SAHP check in 7/31

[penguin129]

How long you've been staying at home & Age(s) of your LO(s):

Milestones:

Challenges:

How are YOU doing? Vent if you need to:

Have questions/need advice?

To Do's:

GTKY: What is the most helpful thing your SO does with the kiddos? Around the house?

[penguin129]

At home 3 years and DD is 3

M: DD will fall asleep for H now. He does the same routine I do. She may have fallen asleep for him sooner, but I didn't give up control of that until I had a bunch of dental appointments this summer while he was off.

C: DD told a friend "I don't love you" after she was told "I love you" by her. Her friend is 3 years older and it was past DD's nap time, but it still bothered H a lot. She was doing it because she was cranky and overtired.

Me/vent: H is going back to work next week. I am happy he is going back because that means the months are moving on and DD2 will be here in just 3 months. Also, I can never get to appointments or story time early when H is home because we see differently on punctuality.

No advice needed or Q's right now.

The most helpful things H does with DD are give her a bath for me and nap time or bed time. The most helpful things he does around the house are are take out the trash and recycling and mow the grass. He also carries the clean laundry baskets into the house for me which has been a great help.

[teraiin]

How long you've been staying at home & Age(s) of your LO(s): since April. One so who will be 3 months on Saturday!

Milestones: DS is smiling all the time, starting to lift his head, he grabbed at his feet today.

Challenges: trying to figure out a way to keep all my balls in the air trying to take care of a baby, maintain the house, take care of finances, etc

How are YOU doing? Vent if you need to: not too bad. But I think MH and my relationship is struggling post-baby and me not working. H has been making a lot of comments about the state of the house, he's not very patient with me, and makes a lot of snide comments about what I do with my time. I'm not Innocent either because he gets to go out and see more people than I do and he comments on that. We had 7 years of it just being the two of us and we spoiled each other so I think we are trying to find our new normal with our son.

Have questions/need advice? Nothing I can think of right now.

To Do's: get a better handle on our budgets. See if I can negotiate a lower internet price.

GTKY: What is the most helpful thing your SO does with the kiddos? Around the house? The bitter part of me wants to say nothing because my
SO feels that since he works I should be on baby duty most of the time. He does load he stroller and car seat for me though so that's nice! As far as the house he is amazing. He folds the laundry, empties the dishwasher (I do he laundry and run the dish washer) and he does 100% of all outside chores and maintenance!

[penguin129]

teraiin Growing pains are definitely normal during the first year with a little one. I had a hard time getting used to staying at home when DD was born. I wanted H to come home as soon as school was over so I could get a break. Some of our most heated arguments were in the first year. It gets better with time.

[teraiin]

Jul 31, 2016 20:46:32 GMT -5 penguin129 said:

teraiin Growing pains are definitely normal during the first year with a little one. I had a hard time getting used to staying at home when DD was born. I wanted H to come home as soon as school was over so I could get a break. Some of our most heated arguments were in the first year. It gets better with time.

Thanks! Yes we've never been ones to argue all that much but I think we have had far more and much nastier fights in the couple months since DS has been born. I'm sure a combo of stress, exhaustion, and as you said growing pains.

It makes me feel better to hear that this isn't unusual!

[penguin129]

teraiin Love tit for understanding. Sorry it has been rough.

[teraiin]

Jul 31, 2016 20:56:18 GMT -5 penguin129 said:

teraiin Love tit for understanding. Sorry it has been rough.

Thanks for the support friend!!

[namastebiotches]

Since DS was even born. He'll be 5 at the end of this month!

I think it's pretty safe to say that he's nighttime potty trained!

He goes through some stubborn phases & can be quite the whiner.

I'm doing pretty good. Looking forward to when school starts.

Nope

Today, just take ds to his last camp of the summer this week. It's a computer camp. Then call his speech/ot place & ask about scheduling.

Goodness, he does it all. With DS, he pretty much takes over when he gets home. Specifically, he solely does baths. It's difficult for me to do that. Bedtime is also mostly him or we do it together when ds is rowdy. He's very involved.
Around the house he also does a ton. Dishes, cooking, cleaning, etc etc. All outdoor stuff is him. There's nothing in specific that is just him or just me. We're a pretty great team.

[tkford216]

Been staying home since he was born. He's 5.5 months.

He has been trying really hard to roll (okay, sometimes really hard, sometimes he's lazy about it) but can only get to his side so far. Otherwise same old. He sits like a champ. Holds his bottle. Eats all the foods. I held a piece of watermelon for him to suck on yesterday. He was so happy he kept giggling.

The last few weeks have been rough for sleep, Friday and Saturday night were a complete wreck (he essentially got no sleep from 1-5 each night). But last night was normal, so crossing my fingers.

I'm good. I think I have another month of pumping in me and then I'm done. My love/hate relationship with it is starting to lean more towards hate.

He is great with the kid. He generally takes over when he gets home so I can make supper and clean up from the day. We share bedtime but he does it most often. Around the house, he does all outside work and I do all inside. Though he does often help me with dishes before bed if those are still left to do. I wash, he rinses. It's turned into a little extra bonding time where we can talk, I like it.

[oreobitsy]

I have been staying home 3 years and my sons are 3.5 and 1.

Milestones:
Nothing new this week, just DS2 continuing to get better at climbing and walking.

Challenges:
No challenges lately other than normal kid tantrums. DS1 fought going to swimming lessons one day and it was such a pain. We've been busy ad active so that helps the tantrums.

How are YOU doing? Vent if you need to:
I'm good. This weekend was nice for my husband to see some of the daily challenges with the two getting along. I think he thinks I'm exaggerating when I tell him about different arguments or scuffles we have throughout the day. It also drives me nuts when he gets me some suggestions on how to handle it without seeing the whole picture. This weekend I didn't step in right away most of the time so that he had to deal with it. DH got to try his ways of resolving and realized quick that it isn't as easy as he thinks.

Have questions/need advice?
Not right now

To Do's:
Swimming lessons for DS1 and prepping for our vacation on Saturday. We're heading back to the midwest to visit family.

GTKY: What is the most helpful thing your SO does with the kiddos? Around the house?
My DH is a good swimmer and enjoys having them hang on his back or swimming for long periods of time. It is especially helpful that he is so active in the water because then I don't have to swim in cold water with them .
Around the house, my DH is a great cook and often makes his meals in large quantities so we can freeze for when he isn't around.

[oreobitsy]

tkford216 Are you exclusively pumping? That is a lot of work with a baby, good work on doing as much as you have so far! It feels good to pack up all the pump parts too.

[tkford216]

teraiin it is tough to find your relationship again post baby. It's all so different. My H and I had to have many discussions about how we were feeling and coping and what we needed from each other in the first few months. Still have those talks occasionally. It'll get better. Hang in there.

oreobitsy yes I EP. I wanted to give breastmilk (and staying home, we can't spend the extra money on formula) but nursing just isn't for me. So I've been EPing from the start. It's annoying, and I've never been able to keep up with his appetite so we still supplement a bit, but I wanted to stick with it for at least 6 months. Anyways, thanks!

[penguin129]

@tkfors216 Have you tried to get help from Wic? It might be worth looking into if you haven't already.

[ashiscute]

I've been staying home since DD was born and she's 5.5. DS1 is 3.5 and DS2 will be 13 months this week.

The baby has started standing independently for about a minute and has chanced an independent step a few times.

Challenges are always DD and her anxiety.

To do: keep up with WW, cleaning, and exercise- basically be an adult

GTKY: my H is great! He is 50/50 when he's home. He plays with the kids, gets the baby ready for bed at night, gets everyone's breakfast ready in the morning. He does almost all of the outside stuff and cooks half the time.

[younglove316]

I've been staying home almost 2.5 years and DD1 is almost 2.5, DD2 is 8.5 months

DD2 is starting to babble more and continues to work on her mobility.

We've started having more wake ups again. Every now and then she will sttn and then we have 2 wake ups the next night so it's nothing consistent.

I'm currently sick and just waiting on the results of my strep culture. While my husband thinks he's been super helpful, he's kind of been a jerk and hasn't been too pleasant to be around today.

I just really wish my child was more consistent with sleep or would sleep in her freaking crib.

I need to finish DD1's learning board and start working on that more with her.

He does the litter box and vacuuming around the house and is in charge of cutting the grass.

[cam]

How long you've been staying at home & Age(s) of your LO(s):
Who knows how long. One LO, going on 5yo.

Milestones:
He went in the pool and even went down the water slides several times. This isn't a typical milestone, but it is for LO.

Challenges:
Dealing with a lot right now, medical issues on several fronts.

How are YOU doing? Vent if you need to:
Our household is basically just in survival mode while we deal with everything going on.

Have questions/need advice?
Nope.

To Do's:
Survive.

GTKY: What is the most helpful thing your SO does with the kiddos? Around the house?
With LO, plays with him. Around the house, steps up when I ask him.

[pearlvirus]

How long you've been staying at home & Age(s) of your LO(s): I quit a couple months before DD1 was born. She is now 2y+4m and DD2 is nearly 9 months.

Milestones: Going out with both of them on my own. It's own just starting to feel like it's not a disaster.

Challenges: DD1 is so high needs (always has been) IRL friends just don't get it. No, I'm not exaggerating. No, I not just sensitive. My kid is actually a lot harder than yours. Why does that seem so unbelievable to people with easy babies?!?

How are YOU doing? Vent if you need to: Not great. My mom keeps saying you get used to not sleeping. I don't agree. It's been over 2 years and I still feel like I'm barely surviving.

Have questions/need advice? Is it possible to sleep train a toddler? If I try to let her fuss, she jumps out of her bed, runs to her door, pounds on it, and screams. If I still ignore her, she takes off all her clothes and pees on the floor. I try to be just business about dealing with the mess and getting her back in bed, but I don't feel like we're getting anywhere.

To Do's: Find a therapist. I think I have something like ptsd over DD1s infanthood. The other day, we went out to dinner and some traffic/construction issues held us up and we were way past when I would have liked to put DD2 to bed. But she was doing ok, only whining a little. I, on the otherhand was having an almost total meltdown about what this meant for the night. With DD1 if a sleep time was delayed or nap skipped, she was a nightmare for days after. Constant screaming and night waking every 45 minutes. But DD2 is a different animal. She did get a little more upset about going to bed, but not that much and her night sleep was basically normal. I just can't seem to get past the feeling of impending doom.

GTKY: What is the most helpful thing your SO does with the kiddos? Around the house? DH is my rock. I would not be handling this at all without him. He works all day and then takes over as much childcare as he can in the evening. He even does night wakeups that don't require nursing!

[penguin129]

Many hugs pearlvirus.

[ashiscute]

Hugs pearlvirus. My DD is much, much less easy going than my boys. A deviation in her norm can be very hard for her to recover from. What has your pedi said about your DD? Has she seen any type of specialist? I would consider seeing a developmental pediatrician for her. It would be helpful to have some strategies to deal with her behaviors.

I hope you're able to find some help for yourself as well.

[oreobitsy]

pearlvirus So many hugs for you.

cam Hugs also to you. Do you all have help nearby that can jump in to help as you get through your medical needs?

[pearlvirus]

Thanks guys.

ashiscute no, we've never seen a specialist and her ped doesn't say much. I'm not sure if there is anything that would help her. I don't think she is autistic or anything, just sensitive and high strung... Worth thinking about though.

I've read some Dr. Sears articles about high needs babies. One comment that he made was that his first three babies were average/easy and he thought when some of his patients parents complained about excess fussiness they were exaggerating.... Until his 4th was born and she changed his whole perspective. I don't think you can get it until you do it and I don't think our ped has done it.

[ashiscute]

Aug 2, 2016 9:19:41 GMT -5 pearlvirus said:

Thanks guys.

ashiscute no, we've never seen a specialist and her ped doesn't say much. I'm not sure if there is anything that would help her. I don't think she is autistic or anything, just sensitive and high strung... Worth thinking about though.

I've read some Dr. Sears articles about high needs babies. One comment that he made was that his first three babies were average/easy and he thought when some of his patients parents complained about excess fussiness they were exaggerating.... Until his 4th was born and she changed his whole perspective. I don't think you can get it until you do it and I don't think our ped has done it.

My DD has a speech disorder, sensory processing issues, and anxiety. She is more difficult than the average child. We've seen different specialists to help. Mostly I get a lot of strategies on how to help her versus them doing stuff to help her if that makes sense.

I wouldn't just assume that she's sensitive and that's it. There may be lots of avenues for her and you.

[younglove316]

cam I am so sorry you have to deal with that, I will be sending positive thoughts your way and I hope you have a good outcome.

[namastebiotches]

Hugs cam
hope everything gets better soon

[penguin129]

Yes, hugs to your family cam.

[cam]

Aug 2, 2016 8:12:00 GMT -5 oreobitsy said:

pearlvirus So many hugs for you.

cam Hugs also to you. Do you all have help nearby that can jump in to help as you get through your medical needs?

We have one relative with a very busy schedule that I know we could still call in a pinch who would make time if at all possible. Another relative happened to have already planned to visit for a few days, so timing worked out well and she took LO for a bit while I doctored MH and Dog1, helped Dog2, filled out a bunch of paperwork, talked to doctors and vets, and whatever else I did. Her arrival was seriously only about half an hour after the last of our household who had been healthy/uninjured/etc went down, so couldn't have timed that much better. I don't know what kind of bad luck it takes to be hit with six different issues between the six people and animals in our family, but we certainly won't be buying any lottery tickets right now. (I think I heard there was a big lottery jackpot for something, but I have no idea because we don't actually ever play.)



Thanks, everyone, for the well wishes!



*(I deleted and reposted with no content changes because I don't know what the heck kind of craziness was up with that last try - formatting went nuts.)*

[pearlvirus]

ashiscute I made an appointment with a child mental health councilor. No reason not to check everything out. And you are so right, at the very least I could use some ideas on how to cope and help/teach her most effectively.

[Deleted]

How long you've been staying at home & Age(s) of your LO(s): Total time about 14 months. I briefly returned to work earlier this year.

Milestones: DD2 has really been growing by leaps and bounds with language. I feel like we can have pretty good back and forth conversations at this point, and it's been really nice. DD1 has been showering completely on her own- I don't know why, but this feels huge to me. It's a big time saver for me!

Challenges: DD2 still refuses to be potty trained. Next week is looking to be a quiet one for us and I'm committed to buckling down and trying to get this done now. Again. Sigh.

How are YOU doing? Vent if you need to: I'm doing pretty well. Things aren't perfect but these past couple of weeks, I've felt happier and more fulfilled than I have in a long time.

Have questions/need advice? I didn't have much time but briefly read through the money posts last week and noticed a lot of you are spending much less on groceries than I am. I'd love advice on how you're saving so much!

To Do's: All the things. LOL. Between a couple straight weeks of swim lessons, a short vacation away and my high school BFF being in town this week, the house is not in the greatest shape, we are getting low on groceries and nothing is organized.  Oh well, it'll all happen in due time!

GTKY: What is the most helpful thing your SO does with the kiddos? Around the house? Honestly, he's pretty much my partner on everything with the kids. He helps wherever needed once he's home from work, and on the weekends.

[Deleted]

teraiin, late to the conversation, but just wanted to add my support and assurances that the roller coaster of ups and downs (lots and lots of downs) in a relationship post baby is so very normal. TBH, DH and I nearly ended our marriage after baby 1 and it wasn't until she was nearly 3 that things got better again. We had some unique circumstances that added even more stress to an already stressful time, and I thought that was the reason. But then we had DD2 and things got rough again. The second time though, we were both more emotionally prepared and though times weren't perfect by any means, we came through the tough stuff a lot faster than the first time. Kids change your life and relationship so much more than you can ever anticipate and it's just a terribly hard adjustment. Anyone that tells you it was all glorious and beautiful and perfect after the birth of their baby is probably not telling you the truth. Hang in there!

cam, I am so sorry you guys have so much going on. Medical stuff is the worst. I hope things settle down for you very soon.

pearlvirus, as the mother of a child with high emotional needs, I so hear what you're screaming girl. My first kid was a piece of cake. Slept through the night pretty early on, was never overly fussy, easy toddler (I seriously think she through like 2 tantrums, ever), listened always, eager to please, very empathetic and entertained herself so well that I was actually concerned on the other end of the spectrum for her, lol. DD2 came roaring into our lives and changed it all. Didn't sleep through the night until 15 months, very emotionally needy, very strong willed and defiant much of the time. People absolutely don't get it who haven't been there. It's an endless source of frustration and anxiety for me when I'm talking with or hanging out with moms that have kids near her age. The part that REALLY gets to me is when I know that people are judging and assume it's my parenting vs. their parenting. I just kindly point out DD1, parented exactly the same as DD2 and say...yeah...I used to think it was my stellar parenting that created such an angelic little child too...nope. Slowly, I think we are turning a corner with DD2 at least as far as her being able to express how she's feeling and listening a bit better. I tell myself she's going to be an amazingly strong and successful young woman one day.

[younglove316]

@mommatotwo for saving money on groceries, I started shopping the sale ads and using coupons. There are facebook groups for couponing at a bunch of different stores so maybe see if there is one for where you shop. The one I'm in breaks down the as and pairs up all the coupons for you.

I also started stocking up when I could get things at a really good price so we have it on hand as well as saving a bunch there.