PT Question for PAL

[oldbaylover1024]

I'm at a loss and MH and I are beyond frustrated. J has been 99% PT for a long time and she's 3 now. She's a champ at #1 and she's great at home with #2. However, she's always struggled with #2 at school.

She just transitioned to the preschool room where they are legally prohibited from cleaning her private parts after an accident (obviously I've discussed this with them and they've explained that the state could come after them with abuse allegations, etc. so I totally get it). After a #1 accident, kids can clean themselves mostly. No. 2 is different of course. When J has a #2 accident they send her to the toddler room where those teacher have changing tables and are allowed to change her/clean her up. Otherwise MH or I are forced to leave work and clean her up. I work 35 minutes away and MH doesn't always have access to his phone. Convenient, right?!

This week she's had two #2 accidents where a bathroom is five feet away. I'm at a loss. At home she's good. At families' homes she's good, too. I'm never worried about accidents. But at school... It's another story.

So PAL with older kids - what are we doing wrong??? What else should we be doing??? I'm feeling like a huge failure. And I know she was ready to PT - she took to it pretty easily and, like I said, is 100% with #1.

Help. Me. Help. My. Kid.

[lizblue]

My kid is only ten months old so I'm going to provide zero help, just sympathy (for you and my future self.)

If your question doesn't get a lot of traction here you could try posting on Parenting. Lots of traffic and good advice there.

[oldbaylover1024]

Thanks, lizblue. I actually posted this to Working Parents and they've offered some advice.

Plus, I'm trying to get some action going over here on PAL. It's been slow lately, right?!

[shandorfml2]

I am amazed that a preschool teacher can't clean up a three-year-old. Is this common in preschool? could be she is regressing because of the transition, which is normal.

[gratefulgirl]

You aren't doing anything wrong. #2 is really hard. DD1 withheld it all day and then pooped at night for almost 2 years. Other friends have had all sorts of issues. There is all sorts of #2 related anxiety kids can have.

I'd consider googling your issue and see if there's a book (or writing your own, they can be super cheesy and kids don't care) to read to her that addresses what her fears of #2 at DC might be. Is she embarrassed by the smell? DD1 hates the smell of poop and hates pooping without a fan. Is she scared of something about the toilet at DC? Does she just get distracted?

Pediatricians are surprisingly great PT resources if you haven't talked to yours yet.

Please don't feel like a failure. Most people just don't talk about how PT-ing is a PITA and takes forever with most kids. It's only those people whose kids do great who like to brag.

[oldbaylover1024]

shandorfml2 - Every preschool I've looked at in our state has required that all 3 and 4 YOs be able to use the bathroom independently, meaning no assistance required. Yes, there are obviously situations where teachers have to assist a child with getting fully clean, but the kids are expected to handle it themselves. We were told this by our DC (where J's preschool is located) and by other preschools we visited. This may vary state-to-state, but for our state, these are the rules. And I'm not about to go all "bend the rules for my special snowflake" when our center is awesome. We've never had an issue with the.

Thanks for the reassurance, gratefulgirl. We give her a fiber gummy every morning, and she eats a very healthy diet so she goes every day. Maybe it's embarrassment. She's never shown signs of being embarrassed before, but who knows. It's a new room, new kids, new teachers... FX it's transition related.