Advice wanted - announcing to friend struggling with IF

[shawnabm1320]

Hey there!

So, I have a friend from church who has struggled with IF for quite a while. She has a 4-year-old daughter, but they've been trying for number 2 for several years. She's had a surgery, and is currently trying some dietary changes before going on meds. We're not super close, but the ladies at church get together often in a combo of large/small groups, and she's pretty open about her struggles. I want to be sensitive in how I make my announcement, knowing that she has been trying for so long, and I just had my DS last year. There are several other ladies at church who are pregnant right now, too, so that probably makes it worse.

Should I email/Facebook message her first? Should I wait and talk to her in person? I'm leaning toward email/message because then she'll have time to formulate a response. Does that sound right?

[notagoddess]

I think the email/FB message is the safest way to go, but you could also talk to her in person. Just make sure it's not in front of other people and she'll have some space to react. However you tell her, she's probably going to be at least a little sad. Other people's pregnancies are hard. Don't take it personally if she is not very excited or needs to keep some distance.

You sound like a very thoughtful friend!

[flyinghorses6]

I posted about this a few weeks back as one of my closest friends was in the middle of IVF. I messaged her (so she could respond however she needed to) and basically just said--with everything you're going through I wanted to come to you and tell you I'm pregnant. I know that this might be hard for you to hear and I understand if you need time/space. I hope that we are celebrating your good news soon. I love you and I'm always always rooting for you.

She was amazing about it and so excited for us. She basically said that although our journeys are different she would never not be happy for me and my husband.

Anyway--she's pregnant with twins now (almost 7 weeks! And I just keep hoping things go smoothly for all our babes).

[oldbaylover1024]

I would definitely email/message her first. It'll give her time to process on her own and be able to prepare herself for seeing you in person. I think she'll appreciate the consideration.

[dancerspose]

Speaking as someone who has been there, I would definitely email or FB her first, especially since you're not super close. Being caught off guard with an in person announcement is pretty much the worst feeling, especially if the announcement is in a public place. It's much more considerate to let her have time to ansorb the news and have whatever reation she will in private.

And on behalf of IF women, thank you for being so considerate!

[EmMilAlly]

The other posters have it covered, but email or fb message sound great. Being surprised by a pregnancy announcement is the worst.

flyinghorses6 I'm so excited to hear about your friend's twins!!! Wahoo!

[Deleted]

Agree with all others posts. Great advice and thanks for thinking of her!

[shawnabm1320]

Thank you, ladies!

And thanks for the example of what you said, flyinghorses6. It helps me get a starting point. It's hard to write a message you know is going to bring someone down.