August check-in

[ceejay]

Hi friends! I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the last few weeks of summer. Stop by and update everyone on how you are doing!


QOTM: Have you been watching the Olympics? What sports are your favorite to watch?

[redandblue]

Hey ceejay ::waves::
Things are good over here! It's M's birthday today! I'm having ALL the feels as I've been preparing for his party this weekend! Reflecting on the past year and how much we love this little guy! How our family has changed, not just by bringing him into our family, but his extended family as well (bio-siblings and their family). I think about his birth mom every day and wish that some day she will be willing to have some level of relationship. I wish I could have a way to let her know not only how loved M is, but how loved she is. Anyways, like I said I've been doing lots of reflecting. I'm trying not to think too much about my impending return to work after labour day. September will be crazy busy with returning to work, transitioning M to home childcare and DS1 into grade 12 (last semester was not a good one, so feeling more anxious over DS1 than any of the rest of it).

QOTM: I've watched a little bit of the olympics. Can't say that I have a favourite. Most of the sports I tend to sit in awe of the strength of the athletes! I do enjoy the gymnastics and diving.

What about you ceejay,? How are your FS's? Any further word on their court proceedings? Your youngest must be turning one soon too.

[spooko]

We are well. I'M counting down until school starts again because the monsters are wearing me ragged. But I feel like that's typical for this point in the year. It'll be DD's first year of full-day school since she's going into kindergarten! And it'll be the last year that my kids are in the same school building together.

The only Olympics I watched was the second Mexico soccer game. I don't really get into any of it that much, honestly.

[ceejay]

redandblue - happy birthday to baby M! (Our baby M just had his 1st birthday a few weeks ago too... it's hard to believe that the tiny newborn that came to our home almost a year ago is now walking and talking!) Good luck with going back to work and all of the transitions in your family in the next month.

spooko - glad to hear you're doing well. Hope everything goes smoothly as your kids go back to school!


We are doing well. Our baby foster son turned 1 last month and is definitely a toddler now - complete with walking, (some) talking, toddler tantrums, and so much personality. It's exciting to see how much he's grown and developed in the past year. Our older foster son will be 3 next month - he's also getting so big and is such a smart and fun little kid. He's almost completely potty trained now so it's been nice to just have 1 kid in diapers.

No real progress on the boys' case. It's now been over 5 months since their last visit with their bio parents. The bio parents have made no progress on their required services since adjudication, but they still claim they want the boys to come home someday. It will be interesting to see what happens at the next court date in October.


QOTW: I love the Olympics!!! I'll watch pretty much anything but my favorites are the track finals, gymnastics, and beach volleyball.

[spooko]

ceejay, I'm surprised they haven't moved to TPR after 5 months of no contact. Here, after 3 months of no contact it's considered abandonment and can be one of the strongest TPR cases because it's a lot easier to prove being absent versus justifying that the county did everything it could to support the parents' progress. Hopefully there's some movement in your case come October. It's unreal what a waiting game the foster system can be!

[ceejay]

Aug 18, 2016 8:11:04 GMT -5 spooko said:

ceejay , I'm surprised they haven't moved to TPR after 5 months of no contact. Here, after 3 months of no contact it's considered abandonment and can be one of the strongest TPR cases because it's a lot easier to prove being absent versus justifying that the county did everything it could to support the parents' progress. Hopefully there's some movement in your case come October. It's unreal what a waiting game the foster system can be!

Yeah, it's frustrating for us that reunification is still officially considered the "best option" for the boys when the bio parents have made zero effort and haven't even tried to have a visit in months. The bio parents are still (very occasionally) in touch with the caseworker, so they're not completely MIA. 

We hope that the judge will change the goal at the next court date but who knows. The waiting game is so stressful and frustrating!

[redandblue]

In our province the workers have up to one year for a child under 6 yrs to come up with a permanency plan and 2 years for a child over the age of 6 years. So in that time they are generally trying to work with the family on reunification if possible, but as the year mark gets closer, they will start to look at an alternative permanency plan, move to foster to adopt/look for other kinship family or adoption. I'm sorry it's so frustrating and such a long process. FX the official plan changes in October and you can move forward with the adoption!

[ceejay]

Aug 18, 2016 13:08:43 GMT -5 redandblue said:

In our province the workers have up to one year for a child under 6 yrs to come up with a permanency plan and 2 years for a child over the age of 6 years. So in that time they are generally trying to work with the family on reunification if possible, but as the year mark gets closer, they will start to look at an alternative permanency plan, move to foster to adopt/look for other kinship family or adoption. I'm sorry it's so frustrating and such a long process. FX the official plan changes in October and you can move forward with the adoption!

In our state, as far as I know, there are no preset time frames like that. A lot of the decisions vary by case, and everything is really up to the judge. The one clear rule is that the goal can't be changed until 9 months post-adjudication, which would technically be in December for us. But even for that "rule," I think the judge still has the final say. So we are hoping the goal will be changed by December if not in October. We knew what we were getting into with foster care and didn't really expect anything to move faster than it has, but it's still very stressful to live in a constant state of not knowing what will happen long term!

[shandorfml2]

Aug 18, 2016 13:34:22 GMT -5 ceejay said:

Aug 18, 2016 13:08:43 GMT -5 redandblue said:

In our province the workers have up to one year for a child under 6 yrs to come up with a permanency plan and 2 years for a child over the age of 6 years. So in that time they are generally trying to work with the family on reunification if possible, but as the year mark gets closer, they will start to look at an alternative permanency plan, move to foster to adopt/look for other kinship family or adoption. I'm sorry it's so frustrating and such a long process. FX the official plan changes in October and you can move forward with the adoption!

In our state, as far as I know, there are no preset time frames like that. A lot of the decisions vary by case, and everything is really up to the judge. The one clear rule is that the goal can't be changed until 9 months post-adjudication, which would technically be in December for us. But even for that "rule," I think the judge still has the final say. So we are hoping the goal will be changed by December if not in October. We knew what we were getting into with foster care and didn't really expect anything to move faster than it has, but it's still very stressful to live in a constant state of not knowing what will happen long term!

In our state parents have 15 months to meet the requirements. The state however can move towards TPR sooner in certain circumstances. I have also seen the 15 months extended if they have started to make progress but aren't quite there yet.

[shandorfml2]

Hi everyone
we've turned in everything we need to for our application. Just waiting for two of our three references to return paperwork. Looks like we will be taking the class in Sept. I'm hoping we are approved by Dec/Jan.

[spooko]

Aug 19, 2016 17:19:27 GMT -5 shandorfml2 said:

Aug 18, 2016 13:34:22 GMT -5 ceejay said:

In our state, as far as I know, there are no preset time frames like that. A lot of the decisions vary by case, and everything is really up to the judge. The one clear rule is that the goal can't be changed until 9 months post-adjudication, which would technically be in December for us. But even for that "rule," I think the judge still has the final say. So we are hoping the goal will be changed by December if not in October. We knew what we were getting into with foster care and didn't really expect anything to move faster than it has, but it's still very stressful to live in a constant state of not knowing what will happen long term!

In our state parents have 15 months to meet the requirements. The state however can move towards TPR sooner in certain circumstances. I have also seen the 15 months extended if they have started to make progress but aren't quite there yet.

IIRC, this is actually a federal law (one that is barely followed, IME lol).

[gnomesweetgnome]

Aug 19, 2016 18:23:29 GMT -5 spooko said:

Aug 19, 2016 17:19:27 GMT -5 shandorfml2 said:

In our state parents have 15 months to meet the requirements. The state however can move towards TPR sooner in certain circumstances. I have also seen the 15 months extended if they have started to make progress but aren't quite there yet.

IIRC, this is actually a federal law (one that is barely followed, IME lol).

I don't think so.  In TX parents have 12 months typically to complete their service plan.  They may be granted a 6 month extension if they have started on it but not completed all the requirements.  It still is case by case, however, our FS has been in care 9 months and they changed his plan from reunification to unrelated adoption over a month ago, and we have mediation next month to hopefully secure relinquishment vs waiting for TPR trial. Every case is so, so different.

[gnomesweetgnome]

We are doing well! B is pretty much fully potty trained (working on night training now) and will start preschool (2 days a week, 9-2) on Sept 6. He's a great kid, even when he has his threenager moments.

J is making progress! After being diagnosed with a swallowing disorder in June we started thickening his Pediasure (his main form of nutrition), and his appetite has increased a lot. We also started vital stim swallow therapy a few weeks ago to help strengthen his throat muscles. He is super close to walking (I think he could if he actually wanted to and didn't find falling down to be so funny). His speech is still very delayed, with only a few "words" and a couple of signs. We have found he has slight/mild hearing loss due to fluid buildup so we are seeing the ENT tomorrow to discuss treatment for that. He has gotten a lot more playful and interested in toys in the last few weeks, and cognitively I think he's on an appropriate developmental level for his age (19 months/18 adjusted). Now we are just waiting for our mediation date in September. His mother's physical condition is deteriorating to the point that when she gets out of her nursing home (1 month left) that they want her to go and live in a group home. Her cognitive issues mean that she is adamant that she goes back "home", which she doesn't have. It's really sad. Dad hasn't come to any visits since March and hasn't done any of his service plan.

[spooko]

Aug 22, 2016 15:06:27 GMT -5 gnomesweetgnome said:

Aug 19, 2016 18:23:29 GMT -5 spooko said:

IIRC, this is actually a federal law (one that is barely followed, IME lol).

I don't think so.  In TX parents have 12 months typically to complete their service plan.  They may be granted a 6 month extension if they have started on it but not completed all the requirements.  It still is case by case, however, our FS has been in care 9 months and they changed his plan from reunification to unrelated adoption over a month ago, and we have mediation next month to hopefully secure relinquishment vs waiting for TPR trial. Every case is so, so different.

While I think states can have stricter requirements, I believe the 15 months (out of 22) is federal (from Bill Clinton, maybe?) so that action is taken on the cases by then (or extended with cause) and kids don't keep getting shuffled forever. Not saying that they have to pursue reunification for 15 months, just that SOMETHING is supposed to be done if it gets to 15 months of foster care.

[lizblue]

Hi everyone. Thanks, ceejay, for the check in.

R turns one years old tomorrow which has me in a reflecting mood too, redandblue. I can totally relate. It's weird to think about the fact that one year ago today, I didn't even know she existed, and how everything has deeply changed in 12 short months. I wrote an update letter to R's birth parents last night and had so many pictures printed for them. I feel such a strong bond with them, but they haven't responded to any correspondence or any moves towards a visit. We continue to reiterate that we are here for them whenever they are ready, whether it be next week, next month or next year. And that we have no judgement - we just want them to know that we'd love for them to see DD, and DD to see them, if they are ever able.

R is a firecracker. So close to walking. She is giggly, willful, happy and affectionate. I love her with every molecule in my body. And even when it's so hard, or I'm so tired, I am happy.

I love reading the updates, keep em coming!

[gnomesweetgnome]

Aug 22, 2016 15:13:50 GMT -5 spooko said:

Aug 22, 2016 15:06:27 GMT -5 gnomesweetgnome said:

I don't think so.  In TX parents have 12 months typically to complete their service plan.  They may be granted a 6 month extension if they have started on it but not completed all the requirements.  It still is case by case, however, our FS has been in care 9 months and they changed his plan from reunification to unrelated adoption over a month ago, and we have mediation next month to hopefully secure relinquishment vs waiting for TPR trial. Every case is so, so different.

While I think states can have stricter requirements, I believe the 15 months (out of 22) is federal (from Bill Clinton, maybe?) so that action is taken on the cases by then (or extended with cause) and kids don't keep getting shuffled forever. Not saying that they have to pursue reunification for 15 months, just that SOMETHING is supposed to be done if it gets to 15 months of foster care.

Oh, OK.  I just misunderstood what you meant.

[wesleycrusher]

DD

[oneslybookworm]

Hi everyone!! Thanks for the check-in, ceejay!

Not too much here...we're 4 months into the wait for a match. It's hard not to worry that it'll never happen, especially when I hear things like, "adoption rates are going down nationally", etc. I know there's a great amount of loss on the part of the birth parent, so I feel so guilty wishing someone would pick us, because I know I'm basically wishing for people to make the hardest decision of their lives for my gain. Sigh...I sometimes feel like this is an even bigger emotional minefield than infertility.

[spooko]

WC, I'm surprised you don't have the same judge for your whole case. That has to add another level of complexity in dealing with the system. Yikes. I hope they can find some permanency for those kids rather than keep them in limbo for 4 years. That's crazy. And agreed on the 15 month nonsense. The bar is low for what can extend a case (ours was 3 yrs before finalizing, so!)

[wesleycrusher]

DD

[spooko]

wesleycrusher, Ugh, how obnoxious. We also have 3 judges but you get the same one all the way through TPR. We actually had the same one for finalization, too, so that was neat (added bonus, same judge did my own adoption when my dad adopted me )

[redandblue]

lizblue happy birthday to R!!! How will you guys celebrate?

[chele]

We are still fostering, 2 years and 6 months later. We will not be able to adopt our two girls because there are three family members vying for them, but frankly, we are so ready to move on so we can adopt another child/children. The judge is dragging her feet when it comes to choosing a family member for these girls to go live with. It's sad, really.

Sorry to be a downer, but I'm just frustrated with everything.

[ceejay]

I'm sorry there hasn't been much progress on your case, chele. I hope the judge makes a decision soon so that you and your girls can move on. FX you're placed quickly with kids you are able to adopt once this case resolves.

[chele]

Thanks, Ceejay. Sometimes it's hard to come here because soooo many of you, despite some long waits, have adopted since I first started posting here (going back to the other site).

Please don't get me wrong, I am happy for everyone, just jealous at times!

[Deleted]

chele, that is so frustrating and heartbreaking. That is one of the many reasons foster care is so hard.

I haven't updated yet this month because we have a TPR hearing coming up for our two little ones very quickly. I think things will be so much more certain after that is over. It is my understanding that neither parent will contest the termination. It is also my understanding that no family member is willing or able to take them. So, there is a mandatory 6 month waiting period before they can be adopted by anyone after parental rights are terminated. The state also has to have a selection meeting to officially choose us. That is scheduled for a few months from now, though our case worker hopes it can be moved up. At that point, the state imposes a 3-6 month fostering period before we can petition for adoption. So right now, it looks like we will be able to officially adopt them by late winter or spring. We are very cautiously optimistic about all of this at this point.

For our older son, we have a sort of appeal coming up in a couple of months. The court denied the state's request to move forward with a TPR in his case back in April and they would like to try again. The parent(s) have done very little in the last six months besides just staying out of jail so we'll see what happens there. The state asked us to hold off on petitioning for guardianship in case the judge grants their appeal. I am not optimistic about that case because of our son's age and the fact that the parent will very likely contest a TPR.

[gnomesweetgnome]

Another quick update. J will be getting tubes in his ears and a sedated hearing test in October. Also his CPS caseworker recently quit, so we are in transition at a very crucial time, with mediation in just 2 weeks. Hopefully the supervisor can get the new worker up to speed quickly so things will go smoothly and in J's best interest. From what I hear the new person we will be assigned to is also new to the department, so that is probably not great.

Also, J took his first steps yesterday! 19.5 months old. 7 months ago he didn't even push up on his arms yet.