Can someone please help explain?

[lilac]

Within the next few years, DH and I plan to adopt. I don't want to rule out international adoption until I can fully understand the requirements.
Can someone tell me about it? What do I have to do? How do we go about it? Do we have to leave the country?

[spooko]

Check out the FAQ on the board. Different countries have different requirements, but I'm 95% sure that all programs will require you to leave the country, often for multiple and/or extended stays. GL.

[ceejay]

As spooko said, there is more information in the FAQ post. The first step is usually finding an agency, so you could start researching which agencies have offices in your area that you'd want to work with. You don't necessarily have to be near your agency's main offices but it can make things easier. Also, not all agencies work with all countries, so you might also want to start narrowing down which countries you'd be interested in adopting from. That decision could also help inform which agency you pick. And yes, you almost always will need to leave the country, often for more than one trip and sometimes for extended stays.

[Captain Serious]

I would probably start by looking at your reasons for wanting to adopt. We chose international because we wanted to bring a child into our family who might not otherwise get that kind of chance. We felt that domestic infant adoption wasn't the best way to do that, so our choice was limited right away to domestic foster adoption or international. We had concerns about working with the foster care system (which, in retrospect weren't entirely well founded or understood in their proper perspective compared to international concerns), and so we chose international adoption.

Every program will have it's own requirements, in addition to the federal and state requirements you'd have to meet. The U.S. Department of State's website has a good section on adoption that lists the requirements to adopt from each country. Most countries will require you to travel, but not all. Most adoption agencies make the international portion of the trip as comfortable for families as possible, including guides/facilitators/translators throughout your stay.

I think the best thing you could do at this stage is learn a bit more about each type of adoption. There are several great introductory guides (listed in the FAQs) that can help you decide what kind of adoption you want to pursue, and what you should know about picking a country/program, agency, and other decisions you'll have to make.

If you have any further questions, this is a great place to ask.

[lilac]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I will most likely go the route of adoption. I've always wanted a big family. I was considering international adoption, because I'd like to help a child from a less privledged country. I recently seen pictures of a friends trip to another country to visit the kids and their shoes were falling to pieces, some days they didn't get a good meal, and they were sent to work at young ages. I have the ability to save one of these kids. It would be a little while before I could actively search, but I wanted to know everything I can and know I have plenty money saved also what's in store.

[spooko]

Um, be very cautious about going into adoption with a savior mentality. "Saving" a child isn't really the best way to look at adding to your family.

[lilac]

Jul 17, 2016 10:01:44 GMT -5 spooko said:

Um, be very cautious about going into adoption with a savior mentality. "Saving" a child isn't really the best way to look at adding to your family.

In order to have more kids, I have to adopt. I had always wanted a big family, but due to some unforeseen circumstances I cannot biologically have anymore children. I just thought it'd be better to adopt from an underprivileged country. My sister was in the state custody here as a teenager and between the state and her foster family she said she received a free car, free computer, an allowance of 1200 every 3 months for clothes, free college, and a few other perks. She said she's glad she didn't have a family until she was 21 because there's no way she could've had everything she had if she'd been with a family sooner. I can't imagine that kids in an underprivileged country are offered those same perks. I'm not fearful of adopting a  child with disabilities or with emotional instabilities. I'm not sure how I should look at it, but if I can better a child's life then why wouldn't i?

[redandblue]

Jul 17, 2016 13:24:04 GMT -5 lilac said:

Jul 17, 2016 10:01:44 GMT -5 spooko said:

Um, be very cautious about going into adoption with a savior mentality. "Saving" a child isn't really the best way to look at adding to your family.

In order to have more kids, I have to adopt. I had always wanted a big family, but due to some unforeseen circumstances I cannot biologically have anymore children. I just thought it'd be better to adopt from an underprivileged country. My sister was in the state custody here as a teenager and between the state and her foster family she said she received a free car, free computer, an allowance of 1200 every 3 months for clothes, free college, and a few other perks. She said she's glad she didn't have a family until she was 21 because there's no way she could've had everything she had if she'd been with a family sooner. I can't imagine that kids in an underprivileged country are offered those same perks. I'm not fearful of adopting a  child with disabilities or with emotional instabilities. I'm not sure how I should look at it, but if I can better a child's life then why wouldn't i?

I think it sounds like your intentions and interest in adopting are genuine and come from an honest and good place. I think as you go through training (which everyone who is adopting is required to do) you will find that you will be challenged to look very closely at your reasons for adopting and the mind set going in. If a person goes in with a 'savior' mentality as spooko cautioned you against, the concern is how the balance is when it comes to attachment with the child. What you will learn in your training, is the risk of a savior mentality may have a person feeling the child 'owes' them something for 'saving' them. So when the child most often reacts in violence or aggression to being adopted, the parent may resent them. I'm absolutely not saying you would do this, but that is the risk if one does not have the right mind set. Like I mentioned you will have plenty of opportunities to further explore this as you get adopt ready. GL with your journey!

[Captain Serious]

I understand where you are coming from. We also wanted to extend our many blessings to a child(ren) whom might not otherwise have those chances.

The warning here was mentioned because children who need families have all suffered some degree of trauma. The adjustment period can be very difficult, and sometimes, the children will face difficulties throughout their lives as a result of their early traumas. Families often go through very tough times, especially within the first two years. It can be really demoralizing, especially when they lash out at you because you are the only safe person in their lives and you remind them of what they didn't get from their biological families.

Many adoptive families feel that their children really improved their lives way more than they could have imagined. Still, if they went into it hoping for some kind of feel-good experience with a happy ending, they might be saddened to find what a difficult road it can be. In some ways, it's simply much harder than typical parenting, because you have to take on your child's trauma as your own (or at least into your family) to help them process it.

I also caution you against thinking your sister's situation is typical of foster care in the US today. While I don't doubt she had those benefits, they are limited by location and the amount of resources available at any given time. I know that in my state right now, resources are really tight as there are more young school age children in foster care than ever before.

As I said previously, I strongly urge you to research different types of adoption in the current climate before making a decision. There are a lot of ethical decisions when choosing a path to adopt through as well. You want to make sure you have read about and considered all the possibilities before making a choice.

Good luck on your journey. I'm happy to answer any more specific questions you may have and to elaborate on anything I've stated here.