grandparents/family members as daycare?

[oreille]

X-Posted to May 2016.

My child started attending a daycare center on Monday. Today I go to officially withdraw him and collect his things due to so many red flag situations that happened during the 10 or 11 total hours he spent there.

My husband's parents have been offering to provide daycare for him since they found out I was pregnant. For various reasons, it is not my first choice setting, but it is infinitely preferable to know he will be loved and cared for and safe. We plan for him to be under their care at least until we get off the inevitable wait list at another center.

We are hoping to meet with them tomorrow morning to discuss what our arrangement will look like. Have any of you (especially second time moms) had a relative provide full time daycare for your child? What sorts of things do you recommend we discuss?

I start back to work on Monday. I did NOT need this shit.

[rubykitten]

My mother in law will be watching lo. She formula fed all of her children and I breastfeed, so I am going to go over how to store milk, explain how long it's good for etc, and then show her how to pace feed lo. We've gotten some comments about how she's "getting too much air" when we pace feed, so I'll really need to push that she do it my way so mil doesn't mess up my bf relationship.

[rubykitten]

Sorry this is happening to you btw. My niece was taken out of a daycare that was being shutdown and it was very painful and stressful for my sister. Hope this new situation works out well for you!

[Courtniko]

That makes me so sad to hear about a daycare that may not be taking the best care of the children

I have never used family, but girls on my old BMB did, and I would hear some of the complaints. The biggest thing is to make sure they understand your word is the final decision, you guys are the parents, not them. So if they don't agree with how you do something, they still need to do it that way. Most of the examples I have are when kids are older, but often grandparents want to forward face car seats too early, give cookies for lunch, etc. Just make it clear that even if something is how they did it back in the day, and their kids survived, that is not how you do it.
Of course they could be totally awesome, and listen to you, but just be sure to set expectations early.
Good luck

[scotty138]

I am a SAHM, but from those I know that use Grandparents as full time care I have heard that you may just have to let some things go. Your kids might watch too much tv or get an extra treat now or then, but it may not be worth a fight with family. When they are little it is probably easier to set guidelines but toddlers are more difficult.

[lecky11]

My mom watches my girls 4 days a week. The biggest thing I had to discuss was how to thaw breast milk, don't shake it, etc. Like scotty138 said, you do have to let a lot go. My mom has always been a TV watcher so I know DD1 is watching way too much, but I figure my siblings and I turned out fine so whatever. I just limit the amount she watches at home. If my dad is home from work, he likes to give her extra snacks, which I keep telling him not too, but he does it anyway. I'm a mom now, but I'm still their kid and it's their grandkid so are they really going to listen when it comes to little things like that? They are good about following safety rules though. Having the peace of mind of knowing that my girls are being taken care of by the best person for them besides me or DH is not worth fighting over a cookie.

[Courtniko]

Just to be clear, I was not saying to fight all the battles. You definitely have to let some things go. Just depending on the personalities involved some grandparents completley ignore all wishes by the parents, so making expectations clear ahead of time is a good idea.
One cookie, whatever, cookies for lunch, not ok, at least for me, others may be ok with that. It is whatever is important to you. Like I said, something like forward facing too early is a really big deal to me, and that is something a lot of grandparents seem to push back on.

[lecky11]

I totally understood what you meant Courtniko. I've just seen where others with family members watching their LOs have complained about every little thing and they just don't realize they've got to let some things go or find new child care.

[renbee]

My mom and MIL will be taking care of DS when I'm back at work (tomorrow😫). While I'm thrilled that we won't have to pay for daycare and that he will be with family who love him, I am concerned about him getting a little spoiled! It will definitely be harder to put my foot down on things with family vs a provider that I am paying. I also worry about getting him on a good consistent schedule since he will be splitting time between the grandmas. I told mh that her is in charge of communicating with his mom and I will be in charge of communicating with my mom. Hopefully it goes smoothly!

[oreille]

lovemyk, the territorial thing is going to be an issue for us. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one.

[wineallthetime]

My in-laws watch my son (and now both kids) once a week. They go to daycare two days and I'm home two days. My situation is a bit different since it's just once a week, but it was an adjustment. I've learned, like others have said, to pick my battles. If it's something I feel really strongly about like no blankets in the crib, teaching him to say "puck" when something bangs together (which sounds like "fuck" when he says it) I'll speak up. If it's something like mixing applesauce and cheerios together (ew) or rubbing holy water on him, I just let it go. It was an adjustment, but like I said... it's only one day. Full time would be a bit trickier!