids and they were both STTN in their cribs(even as a BF'ing mom) by 8-10 WEEKS. The first 4 weeks were a little rough, but it was worth it. You really gotta stick with it. Maybe it's because I spent good money on furniture/bedding that I'd be damned if they never used it. Plus, my bed is my bed. It's my little sanctuary. But, that's what worked for us.

[kaeguri]

Time goes so fast. It's so tempting to try and take a bajillion pictures and videos, and please do, but don't forget to put the camera down and just live in the moment too. And remember to get pictures with you and your LO in them. The first year goes by so quick. I don't anticipate it slowing down either.

[lizblue]

There is no one right way. What works for you is all that matters.

For every co-sleeping, baby-wearing, breastfeeding, homemade baby food making, cloth diapering mama there is her complete opposite (hello me!) and we are all good moms. And we probably have booze in common.

For moms who became moms through adoption: You might feel a little left out of some of your BMB conversations, but at the end of the day, it is invaluable to have kiddos the same age, and a whole cohort of parents who are going through the same thing at the same time. I see you and congratulate you times one million!

[thewop]

Jun 28, 2016 12:05:11 GMT -5 lizblue said:

There is no one right way. What works for you is all that matters.

For every co-sleeping, baby-wearing, breastfeeding, homemade baby food making, cloth diapering mama there is her complete opposite (hello me!) and we are all good moms. And we probably have booze in common.

For moms who became moms through adoption: You might feel a little left out of some of your BMB conversations, but at the end of the day, it is invaluable to have kiddos the same age, and a whole cohort of parents who are going through the same thing at the same time. I see you and congratulate you times one million!

So much yes. 

[RandomName]

Everyone else has given great advice so I'll just say:

You got this momma! You can't pour from an empty cup so don't forget about yourself and your needs. I wish you all the best.

[shellyr]

For the moms hoping to breastfeed, I just want to second that it can be really hard. If you are struggling, get help early to trouble shoot. Consider going to a breastfeeding group. I don't know if I would have made it this long if it wasn't for the BF advice on Kellymom and my BMB.

Also make sure to be included in photos of your LO. I heard this advice and tried to implement it but still came up short. I wish I had more photos of me spending time with my sweet little girl when she was itty bitty.

Best wishes on the wonderful, wild ride!

[redandblue]

So much wonderful and thoughtful advice already shared! As you can see trust your gut, do what is right for you and your family. All babies and families are different and unique, so there will never be a one size-fits-all answer to any question. Don't be afraid to ask for help and allow yourself the time with your LO, especially in the beginning. The cleaning/dishes etc. Can wait. Allow yourself the first month to just get used to each other and don't worry about making sure you get everything 'right' (ie/ sleeping/diapers etc.). After you are settled, then get yourself a good routine that works for your family. And know there will be hard days. But know that there will also be amazing days! And after every hard day, tomorrow is a new one. It is so cliche, but the time does go so fast and try to enjoy it! Good luck with the arrival of your LO!

[gingerygirl]

Congratulations on your little squishes! Soak up all the tiny baby snuggles while you can.

Breastfeeding can be magical or it can suck. Don't beat yourself up if you need to give your baby formula. Fed is best.

Trust your instincts.

One day you'll wake up and realize that the baby slept all night. Don't freak out, it's a good thing.

I can't stress enough how important a routine for bedtime can be. Crying it out is also ok.

If the baby is screaming and you feel you just can't take it anymore, put the screaming baby down in a safe place and walk away for a minute. It's ok to take a breather for your own sanity. Baby will be ok.

Baby pants are overrated especially when it's hot outside. No pants also makes diaper changes much easier.

Pacifier clips for lyyyfeeee.

Take all the pictures because you'll blink and your baby isn't a baby anymore.

[gingerygirl]

Pants for adults are also overrated.

[ampaints]

11+ months in and I often still feel like I'm making it up as I go along. It's been hard to get use to that feeling and not thinking I'm messing things up because of it. Turns out we pretty much are all playing it by ear.

[redandblue]

Jun 29, 2016 11:41:45 GMT -5 ampaints said:

11+ months in and I often still feel like I'm making it up as I go along. It's been hard to get use to that feeling and not thinking I'm messing things up because of it. Turns out we pretty much are all playing it by ear.

16 years in with DS1 and still feel this every day! But really isn't it great to just make it up as you go? How boring if it was all planned out for you! Fake it til you make it!!

[jabs]

Also...

If you don't have a Rock n Play, get one!

A million times YES to the freezer meals. Hopefully you have awesome friends and family that will bring you meals, but if your friends and family suck like ours then they won't and freezer meals will be a life saver. Here are a few recipes that I used and really liked..

ruhlman.com/2010/05/macaroni-and-beef-with-cheese-%E2%80%94-childhood-love/

happymoneysaver.com/tuna-casserole-freezer-meal/

www.aboutamom.com/lasagna-freezer-meal-recipe/

[hiimjamie]

Take care of yourself. Showering and getting dressed (in yoga pants and tank tops mind you) every day on my maternity leave helped keep me sane. I put Jake in his RNP next to the shower. Sometimes he cried. It's ok. They'll be fine. He was fine. He is fine. You need to take care of your self so you can best care for your baby.

I hated mesh undies. They're not for everyone. Bring something else just in case. I found some nice high waist black seamless undies from Target. They were great. I made my wife go out and get me more!

Take your baby out! I know it's scary and I know there are lots of germs out there and weird old ladies who might try to see/touch the baby but. Take them out! Wear them. Keep them close. No one will bug you this way. No one will be able to reach in and touch them before you can bat them away. You will feel so much better if you can go on a little adventure with them every few days. It helped keep me sane.

As hard as it might be try not to compare your baby to everyone else's. They all have their own time line.

Breastfeeding isn't always magical and easy at first. Sometimes it suck. But it does get so much easier and it really can be beautiful. That said, if it doesn't work for you and you decide to exclusively pump or supplement or completely switch to formula. You are not a failure. You do what you need to do to keep your baby safe and healthy. And to keep you sane. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

If you're a FTM, a new baby can be hard on for relationship. This doesn't have anything to do with how much you wanted to have a baby, the dynamic of your relationship will be forever changed. That's not a bad thing, it can just take some adjusting. Give it time. Don't give up. Don't go to bed angry. Talk to each other. It's stressful for both of you.

[hiimjamie]

Jun 30, 2016 14:07:54 GMT -5 @mrspanpan said:

Jun 30, 2016 13:57:29 GMT -5 hiimjamie said:

Take care of yourself. Showering and getting dressed (in yoga pants and tank tops mind you) every day on my maternity leave helped keep me sane. I put Jake in his RNP next to the shower. Sometimes he cried. It's ok. They'll be fine. He was fine. He is fine. You need to take care of your self so you can best care for your baby.

I hated mesh undies. They're not for everyone. Bring something else just in case. I found some nice high waist black seamless undies from Target. They were great. I made my wife go out and get me more!

Take your baby out! I know it's scary and I know there are lots of germs out there and weird old ladies who might try to see/touch the baby but. Take them out! Wear them. Keep them close. No one will bug you this way. No one will be able to reach in and touch them before you can bat them away. You will feel so much better if you can go on a little adventure with them every few days. It helped keep me sane.

As hard as it might be try not to compare your baby to everyone else's. They all have their own time line.

Breastfeeding isn't always magical and easy at first. Sometimes it suck. But it does get so much easier and it really can be beautiful. That said, if it doesn't work for you and you decide to exclusively pump or supplement or completely switch to formula. You are not a failure. You do what you need to do to keep your baby safe and healthy. And to keep you sane. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

If you're a FTM, a new baby can be hard on for relationship. This doesn't have anything to do with how much you wanted to have a baby, the dynamic of your relationship will be forever changed. That's not a bad thing, it can just take some adjusting. Give it time. Don't give up. Don't go to bed angry. Talk to each other. It's stressful for both of you.

YES TO THAT!

Oh and MESH UNDIES 4 LYFE!

Noooo I hated those things with a firey passion. But to be fair, the ones I had were a boy short style and I don't like that cut to begin with!!

[carabassa]

In the first few weeks, you might be miserable. In pain, stressed, sad, scared, insanely sleep deprived, miserable. And some of your friends might keep saying things like, "Omg, aren't you just so happy? Isn't this the greatest thing ever? Are you having so much fun? AREN'T YOU SO HAPPY?!?!?"

Don't worry, you don't have to be happy. You might be, or might not. Feel free to be honest. I finally started responding to these (well-meaning) questions with real answers, and it felt better.

"Thanks for asking! But no, it was not so much fun taking my 10 day old to meet extended family. I have mastitis, breastfeeding is excruciatingly painful, I'm still bleeding buckets, I missed the meal because I had to pump, my baby screams at me when I try to feed her for yet unknown reasons, I slept a total of 3 hours last night (not all at once) and I have a ton of anxiety."

Also, don't downplay how you're feeling. Just because you think the PPD label doesn't apply to you, or you think other people have it worse, doesn't mean that your emotional well-being is not important. Talk to someone.

[Laverne]

Intrusive thoughts happen, its doesnt mean you are bad and it is highly unlikely you will act out. Just know you are not alone.
www.postpartumprogress.com/postpartum-ocd-does-having-scary-thoughts-mean-youll-act-on-them