Post by akafred on Sept 1, 2016 6:36:38 GMT -5
Charlotte went through a phase where she thought that cancer meant death, because of how it is portrayed in movies. I have been intentional for the past few years about showing her people I know who have battled cancer and won: kids I know with leukemia, women with breast cancer, etc.
Well, now her step grandfather AND grandmother have cancer. Actually they have both had it for a while but have been successfully fighting it, and we haven't told Charlotte because we don't want to either worry her overmuch yet not do we want her to say something unintentionally hurtful like "You're going to die soon."
SGF has had prostate cancer for a long time but it is slow and they told him 20 things would kill him first. But for the past 2 years he has been battling stage 4 lung cancer. Totally not fair as he never smoked in his life. He has tried a number of medications including chemo, a couple of other kinds, and most recently immunotherapy, which isn't working for him and his tumor has grown and now he has 2 new tumors. They still want to fight it, so they are going to try to get him approved for alternative therapies or experimental treatment. But he is turning 85 this year...
Also, my MIL (his wife) has had an inactive cancer for a while, but they recently discovered a type of sarcoma on her ankle. It has been bothering her for a couple of years but the doctors all dismissed it as getting older (she is almost 80). She was diagnosed the other day, but will need to have surgery in Nashville because there are no surgeons where she is who perform the surgery. That means most likely we will be caring for her, at least to some degree. I don't know what shape her H will be in because her appt for a consult isn't for 2 weeks, and not sure when surgery will be. All in all he is in good shape considering. He doesn't use oxygen yet and still gets out and about some, gets dressed every day, etc.
So...Charlotte? How much and when do we tell her what is going on? We have told her about Mimi's surgery and how she may stay with us for a while. She is excited about that. She keeps texting her grandmother to tell her we have one bed available at our house
. We have told her John is getting older, that in fact he is very old, as a way to prep her. We have said she needs to be extra gentle with him, and that he isn't feeling too well. But that's about all we have told her. We haven't said the C word for sure. I feel like the most benign thing to do is to tell her before he passes away, but only after he begins to decline. She has dealt with the death of pets before; she mostly does ok but has her moments.
Have any of you been through this?
Well, now her step grandfather AND grandmother have cancer. Actually they have both had it for a while but have been successfully fighting it, and we haven't told Charlotte because we don't want to either worry her overmuch yet not do we want her to say something unintentionally hurtful like "You're going to die soon."
SGF has had prostate cancer for a long time but it is slow and they told him 20 things would kill him first. But for the past 2 years he has been battling stage 4 lung cancer. Totally not fair as he never smoked in his life. He has tried a number of medications including chemo, a couple of other kinds, and most recently immunotherapy, which isn't working for him and his tumor has grown and now he has 2 new tumors. They still want to fight it, so they are going to try to get him approved for alternative therapies or experimental treatment. But he is turning 85 this year...
Also, my MIL (his wife) has had an inactive cancer for a while, but they recently discovered a type of sarcoma on her ankle. It has been bothering her for a couple of years but the doctors all dismissed it as getting older (she is almost 80). She was diagnosed the other day, but will need to have surgery in Nashville because there are no surgeons where she is who perform the surgery. That means most likely we will be caring for her, at least to some degree. I don't know what shape her H will be in because her appt for a consult isn't for 2 weeks, and not sure when surgery will be. All in all he is in good shape considering. He doesn't use oxygen yet and still gets out and about some, gets dressed every day, etc.
So...Charlotte? How much and when do we tell her what is going on? We have told her about Mimi's surgery and how she may stay with us for a while. She is excited about that. She keeps texting her grandmother to tell her we have one bed available at our house
. We have told her John is getting older, that in fact he is very old, as a way to prep her. We have said she needs to be extra gentle with him, and that he isn't feeling too well. But that's about all we have told her. We haven't said the C word for sure. I feel like the most benign thing to do is to tell her before he passes away, but only after he begins to decline. She has dealt with the death of pets before; she mostly does ok but has her moments.Have any of you been through this?
