PgAL/PAIF Check-In 8/10

[notagoddess]

Welcome! This is a weekly check in for those of us who are pregnant after loss and/or infertility. This check in is a safe place to share all things that come with being PgAL and/or PAIF, and to give support to others.

***Loss warnings are not necessary here.***

PAIF Mantras
www.goodbyecb.proboards.com/thread/57254/welcome-paif-read-before-posting

PgAL Mantras
www.goodbyecb.proboards.com/thread/1034/pgal-mantras

~~~If You’re Just Joining in This Week~~~

What is your loss and/or IF history?

What is your EDD?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How far along are you?

How are you doing physically? Emotionally?

Any appointments or milestones this week?

QOTW: Do you have any siblings? Do you all get along? If not, did you like being an only child?

[littleredfish]

Oh man, I needed this check in today.
13w today
Not doing well. Just came back from the doctor and she couldn't find the little bugger on the doppler. I had my US Monday so I JUST saw baby with a heartbeat and then today she couldn't find it and this is a little town clinic so no alternative unless I make an appointment at the hospital which they don't have an opening for so basically they are going under the assumption baby was "just hiding" and we'll check again in 4 weeks. I can't do this. I've never had a doctor not find a heartbeat for any of my living children so I'm freaking out. I tried to remain calm there because doc was so calm and fine with it but now I've been stewing and no longer fine with it. Tell me it's ok to not find a HB at 13 weeks. How will I last 4 weeks?

[notagoddess]

Aug 10, 2016 12:33:19 GMT -5 littleredfish said:

Oh man, I needed this check in today.
13w today
Not doing well. Just came back from the doctor and she couldn't find the little bugger on the doppler. I had my US Monday so I JUST saw baby with a heartbeat and then today she couldn't find it and this is a little town clinic so no alternative unless I make an appointment at the hospital which they don't have an opening for so basically they are going under the assumption baby was "just hiding" and we'll check again in 4 weeks. I can't do this. I've never had a doctor not find a heartbeat for any of my living children so I'm freaking out. I tried to remain calm there because doc was so calm and fine with it but now I've been stewing and no longer fine with it. Tell me it's ok to not find a HB at 13 weeks. How will I last 4 weeks?

I'm so sorry, littleredfish. That sounds so stressful. I don't know if this will help, but I've read the Doppler is not reliable until about 14 weeks. My apps and books all say don't use it before 14 weeks because you won't know what the silence means. I truly hope it's nothing and the baby is just hiding.

I would not wait 4 weeks. I would insist on a follow-up in a week with the Doppler. If they still don't find anything, I'd go to the hospital for the ultrasound.

[notagoddess]

How far along are you? 12 weeks

How are you doing physically? Emotionally? I'm happy that I've made it to 12 weeks. I feel a lot of anxiety over my upcoming scan on Friday. And for some reason I've been feeling some bitterness lately over my long road to motherhood. I can't believe most people just get pregnant and get to enjoy pregnancy without all this worry. In some ways, my troubles have made me a worse person.

Any appointments or milestones this week? Friday. I think things will be OK but I'm so scared. 

QOTW: Do you have any siblings? Do you all get along? If not, did you like being an only child? I have a younger brother. We argued a lot as kids, but still enjoyed spending time together. Now that we're older, we get along well but don't have a ton in common. He lives on the west coast and I mostly see him around holidays.

[ls2012]

littleredfish, hugs! Impossible to not stress when that happens but there could be a very reasonable explanation. For example: an anterior placenta. This happened just yesterday- the nurse thought to use the doppler and couldn't find the heartbeat (even though I find it daily at home). Thankfully, she took a look at my ultrasound results and they had noted an anterior placenta which can really make finding heartbeats tricky. It can also mean it takes longer to feel movement.

I really hope this is the case for you! But, that said, don't wait to get peace of mind. Insist on them trying again or get another ultrasound. Any OB with a loss mom should have no problem understanding.

[ls2012]

How Far: 13w4d

How Feeling: Physically, alright. Still ridiculously tired. Emotionally, stable for the moment. Just had NIPT testing yesterday so now the long 7-10 day wait begins.

Appts/ Milestones: None left this week after yesterday. Regular OB on the 15th.

GTKY: I'm the youngest of three girls. We are definitely not close. In a hugely competitive household, it was impossible not to feel threatened or be threatening to some one for some reason ur another. Being held to idiotic levels of perfection is exhausting and damaging- even when we all had vastly different areas of strength. As adults, we still can't seem to shake it and it's really sad.

[littleredfish]

@is2012 I had an anterior placenta with DD2, but not this time. I'm hoping it's like notagoddess said and it's just not reliable yet. I thought it was not reliable until after 12 weeks. I guess I'll just deal with it for now until I break the 14 weeks then see if they can squeeze me in just for that.

[ls2012]

notagoddess, hugs and lots of happy thoughts that everything is perfect with your scan Friday!!

[monicageller]

littleredfish I'm so sorry you are going through this. That is tough. I would insist on Dr trying with the Doppler again in a few days. I'm far from the pushy type, but I still think this is necessary. Good luck and all the hugs!!

[oldbaylover1024]

littleredfish - Huge {{hugs}} Like PP said, my understanding is it's not reliable until about 14 weeks. I would push for a follow-up u/s, but I'm a freak and would not be able to wait the 4 weeks. Or see if they'll see you next week to try again. Vent here all you need to.

[ellabee]

((hugs)) littleredfish. At 13w my OB told me that it can sometimes still “hide” as a caveat when it was taking a while to find our hb on Doppler. I have a tilted uterus, so she said that can cause it to be harder to find too. Have you thought of buying/renting a Doppler of your own? I have one I got online for $35 and it does so much for my peace of mind.

Everything crossed for you that Friday goes well notagoddess. I get so nervous before appointments too. One of the most difficult things about experiencing loss (at least for me) is how jaded and negative it’s made me on all things trying/pregnancy/birth. I will never have that pure happiness and optimism that came with my pre-loss bfp/pregnancy, and it’s sad. 

Hopefully the 7-10 days pass quickly for your NIPT results ls2012!

[oldbaylover1024]

notagoddess - Good luck on Friday!!! I get it - it's hard to not feel bitter and a 'worse' person. But you're not worse, you've been through things some people will never experience and that can be hard (and unfair) {{hugs}}

ls2012 - Ugh, the NIPT wait. Vent away!


How far along are you? 12w5d

How are you doing physically? Emotionally? Physically no break in the nausea (LAME). Emotionally nervous. We have our second u/s tomorrow so I'm anxious and praying for a wiggly Sweat Pea.

Any appointments or milestones this week? Yup. U/S and appointment tomorrow.

QOTW: I have a younger sister, and we fought like cats and dogs growing up. We didn't really get along until I left for college. Now that we're older, we get along swimmingly. But it took a long time to get there.

[ellabee]

How far along are you? Officially 16w

How are you doing physically? Emotionally?
Alright. STILL spotting (boo). It stopped for a day, then came back. I'm trying to keep my mind from going down the anxiety spiral. I know continued bleeding can cause cervical irritation and lead to ptl, so it's just hard to try and focus on something else when I get a reminder every time I go to the bathroom.

Any appointments or milestones this week?
Nope. Checkup 8/17 and A/S 8/25. During the A/S they're going to take a closer look at my placenta to make sure none of the bleeding is coming from there (in addition to the sch).

QOTW: Do you have any siblings? Do you all get along? If not, did you like being an only child?
I have 3 brothers. They're great. I get along with all of them.

[ellabee]

Good luck tomorrow oldbaylover1024!!

[flyinghorses6]

littleredfish it is normal to not find the heartbeat. I work on LD and I tried to Doppler my baby at work the other day and could only hear placenta and movement. And I'm 14 weeks. I am guessing I have an anterior placenta.

But I had a coworker do a quick two second scan and the little babe was bouncing around in there, happy as could be.

It bothers me that your doctor just let you leave with no follow up however. Pretty stupid to assume you're not going to be worried about it--I'm pretty sure anyone would be. I would call and get a follow up like previous posters said. If they still can't find anything I would schedule yourself and ultrasound at the hospital for sure.

[EmMilAlly]

12w3d and feeling ok. I stopped all my IVF support meds a few days ago and that is always panic inducing. I was a ball of nerves wondering if something was wrong but the progesterone etc had been hiding the issue. So far so good, although I'm still lightly spotting. I think it's slowing down though?

I have one younger brother, but because he's very high ranking in the military, I sometimes feel like he is older!! We're about the same age difference that my kids (so crazy saying kidS) will be.

[EmMilAlly]

littleredfish I hope they let you come in for another appointment. My doctor never tried the doppler that early with LO and clearly your dr didn't think it a big deal, but it just seems mean to make you wait!!! Are you going to ask for another appointment?

[littleredfish]

Aug 10, 2016 21:38:34 GMT -5 EmMilAlly said:

littleredfish I hope they let you come in for another appointment. My doctor never tried the doppler that early with LO and clearly your dr didn't think it a big deal, but it just seems mean to make you wait!!! Are you going to ask for another appointment?

I think I will but I'll endure at least a week of torture because I'll freak even more if I don't hear it twice in a row and I know the hospital won't squeeze me in right away just to make me feel better.

[notagoddess]

littleredfish, I noticed that beachdreamer's OB wasn't able to find a heartbeat with a Doppler in her check-in (hope it's OK to tag). It was at the same GA and baby was fine on u/s. They are still small enough to hide out in there.

[Deleted]

A few days late....

How far along are you? 14w

How are you doing physically? Emotionally? Physically just tired from traveling this week. Emotionally even though I'm 14 weeks I still worry about something going wrong with one or both. With twins I feel like a first time pregnancy again. So many new things.

Any appointments or milestones this week? Nope. Next Tuesday I have another US and appt. US will be vsginal to get my baseline cervix check.

QOTW: I have a younger sister, and we fought growing up but get along now.

[beachdreamer]

Thank you for tagging me, notagoddess. I'm sorry I just saw this.

Yes, littleredfish at my last appointment I was 12 weeks 5 days. The OB tried and tried and tried with the doppler....nothing. I was panicked but she wasn't concerned at all. She said she could hear movement so baby was just hiding. She brought in a little handheld u/s to "ease my mind." I still couldn't see the heartbeat on the little screen even when she pointed it out to me. BUT I did see baby moving around, especially when I talked. I don't go back until 9/1 and it seems like forever. Even though I did see baby moving, there's something extra reassuring about actually hearing that heartbeat.